While Othello bids a mental farewell, he acknowledges withdrawing physically and spiritually as well. He cites the sounds of battle that once stirred his spirit as now being useless to him. Othello offers a vivid description of the "pride, pomp, and circumstance" of war to show what he is giving up and why it deserves attention, but says his mind is so overwhelmed by his belief in Desdemona's betrayal that he could no longer feel exhilaration. His soul now rejects the stimulation that once drove him to lead men in war, banishing this singular motivation.

1. Your body paragraphs should be organized. They
should not be:
- Overwhelmed with information
- A summary of one text
- A bunch of ideas that are incoherent.
Body Paragraphs

2. Body Paragraphs should have:

3. Body Paragraphs
• Body Paragraphs must have a structure.
– They must begin with a claim, then be followed by
evidence and analysis.
– Paragraphs should be unified, coherent, and individual
arguments that work as a part of the whole paper.
– Paragraphs should not merely be summaries, but
arguments.
– Introductory claim should be argumentative,
exploratory, and focused. Not explanatory.
– Claims should reveal the logic and order of the
paragraph.

4. Introduction / Claim
• The first sentence of your paragraph should be
a claim.
• Claims should be exploratory not explanatory.
• Claims kick-start the paragraph.
• Your introductory claims should not be a
quote.
• Your introductory claim is an argument. It is
not merely a statement.

5. Introduction/Claim
• Claims should be argumentative
– Weak claim: “Frankenstein is about power.” (Does not explore, just
states something)
– Weak claim: “In Chapter IV, Victor Frankenstein creates a monster. “
(This is just summary)
– Weak claim: In Elegy 16, John Donne writes,” By all desires which
thereof did ensue, By our long starving hopes, by that remorse.” (This
should follow an introduction sentence, and should be the beginning
of a paragraph. Don’t begin with a quote.)
– Better claim: When Victor creates a monster, Shelley shows the way
that his desire for creation does not fit with the wonderful image in his
mind, as he creates something truly horrible.
– This claim works because it kick-starts a paragraph – you have set up your terms that you
are going to be exploring (desire / wonderful image / horrible), and you can use
evidence from the text to back these up, then you can analyze this to show the
complexity of what Shelley is up to.

6. Bad Claim to a good claim
• William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 138 is a poem that
describes the love found within a couple’s
relationship.
– Too broad; it explains, it doesn’t explore.
• In Sonnet 138, William Shakespeare describes the
way relationships have to be unconventional in
order to work.
– Now it’s an argument, a specific reading, and will say
something about both WHAT Shakespeare does and
HOW he does it.

7. • The speaker then compares the woman’s
“dun” breasts to the whiteness of snow.
– Too broad. It just explains.
• When the speaker compares his lovers “dun”
breasts to the whiteness of snow, he shows
the way his vision of the lover is unaffected by
the way she actually looks. He moves on to
show how content he is even with her obvious
flaws.
Bad Claim to a good claim

8. Good Claims
• The creature has a hard time identifying himself from
other humans because he was created by a human, so
he strives to be one
• Stoker knew that women have a “Lucy” side to them,
and he believed this unseen, powerful side was not
acceptable to men
• Beowulf depicts Grendel as an outsider whose
monstrous qualities and behaviors are intrinsically part
of his nature
• Judith then makes the femininity she expresses a
weapon, and by playing the victim and seductress she
can gain power over Holofernes.

9. Evidence
• Use concrete, vivid, and specific evidence to
illustrate and develop your claim.
• Use quotes and examples. Paraphrase when
necessary. If you quote, make sure you explain
the significance of the quote.
• Do not OVERQUOTE. If a quote is there, it needs
to be there for a reason.
• It’s important that you give specific examples that
build on your claim. Use the language to make
your case.

10. The speaker then compares the woman’s “dun” breasts to the
whiteness of snow (3). Dun is a grayish-brown color. Whiteness is
often attributed to purity. Grayish-brown might be metaphorical in
that she is already “spoiled,” meaning she is not sexually pure, and
that makes her unattractive, sexually, or otherwise. This line may
also have to do with her social status, which can have an impact on
one’s attractiveness. Whiteness, or paleness in women meant that
they had high social standing. Since they did not work for a living,
they would not get much sun. Since the speaker’s woman is
brownish-grey, it could mean that she is of the working class. She
has a tan because she’s been working in the sun. The fact that the
speaker uses her breasts in his comparison when he could have
used another body part means that this specific line has a sexual
connotation.

