Marriages need lots of healing. The couples hurt physically, spiritually, socially and worse emotionally. Overcoming the emotional hurt takes a very long time.

1. Hurting spouses hurt marriages
We are living in times when maintain a marriage is
a very costly idea. Spouses keep on hurting each
other and as such hurt their marriages. Marriages
need lots of healing. The couples hurt physically,
spiritually, socially and worse emotionally.
Overcoming the emotional hurt takes a very long
time.
Kigume KaruriThursday, August 31, 2017 1

2. • This week I have talked to a couple who are
on the verge of moving out of their marriage.
The reasons given hold some water but I
believe it is not the solution. The husband is
blaming the wife for feeling insecure while
the wife is blaming the husband for being
insincere.
• Both are hurting in one way or the other.
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3. • "Marriages often break down because of an
accumulation of hurts from indifference,
insensitivity, retaliation, physical abuse,
criticism, nagging, or hurting the other to get
attention. When we get hurt, the pain makes
us turn in on ourselves, focusing on the pain
rather than on the other person. The one
who is hurt and the one who did the hurting
both need healing." Gerald Foley
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4. Causes of Hurt in Marriage
There are many causes of hurt in marriage:-
1. Having an unresponsive heart
2. Unresolved conflicts
3. Unfulfilled needs and expectations
4. Unfaithful actions by those you trust
5. Unconcerned responses towards your
spouse
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5. 7. Unreasonable demands
8. Unforgiving attitudes
9. Being Thoughtless
10. Forgetfulness
11. Insensitivity
12. Unkindness
13. Selfishness
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6. 14. Controlling
15. Ignoring Your Spouse
16. Apathy
17. Silent treatment
18. Etc
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7. • The above are enough reasons to make the
marriage break up.
• Marriage does not only involve the husband
and wife. There are off springs in this
marriage. If the spouses are hurting, the
children hurt most.
• We need to bring healing into these
marriages.
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8. • To bring healing and avoid further hurts, the
couple must:-
1. Willingly make a re-commitment to each
other.
2. Start TRUSTING each other again. The initial
trust you brought to your wedding has been
depleted. To place new trust in your spouse is
not easy, but ask God to give it to you
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9. 3. Have a WILL to unselfishly give to your
spouse
4. Cut off of all past negative situations and
relationships that have been detrimental to
your marriage.
5. Commencing a positive re-building
relationship with your spouse.
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10. 6. Desire to have willful selfless love, not a
selfish one. ‘It is not, what will you do for
me, but what I will do for you. It is a will to
give, not to get’.
7. Accept each other at face value.
8. Develop a wellspring to TRUST through
daily positive reinforcement.
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11. 9. Exercise the following: Honesty,
Openness, Understanding, Encouragement,
and Helps to the one I love.
10. Refrain from criticism, and develop the
positive aspect of marriage.
11. Never take each other for granted.
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12. DO NOT CAST UP THE PAST
The past is past. Dwell on the present and
see what best you can do to avoid any hurts.
Work on the future
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13. CONTINUE WORKING ON THE
FOUR C'S OF MARRIAGE
1. A daily continuing COMMITMENT to the
one to whom I originally committed myself
at our wedding.
2. Develop an open COMMUNICATION. This
takes time and effort. It means accepting
each other's thoughts and feelings without
attacking.
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14. 3. Provide for loving CONFRONTATION.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a
harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1.
4. A willingness to COMPROMISE. God never
intended for us to think alike. We may have
differences of opinion, but we need to be of
the same mind only in loving each other.
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15. •PRAY Daily, that you may be
sensitive to meeting your spouse’s
needs.
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16. Avoiding the Hurt
• 1. Love your spouse: because you need
him/her, and you commit yourself to build
up, not tear him/her down in your
relationship.
• 2. Open up to him/her and let it all hang out,
without fear of being attacked, and you will
not attack him/her, even though you may not
agree.
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17. • 3. Casting up the past will not become a part
of your discussion. That is past and gone.
• 4. Allow each to explain your perception of
things. Then together BOTH shall seek
resolution to the issue, without attacking
each other, and with a willingness to
compromise.
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18. • 5. Be willing to consider your point of view as
being equal with your spouse’s.
• 6. Pray for and with each other for God to
give you wisdom for resolution of your
situation, in a way that both can live
amicably.
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19. • 7. Being open with each other to be: Trusting,
trustworthy, truthful, honest, encouraging,
helpful, wholeheartedly accepting of each
other, and to continually affirm each other’s
love and need.
•
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20. • LEARN TO FORGIVE AND DO NOT HOLD
BACK FORGIVENESS
• LOVE EACH OTHER SINCERELY
• OVERCOME YOUR HURTS AND
EMBRACE EACH OTHER SINCERELY
• BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER FULLY
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21. • 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
• Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,
it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not
dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of
wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres. (NIV)
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22. • 1 John 4:18
• There is no fear in love. But perfect love
drives out fear, because fear has to do with
punishment. The one who fears is not made
perfect in love. (NIV)
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23. • Many marriages are struggling because one
or both spouses are refusing to listen from
God. We need to be drawn to our knees
before God of love and forgiveness. In His
care, there is no marriage that is hopeless.
There is no family situation that is beyond
repair.
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24. • Eph. 3: 20
• ‘Now to him who is able to do immeasurably
more than all we ask or imagine, according to
his power that is at work within us.’ (NIV)
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25. • We can avoid hurting our spouses. The onus
is both spouses.
• Healing is crucial in sustaining the
marriage.
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