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Getting Real without
Getting Fired
SAYING THINGS IN A WAY PEOPLE CAN HEAR
Allison Pollard
Agile Coach
“My passion
is helping people
discover their agile
instincts and develop
their coaching
abilities.”
Marcus King
Architect, Technical Coach
“It is truly inspiring
to watch a group
capable individuals
become a coherent
technical team.”
Activity I
• Look around
• Introduce yourself quickly
• State whether or not you trust that person
• Laugh awkwardly
Activity I Review
•Was anyone universally trusted or not trusted?
•How did you reach conclusions about others?
•How did this impact your ability to be trusted?
•Why do you think you are or are not being
trusted?
•How did you try to communicate trust?
Putting a Box Around Trust
“TRUST IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF HUMAN MOTIVATION. IT BRINGS
OUT THE VERY BEST IN PEOPLE.”
– STEPHEN R. COVEY
What is Trust?
Low Trust Experiences
“TRUST IS LIKE OXYGEN, YOU DON’T REALLY
THINK ABOUT BREATHING, BUT ONCE YOU
DON’T HAVE IT, YOU NOTICE IMMEDIATELY.”
– STEPHEN R. COVEY
Perceptions Reinforce Behavior
SHE DOES
unchecked bad behaviors
I SEE
unchecked bad behaviors
I DO
unchecked bad behaviors
SHE SEES
unchecked bad behaviors
Direct Communication Is Key
“THE SINGLE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN COMMUNICATION IS THE
ILLUSION THAT IT HAS TAKEN PLACE.” – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
Rebuilding Trust
Radical Candor
RUINOUS
EMPATHY
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY
RADICAL
CANDOR
OBNOXIOUS
AGGRESSION
CARE PERSONALLY
CHALLENGE
DIRECTLY
Activity II
• Form small groups of 4 – 5
• 1 – 2 Observer
• 1 Giver
• 1 – 2 Receiver
• Giver and Receiver(s) role play uncomfortable situations
• Observer(s) provide feedback
Situation I
• Chicken
TEAM(S) DEATH MARCH TOWARDS A 6 MONTH DEADLINE THAT
EVERYONE KNOWS WILL BE MISSED IS FINALLY BUBBLED UP TO AN
EXECUTIVE LEADER THE WEEK BEFORE THE DEADLINE
TWIST: LEADER IS NOT HAPPY AND RIGHTFULLY WANTS TO KNOW WHY IT IS BEING
BUBBLED UP AT THE LAST MINUTE
RUINOUS
EMPATHY
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY
RADICAL
CANDOR
OBNOXIOUS
AGGRESSION
CARE PERSONALLY
CHALLENGE
DIRECTLY
Situation II
• The Cake is a Lie
LEADERSHIP LETS GO A TEAM LEADER TO IMPROVE TEAM DYNAMICS
AND MUST TELL THE TEAM AS PROJECT DEADLINE LOOMS.
TWIST: A TEAM MEMBER GETS UPSET ABOUT THE LEAD BEING LET GO
RUINOUS
EMPATHY
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY
RADICAL
CANDOR
OBNOXIOUS
AGGRESSION
CARE PERSONALLY
CHALLENGE
DIRECTLY
Situation III
• Trolls
INTERRUPTING A HEATED DEBATE BETWEEN TEAM MEMBERS TO TRY
TO TURN THE HEAT DOWN BEFORE IT GETS OUT OF HAND
TWIST: THE TEAM MEMBERS BEGIN TO TURN ON YOU AS YOU TRY TO RATCHET
DOWN THE ARGUMENT
RUINOUS
EMPATHY
MANIPULATIVE
INSINCERITY
RADICAL
CANDOR
OBNOXIOUS
AGGRESSION
CARE PERSONALLY
CHALLENGE
DIRECTLY
Conclusion
SHE DOES
Respectful challenge
I SEE
Caring personally
I DO
Respectful challenge
SHE SEES
Caring personally
START THIS
CYCLE

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Getting real without getting fired

  • 1. Getting Real without Getting Fired SAYING THINGS IN A WAY PEOPLE CAN HEAR
  • 2. Allison Pollard Agile Coach “My passion is helping people discover their agile instincts and develop their coaching abilities.”