11. This one needs work
The opening sentence just restates a
sentence from the text.
What follows up does not go any deeper
into the colors and why they might
be used – while “purity” might be a
good way of thinking about
whiteness, it stops there
What follows are speculations not based
on the text. There are no more
quotes in this paragraph, or
comparisons that might elaborate on
why the choice of “dun” and “snow”
were appropriate”
The last sentence is not much of an
analysis
• The speaker then compares the woman’s
“dun” breasts to the whiteness of snow (3).
Dun is a grayish-brown color. Whiteness is
often attributed to purity. Grayish-brown
might be metaphorical in that she is
already “spoiled,” meaning she is not
sexually pure, and that makes her
unattractive, sexually, or otherwise. This
line may also have to do with her social
status, which can have an impact on one’s
attractiveness. Whiteness, or paleness in
women meant that they had high social
standing. Since they did not work for a
living, they would not get much sun. Since
the speaker’s woman is brownish-grey, it
could mean that she is of the working
class. She has a tan because she’s been
working in the sun. The fact that the
speaker uses her breasts in his comparison
when he could have used another body
part means that this specific line has a
sexual connotation.

12. • While new, electronic media offer the reader advantages such as accessibility and diversity,
they should be considered a reading supplement to old print media rather than a
replacement. As Rushkoff says in his article, “A new medium only replaces an old one if it
does everything better.” He also explains one aspect of physical books that electronic media
cannot replace when he says, “Books offer a different experience than digital media…A book
has totemic value. Like a photograph or a piece of jewelry, the impression of ink on paper
creates a physical connection with its author.” Reading requires one to actively participate, as
the book will not move forward on its own, while electronic media often offers the opposite
of this. As the NEA asserts, “By contrast, most electronic media such as television, recordings,
and radio make fewer demands on their audiences, and indeed often require no more than
passive participation.” It is entirely possible to watch a film passively and form no opinion or
analysis of its content. However, reading a book causes one to slowly absorb the material
and, at least on a subconscious level, think about the subject matter at hand. Reading a book
will usually create an enveloping and thought-stimulating experience, while electronic media
can easily lull one into becoming a passive participant.

13. This one is better
• While new, electronic media offer the reader advantages
such as accessibility and diversity, they should be
considered a reading supplement to old print media
rather than a replacement. As Rushkoff says in his
article, “A new medium only replaces an old one if it
does everything better.” He also explains one aspect of
physical books that electronic media cannot replace
when he says, “Books offer a different experience than
digital media…A book has totemic value. Like a
photograph or a piece of jewelry, the impression of ink
on paper creates a physical connection with its author.”
Reading requires one to actively participate, as the book
will not move forward on its own, while electronic
media often offers the opposite of this. As the NEA
asserts, “By contrast, most electronic media such as
television, recordings, and radio make fewer demands
on their audiences, and indeed often require no more
than passive participation.” It is entirely possible to
watch a film passively and form no opinion or analysis of
its content. However, reading a book causes one to
slowly absorb the material and, at least on a
subconscious level, think about the subject matter at
hand. Reading a book will usually create an enveloping
and thought-stimulating experience, while electronic
media can easily lull one into becoming a passive
participant.
The opening claim is an argument that can the
entire paragraph can fulfill
The Rushkoff quote is effective, persuasive
language.
Additional quote adds to the significance and
builds on the claim. However, this long
quote could you use some more analysis,
or be shortened. Too many terms go
unexplained.
The NEA quote could probably be paraphrased
– it’s too lengthy. The only key terms here
is “passive participation.”
The analysis is strong, because it builds on the
significance of the claim and the quotes
used.

14. As Othello continues in this vein of parting, he makes a departure from his mental
leave-taking to a more physical and spiritual withdrawal. Acknowledging "the
neighing steed and the shrill trump, The spirit-stirring drum, th'ear-piercing fife"
(3.3.367-368) as those sounds which move a soldier's spirit in battle, he likewise
pronounces their effects now to be useless to him. All of the "pride, pomp, and
circumstance" (3.3.370) which he depicts is offered to the audience to show how
much he is giving up, and precisely why this is worthy of attention. No part of this
vibrant description matters any longer to Othello, for his mind is so overwhelmed
by Desdemona's betrayal that he could not possibly feel that exhilaration again.
Not even the thunderous "mortal engines" (3.3.371) can penetrate the deadness
of his spirit. His soul rejects the stimulation that once moved it to lead men in
"glorious war" (3.3.370), and thereby banishes the singular impetus that was his
own, independent of all other people and events. Inside Othello, the motivation to
do good is extinguished, and Iago is then free to fill the vacancy with motivation to
do evil.

