Games for Learning About Conflict Agile Tour Montreal 2013
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Interactive presentation on games for learning about conflict, presented by Ellen Grove at Agile Tour Montreal 2013 and SDEC 2013
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Games for Learning About Conflict Agile Tour Montreal 2013
- 1. Games for Learning About Conflict Ellen Grove egrove@agilepartnership.com @eegrove
- 2. @eegrove
- 3. Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. Walter Lippman, The Stakes of Democracy 1915 @eegrove
- 4. @eegrove
- 5. @eegrove
- 7. Relationships Furlongs’s Externals/ Moods Circle of Conflict Values Data Structure Interests @eegrove
- 8. @eegrove
- 9. Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes Competing Collaborating Compromising Avoiding Accommodating Cooperativeness Assertiveness @eegrove
- 12. What might you do?: Peacekeeping/ Protection Shuttle diplomacy to de-escalate Accommodate Negotiate Get factual Support and safety Consensus @eegrove Adkins: http://agile.dzone.com/articles/agile-managing-conflict
- 13. "Separate the people from the problem.” "Focus on interests, not positions.” "Invent options for mutual gain.” "Insist on using objective criteria.” "Know your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement)” William Ury, Getting to YES, 1981 @eegrove
- 14. @eegrove
- 15. Everyone is right…but only partially Lyssa Adkins and Michael Spayd @eegrove
- 16. @eegrove
- 17. North-Going Zax Position 1: I MUST HAVE THE LEMON! @eegrove
- 18. South-Going Zax Position 1: I MUST HAVE THE LEMON! @eegrove
- 20. North-Going Zax Position: I MUST HAVE THE LEMON! Interest: I need the rind of the lemon to make pound-cake @eegrove
- 21. South-Going Zax Position: I MUST HAVE THE LEMON! Interest: I need the pulp of the lemon to make lemonade @eegrove
- 22. Discuss • In a conflict situation, how might it help to identify your interests/other parties’ interests before discussion? • How might you help the other party feel comfortable in sharing the interest? @eegrove
- 23. @eegrove
- 24. North-Going Zax Two heads are better than one @eegrove
- 25. South-Going Zax If you want something done right, do it yourself @eegrove
- 26. Recap Perception: What’s your perception of conflict? What kind of conflict are you engaged in? Escalation: What escalates conflict? What is your reaction to conflict? Contagion: How does your behaviour affect other people? Constellation: Who is affected? Who needs to be involved in the solution? Position: How to differentiate between position and interests? Contradiction: How can we appreciate multiple truths and recognize our biases? @eegrove
- 27. Great relationships rely on passionate disagreement Patrick Lencioni @eegrove
- 28. Resources PUBLICATIONS • Furlong (2005) The Conflict Resolution Handbook • Thomas & Kilmann Conflict Modes: http://www.kilmanndiagnostics.com/overview-thomas-kilmann-conflict-mode-instrument- tki • Adkins, Navigating the 5 Levels of Conflict the Agile Way: http://agile.dzone.com/articles/agile-managing-conflict • Fisher and Ury (1981),Getting to YES GAMES • Perception (What Color is Conflict?): http://www.teachervision.fen.com/classroom-management/activity/2922.html • Escalation (Role Plays): http://esrnational.org/resources/lessons-from-connected-and-respected/ • Contagion (Social Virus): http://www.thiagi.com/pfp/IE4H/august2011.html#Jolt • Constellation (Problem Constellation):http://agilemeditation.wordpress.com/2013/09/12/problem-constellation/ • Position (I MUST have the lemon!): http://learningstore.uwex.edu/Assets/pdfs/B3870-09.PDF • Contradiction (Au contraire): http://www.thiagi.com/pfp/IE4H/february2013.html#Jolt PHOTO CREDITS • http://www.flickr.com/photos/jsjgeology/8512500151 • http://www.flickr.com/photos/afireinwinter/9304601336 • http://www.flickr.com/photos/johnson7/1460568819 • http://www.flickr.com/photos/jkadlec/8650818989 • http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/da/Rolling-thunder-cloud.jpg • http://www.flickr.com/photos/niaid/8411599236 • http://www.flickr.com/photos/kenlund • http://www.flickr.com/photos/45802332@N • http://www.flickr.com/photos/djlicious/2191502470 egrove@agilepartnership.com masteringtheobvious.wordpress.com
Editor's Notes