  • 3. Marcus King Architect, Technical Coach “It is truly inspiring to watch a group capable individuals become a coherent technical team.”
  • 4. Activity I • Look around • Introduce yourself quickly • State whether or not you trust that person • Laugh awkwardly
  • 5. Activity I Review •Was anyone universally trusted or not trusted? •How did you reach conclusions about others? •How did this impact your ability to be trusted? •Why do you think you are or are not being trusted? •How did you try to communicate trust?
  • 6. Putting a Box Around Trust “TRUST IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF HUMAN MOTIVATION. IT BRINGS OUT THE VERY BEST IN PEOPLE.” – STEPHEN R. COVEY
  • 8. Low Trust Experiences “TRUST IS LIKE OXYGEN, YOU DON’T REALLY THINK ABOUT BREATHING, BUT ONCE YOU DON’T HAVE IT, YOU NOTICE IMMEDIATELY.” – STEPHEN R. COVEY
  • 9. Perceptions Reinforce Behavior SHE DOES unchecked bad behaviors I SEE unchecked bad behaviors I DO unchecked bad behaviors SHE SEES unchecked bad behaviors
  • 10. Direct Communication Is Key “THE SINGLE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN COMMUNICATION IS THE ILLUSION THAT IT HAS TAKEN PLACE.” – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
  • 13. Activity II • Form small groups of 4 – 5 • 1 – 2 Observer • 1 Giver • 1 – 2 Receiver • Giver and Receiver(s) role play uncomfortable situations • Observer(s) provide feedback
  • 14. Situation I • Chicken TEAM(S) DEATH MARCH TOWARDS A 6 MONTH DEADLINE THAT EVERYONE KNOWS WILL BE MISSED IS FINALLY BUBBLED UP TO AN EXECUTIVE LEADER THE WEEK BEFORE THE DEADLINE TWIST: LEADER IS NOT HAPPY AND RIGHTFULLY WANTS TO KNOW WHY IT IS BEING BUBBLED UP AT THE LAST MINUTE RUINOUS EMPATHY MANIPULATIVE INSINCERITY RADICAL CANDOR OBNOXIOUS AGGRESSION CARE PERSONALLY CHALLENGE DIRECTLY
  • 15. Situation II • The Cake is a Lie LEADERSHIP LETS GO A TEAM LEADER TO IMPROVE TEAM DYNAMICS AND MUST TELL THE TEAM AS PROJECT DEADLINE LOOMS. TWIST: A TEAM MEMBER GETS UPSET ABOUT THE LEAD BEING LET GO RUINOUS EMPATHY MANIPULATIVE INSINCERITY RADICAL CANDOR OBNOXIOUS AGGRESSION CARE PERSONALLY CHALLENGE DIRECTLY
  • 16. Situation III • Trolls INTERRUPTING A HEATED DEBATE BETWEEN TEAM MEMBERS TO TRY TO TURN THE HEAT DOWN BEFORE IT GETS OUT OF HAND TWIST: THE TEAM MEMBERS BEGIN TO TURN ON YOU AS YOU TRY TO RATCHET DOWN THE ARGUMENT RUINOUS EMPATHY MANIPULATIVE INSINCERITY RADICAL CANDOR OBNOXIOUS AGGRESSION CARE PERSONALLY CHALLENGE DIRECTLY
  • 17. Conclusion SHE DOES Respectful challenge I SEE Caring personally I DO Respectful challenge SHE SEES Caring personally START THIS CYCLE

Editor's Notes

  1. 30 seconds
  2. These three messages (I trust you, I don't trust you, or I don't care to say) are the meanings people are getting from our everyday actions in the workplace. What matters more than our words are the actions we take; people are getting those messages we are sending very clearly. Usually it is body language and other non-spoken forms of communication that dictate these kinds of outcomes. We would like to receive participant feedback on what their thoughts are as well.
  3. We will define what we mean when we are talking about trust in a professional setting; it is not about being best friends with our coworkers instead our ability to work together and know we can depend on one another to do what they say. Important to point out too here.. FAITH. A word often associated to religion. E.G.
