This document provides guidance on coping with emotions and self-care after a cancer diagnosis. It emphasizes the importance of identifying feelings, cultivating coping strategies, and understanding emotional responses, while also promoting resilience and personal growth. The content encourages individuals to embrace their true emotions, seek support, and learn to manage their thoughts and worries effectively.

1. GETTING TO KNOW YOU
Caring for Yourself After a Diagnosis of Cancer

2. AFTER YOU HEAR THE BIG “C” WORD:
 Name your emotions.
 Identify helpful ways you have always cared for
yourself.
 Cultivate new coping behaviors.
 Develop awareness on the unique character traits
you have that support your coping

3. THE EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM OF CANCER

4. THE BENEFIT OF NAMING A FEELING
 Self care is dependent on the feeling you are
experiencing
 How does this emotion “sit” in your body?
 Become familiar with the build up of an emotion so
you are able to care for yourself early
 What does each different feeling need?

5. “Before we can expect to consciously direct our life, we
need to be able to consciously direct our attention.”
THE VOICE INSIDE YOUR HEAD
 Remember The Voice is well intentioned.
 The Voice has been doing its best to keep you safe and happy.
 Unfortunately, The Voice is operating on outdated guidelines
 The Voice keeps us from experiencing the present moment
MASTERING ATTENTION & “THE VOICE”
INSIDE YOUR HEAD

6. All or Nothing Thinking:
You think of things in “black or white”,
“right or wrong”, “perfect or terrible”
categories.
Over Generalizing:
You think of a single negative event as a
never-ending pattern
Magnifying or Minimizing:
You exaggerate the importance of certain
things (e.g. your mistakes or other’s
successes) and minimize other things
(e.g. your own desirable qualities or
other’s imperfections).
Shoulds – Musts - Oughts:
You believe you must live up to
excessively high standards, & may also
have excessively high expectations of
others. You believe you should have
known/done better, even when that would
have been impossible.
Mind Reading:
You arbitrarily conclude that someone is
reacting negatively to you, & don’t check
this out with them.
Fortune Telling:
You anticipate that things will turn out
badly, and feel convinced that your
prediction is a fact.
Catastrophizing:
You believe the worst-case scenario will
definitely happen
Personalization:
You see yourself as responsible for
events around you that had little/no
responsibility for.
AUTOMATIC THOUGHT TRAPS

7. TAKING ACTION #1:
WORRY = UNANSWERED QUESTIONS
To begin, can you identify any questions lurking
behind your worry and fear? Make a list.
 When is my cancer most likely to recur?
 What are the doctors looking at during follow up
visits?
 When should I contact my medical team?
 Did treatment put me at risk for any future health
issues? How will those be monitored?

8. TAKING ACTION #2:
GATHERING THE EVIDENCE
Can you balance the “What Ifs” with statements of
“What Is”?
 Test results from your most recent follow up
 Acknowledgements of healing (hair growth,
regaining strength, more energy)
 The treatment plan you just endured after being
diagnosed.
 The lifestyle decisions you make to support your
health (diet, exercise, sleep, meditation, etc.)

9. Control is your best effort to get rid of or
problem solve something that is
distressing to you.
But what if you can’t control some of your
worry or fear? You can’t “Take Action”
and do something to calm yourself.
Now what?!?!
www.thetherapyspacenyc.com
DESPERATELY SEEKING CONTROL

10.  Greet your feelings like a visitor.
 Resist judging or struggling to “fix” them.
 Allow them some space to just be with you.
 Struggling with the uncontrollable feelings often
makes the feeling more intense.
 Watch how it is you learn to live
despite their presence?
“WELL HELLO WORRY…”
“Oh! Anger. It’s
you.”
“Ah,
Restlessness.
Yes, I know
you.”
“Fear, you’ve
returned I see.”
“Oh jealousy,
hello.”

