5 Steps to better writing: Vince tips from University of Tokyo
•Download as PPTX, PDF•
4 likes•1,428 views
Improve your academic and technical writing in five easy steps: Vince Technical Writing Tips for Engineers and Scientists Vince Ricci, Part-time Lecturer | The University of Tokyo | Center for Innovation in Engineering Education (CIEE) | English for Engineers and Scientists
More Related Content
Viewers also liked
Viewers also liked (20)
Similar to 5 Steps to better writing: Vince tips from University of Tokyo
Similar to 5 Steps to better writing: Vince tips from University of Tokyo (20)
More from Vince
Recently uploaded
Recently uploaded (20)
5 Steps to better writing: Vince tips from University of Tokyo
- 1. Vince Ricci Technical Writing Center for Innovation in Engineering Education (CIEE) English for Engineers and Scientists
- 2. OBJECTIVE
- 3. 5 Steps
- 4. ① Identify your contribution
- 5. ② Improve your topic sentences
- 6. ③ Deepen your transitions
- 7. ④ Use active voice
- 8. ⑤ Confirm your articles
- 10. A contribution includes an addition to your field’s overall knowledge
- 11. For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”
- 12. How do you add value?
- 13. Do NOT write: “I analyzed mobile information terminals and found many issues related to power failures and natural disasters.”
- 14. Context Main idea
- 15. Why / How What
- 16. Do write: “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”
- 17. Main idea Context
- 18. What Why / How
- 19. See page 1, lines 12-27
- 20. Find and circle your contribution. If you cannot find your contribution, or if it is spread out across several sentences, spend a moment crystalizing your ideas into one clear contribution sentence. Then, draw an arrow to the top of the page. Your contribution goes at the top!
- 21. Reorganize and write your paper so that your contribution appears in the first sentence.
- 23. Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year.
- 24. Context Main idea
- 25. I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.
- 26. Main idea Context
- 27. Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year. I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.
- 28. The adult male obtains 2000 kcal from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate.
- 29. When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might want to use their cellular phones to access news and information.
- 30. The adult male obtains 2000 kcal from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate. When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might want to use their cellular phones to access news and information.
- 31. Circle the first sentence of each paragraph. These are your topic sentences. Read them all to yourself, one after the other (four or five total sentences).
- 32. Now, ask yourself this question If someone only read my topic sentences, would he be able to understand my contribution and main ideas?
- 33. 1. Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year. 2. The adult male obtains 2000 kcal from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate. 3. Here, I suggest the single-function device that displays information data received from digital broadcasting airwave. 4. The reliability of the cellular phone is low as the information terminal for the emergency due to battery problem.
- 34. 1. I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster. 2. When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might want to use their cellular phones to access news and information. 3. If energy harvested from human motion could be converted into electric power, it would be possible to operate various devices. 4. I propose the creation of a single-function device to display information data received from digital broadcasting airwaves. 5. In closing, cellular phones are not reliable information terminals in the event of an emergency.
- 35. 1. I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster. 2. When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might want to use their cellular phones to access news and information. 3. Cellular phones, however, are not reliable information terminals in the event of an emergency. 4. If energy harvested from human motion could be converted into electric power, it would be possible to operate various devices. 5. In closing, I propose the creation of a single-function device to display information data received from digital broadcasting airwaves.
- 36. Re-write your topic sentences so that they best express your contribution and main ideas.
- 37. ③ Deepen your transitions
- 38. See page 8, lines 213 - 215
- 39. Here, I suggest the single- function device that displays information data received from digital broadcasting airwave.
- 40. RELATIONSHIP TRANSITION Consequence therefore, thus Contrast & Comparison but, however, still, yet Similarity likewise, moreover Summarizing in conclusion, on balance
- 41. RELATIONSHIP TRANSITION Restatement in other words, that is to say, to put it differently,
- 42. Find and circle the transitions in your paper. Ask yourself, "Do my transitions express the connections between my ideas?" Are my transitions misleading in any way?
- 43. Re-write your transitions so that they best express the connections between your ideas
- 44. ④ Use active voice
- 45. Subject Verb Object Other
- 46. The will the next group present report week.
- 47. Subject Verb Object Other
- 48. The will be by the next report presented group week.
- 49. The the tested students samples.
- 50. The were samples tested
- 51. Take responsibility for what you are writing
- 52. Subject Verb Object Results It is assumed that x = 3.
- 53. Subject Verb Object Results It is assumed that x = 3. I assume x = 3.
- 54. Subject Verb Object Results Data were constructed as follows.
- 55. Subject Verb Object Results Data were constructed as follows. I constructed the data as follows.
- 56. Find and circle all examples of passive voice in your paper. Do they fit one of the following five reasons?
