1. What you did well What could be better
- Good range of camera
shotsand angles
- Give flashesof the incidentwheneverMadelineholdsthe
doll at variouspointsthroughoutthe narrative. Flashescan
show glintof the knife;bloodiedoutfit;partof a victim’s
face in horror, the bloodsplatteronthe doll etc. you could
have a match on match shotof Madeline’seyesopenand
thenas theyclose itfadesintoa pull outshot of the dolls
eyes. Thiswouldcreate anarrative connectionbetween
the doll and Madeline andtherefore encodethe doll as
Madeline.
- I like the narrative –
not toomany
characters andtwists
and turns – suitable
for a 5-
minute project,yet
challengingenough
for A levels.
- You needtobuildinmore actionof charactersespecially
whenyou’re showingvulnerability
- You needtothinkabouthow youare creatingpace in the
flashbacksandhow youwant to create tensionandan
emotional connectionbetweenMadeline andthe audience.
- You needtobuildupsome formof a relationshipwiththe
new sister.
- You needtoadd some dialogue of the parentstalkingabout
the new child – possiblycommentingonhow differentit
will be tohave a child withnopsychological needs
(possibly) sothatyoubuilda negative emotionbetween
the new siblingsbeforetheyhave metandthiswouldalso
create binaryoppositions. Maybe have Madeline inthe
room nextdoorpeekingthroughthe crackof the door.This
wouldcreate more tension,developthe genre iconography
and provide more detail intoadditionof the new sibling.
- Scriptformat is
almostcorrect.
- Title Page needed (see page 2 of feedback)
- Courier font and size12
- Page Numbers should be in the header and on the right,
abouta half-inchfromthe topof the page,and followed by
a full stop.
- First line of your script should be FADE IN, typed all upper
case, flush left, followed by a colon, on a line all by itself.
- Int/Ext to be by the left margin and should include the
scene heading (title)
- Take out the camera work and sound codes (this will be
annotated by hand later)
- Single line pacing needed between all work
- Any audio (breathing heavily etc) needs to written in the
form of dialogue as it’s sound from the character
- When Madeline is on the table there would be some
soundsfromherto show she isscared – thisisn’t written in
- Don’t include the heading ‘dialogue’
- End with The End. This needs to be in the centre of
the page.
2. This goes on the first page in the centre.
This is detailed with the action
happening and with editing.
You can see the build-up of action and
the movement of the character.
Notice how the character is identified
in capitals within the movement.
Here you notice how the action has
been separated by the inserted camera
work (the space is needed but without
the camera work)
