1. Crucial conversations are important discussions in agile teams where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong. 2. These conversations are opportunities for continuous improvement if handled well but can damage relationships and decision making if handled poorly. 3. The document provides tools for having crucial conversations productively, including focusing on listening to understand different perspectives, giving time for reflection, and stating facts tentatively to have a respectful dialogue.

1. Crucial Conversations
in agile teams
How making it safe to talk about almost
anything unlocks continuous improvement
Chris Smith
@cj_smithy

2. Crucial Conversations
Tools for talking when
stakes are high
Patternson, Grenny, McMillian,
Switzler

3. A Crucial Conversation is
A discussion between two or more people where:
1. stakes are high,
2. opinions vary, and
3. emotions run strong

5. Crucial
Conversations
in teams

6. When do crucial conversations happen at
work?
1. stakes are high,
2. opinions vary, and
3. emotions run strong

9. The fog of remote communication

10. Crucial
Conversations
are sliding
doors moments

11. What are our choices for handling crucial
conversations?
• Avoid them
• Face them and handle them poorly
• Face them and handle them well

12. What’s the impact
of handling these
conversations
poorly in teams?

13. What’s the impact
when we handle
these well in
teams?

14. We create a pool of shared meaning
We get all the relevant
information out into the open,
make better decisions
and improve relationships

15. agile teams make decisions and improve
based on the latest information

16. Retrospectives create a pool of shared meaning

17. Retrospectives create a pool of shared meaning

18. High performing teams are built on Trust and
Healthy Conflict

19. “A climate for
learning is
predictive of
performance
gains”
Generative cultures win!

20. TL:DR; Crucial conversations are really important

21. Why do we avoid crucial
conversations or handle
them poorly?

23. What’s happening when we avoid conversations
or handle them poorly?
• We react physically because biology
• When safety is threatened, we move
to silence or violence
• We act in self-defeating ways

24. Why?!?!

25. The Chimp Model: Our three separate brains
From “The Chimp Paradox” by Prof Steve Peters www.chimpmanagement.com

27. “Parked on a Highway…” by Michael, https://www.flickr.com/photos/msvg/ (CC BY 2.0)

28. The Chimp
• An emotional thinking machine
• Everyone has an inner chimp that thinks
independently and can hijack you
• Its aim is survival, so it is vigilant and
paranoid
• Features include the Fight/Flight/Freeze
response
• It is not good or bad, it is just a Chimp

29. The Human (You)
• A rational thinking machine
• Interprets information by searching for facts
and establishing truth
• Aims vary, but wants to live in peace and
harmony
• Features can include honesty, compassion,
self-control
• At work, we really want the human in charge

30. We want to manage the Chimp
and give control to the Human

31. We’re aiming to work in the space between
an action and your reaction
“Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Victor Frankl

32. Five things to do when
conversations turn crucial

34. #1. Focus on yourself
The only person you can
directly control is yourself

35. #2. Give yourself time to think
Six seconds
might be enough
or you may need
to step away
from the situation

36. #3. Don’t make fool’s choices
Fool’s Choice:
• Choosing between honesty and keeping a friend.
Instead, Ask Yourself:
• How can I be 100% honest and 100% respectful?
For example:
• How can I have a candid conversation with my team mate
about their delayed work and avoid creating bad feelings?

37. #4. Separate facts from stories
See & Hear
Tell a
story
Feel Act

39. Challenge your story
Ask yourself, why
might a reasonable,
rational, decent person
do that?

40. #5. Work out what you really want
Focus on what you really want
• For you
• For them
• For the team (or the relationship)
Then ask yourself, how would I act if I really
wanted those things?

42. How to have a
crucial conversation

43. Step forward and get into a dialogue

44. 5 things to do when stepping forward
1. Focus on yourself
2. Give yourself some time to think
3. Don’t make fool’s choices
4. Separate facts from stories
5. Work out what you really want

46. STATE your Path
Share your facts – “I noticed that…”
Tell your story – “It seems to me…”
Ask for others’ paths – “How do you see it?”
Talk tentatively – Avoid absolutes, stories != facts
Encourage testing – Make it safe to share paths
HOWWHAT

47. Talk Tentatively: Choose your words carefully
• Own your story, but reflect that you could be wrong
• Avoid absolutes to show that you are open to other
views:
• Rather than “The fact is…” use “In my opinion…”
• Rather than “It’s clear to me…” use “I’m beginning to wonder if…”
• Rather than “You should have…” use “You could have…”

48. Other talking tools are also available

49. Care personally and
challenge directly

50. Active Listening
AMPP:
• Ask – “Is this what you meant?”
• Mirror – “You say you’re okay, but you seem upset”
• Paraphrase – “Let’s see if I’ve got this right”
• Prime – “Can you summarize what you meant?”

51. Crucial Conversations
in agile teams

52. TL:DR; Crucial conversations are really important

53. Crucial
Conversations
are sliding
doors moments

54. agile teams make decisions and improve
based on the latest information

55. Why we handle crucial conversations the way
we do

56. We’re aiming to work in the space between
an action and your reaction
“Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Victor Frankl

57. 5 things to do when conversations turn crucial
1. Focus on yourself
2. Give yourself some time to think
3. Don’t make fool’s choices
4. Separate facts from stories
5. Work out what you really want

58. How to have a crucial conversation
• Step forward and get into dialogue
• STATE your Path
• Share your facts – “I noticed that…”
• Tell your story – “It seems to me…”
• Ask for others’ paths – “How do you see it?”
• Talk tentatively – Avoid absolutes, stories != facts
• Encourage testing – Make it safe to share path
• Other tools are available, like Radical Candor

62. Step forward and get into a dialogue

63. Further reading

64. More references
Further reading

65. Thanks!
Chris Smith
@cj_smithy
chris.smith@red-gate.com