- Introduction The Zax by Dr. Seuss, from The Sneetches and Other Stories One day, making tracks In the prairie of Prax, Came a North-Going Zax And a South-Going Zax. And it happened that both of them came to a place Where they bumped. There they stood. Foot to foot. Face to face. “Look here, now!” the North-Going Zax said, “I say! You are blocking my path. You are right in my way. I’m a North-Going Zax and I always go north. Get out of my way, now, and let me go forth!” “Who’s in whose way?” snapped the South-Going Zax. “I always go south, making south-going tracks. So you’re in MY way! And I ask you to move And let me go south in my south-going groove.” Then the North-Going Zax puffed his chest up with pride. “I never,” he said, “take a step to one side. And I’ll prove to you that I won’t change my ways If I have to keep standing here fifty-nine days!” “And I’ll prove to YOU,” yelled the South-Going Zax, “That I can stand here in the prairie of Prax For fifty-nine years! For I live by a rule That I learned as a boy back in South-Going School. Never budge! That’s my rule. Never budge in the least! Not an inch to the west! Not an inch to the east! I’ll stay here, not budging! I can and I will If it makes you and me and the whole world stand still!” Well… Of course the world didn’t stand still. The world grew. In a couple of years, the new highway came through And they built it right over those two stubborn Zax And left them there, standing un-budged in their tracks. What is conflict? Is it good or bad? What about it could be good or bad? What are the effects?
- Conflict is inevitable. And essential to creating a state of productive disequilibrium. (we want disequilibrium – a living system that is in a state of equilibrium is DEAD If we want change, we must have some tension to resolve. “Productive disequilibrium” : http://www.amazon.com/Practice-Adaptive-Leadership-Changing-Organization/dp/1422105768
- Activity: Rock Paper Scissors competition
- Activity: What colour is conflict? (10 min) Hand out envelopes of colour swatches Each person selects one (60 sec) Each person explains how this colour represents conflict to them. What are the negative attributes? What are the positive attributes? Debrief: Different perspectives? Different reactions/orientations?
- Navigating conflict: Strengthens relationships and builds confidence Encourages open communication and cooperation Resolves disagreements quickly and increases productivity Deals with real issues and seeks win-win outcomes Calms and focuses team towards results Letting conflict founder:: Damages relationships Defensiveness and hidden agendas Wastes time, money, energy Blamestorming Creates hard feelings Frustrating, stressful, hostile, chaotic
- Furlong’s Circle of Conflict : The main premise of this model is that conflict can be more easily resolved if discussions are focused on drivers in the bottom half of the circle (data, interests, and structure). You can contain the top, but influence the bottom. According to Furlong, concentrating on these drivers—things over which parties have some control—offers a more direct path toward managing the dispute. Differing values and goals – needs of a security department or ISO compliance vs. product development Relationships – stereotypes, poor communication – “testers are wanna-be developers’\” Externals/moods – environmental or personal issues - factors unrelated to the dispute “bad hair days” Data – too little or too much info, miscommunication – assumptions are the mother of all screwups Interests – differing wants, needs, fears, concerns - Structure – limitations on resources, authority – Furlong contends that when conflicting parties allow their discussion to stray into drivers in the top half of the circle (values, relationships, and externals/moods), conflict will likely escalate. Because these drivers represent areas that are not generally within a party’s control, it is best to avoid them. Changing another’s perceptions of perceived past wrongs or dealing with external issues would make any disagreement worsen. Conversely, individuals in conflict can work together to change data problems, allay another’s fears, and overcome geographical constraints. These drivers are in the bottom portion of the circle of conflict, where, according to Furlong, most of the real resolution work should focus.
