6. Self-Disclosure
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion â the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
âWhat in
my âbubbleâ
should I
share?â
Self-Disclosure
8. Authentic Leaders
âThe single factor distinguishing top
quartile managers from bottom quartile
managers was strength of affection.â
--âEncouraging the Heart: A Leaderâs Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Othersâ,
Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders
11. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Effective Teams
1. Participation
2. Collaboration
3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to
Group EQ
âBuilding Emotional Intelligenceâ, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004
12. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
âIâm starting to
feel defensiveâ
Inward
(my emotions)
Outward
(othersâ emotions)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Management
(âRegulationâ)
âHe seems to be
getting agitatedâ
⢠Take a deep breath
⢠âCould you give
me a sec?â
⢠Take a walk
âAre you ok?â
EQ (Individual)
13. High EQ individuals â High EQ group
Group norms
determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ
21. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
⢠Focus on specific, observable behavior
When you do [x]âŚ
⢠Describe the impact of that behavior on you
I feel [y]âŚ
⢠Ask about the other personâs motives or
intentions
Can you tell me whatâs going on for you?
Stay on your side of the net!
22. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLetâs try some examplesâŚ
1. Joe, you clearly donât care about this presentation.
2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are
clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am
feeling anxious about what message that might send to
others in the room.
23. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLetâs try another exampleâŚ
1. Youâre not very approachable.
2. When I asked you for time off last week, you didnât
respond very well. Youâre not very approachable.
3. When I asked you for time off last week and you said âoh
man, the team really needs you right now,â I felt guilty
for asking, even though that time off is important to me.
And Iâve noticed Iâm more hesitant now to approach you
with questions or requests.
24. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
When you do [x]âŚ
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me whatâs going on for you?
26. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityThe Setup
1. Check in
â âIs now a good time?â
2. Soft Start
â Do not use praise to buffer criticism (âThe Sandwichâ)
â Do emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:
âMy intention isâŚâŚ / This matters to me becauseâŚâ
27. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityReceiving Feedback
⢠Look for âGrains of Truthâ
â Goal is understanding, not winning
⢠Help the other person feel heard
â Ask clarifying questions
â Restate what youâve heard to confirm understanding
⢠Acknowledge your feelings
â Manage your own defensiveness: âAffect Labelingâ
â Disclose your reactions, thoughts, feelings
⢠Gift mentality: Say âThank you!â
28. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityEnd with Agreements
⢠Make requests
â What are we going to try / do differently going forward?
⢠Be specific
⢠Discuss the error case
â What can we do if someone doesnât do their part of the
agreement?
29. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net:
When you do [x]âŚ
I feel [y]âŚ
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me whatâs going on for you?
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
30. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product
â Timeliness, quality, quantity,
focus area
Communication & Management
â Too much/little
â Choice of format
â Email etiquette
â Language choices,
communication style with others
â Transparency of project status,
hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence
â What energy do you feel from
this person?
â How do they impact others?
â What do they model well?
â Anything you worry about?
â Arrival/departure times
â How they speak/listen/act/dress
31. Fostering a feedback-rich culture
⢠Train your team on giving/receiving feedback
⢠Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin
1:1s with two-way feedback)
â And set expectations of others to do the same