This document discusses healthy ways to communicate during Christian conflicts. It begins by noting that communication can bring life or death and outlines 5 destructive conflict patterns to avoid, such as "Eskimo" and "Cowboy." The document recommends focusing on building others up, getting rid of bitterness and anger, and being kind and compassionate. It provides tips for positive communication including assuming the best, asking questions, and focusing on issues rather than people. Finally, it advises coming clean with yourself, God, and others in order to heal from conflicts.

1. S
Leveraging Your
Communication Style
Healthy Christian Conflict
© Dr. John Jackson
john@drjohnjackson.com

2. SLIDE: Communication is a life or death issue
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and
have it to the full. John 10:10
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Proverbs
18:21)
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1)
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (Proverbs
12:18)

3. 5 Destructive Conflict Patterns :
Eskimo: Freeze people out and have a cold war. Shut
down the reactor.
Cowboy: Shoot out at the not-ok corral.
Genie: I’m compliant with whatever you say
Houdini: I’m out!
Atilla the Hun: Dead bodies everywhere

4. Ephesians 4:28-32
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for building others up according to
their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not
grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed
for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and
anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of
malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you

5. Some Do’s & Do-nots
Assume Ask questions
Focus on the negative Concentrate on the positive
Listen to the words Hear what they are saying
Be passive or aggressive Be assertive
Use “You” statements Use “I” statements
Bring up past issues Focus on the issues at hand
Concentrate on the person Concentrate on the issue
Blame others Accept blame
Try to win Go for the win-win!

6. What do I do about the
wounds?
Come clean with yourself
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8)
Come clean with God
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all
unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9)
Come clean with each other
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16)

7. How Should we Then Live?
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with
one another in love” (Ephesians 4:3)
This stuff is hard!