- What does conflict feel like? Role Plays: http://esrnational.org/resources/lessons-from-connected-and-respected/ Role-playing: What escalates conflict? What deescalates conflict? Lights/Camera/Action! Scenario 1) Employee wants to take some vacation time. Manager is concerned about meeting an important upcoming deadline (and the project is behind) 2) One team member wants to work on some code on their own in order to move quickly. One team member wants to pair in order to learn about that area of the code because she knows that she’ll be responsible for maintenance and extending the functionality in a subsequent release. 3) You’re a new PM who wants the most senior developer on the team to assign tasks to other developers and report daily on status. The senior developer wants to to take a more self-organizing approach.. Cut! Stand back to back Debrief: 1) What kind of conflict was this based on Furlong’s model? (Value, Relationship, External, Structure, Interest, Data) What happened to escalate the conflict? Intonation, body language, what was said? Or What kept things from escalating? What did you or your partner say to keep things from escalating? What escalators are tied to culture? To personality? To external circumstances? Thank your partner!
- From http://www.kilmanndiagnostics.com/overview-thomas-kilmann-conflict-mode-instrument-tki These two basic dimensions of behavior define five different modes for responding to conflict situations: Competing is assertive and uncooperative—an individual pursues his own concerns at the other person's expense. This is a power-oriented mode in which you use whatever power seems appropriate to win your own position—your ability to argue, your rank, or economic sanctions. Competing means "standing up for your rights," defending a position which you believe is correct, or simply trying to win. Accommodating is unassertive and cooperative—the complete opposite of competing. When accommodating, the individual neglects his own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the other person; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode. Accommodating might take the form of selfless generosity or charity, obeying another person's order when you would prefer not to, or yielding to another's point of view. Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative—the person neither pursues his own concerns nor those of the other individual. Thus he does not deal with the conflict. Avoiding might take the form of diplomatically sidestepping an issue, postponing an issue until a better time, or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation. Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative—the complete opposite of avoiding. Collaborating involves an attempt to work with others to find some solution that fully satisfies their concerns. It means digging into an issue to pinpoint the underlying needs and wants of the two individuals. Collaborating between two persons might take the form of exploring a disagreement to learn from each other's insights or trying to find a creative solution to an interpersonal problem. Compromising is moderate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The objective is to find some expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties. It falls intermediate between competing and accommodating. Compromising gives up more than competing but less than accommodating. Likewise, it addresses an issue more directly than avoiding, but does not explore it in as much depth as collaborating. In some situations, compromising might mean splitting the difference between the two positions, exchanging concessions, or seeking a quick middle-ground solution. Each of us is capable of using all five conflict-handling modes. None of us can be characterized as having a single style of dealing with conflict. But certain people use some modes better than others and, therefore, tend to rely on those modes more heavily than others—whether because of temperament or practice.
- Emotional Contagion: http://www.thiagi.com/pfp/IE4H/august2011.html#Jolt Set up the first scenario. Ask the participants to stand up and close their eyes while you give the following instructions (in your own words): You are all gathered here for an employee social in your organization. In a moment, I will tap one of you on the shoulder. If you are the chosen one, you become the Negative Infector General. Your task is to make eye contact with three other people, one at a time, and infect them with a negative expression. You can choose any negative expression. You can frown, glare, grimace, pout, sulk, glower, or show some other negative expression that is unique to you. The rest of you, your job is to mill around the room. If someone makes eye contact with you and infects you with a negative expression, then you have to infect three others. Once infected, you should maintain the expression. Start the first round. While the participants still have their eyes closed, tap one of them on the shoulder to identify the Negative Infector General. Move away from this person and ask all the participants to open their eyes and begin milling around the room. Stop the activity. After a minute, or when a majority of the participants have been infected with negative expressions, call time. Identify the Negative Infector General. At the count of three, ask all the participants to point to the participant they think was the Negative Infector General, the initial person chosen to infect the group with negativity. Count “One, two, three.” Confirm (or identify) the correct person. Set up the second scenario. Ask the participants to close their eyes again while you give them the following instructions (in your own words): Let's continue with the same team at the same event as before. In a moment, one of you will be tapped on the shoulder to become the Positive Infector General. If you are the chosen one, your task is to make independent eye contact with three other people in the room and infect them with a positive expression. This may be a smile, a wink, or a positive expression unique to you. The rest of you, your job is to mill around the room. If someone makes eye contact with you and infects you with a positive expression, then your job is to infect three others. Once infected, you should maintain the positive expression. Start the second round. While the participants still have their eyes closed, pause for a moment, but do not tap anyone's shoulder. The participants will assume you have identified someone to be the Positive Infector General. Move to the front of the room and ask the participants all to open their eyes and begin milling around the room as before. Stop the activity. After a minute, or when a majority of the participants have been infected with positivity, call time. Identify the Positive Infector General. As before, ask all the participants to point to the person they think was the Positive Infector General, the initial person chosen to infect the group with positivity. Ask the person to identify himself or herself. Pause while the group waits in suspense. After a few moments, reveal that no one was chosen to be the Positive Infector General. Debriefing Point out that emotions can be transmitted very rapidly and often without either person realizing it. Explain that the group became happy because it expected to be happy. Ask and discuss the following types of questions: Why do you think that you became infected with positivity without the need for a Positive Infector General? What if we infected one person as a Negative Infector General and another as a Positive Infector General. Which emotion do you think would spread faster? What can we do to set up the expectation that our teams will be happy, cooperative, productive, and positive? What are we doing now that may be infecting our work with negativity? How can prevent this from happening? How does this activity relate to conflict resolution? Learning Points Emotions are easily passed from person to person, without either party realizing what is happening. We have a choice to have a positive or negative outlook on everything we do, and that choice will affect others.