  4. Stephen Covey quote relate our own experiences with clients that suffer in low trust environments to show how indirect, weak, and/or soft communication skills can be attributed in environments such as these. Allison: Patrick Starfish example of who to let go game Marcus: Patrick Startfish hiring me, then telling CEO a month later, and him NOT KNOWING!!!
  5. Continuing on that theme, we will show how common behavior patterns reinforce bad habits in an ailing organization by walking through the collusion model from the Arbinger Institute (Leadership and Self-Deception, The Anatomy of Peace). Create a animation describing it and speak to it. This model illustrates how our perception of others can lead us to treat them as objects, creating an us vs. them cycle. The key to breaking this cycle is lifting the curtain of blame and opening ourselves to more respectful and creative ways to respond to the issues and conflicts inherent in our relationships.
  6. Continuing on that theme, we will show how common behavior patterns reinforce bad habits in an ailing organization by walking through the collusion model from the Arbinger Institute (Leadership and Self-Deception, The Anatomy of Peace). Create a animation describing it and speak to it. This model illustrates how our perception of others can lead us to treat them as objects, creating an us vs. them cycle. The key to breaking this cycle is lifting the curtain of blame and opening ourselves to more respectful and creative ways to respond to the issues and conflicts inherent in our relationships. HAS ANYONE EXPERIENCED THIS CURRENTLY OR EVER? SHOW OF HANDS? QUICK STORY?
  7. We'll share some of the techniques used and how we coached others to take the same approach safely without fear of reprisal. With that shared understanding of trust and its impact in organizations where it is lacking, we will show through our own experiences how a pattern of direct and open dialogue was able to break the cycles that hindered one of our client's organization. In a leadership meeting with devs, Marcus called out to the room that it felt like there was a low trust environment around the failure to produce a release.
  8. The radical candor model by Kim Scott will be introduced to open up discussion on how to challenge directly while caring personally; the goal of hard conversations is to have a positive, constructive impact on the other person be open to new ideas ourselves. Our intentions often matter more in conversations than the actual words used when it comes to results. Body Language counts!!!! As we challenged our client directly while showing that we still cared, the harmful effects of weak communication began to fade away, silos and walls began to crumble, trust was built, and the organizations began to heal. They became more productive, insightful, and agile. Ask group what each one might look like
  9. (35 minutes) Exampes Example Bad Situation 1: leader having to deliver bad news to their team. Superstar just quit and walked. Example Bad Situation 2: team member having to tell leadership/management that a major deadline will be missed Example Bad Situation 3: Call a peer out publicly for missed commitments The purpose of the activity is to let attendees role play some common uncomfortable situations in the workplace (such as a or a) to gain practice in being more direct without destroying trust. An observer and the partner will provide feedback to the person role playing using the Radical Candor model to help them gain awareness of and reflect upon their body language and tone of voice. We'll also discuss with the crowd any opportunities they saw for improvement in the role play to share with the full group. This will allow them to put into action our talking points from above
  10. Suicide Squad (Direct Report telling leader trust has been eroded b/c of leader) Professional Game of Chicken (team(s) death march towards deadline that will be missed) The Cake is a Lie (Leadership letting go a favorite) Trolls (Joining a Heated Debate Between Team Members)
  11. Suicide Squad (Direct Report telling leader trust has been eroded b/c of leader) Professional Game of Chicken (team(s) death march towards deadline that will be missed) The Cake is a Lie (Leadership letting go a favorite) Trolls (Joining a Heated Debate Between Team Members)
  12. Suicide Squad (Direct Report telling leader trust has been eroded b/c of leader) Professional Game of Chicken (team(s) death march towards deadline that will be missed) The Cake is a Lie (Leadership letting go a favorite) Trolls (Joining a Heated Debate Between Team Members)
  13. Suicide Squad (Direct Report telling leader trust has been eroded b/c of leader) Professional Game of Chicken (team(s) death march towards deadline that will be missed) The Cake is a Lie (Leadership letting go a favorite) Trolls (Joining a Heated Debate Between Team Members)
  14. Use Radical Candor Model to break the cycle of Collusion Model. DO THIS IN PERSON. Not to be tried over email, on chat, or even a skype call if avoidable. Have these in person.
  15. Use Radical Candor Model to break the cycle of Collusion Model.