The document summarizes Gary Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages" which identifies 5 ways that people express and receive love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. It provides examples of how to express each love language in a marriage. The document emphasizes that understanding your spouse's primary love language helps ensure they feel truly loved and keeps marriage strong over the long term. It encourages readers to take Chapman's assessment quiz to discover their own and their spouse's love language.

2. The Five Love Languages
The Secret to Love That Lasts by
Gary Chapman

4. The Five Love
Languages
By Dr. Gary Chapman

5. Jesus is Love...
Father, help your children,
And don't let them fall by the side
of the road.
Mmm, and teach them to love one
another,
And heaven might find a place in
their hearts;
'Cause Jesus is love.
He won't let you down,
And I know He's mine forever,
Ah, in my heart.
We've got to walk on, walk on
through temptation,
'Cause His Love and His wisdom will
be our helping hand.
And I know the truth and His word
will be our salvation.
Lift up our heart to be thankful
and glad
'Cause Jesus is love.
He won't let you down,
And I know He's mine deep down in
my soul.
Jesus is love.

6. Four Types of Love
Eros Love - Physical love expressed, attraction “erotic” -
Song of Solomon
Storge Love - Family love, love between a parent and child,
sisters, brothers - Hannah & Samuel - 1 Samuel 1
Philia Love - The love between friends - “philanthropy”, love
of fellow man, love from the heart - 1 Samuel 18:1-5, David &
Jonathan
Agapé́́́ - Self-sacrificing, unconditional, without boundaries,
regardless of the cost. God and Jesus - The Love of God,
Luke 6:35, Romans 5:8, 1 Corinthians 13

7. Four Types of Love Continued...
Consider this:
“The love between a husband and a wife should be, among other things, an erotic
love. However, a long-term relationship based solely on eros is doomed to failure.
The “thrill” of sexual love wears off quickly unless there are some philia and
agapé to go along with it.” Retrieved from Got Questions.org
This brings us to the “Five Love Languages”...

8. How Does God Define Love?
Biblical Definition: 1 Corinthians 13:
Long suffering, kind, does not envy, is not prideful, is not
selfish, easily provoked, does not think of evil, rejoices in
truth, bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things, etc...

9. What Are the Love Languages?
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

11. What Happens to Our Love for One Another?
Quote from Mr. Chapman
“Our dreams before marriage are of marital bliss; ‘We are
going to make each other supremely happy. Other couples may
argue and fight, but not us. We love each other.’ Of
course, we are not totally naive. We know intellectually
that we will eventually have differences. But we are certain
that we will discuss those differences openly; one of us will
always be willing to make concessions, and we will reach
agreement. It’s hard to believe anything else when you are
in love.” p. 30

12. From “In Love” to “Real Love”
“And now pursue “real love” with our spouse. That kind of
love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a
love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of
the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need
for personal growth. Our most basic emotional need is not to
fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a
love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I
need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees
in me something worth loving.” p. 33
(Italics and emphasis added)

14. So...What Exactly Are the Five Love Languages?
Love Language #1
Words of Affirmation
“Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful
communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple,
straightforward statements of affirmation.”
Reference: Proverbs 18:21 - Amplified Bible
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who
love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the
consequences of their words.”

15. How Do I Express Words of Affirmation?
1. Record words of affirmation that you give your spouse
each day
1. Set a goal to give compliments each day
2. Say I love you frequently
3. Compliment your spouse in the presence of significant
4. Look for their strengths and compliment them

17. So...What Exactly Are the Five Love Languages?
Love Language #2
Quality Time
“It means that we are doing something together and that we
are giving our full attention to the other person. The
activity in which we are both engaged is incidental. The
important thing emotionally is that we are spending focused
time with each other. The activity is a vehicle that creates
the sense of togetherness.”

18. What Does Quality Time Require?
Focused Attention
Quality Conversation - involves “sympathetic listening”
good listening skills, and body language
Learning to talk - Taking initiative, expressing feelings,
willing to be vulnerable and transparent
Sharing Quality Activities
a) At least one person wants to participate
b) The other is willing

19. How Do I begin?
1. Designate specific times and places
2. Ask your spouse what activities they enjoy
3. Keep in touch throughout the day - text and/or photo
4. Plan a getaway
5. Make time during the day to share your events
6. Do chores together
7. Dream together

21. So...What Exactly Are the Five Love Languages?
Love Language #3
Receiving Gifts
Reference: “For God loved the world in this way: He gave His
One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will
not perish but have eternal life.
“Gifts are a reminder of the love you share.”
Think about this...what did you receive on the day you were
married?

22. Receiving Gifts Continued...
“A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say,
“Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” You
must be thinking of someone to give him a gift. The gift
itself is a symbol of that thought...it is not the thought
implanted only in the mind that counts but the thought
expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the
expression of love.”
When you are a gift-giver, remember that you are making an
investment into your relationship.

23. How Do I Get Started?
1. Remember that the best gift is the gift of yourself
2. Be creative, give a gift for 12 days
3. Make a gift
4. Keep a gift notebook of the items your spouse has
expressed an interest in

25. So...What Are the Five Love Languages?
Love Language #4
Acts of Service
Reference: John 13:14-15 King James Version (KJV)
14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet.
15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.
“Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of
love...Before marriage, we are carried along by the force of the
in-love obsession. After marriage, we revert to being the people
we were before we ‘fell in love.’”

26. How Can I Serve My Spouse?
1. Think about serving one of your spouse’s loved ones
2. Ask your spouse how you could serve them best
3. Surprise your spouse with a service act
4. Allow your spouse to relax

28. So...What Exactly Are the Five Love Languages?
Love Language #5
Physical Touch
“Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse
are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse”
...to the person whose primary love language is physical
touch, the message will be far louder than the words…in
marriage, the touch of love may take many forms. The body is
meant for touching.” - Eros Love

29. Eros Love - How is it Expressed in Marriage?
1. Kissing
2. Hugging
3. Foreplay
4. Physical Intimacy
5. Standing or sitting near
6. Additional creative touching...

30. FYI - A Little Research
“Do you and your spouse argue more than you kiss? That seems to be the norm
these days. Surveys show that the average married couple kisses four times a day
and disagrees twice that often. And 1-in-5 couples go without kissing for as long
as a week at a time. But the lack of affection can hurt your relationship. In fact,
couples’ therapist Joel Block says it’s easy to strengthen your relationship just by
kissing each other more often. That’s because kissing releases the brain’s
bonding hormones dopamine and oxytocin. And holding a kiss for ten seconds
instantly makes you feel more connected as a couple. And the benefits don’t end
there. Kissing also lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which means
locking lips with your sweetie helps both of you relax. And less tension means
fewer disagreements.” Retrieved from: Tesh.com

31. Remember 1 Corinthians 13? The Excellence of Love
4 Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or
envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. 5 It is not rude; it is not self-
seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into
account a wrong endured. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when
right and truth prevail]. 7 Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all
things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during
difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].
8 Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. Amplified Bible

32. 1 Corinthians 13 in the Message Bible
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

33. 1 Corinthians 13 in the Message Bible
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

34. Discovering Your Primary Love Language

35. Your Turn!
Let’s take the quiz!
You may take the quiz online at:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/