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Part 3. Why We Feel Inadequate
- 1. Part 3. WhyWeFeel Inadequate BUILDING INCLUSIVE CULTURE A Neurobiological Approach
- 3. “Unconscious bias is the very human tendency to short-cut through the enormous amount of complex information we receive moment by moment, and make decisions quickly, based on what we are most familiar with, comfortable with, or what we've done before.” Jennifer Brown, CEO
- 4. “Everything you feel, remember or dream is written in these cells.”
- 5. Neurons that fire together wire together NEURO-PERCEPTION
- 6. Disney Movie: INSIDE OUT CLIP: 01:17-07:23
- 7. SOLO ACTIVITY WRITE DOWN 6 CHILDHOOD MEMORIES Note which were “good” Note which were “not so good”
- 8. PAIR UP Share your general thoughts. What stood out for you about the movie clip? EXTRA CREDIT Share a memory with your partner What was the feeling? What was the met/unmet need?
- 10. Memories are a collection of stories that run concurrently.
- 12. Memories are shortcuts that can limit our perspective.
- 15. DEMO
- 16. PAIR UP Share your general thoughts. Which attachment type most resonated with/challenged you? Which memories might be earned vs learned? What was the impact?
- 18. T = c + wTRUST COMPETENCE WARMTH
- 20. INADEQUACY Loneliness Rumination Failure Disappointment Isolation
- 21. A collection of feelings of inadequacyA collection of feelings that persist despite evident success. ` Imposter Syndrome
- 22. Trauma is unbearable and intolerable; moments of intensity of emotion that has not been held which freezes people in their tracks and stops them from having a sense of warmth for themselves.
- 23. is the fear that we are unworthy of love and belonging --Brene Brown Shame
- 24. Isolation impacts performance and leads to BINGE feelings.
- 25. HELPLESS FEAR BINGE Feelings “Life is all about me” “Life is war, you are the enemy” “Life is way too hard” “Life is way too dangerous” EMPTINESS ANNIHILATING RAGE Self-deprecating Self-doubt Self-aggrandizing Self-hate
- 26. Self-doubt Righteous MICRO-MANAGER Anxiety & Protection Bargaining Self-deprecating Neediness CARETAKER Sympathy Depression BINGE Feelings “Life is all about me” “Life is war, you are the enemy” “Life is way too hard” “Life is way too dangerous” Denial Compliance Self-aggrandizing Entitlement BULLY Self-hate Victimhood COMPLAINER Submission Anger
- 27. PAIR UP Share your general thoughts. Have you had similar experiences? Which one most resonated with/challenged you? What was the impact?
- 29. “You are fighting against the one person who can save you: YOU”
- 31. Disney Movie: INSIDE OUT CLIP: 47:06-49-42
- 32. BINGE Antidote ACCOUNTABILITY APOLOGY APPRECIATION ACKNOWLEDGMENT Self-regulation Self-soothe Self-care Self-respect Entitlement Victimhood Neediness Righteousness
- 33. SOLO Which areas are you doing well? Which areas need more attention? What specifically do you need? How will this shift or impact you?
Editor's Notes
- This racial narrative is the tinest sliver of understanding when it comes to comprehending Unconsicous Bias. UB has come to mean understanding the legal definiaton of the diversity demogaphics and behaving in ways that are inclusion. This is incorrect. What is in fact the definition of UB. Let’s ask JB.
- What is success? What is the opposite of success? What does failure look like? What are the feelings associated with failure? ‘Imposters’ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. They seem unable to internalize their accomplishments, however successful they are in their field. High achieving, highly successful people often suffer, so imposter syndrome doesn’t equate with low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence. In fact, some researchers have linked it with perfectionism, especially in women and among academics.