- 57. ① The 'actor' is not known. ② The 'actor' is not important. ③ It is considered desirable to conceal the identity of the 'actor'.
- 58. ④ An impersonal tone is needed for academic writing. ⑤ A tactful tone is needed to smooth over an error or difficulty.
- 59. Find all passive voice sentences that do not fit one of the five reasons. Then, change them into active voice .
- 60. ⑤ Confirm your articles
- 61. Find and circle all of the articles in your paper. Can you tell which nouns require definite and indefinite articles, and which require no article at all?
- 62. Find and fix any mistakes in your use of articles.
- 65. ① Be respectful ② Use "I" statements ③ Offer suggestions, not commands
- 66. ④ Provide reader's point of view ⑤ Phrase comments clearly and carefully ⑥ Make sure comments are constructive and specific
- 67. "This paper is confusing. It keeps saying the same things over and over again" "It sounds like paragraph five makes the same point as paragraphs two and three."
Editor's Notes
- Good afternoon. I am Vince Ricci. It is my honor to be here at University of Tokyo, Center for Innovation in Engineering Education (CIEE). This is English for Engineers and Scientists, Section A. I am going to spend the next 100 minutes giving an Introduction to Technical Writing in English. Special thanks Morimura-sensei, and staff and TAs of CIEE. I am happy to be with you and I want to thank you all for being here today.
- Learn how to write for peers from a different academic disciplineYou wrote a draft paper abut the topic you will be studying during your Master course
- Divide job details: responsibilities vs. achievements Make every responsibility sound like an achievement
- Identify your contribution
- A contribution includes an addition to your field’s overall knowledge.For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”
- What is a contribution? A contribution includes an addition to your field’s overall knowledge.For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.” It is the main idea of your paper, and the main purpose of your research. It answers questions like: What are you researching?What are you trying to discover, prove, or create?How do you plan to add value to your academic field?
- It is the main idea of your paper, and the main purpose of your research.It answers questions like:What are you researching?What are you trying to discover, prove, or create?How do you plan to add value to your academic field?
- Don’t write, “I analyzed mobile information terminals and found many issues related to power failures and natural disasters.” Explain what the central results are. For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”Distilling your one central contribution will take some thought. It will cause some pain, because you will start to realize how much you’re going to have to throw out. Once you do it, though, you’re in a much better position to focus the paper on that one contribution, and help readers to get it quickly.Your readers are busy and impatient. No reader will ever read your entire paper from start to finish. Readers skim. You have to make it easy for them to skim. Most readers want to know your basic result first.
- Often, my clients’ first drafts are written in a funnel style, with the main idea at the end.
- I often read essays where the writer explains why he believes something, and how he found his answer. As a reader, I am not interested in why and how until I know if WHAT he was to say (his conclusion or main point) is in fact interesting, new, valuable.
- Don’t write, “I analyzed mobile information terminals and found many issues related to power failures and natural disasters.” Explain what the central results are. For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”Distilling your one central contribution will take some thought. It will cause some pain, because you will start to realize how much you’re going to have to throw out. Once you do it, though, you’re in a much better position to focus the paper on that one contribution, and help readers to get it quickly.Your readers are busy and impatient. No reader will ever read your entire paper from start to finish. Readers skim. You have to make it easy for them to skim. Most readers want to know your basic result first.
- “triangular” style means that the main idea comes first. A fellow counselor tells his clients to put the end at the beginning. This counselor is a journalist by training (Fulbright Fellow with a Masters from UC Berkeley). Then, you can explain the context at the end
- Think of this as what and how. Write WHAT you thinkBefore explaining WHY you think it and HOW you found that answer
- Figure out the one central and novel contribution of your paper. Write this contribution down in your first sentence.As with all your writing, this must be concrete. Don’t write, “I analyzed mobile information terminals and found many issues related to power failures and natural disasters.” Instead, explain what the central results are. For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”Distilling your ideas into one central contribution will take some thought. Once you do it, though, you’re in a much better position to focus the paper on that one contribution, and help readers to get it quickly.Most writers do not tell us the contribution of their paper until the end of the paper. This seems to be especially true in Japan, where writers are taught to put their main idea at the end of their papers (lines 61 – 63 on page 2).Please do not make this mistake when writing in English (lines 140 – 141 on page 6).
- Figure out the one central and novel contribution of your paper. Write this contribution down in your first sentence.As with all your writing, this must be concrete. Don’t write, “I analyzed mobile information terminals and found many issues related to power failures and natural disasters.” Instead, explain what the central results are. For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”Distilling your ideas into one central contribution will take some thought. Once you do it, though, you’re in a much better position to focus the paper on that one contribution, and help readers to get it quickly.Most writers do not tell us the contribution of their paper until the end of the paper. This seems to be especially true in Japan, where writers are taught to put their main idea at the end of their papers (lines 61 – 63 on page 2).Please do not make this mistake when writing in English (lines 140 – 141 on page 6).
