This document provides an introduction to the Responsibility Process. It describes how people typically respond to upsets or problems by entering mental states like denial, blame, justification, shame, or obligation. These are coping strategies that provide temporary relief but do not resolve the underlying issues. The Responsibility Process encourages facing problems with awareness, clarity, and intent to understand one's own contribution rather than blaming external factors. It discusses tools like journaling and claiming wins to practice operating from responsibility. False responsibility imposed through shame or obligation only generates further mental states like shame, while demonstrating responsibility allows others to choose it freely. True responsibility comes from having the power and ability to create one's own life.

1. Introduction to
The Responsibility Process
Ari Tanninen
Agile Coaching Circle
May 16th 2016

2. Exercise:
Claiming wins

3. Image: flickr / BrianForbes Image: Wikimedia Commons / Túrelio
Image: pixabayImage: Wikimedia Commons / NeetiR

4. “Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as
by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to
you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”
— Lewis L. Dunnington
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In
that space is our power to choose our response. In
our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Viktor E. Frankl
“It's not what happens to us, but our response to
what happens to us that hurts us.”
— Stephen R. Covey

5. Exercise:
How to make it go away? (1/2)
1. Write down a problem or an upset.
2. Write down what needs to happen for the
problem or upset to go away.

6. Image: Wikimedia Commons / United States Navy

7. The Responsibility Process
Denial
Lay Blame
Justify
Shame
Obligation
Responsibility
Quit
Upset or
problem

8. The Responsibility Process
• Mental states triggered automatically when we get upset
• Coping strategies / comfort zones to alleviate anxiety
• Key idea: push through them to get to true responsibility
• Based on 20+ years of studies by Bill McCarley and
Christopher Avery

9. Exercise:
How to make it go away? (2/2)
1. Write down a problem or an upset.
2. Write down what needs to happen for the
problem or upset to go away.
3. Which mindset were you in when you wrote down
your problem or upset?
4. Rewrite step 2.
5. Is there a difference?

10. Step Symptoms
Diagnosis
(in your head)
Remedy
(the way to feeling better)
Responsibility
“I choose to”
Feeling powerful
Feeling ownership
Results that matter
The problem may be an effect of a larger issue
I am missing something from the big picture
Somehow I contributed to the issue
The problem is how my mind sees the problem
Face the pain
Look for truth & root issue
Solve the root issue for good
Quit
"Whatever", cynical comments
Denying you want it
Feeling incomplete, longing
No results
This is so painful I can’t take it
I can’t do anything
Give up
Disengage mentally
Obligation
“We should”, “I must”
Procrastination, resentment
Minimal results
I have no choice
I am trapped
I have to but I don’t want to
Do the bare minimum and get it
over with
Shame
“I am so stupid”
Feeling guilt
It’s my fault
I deserve to beat myself up
I can’t do anything
I need to change
Justify
“That’s just how things are”
Venting
The situation is responsible
It is just that I have the problem
I can’t control the situation
I can’t do anything
Situation needs to change
Lay Blame
“X is such a…”
Venting
X is responsible
I can’t do anything
X needs to change
Denial “Problem? There is no problem!”

12. Exercise:
Share from your own
experience

13. Relax! It’s only
natural. You
are only
human. We’re
wired that
way.
Image: flickr / Ben Francis

14. Denial
Lay Blame
Justify
Shame
Obligation
Responsibility
Quit
Power cycle
Control cycle

15. Control Cycle
What is right?
What should I do?
Advice
This is bad!
This is wrong!
How do I get
back in control?
Evaluation
Choosing
control
I just have to follow
these rules/checklist/
policy to get back in
control!
Compliance

16. Power Cycle
Choosing
power
I am missing something.
What is going on? How did
I contribute to this? What
do I feel and need? What
false belief or assumption I
am holding?
Looking
Aha!
Clarity
I can deal with this!
I want to deal with this!
Trust

17. Power and Control Cycles
Problem
Choosing
power
Looking
Clarity
Trust
Advice
Evaluation
Choosing
control
Compliance
Denial: refuse to acknowledge the problem
Quit: give up when unable to handle anxiety of Shame or Obligation

18. Denial
Lay Blame
Justify
Shame
Obligation
Responsibility
Quit
Problem
Choosing
power
Looking
Clarity
Trust
Advice
Evaluation
Choosing
control
Compliance

19. Why do we prefer the
control cycle over the
power cycle?

20. Looking
• Bear anxiety and have patience!
• Curiosity
• Observation
• Reflection
• For me: Nonviolent Communication (Marshall
Rosenberg), SCARF (David Rock), meditation, The
Leadership Gift program, sparring with friends…

21. Exercise:
I should / I want
1. Take a paper and a pen.
2. On one side, write as many "I must/should"
sentences as you can think of.
3. Turn the paper around. Freely choose those
musts you want, and write them again in "I want/
choose“ form.
4. How does it feel?

22. Three keys to Responsibility
• Intent to operate from responsibility when upset,
and to refuse to operate from lay blame, justify,
shame, or obligation
• Awareness of my mental states, myself, others,
and my environment
• Confront myself and reality to see what is true

23. Some tools
• Claiming wins
• Journalling & regular reflection
• Catch it quicker game
• Observing others
• Invite trusted friends to remind you
• Practice groups Image: flickr / Andy Ciordia

24. Image: pixabay

25. Image: Wikimedia Commons / Adam Ward

26. Image: Wikimedia Commons

27. False responsibility
• = “accountability”
• = Shame
• = Obligation
• Indoctrinated by society
• Children & organizations
Image: flickr / Lee Carson

28. Denial
Lay Blame
Justify
Shame
Obligation
Responsibility
Quit
{
{
“Stop making excuses
and take responsibility!”
Mental states renounced by society
“No one likes a whiner!”
“Shame on you!”
“You must apologize!”
Mental states endorsed by society
“How can you
be so stupid!”
“If you don’t clean your
room, mommy feels sad.”
“Give that cookie back to your brother!”
“Are you avoiding
responsibility?”
“You should feel bad!”
“Man up!”

29. Self-apply only
• Responsibility process is easy to see in others but very
difficult to see in yourself
• Demonstrate rather than impose
• Impose Responsibility and you will get Obligation
• One can only act from Responsibility if it’s their free choice

30. Self-apply out of free
choice, only
• Demand responsibility of yourself and you will get Shame
or Obligation
• Relax, you’re human, we are all built this way :)
• Self-compassion is key

31. A point about managing
people
• Demand accountability and you get Obligation
• Tighten control and you get Obligation
“All leadership begins
with self-leadership.”
— Christopher Avery

32. “Responsibility is owning your
power and ability to create,
choose, and attract your life.”
— Christopher Avery

33. More info
Download a Responsibility Process poster in your language
https://www.christopheravery.com/responsibility-process-poster
The Responsibility Process by Christopher Avery (7 min video)
https://youtu.be/-T3IZ2ISxag
For individuals: The Leadership Gift training program
http://the.leadershipgift.com
For corporations: Partnerwerks, Inc.
https://www.partnerwerks.com