- Santiago Ramon y Cajal – Spanish neuroscientist & Nobel laureate. He’s considered the father of neuroscience. When we talk about Uconcious bias, what we’re really talking about is Neuro-perception. We come alive when we have a ‘neuroception’ of safety. So what does that look like? A little bit like this…
- Santiago Ramon y Cajal – Spanish neuroscientist & Nobel laureate. He’s considered the father of neuroscience. When we talk about Uconcious bias, what we’re really talking about is Neuro-perception. We come alive when we have a ‘neuroception’ of safety. So what does that look like? A little bit like this…
- 1:17-7:23
- We are an amalgamation of our memories. Our memories are a colletcions of stories. This stories run concurrently. Where do our short cuts come from? Go through memories – write down a positive memory (share my Christmas story 4) and a less than positive memory (share bicycle crash with yapping dog – 5), each must be of different ages. Write down one sentence that encompasses the memory – Christmas is my favorite holiday because of the lights Be humble because karma can be instant Our internal narrative?
- Hippocampus helps form memories. And our amydala is connects to the hippocampus. *** Every memory we have every had is something our brain has learned. What we have to survive becomes embedded in our survival algorithm. Personal recollections are stored in RH. We largely store semantic (language or logic) memory in LH. Facts are generally store in RH. Autobiography is stored in RH. Amygdala is always scanning for what’s most important for our survival. Pain and discomfort could have been very important to our survival, and thus can cause huge distraction when we’re attempting to learn. Sometimes our learning happens in a single neuron. Then we have knowledge that is held in a single neuron. If we want this memory, then the neuron gets primed to deliver this memory to us. When the possibility arises that the single neuron might get picked, it becomes neurally excited. And primed to get picked. This is we have reactions. REPEATITION IS THE MOTHER OF ALL LEARNING BECAUSE IT BUILDS UNCONSCIOUS BIAS
- Unconsicoius bias is simly single stories that have become shortcuts. I have a whole entire excel file tracking my client revenue hidden deep in my C drive. But I don’t have to always search for this folder, so I have created a shortcut on my deskstop. I remember faces. I can organize and categorize verbal material. I can understand language. I have long term memory here.
- Let’s review – our workplaces are highly skewed LH environments. What humans needs most is to be warmly accepted, understood and cared for. This is WHY the workplace can often be so painful and difficult. People look for meaning (RH) in a LH environment. Our brains were designed for two things: belonging and forming relationships. When feel most alive when we have the neuro-perception of safety. And we have this neuro-perception as children when they have the sense that their parents are resounces. And they are able to move through the world without of the flow of cortisol or reactivity to stress than children who feel alone. This continues into adulthood – they more we have the sense that we have people with us who love us, the easier it is for our bodies, immune system and emotions. This leads a to feeling that we are accompanied. Talk about the research by James M. Cohen and shock to ankles. This is what secure attachment looks like and feels like. As children we either learn or earn way to build relationships. Our relationship brain starts to be formed in response to or lack of presence of others. SHOW HANDS demo of types of attachemtn. DO DEMO. When we experience exclusion, what we are actually feeling is a sense of ‘I don’t belong’. This experience of ‘I don’t belong’ gets recoded as “you are rejecting me” from the LH. A build up of rejection can lead to loneliness. And eventually can lead to isolation which can lead to indifference. There is an undercurrent of shame and or guilt.
- Attachment is the way our brains and bodies are wired to understand and predict relationship When we are attaching, we learn where we can know and feel known The infant (executive/employee) learns that some subjective states are shareable (some emotional experiences), and some are not, and that this learning powerfully affects attachment security and the capacity for intimacy. Learning which states are shareable, and which are not, defines the arenas in which one can, and cannot, know and feel known by another’s mind. KEY TAKEWAYS: This learning powerful affects attachment security as well as our capacity for intimacy This internalization of which states are sharable and which are not defines the areas in which one can and cannot know and feel known by another In adulthood, the way we see attachment patterns showing up is in the foundation they have created for what type of COLLABORATIVE DIALOGUE is possible: Knowing and feeling known by another’s mind is dependent on whether both partners are capable of collaborative dialogue. Collaborative dialogue involves: close attention to the other’s initiatives; openness to the other’s state across the entire range of positive to negative emotions; attempts to comprehend the state, goal, or subjective reality of the other; the attempt to respond in a way that acknowledges, elaborates, or comments on that state; The ability to negotiate similarity and difference; and efforts to repair disruptions. SECURE ATTACHMENT SUPPORTS SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT!!! OTHER FORMS OF INSECURE ATTACHMENT DO NOT SUPPORT THE EASE IN SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT!!!! <- This is how we begin to address psychological safety!