- Figure out the one central and novel contribution of your paper. Write this contribution down in your first sentence.As with all your writing, this must be concrete. Don’t write, “I analyzed mobile information terminals and found many issues related to power failures and natural disasters.” Instead, explain what the central results are. For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”Distilling your ideas into one central contribution will take some thought. Once you do it, though, you’re in a much better position to focus the paper on that one contribution, and help readers to get it quickly.Most writers do not tell us the contribution of their paper until the end of the paper. This seems to be especially true in Japan, where writers are taught to put their main idea at the end of their papers (lines 61 – 63 on page 2).Please do not make this mistake when writing in English (lines 140 – 141 on page 6).
- Identify your contribution
- Original topic sentences from technical writing sample Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year. The adult male obtains 2000 kcal from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate. Here, I suggest the single-function device that displays information data received from digital broadcasting airwave. The reliability of the cellular phone is low as the information terminal for the emergency due to battery problem.
- Often, my clients’ first drafts are written in a funnel style, with the main idea at the end.
- Final, edited topic sentences from technical writing sample I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster. When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might want to use their cellular phones to access news and information. If energy harvested from human motion could be converted into electric power, it would be possible to operate various devices. I propose the creation of a single-function device to display information data received from digital broadcasting airwaves. In closing, cellular phones are not reliable information terminals in the event of an emergency.
- “triangular” style means that the main idea comes first. A fellow counselor tells his clients to put the end at the beginning. This counselor is a journalist by training (Fulbright Fellow with a Masters from UC Berkeley). Then, you can explain the context at the end
- 1Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year. I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.
- Original topic sentences from technical writing sample Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year. The adult male obtains 2000 kcal from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate. Here, I suggest the single-function device that displays information data received from digital broadcasting airwave. The reliability of the cellular phone is low as the information terminal for the emergency due to battery problem.
- Final, edited topic sentences from technical writing sample I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster. When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might want to use their cellular phones to access news and information. If energy harvested from human motion could be converted into electric power, it would be possible to operate various devices. I propose the creation of a single-function device to display information data received from digital broadcasting airwaves. In closing, cellular phones are not reliable information terminals in the event of an emergency.
- 2The adult male obtains 2000 kcal from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate. When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might want to use their cellular phones to access news and information.
- Circle the first sentence of each paragraph. These are your topic sentences. Read them all to yourself, one after the other (four or five total sentences).Now, ask yourself this question:If a reader only read my topic sentences, would he be able to understand my contribution and main ideas?
- Circle the first sentence of each paragraph. These are your topic sentences. Read them all to yourself, one after the other (four or five total sentences).Now, ask yourself this question:If a reader only read my topic sentences, would he be able to understand my contribution and main ideas?
- Original topic sentences from technical writing sample Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year. The adult male obtains 2000 kcal from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate. Here, I suggest the single-function device that displays information data received from digital broadcasting airwave. The reliability of the cellular phone is low as the information terminal for the emergency due to battery problem.
- Final, edited topic sentences from technical writing sample I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster. When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might want to use their cellular phones to access news and information. If energy harvested from human motion could be converted into electric power, it would be possible to operate various devices. I propose the creation of a single-function device to display information data received from digital broadcasting airwaves. In closing, cellular phones are not reliable information terminals in the event of an emergency.
- Final, edited topic sentences from technical writing sample I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster. When people lose power due to a natural disaster, they might want to use their cellular phones to access news and information. If energy harvested from human motion could be converted into electric power, it would be possible to operate various devices. I propose the creation of a single-function device to display information data received from digital broadcasting airwaves. In closing, cellular phones are not reliable information terminals in the event of an emergency.
- Homework #2: Re-write your topic sentences so that they best express your contribution and main ideas.
- Figure out the one central and novel contribution of your paper. Write this contribution down in your first sentence.As with all your writing, this must be concrete. Don’t write, “I analyzed mobile information terminals and found many issues related to power failures and natural disasters.” Instead, explain what the central results are. For example, “I propose developing a mobile information terminal to help people access information in the event of a power failure caused by a natural disaster.”Distilling your ideas into one central contribution will take some thought. Once you do it, though, you’re in a much better position to focus the paper on that one contribution, and help readers to get it quickly.Most writers do not tell us the contribution of their paper until the end of the paper. This seems to be especially true in Japan, where writers are taught to put their main idea at the end of their papers (lines 61 – 63 on page 2).Please do not make this mistake when writing in English (lines 140 – 141 on page 6).