- Levels of conflict (from Speed Leas) Useful framework for assessing the severity of a conflict so that you can determine an appropriate intervention
- From Lyssa Adkins – Agile coaches responses to conflict on the team
- Describe Attach the problem not the person Listen Treat others respectfully Take responsibility http://www.hungrytoolkit.com/speed-plus-depth-action-inquiry-leadership-that-transforms/ Frame. What is the purpose? What’s the dilemma we share? What’s your perspective, plus your assumptions about others’? Advocate. What’s your general feeling, perception, or strategy for action? Illustrate. What’s a more detailed picture that will orient others and help them see what you’re thinking about? Inquire. What will invite shared understanding and coordinated action?
- Dig into the problem, using Problem Constellation (from Caroline Sauve, who adapted this from Lyssa Adkins) Why would you play this game? To get everyone involved in the conversation rather than having one or two people dominate the conversation. Scenario: The team is quite new to Agile. In the last two sprints, the team has not been able to complete all the stories because testing isn’t getting completed in time. Stories are frequently not available for testing until just before the end of the sprint. Some of the team has loudly expressed the opinion that Agile doesn’t seem to be working Facilitator stands at one end of the room. Line up the team at the other end of the room facing the facilitator. Facilitator will make statements one at a time and, for each statement, participants must take a step forward if they agree with the statement. If they cannot agree with a statement, they should not step forward. If at any point a participant cannot agree, he must stay put for the remainder of the activity (even if he agrees with subsequent statements). During this exercise, no one should speak but the facilitator. The intention is to stop group discussion and take a moment for everyone to reconcile and become aware of his own state of mind on the problem. The facilitator then makes sure that everyone is clear on the instructions before starting with the first statement for consideration. Here sample statements (order is important)… 1. I know that not being able to get work done in the sprint is a problem. 2. I believe there is value in solving this problem. 3. I believe that our stories being to big to fit in the sprint is the root cause of the problem. 4. I believe that putting more effort into splitting stories is the most effective solution for this problem. At this point, it’s a good idea for everyone to take note where they are and where the rest of team is positioned. The participants closest to the facilitator are those who are in agreement with the potential solution to the problem. Those furthest away from the facilitator are the people who need to speak. Then the facilitator walks to the back of the room and begins reading the statements again, only this time, the team will hear from the people furthest away from the perceived solution. I have found this activity to be very effective at surfacing assumptions and validating our understanding of a problem as a team. It has “quieted” the “solution influencers” for a moment and allowed relevant information to come forward. It has also “quieted” unqualified participants in the discussion… that is to say, if someone cannot attest to “knowing that there is a problem”, then their role might be to support, observe and understand rather than “drive or influence a solution”. Bringing this awareness is something that the facilitator can help to do.
