The document discusses intentional peer support for partners of individuals who have committed online child sex offenses. It describes PartnerSPEAK, an organization that offers online peer support for these partners, who often feel alone and blame themselves. The support helps partners feel less shame and trauma by connecting them with others who have faced similar experiences and do not judge them. It also discusses how the support can help partners and professionals better understand the manipulation and control tactics used by offenders.

1. Intentional peer support as a response to
trauma and shame
Natalie Walker

2. 11,000 people were charged with child abuse material
offences in 2015 (Australia)
99% of offenders are male. Most common profile aged 25-50,
married with children
This is an traumatic experience affecting thousands of
families in Australia
In the 72 hours after ‘60 Minutes’ 1000 new users came to
our website
Who is affected?

3. What PartnerSPEAK offers
Online peer support for partners of online child sex offenders:
• Founded by individuals affected by their partners’ involvement in child abuse material
• Partners feel like they are the only person in the world experiencing this
• Particularly transformative where there is shame & blame
• Peers do not problematise the person
• Helper not victim
Advocacy
Media/Raising
awareness
Lobbying
Partnerships/
referrals
Support

4. What PartnerSPEAK offers
Professional development for professionals:
• Many practitioners have their own response to learning about child abuse material
• Partners report that professionals not understanding the offence was a barrier to support
• Partners report that professionals not understanding they were in trauma led to re-traumatisation /
unrealistic expectations
• Partnering with RMIT to lead in research
• Professionals want to know more
Advocacy
Media/Raising
awareness
Lobbying
Partnerships/
referrals
Support

5. “ …offering and receiving help, based on shared understanding, respect
and mutual empowerment between people in similar situations ”
Mead et al, 2001
Defining intentional peer support

6. “ How could she not have known? ”
• Blames the partner (secondary victim-survivor)
• Removes accountability and the focus on the offender
• Assumes that we would know
• Assumes the partner can not be trusted (e.g. with keeping her children safe)
Pervasive myths

7. What can we learn from our knowledge of domestic violence?
• Highly skilled in manipulation, gas-lighting, campaigns to discredit the partner
• Deliberately shames and evokes fear in partner to reduce her capacity
• Highly invested in a public persona (He could never do something like that)
• Affects all kinds of families / does not discriminate
Response to pervasive myths
Examples:
1. “ You will be charged because you didn’t report me. ”
2. “ If we ever break up she will tell people I was looking at child porn. ”

8. Worker: “… You trusted the boys father ”
Rai: “ Imagine living in a world where if you are a in a car
accident that is of no fault to you, then being told that you
cannot drive with passengers ever again. Because 20 years
ago you trusted other drivers to stop when you stopped
for a red light. ”
Used with permission.
Rai

9. Trauma-informed peer supports starts with the question,
“What happened to you?”
not
“What is wrong with you?”
www.intentionalpeersupport.org
Shery Mead
Intentional Peer Support Core Materials 2014
Trauma informed peer support

10. Introducing,
Nijole Lucinskaite
What does PartnerSPEAK mean to its
members?

12. “ Knowing someone has had similar experiences and stories … gives one hope and a
feeling of being understood and not judged ”
“ I am more open to others and to doing activities and events – interacting with
others, it is making mine and son’s life fuller, richer and more interesting ”
“ I have become more self-aware and self-valued as a result. I matter. ”
Aviva family violence peer support findings
Evaluation of [face to face] peer support groups:

13. • The discovery of child abuse material = trauma (often long-term, often severe
PTSD)
• Responses from others = shame (often internalised)
• Intentional peer support = mutuality, a voice, empowerment, self-worth, hope,
impact on relationships/life outside of peer support
Trauma, shame & peer support

14. “ It was a huge sense of relief to discover that I wasn’t alone, and that
there were people out there who not only understood what I was going
through, but who actually had a positive outlook on life and healing. I
think I found a hope that I didn’t know existed. Eventually I felt
comfortable enough to share bits and pieces of my own story. The
support and compassion that complete strangers were able to offer has
made an immeasurable difference to my own healing. Things that once
felt unspeakable are not… Things that were once shameful are not. ”
Sexual assault survivor & forum moderator,
in Burrows, 2011 for SECASA/RMIT
Healing & redressing shame

15. Natalie Walker
0468 321 357
natalie@PartnerSPEAK.org.au
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