15. As Othello continues in this vein of parting, he
makes a departure from his mental leave-
taking to a more physical and spiritual
withdrawal. Acknowledging "the neighing
steed and the shrill trump, The spirit-stirring
drum, th'ear-piercing fife" (3.3.367-368) as
those sounds which move a soldier's spirit in
battle, he likewise pronounces their effects
now to be useless to him. All of the "pride,
pomp, and circumstance" (3.3.370) which he
depicts is offered to the audience to show
how much he is giving up, and precisely why
this is worthy of attention. No part of this
vibrant description matters any longer to
Othello,for his mind is so overwhelmed by
Desdemona's betrayal that he could not
possibly feel that exhilaration again. Not even
the thunderous "mortal engines" (3.3.371)
can penetrate the deadness of his spirit. His
soul rejects the stimulation that once moved
it to lead men in"glorious war" (3.3.370), and
thereby banishes the singular impetus that
was his own, independent of all other people
and events. Inside Othello, the motivation to
do good is extinguished, and Iago is then free
to fill the vacancy with motivation to do evil.
The opening sentence makes an argument by
suggestion a transition between paragraphs and
a movement to withdrawal
Good evidence – each quote backs up the point that
Othello is no longer interested in these things.
The evidence is scattered throughout – with
exception of the first quote (“the neighing . . .”),
the writer quotes a few words and then gives
them adequate attention.
Each line backs up the initial point – that Othello is
withdrawing, and reveals why the images and
language he uses is significant
The paragraph could use some more analysis to
close, but the last sentence nonetheless shows
the significance of this “withdrawal” within the
action of the play.
This one works

16. Analysis
• You need to show the reader why the
evidence you presented is relevant and
important.
• Analysis may be peppered throughout the
paragraph, or it may come all at the end.
• A good strategy is to present a claim, follow it
up by giving evidence, and then show how
that evidence is significant to your overall
argument.

17. REMEMBER!: Sample Format
Your Name (Bold)
Date: 02/03/11 (Bold)
HUM211 – Black
TITLE (CENTERED AND BOLDED)
This is how your paper should look . . .

18. GENERAL STUFF
PAY attention to the following issues! If I see papers
overloaded with the following “avoids,” you’ll
receive a lower grade!
• Avoid superlatives
• Avoid vague terms
• You must introduce quotes.
• Refer to authors by last name
• You should not refer to yourself too much

19. Avoid superlatives
Interesting
Brilliant
Excellent
Wonderful
Fascinating
These words tell rather than show. By saying
something is interesting, you don’t elucidate why
it is interesting.

20. Avoid vague terms
Good
Bad
People
Things
What kind of people? What is good? Why is it
good?

21. You must introduce quotes.
On the other hand, I think increasing the amount of
soldiers in the Middle East would be beneficial to the
United States. “U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza
Rice has warned that Afghanistan will become a failed
state without full NATO support” (Lancaster 4).
– The second sentence must be introduced; someone has to
say it.
• On the other hand, I think increasing the amount of
soldiers in the Middle East would be beneficial to the
United States. For instance, John Lancaster points out
that “U.S. Secretary . . .”

22. Referring to authors
• Refer to authors by last name
– Not “Walter,” not “Mr. Ong.” He is just “Ong”
– The first time, refer to them by their whole name.
Then refer to them by the last name.
– You might refer to a character by the first name if
they are a character in a novel. (Huck Finn would
probably be “Huck.”)
– But Authors need to be dealt with formally.

23. First Person
Though these are formal papers, you can use
first person.
However, you should not refer to yourself too
much. Avoid “I think,” “I feel,” “In my opinion,”
etc. You are making an argument.

24. A few other things
• Don’t use Contractions (like don’t on won’t; do not or will
not instead)
• Quote correctly –see the sample format sheet and the
earlier slide.
• Use transitions.
• Avoid conversational language –see the “Do Not Use”
section of the Writing Instruction Sheets
• Avoid passive voice as much as possible (“This is seen;” “His
feelings are shown when . . .”)
• Don’t use semi-colons or parentheses (except for
parenthetical citations). In my experience, 90% of student
writing that uses semi-colons uses them incorrectly.