This is a slide deck from my Spring 2020 section of The Art of Self-Coaching at the Stanford Graduate School of Business. Course materials are archived at https://www.edbatista.com/the-art-of-self-coaching-course.html

1. The art of
Photo by Adam Kubalica [link]
self-coaching
Ed Batista
Class 6:
RESILIENCE &
VULNERABILITY
Spring 2020
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

2. Class #
Photo by Nicolas Vigier [link]

3. Resilience &
Photo by Adam Kubalica [link]
Vulnerability
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

4. Best practices

5. Best practices
Mute yourself to minimize background noise
But don’t hesitate to interrupt me! 
Use chat to “raise your hand”
Side-by-Side Mode

6. Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Resilience in quartets 15 mins
Debrief & remarks 15 mins
Vulnerability stories 40 mins
Debrief & remarks 20 mins
For next time… 5 mins
Agenda

7. Warm-up

8. Warm-up
Photo by San Jose Library [link]

9. Warm-up
What’s your superpower?
How will you save the world?
Reflect, then 1 minute per person in breakouts

10. Why do that?
Photo by San Jose Library [link]

11. Resilience
Photo by Adam Kubalica [link]

12. Resilience
Broader than Davidson
Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatté
Ability to adapt & persevere when things go awry

13. Resilience
Photo by This Particular Greg [link]
elements

14. Resilience
Reivich & Shatté
What constitutes resilience?
What characterizes resilient behavior?
elements

15. Resilience
Emotion regulation
Impulse control
Optimism
Causal analysis
elements
Empathy
Self-efficacy
Reaching out

16. As always…
Photo by Sue Clark [link]

17. As always…
A map is not the territory it represents.
~Alford Korzybski

18. RQ assessment
What are these results?
NOT aptitude or proficiency
Frequency of use & comfort level

19. Consider your
How do you feel about this data?
What would be useful to discuss?
How might you challenge yourself?
worksheet

20. With your
How might I fully leverage my strengths?
How might I address my weaknesses?
quartet

21. Resilience
Emotion regulation
Impulse control
Optimism
Causal analysis
elements
Empathy
Self-efficacy
Reaching out

22. Debrief
What are you learning?
What will you try?

23. Origins of
Photo by Harald Groven [link]
resilience

24. Origins of
Sub-optimal conditioning is the human condition.
Must that be a permanent problem? No.
~Linda Graham, Bouncing Back
resilience

25. Origins of
Childhood & life experiences matter
And change is eminently possible
Neuroplasticity is key
So what can we do?
resilience

26. Mindfulness
Photo by Strevo [link]

27. Mindfulness
OK
We got it
We’ll meditate
What else can we do?

28. Photo by Sludge G [link]
Many paths

29. Many paths
Tools in Reivich & Shatté from CBT
Avoiding thinking traps
Challenging beliefs
Detecting icebergs
Learning ABCs

30. Many paths
Tools in Reivich & Shatté from CBT
Multiple variations on the same theme
Identify, explore & challenge mental models

31. Mental models
Photo by Carmelo Speltino [link]

32. Mental models
Photo by Carmelo Speltino [link]
Our perceptions shape reality
How we define experiences
How we see ourselves

33. Remember me?
Photo by Rodrigo Baptista [link]

34. Reframing
The meanings we assign  Emotional response
Re-interpret a situation  Shift our emotions
Our mental models shape our experiences

35. Reframing
Essential to identify & interrogate our models
This doesn’t happen spontaneously
Reflection, journaling, coaching

36. Remember me?
Photo by Paul Colley [link]

37. Emotion
Conceptually simple
Hard to do under stress
Get MESSy to build capacity
regulation

38. Emotion
Essential to invest in habitual practices
They won’t happen spontaneously
Get started today
regulation

39. Work of a lifetime
Photo by Giuseppe Milo [link]

40. Work of a lifetime
We have to get outside our comfort zones
That’s what makes them expand
This takes practice

41. Vulnerability
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

42. Empathy, shame
& embarrassment
Photo by Brandon Grasley [link]

43. Empathy, shame
Brené Brown, University of Houston
Edgar Schein, MIT
& embarrassment

44. Empathy, shame
Shame & embarrassment = I’m unworthy or flawed
Empathy = The antidote to these feelings
& embarrassment

45. Empathy, shame
Shame & embarrassment = Create distance
Empathy = Creates closeness
& embarrassment

46. Empathy, shame
Shame derives its power
from being unspeakable.
~Brené Brown
& embarrassment

47. Empathy, shame
Seeking help  Shame or embarrassment
(Any emotions that evoke vulnerability)
True for many forms of disclosure
& embarrassment

48. Empathy, shame
Our typical responses block empathy
1. “Look on the bright side”
2. “My problem’s worse”
3. “Here’s some advice”
& embarrassment

49. Empathy, shame
Instead…
1. Avoid judgments
2. Sense & validate emotions
3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
& embarrassment

50. Vulnerability
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

51. Vulnerability
A story
I’ll start

52. Vulnerability
Now it’s your turn

53. Vulnerability
Each round begins with a volunteer
4 minutes for you to tell your story
2 minutes for group to respond
Timing will be key

54. Vulnerability
You should have time for a brief break
Please be back here at 9:20am

55. Thank your group
Photo by Tetsumo [link]

56. Debrief
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

57. Resilience
Emotion regulation
Impulse control
Optimism
Causal analysis
elements
Empathy
Self-efficacy
Reaching out

58. How were these
Emotion regulation
Impulse control
Optimism
Causal analysis
present just now?
Empathy
Self-efficacy
Reaching out

59. Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]

60. Crucible stories
Meaning-making
Mental models
Connections

61. Crucible stories
Meaning-making (Causal analysis)
Mental models (Emotion regulation, self-efficacy)
Connections (Reaching out, empathy, optimism)

62. Personal, but
not professional?
Photo by John Walker [link]

63. You can’t trust a
Photo by Yin [link]
predator

64. Examples of
1. Sharing an unpopular opinion
2. Standing up for myself
3. Asking for help
4. Saying no
(Brené Brown, Daring Greatly, p 35)
vulnerability

65. Translation is key
Photo by Robert Scoble [link]

66. Translation is key
Vulnerability comes in endless variations
Effective vulnerability fits the context
It must be translated

67. Conform just
Photo by Robert Scoble [link]
enough

68. Conform just
Insufficient conformity
enough

69. Conform just
Insufficient conformity  You will be expelled
enough

70. Conform just
Insufficient conformity  You will be expelled
Excessive conformity
enough

71. Conform just
Insufficient conformity  You will be expelled
Excessive conformity  You will have no impact
enough

72. For next time…
Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]

73. Unhappiness
Photo by Jes [link]

74. Unhappiness
Subjective points of view
Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl
Which ones are most meaningful to you?

75. Unhappiness
Chödrön is a little out there
That’s why Burkeman Chapter 3 is an option
(Burkeman Chapter 2 is required, not optional)

76. & another story…
After doing the reading, complete the worksheet
Multiple sources of unhappiness
Be prepared to disclose one

77. Other items…
Slides posted on my site
Weekly assignment due Tuesday 9pm