- Original topic sentences from technical writing sample Japan is the country where a lot of natural disaster such as earthquakes or typhoons exists every year. The adult male obtains 2000 kcal from food in a day, and uses 75% among them for the basal metabolic rate. Here, I suggest the single-function device that displays information data received from digital broadcasting airwave. The reliability of the cellular phone is low as the information terminal for the emergency due to battery problem.
- Analytical Skills - evaluatedCreative Skills - conceived, designedMediating Skills - mentoredSales Skills - negotiated, resolvedMy personal fave – spearheaded! Try to use that one at least once on your resume.
- Analytical Skills - evaluatedCreative Skills - conceived, designedMediating Skills - mentoredSales Skills - negotiated, resolvedMy personal fave – spearheaded! Try to use that one at least once on your resume.
- Find and circle the transitions in your paper. Ask yourself, "Do my transitions express the connections between my ideas?" Are my transitions misleading in any way?
- Re-write your transitions so that they best express the connections between your ideas
- Value statement, beginning, middle, and end.
- Value statement, beginning, middle, and end.
- Value statement, beginning, middle, and end.
- Value statement, beginning, middle, and end.
- Value statement, beginning, middle, and end.
- Value statement, beginning, middle, and end.
- Much bad writing comes down to trying to avoid responsibility for what you’re saying. That’s why people resort to passive sentences and use poor organization that puts the literature first and your idea last, and so on. Take a deep breath, and take responsibility for what you’re writing.
- Use active tense. Not: “it is assumed that x = 3”, “data were constructed as follows.” Gee, I wonder who did that assuming and constructing?
- Use active tense. Not: “it is assumed that x = 3”, “data were constructed as follows.” Gee, I wonder who did that assuming and constructing?
- Use active tense. Not: “it is assumed that x = 3”, “data were constructed as follows.” Gee, I wonder who did that assuming and constructing?
- Use active tense. Not: “it is assumed that x = 3”, “data were constructed as follows.” Gee, I wonder who did that assuming and constructing?
- Find and circle all examples of passive voice in your paper. Do they fit one of the five reasons below?
- 1. The 'actor' is not known.Oil was discovered off the coast of Australia.The number of Internet users was estimated to be over one million. 2. The 'actor' is not important.The report has been published.The results will be presented at the conference. 3. It is considered desirable to conceal the identity of the 'actor'.The results are invalid, as the correct testing procedure was not followed. Research funding will be cut next year. 4. An impersonal tone is needed for academic writing.In this report, the stress fields in a C-shape plate will be analyzed.An impersonal tone is also used for describing processes.First, the raw materials are loaded into a container ... 5. A tactful tone is needed to smooth over an error or difficulty.Compare these two examples.Example of passive voice: The samples were not checked at the second stage . . . Example of active voice: We forgot to check the samples . . .
- 1. The 'actor' is not known.Oil was discovered off the coast of Australia.The number of Internet users was estimated to be over one million. 2. The 'actor' is not important.The report has been published.The results will be presented at the conference. 3. It is considered desirable to conceal the identity of the 'actor'.The results are invalid, as the correct testing procedure was not followed. Research funding will be cut next year. 4. An impersonal tone is needed for academic writing.In this report, the stress fields in a C-shape plate will be analyzed.An impersonal tone is also used for describing processes.First, the raw materials are loaded into a container ... 5. A tactful tone is needed to smooth over an error or difficulty.Compare these two examples.Example of passive voice: The samples were not checked at the second stage . . . Example of active voice: We forgot to check the samples . . .
- Find all passive voice sentences that do not fit one of the five reasons. Then, change them into active voice .
- Find and circle all of the articles in your paper. Can you tell which nouns require definite and indefinite articles, and which require no article at all?
- Find and fix any mistakes in your use of articles.
- Any questions? If none, use this: Last class, people asked about pronouns. My rule - Use pronoun "I" if solo research.Use "we" if group research in lab.
- Good luck. Thank you!
- APPROPRIATECOMMENTSBe respectful and considerate of the writer's feelings.Use "I" statements.Offer suggestions, not commands.
- CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTSRaise questions from a reader's point of view, points that may not have occurred to the writer.Phrase comments clearly and carefully so that the writer can easily understand what needs to be improved.Make sure comments are constructive and specific (not "This paper is confusing. It keeps saying the same things over and over again" but rather "It sounds like paragraph five makes the same point as paragraphs 2 and 3.").Avoid turning the writer's paper into YOUR paper.
- (not "This paper is confusing. It keeps saying the same things over and over again" but rather "It sounds like paragraph five makes the same point as paragraphs 2 and 3.").