- Here I am (reach) / So Glad You Are (Pull) – start with this and end with this. Write down a sentence about what you just witnessed: You never have time for me. Person A offers hands. Person B sees but ignores and continues to use device 2. Person B puts arms up, Person A ignores and continues to use device 3. Person B puts arms up, Person A crosses arms and taps foot 4. Person A offers hands, Person B crosses arms and pouts 5. Both persons turn away from each other consecutively and pout, arms crossed 6. Person A offers, Person B responds with "Thank you, I am good right now, perhaps another time?" 7. Person B reaches, Person A responds
- The through line from exclusion to inclusion is creating a very particular flavor of trust. We talked about the QUALITY of trust in the last workshop and how that was dependant about the levels of psychological safety within a culture. I am going to give you the Rajkumari’s flavor of trust. Am I walking away from every single interaction with the intention of building trust. Am I leaving the person with a sense of reliability and delight?
- Let’s review – our workplaces are highly skewed LH environments. What humans needs most is to be warmly accepted, understood and cared for. This is WHY the workplace can often be so painful and difficult. People look for meaning (RH) in a LH environment. Our brains were designed for two things: belonging and forming relationships. When feel most alive when we have the neuro-perception of safety. And we have this neuro-perception as children when they have the sense that their parents are resounces. And they are able to move through the world without of the flow of cortisol or reactivity to stress than children who feel alone. This continues into adulthood – they more we have the sense that we have people with us who love us, the easier it is for our bodies, immune system and emotions. This leads a to feeling that we are accompanied. Talk about the research by James M. Cohen and shock to ankles. This is what secure attachment looks like and feels like. As children we either learn or earn way to build relationships. Our relationship brain starts to be formed in response to or lack of presence of others. SHOW HANDS demo of types of attachemtn. DO DEMO. When we experience exclusion, what we are actually feeling is a sense of ‘I don’t belong’. This experience of ‘I don’t belong’ gets recoded as “you are rejecting me” from the LH. A build up of rejection can lead to loneliness. And eventually can lead to isolation which can lead to indifference. There is an undercurrent of shame and or guilt.
- The path to inadequacy is the constant doing. Guy Winch talks about… Isolation is simply self-exclusion
- What is success? What is the opposite of success? What does failure look like? What are the feelings associated with failure? ‘Imposters’ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. They seem unable to internalize their accomplishments, however successful they are in their field. High achieving, highly successful people often suffer, so imposter syndrome doesn’t equate with low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence. In fact, some researchers have linked it with perfectionism, especially in women and among academics.
- Our earliest form of learning is in fact creating relationships. Creating relationships to people as well as objects.
- Our earliest form of learning is in fact creating relationships. Creating relationships to people as well as objects.
- Our earliest form of learning is in fact creating relationships. Creating relationships to people as well as objects.
- If you binge long enough – days, weeks, months, years and in my case decades you start to see the world through incredibly isolating lenses.
- Tell a story needs not being met – why didn’t the monkey get curious? Instead it had a reaction
- Our earliest form of learning is in fact creating relationships. Creating relationships to people as well as objects.
- Tell a story needs not being met – why didn’t the monkey get curious? Instead it had a reaction
- 47:06 – 49:42
- Tell a story needs not being met – why didn’t the monkey get curious? Instead it had a reaction
- INTRO this activity with this question: How many of you have had the experience of being treated unfairly at the work place?
- So if we’re heavily towards the LH and we’re all about doing and productivity and execution and accomplishment and we just feel lonely and isolated and exhausted, what’s it going to take to shift that. To recreate a balance?
- Tell a story needs not being met – why didn’t the monkey get curious? Instead it had a reaction