11. TAKING ACTION #3:
MULTIPLE FEELINGS AT ONCE
 Do you have more than one feeling at a time?
 Are these feelings contradictory?
 How do you attend to these feelings?
 What do you need?

12. THE ANGER SADNESS ALLIANCE
SADNESS:
 Sadness is vulnerable.
 Sadness accepts the situation for what it is.
 What helps you feel safe enough to be really sad?
 Pay very close attention to what makes you stop crying?
 Why does THAT matter?
ANGER:
 Anger is active energy.
 Anger gets you fired up and ready to defend yourself, jump
into action!
 Anger rallies you to do something to change the situation.
 What can you do with that energy?
 Do you know your triggers?
Mindfully
consider: Which
emotion tends
to be your
default?

13. THE WORK OF BEING AT WORK:
Realize when you are stressed. Why?
What are those triggers?
Certain people?
External Events?
Begin to learn your “Warning Signs”:
The build up to an emotional moment.
Know your people!
Who is good for you?
Who is challenging?
Self Care: The Emotional Ramp Up

14. BRING IT BACK TO YOUR BODY
 Worry and Fear can be very “head heavy”
 How can you reconnect with your body?
 Breathe
 Change location (sit/stand; inside/outside; lay
down/get up)
 Feel your body – touch
 Ground yourself into the…ground. 
 Change the pace with breath

15. WHAT IS RESILIENCE?
 MYTH: Resilience is a genetic trait. You either
have it or you don’t.
 We are all born with innate resiliency. An inborn
capacity for “self-righting”.
 Resilience is found in a variety of thought
processes and behaviors that can be learned
throughout a lifetime.
 Resilience develops as people grow
and develop better thinking,
self-management skills and knowledge.

16. WHY DOES RESILIENCY MATTER?
 Resilient people often find meaning even in times of
trouble and gain confidence from overcoming
adversity. In this way, resilience can contribute to a
deeply satisfying life.
 Resiliency and Happiness are closely linked
 Happiness involves feeling more positive emotions
than negative emotions.
 Positive emotions help us build skills and internal
resources…a larger repertoire of assets that we
can draw on in stressful times.
 In other words, “Happy people become more
satisfied not simply because they feel better, but
because they develop resources for living well.”
Bauer&Bonanno

17. The “YOU INVENTORY”
The best parts of being me!
 What underlying qualities would you want
others to know about you?
 Did you learn anything new about
yourself since you were diagnosed
with cancer?
 How are these qualities important in your
relationships with others?
 What one, two or three things can I do better
than everyone else in this room?
GETTING TO KNOW YOU…

18. CULTIVATING RESILIENCY
 Be mindfully present
 Celebrate everyday successes
 Play to your strengths (that list we just made!)
 Nurture gratitude
 Random acts of kindness
Emmons & McCollough, 2005
Lyubomirsky, 2005

19.  Health Care Professionals
 Peers (other who “get it!”)
 Friends and Family: “F.D.R.”
A SUPPORT “WHO’S WHO”
YOU
FEELING
Friends
DOING
Friends
RESPITE
Friends

20. STAY IN YOUR LANE
 Many emotions are influenced by the people
around you.
 Hearing variances in treatment plans or follow up
care can cause you to second guess your
treatment.
 Learning about a celebrity recurrence or diagnosis
can trigger complex emotions
 The set backs (or successes) of fellow survivor
friends can trigger concerns about doing cancer
“well”.
 MAKE YOUR CANCER PERSONAL. This is your
diagnosis. Your survivorship. Your story.

21.  Remember your feelings about your cancer
experience will likely change day to day.
 Do the work and learn how to care for yourself.
 Try not to ignore your need to share your worries,
fears and questions.
 Often talking with others helps you work through
concerns or uncertainties in a natural way.
 Listen to yourself. Come to understand what you
are feeling, thinking and needing.
 Try not to put on a “happy face” if you are not
feeling that way. Your true feelings are more helpful
to everyone.