- Distribute proverb cards – ask to read silently Give each person 2 min to think about how this contains an obvious piece of truth. Read 1: ask participants to give examples/explanations about how this is true? Read the other: repeat Debrief: How can both be true yet contradict each other? Hindsight bias - once we accept a principle we often feel we knew it all along, easy to come up with supporting evidence Situation validity – how does context and validity affect ‘truth’
- Position vs. Interests: I must have the lemon! http://learningstore.uwex.edu/Assets/pdfs/B3870-09.PDF In pairs Round 1: each player receives the instruction “I must have the lemon” Negotiate based on the information you have on the cards What deals were made? What was your position? This is a simplified, but typical, example of conflict – we argue positions. Round 2: one player receives a card with Position: I must have the lemon! Interest: I need the pulp to make lemonade! Position: I must have the lemon! Interest: I need the rind to make a lemon cake! Did any pair disclose their interests up front? If not, how did you eventually get there? What made you feel you could share your interests? In a conflict situation, how might it help to identify your interests/other parties’ interests before discussion? How might you help the other party feel comfortable in sharing the interest? Moving from guarded position to sharing interests can lead to a higher quality resolution and less stress along the way. How might relationship affect the negotiation? How can you improve a relationship with an adversary in conflict?
- Position vs. Interests: I must have the lemon! http://learningstore.uwex.edu/Assets/pdfs/B3870-09.PDF In pairs Round 1: each player receives the instruction “I must have the lemon” Negotiate based on the information you have on the cards What deals were made? What was your position? This is a simplified, but typical, example of conflict – we argue positions. Round 2: one player receives a card with Position: I must have the lemon! Interest: I need the pulp to make lemonade! Position: I must have the lemon! Interest: I need the rind to make a lemon cake! Did any pair disclose their interests up front? If not, how did you eventually get there? What made you feel you could share your interests? In a conflict situation, how might it help to identify your interests/other parties’ interests before discussion? How might you help the other party feel comfortable in sharing the interest? Moving from guarded position to sharing interests can lead to a higher quality resolution and less stress along the way. How might relationship affect the negotiation? How can you improve a relationship with an adversary in conflict?
- Distribute proverb cards – ask to read silently Give each person 2 min to think about how this contains an obvious piece of truth. Read 1: ask participants to give examples/explanations about how this is true? Read the other: repeat Debrief: How can both be true yet contradict each other? Hindsight bias - once we accept a principle we often feel we knew it all along, easy to come up with supporting evidence Hindsight bias, also known as the knew-it-all-along effect or creeping determinism, is the inclination to see events that have already occurred as being more predictable than they were before they took place Situation validity – how does context and validity affect ‘truth’? How might you bring data to the discussion? WTF story! 1 Actions speak louder than words. 1 The pen is mightier than the sword. 2 Knowledge is power 2 Ignorance is bliss. 3 Look before you leap. 3 He who hesitates is lost. 4 A silent man is a wise one 4 A man without words is a man without thoughts. 5 Clothes make the man. 5 Don't judge a book by its cover. 6 Nothing ventured, nothing gained 6 Better safe than sorry. 7 Money talks 7 Talk is cheap. 8 Haste makes waste 8 He who hesitates is lost 9 Practice makes perfect 9 All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy 10 The only thing constant is change 10 The more things change, the more they stay the same. 11 Two heads are better than one. 11 If you want something done right, do it yourself. 12 Many hands make light work. 12 Too many cooks spoil the broth. 13 Great minds think alike. 13 Fools seldom differ. 14 Birds of a feather flock together. 14 Opposites attract. 15 The bigger, the better. 15 The best things come in small packages. 16 What will be, will be. 16 Life is what you make it.] 17 Absence makes the heart grow fonder. 17 Out of sight, out of mind. 18 Cross your bridges when you come to them. 18 Forewarned is forearmed. 19 What's good for the goose is good for the gander. 19 One man's meat is another man's poison. 20 With age comes wisdom 20 Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings. 21 The more the merrier 21 Two’s company, three’s a crowd 22 The bigger the better 22 The best things come in small packages 23 The road to hell is paved with good intentions 23 One good deed deserves another 24 The best things in life are free 24 There’s no such thing as a free lunch 25 A closed mouth catches no flies 25 You catch more flies with honey than vinegar 26 You’re never too old to learn 26 You can’t teach an old dog new tricks 27 Silence is golden 27 The squeaky wheel gets the grease 28 Good things come to those who wait 28 Time and tide wait for no one 29 Slow and steady wins the race 29 Time waits for no one 30 Great starts make great finishes 30 It ain’t over ‘til it’s over