The Art of Self-Coaching is a course that I designed and launched at the Stanford Graduate School of Business (GSB) in Spring 2015, and in Spring 2020 I'm teaching it again for the 13th time (although for the very first time online.) In response to COVID-19, the GSB has moved all Spring Quarter classes online, and in an effort to make a small contribution of my own to help people cope with the pandemic, I'm offering this publicly available online version of the course: https://www.edbatista.com/the-art-of-self-coaching-public-course.html

1. The art of
Photo by Adam Kubalica [link]
self-coaching
Ed Batista
Class 6:
RESILIENCE &
VULNERABILITY
Public Course, Spring 2020
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

2. Best practices

3. Best practices
Submit questions via Q&A during my remarks
“Side-by-Side Mode” for optimal layout
Email: selfcoachingcourse@gmail.com
I’ll read everything

4. Partner
conversations

5. Partner
Will need to interact real-time during class
(In-person, phone, a separate video call)
Experiment with the coaching process
Watch the timer to stay on track
conversations

6. Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Partner discussion 15 mins
Debrief & remarks 25 mins
Partner exercise 15 mins
Remarks & debrief 25 mins
For next time… 5 mins
Agenda

7. Warm-up

8. Warm-up
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9. Warm-up
What’s your superpower?
How will you save the world?
2 minutes with your partner (Share a selfie?)

10. Why do that?
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11. Resilience
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12. Resilience
Broader than Davidson
Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatté
Ability to adapt & persevere when things go awry

13. Resilience
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elements

14. Resilience
Reivich & Shatté
What constitutes resilience?
What characterizes resilient behavior?
elements

15. Resilience
Emotion regulation
Impulse control
Optimism
Causal analysis
elements
Empathy
Self-efficacy
Reaching out

16. As always…
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17. As always…
A map is not the territory it represents.
~Alford Korzybski

18. RQ assessment
What are these results?
NOT aptitude or proficiency
Frequency of use & comfort level

19. Consider your
How do you feel about this data?
What would be useful to discuss?
How might you challenge yourself?
worksheet

20. Class Prep, Part 2
How might I fully leverage my strengths?
How might I address my weaknesses?
With your
partner

21. How might I fully leverage my strengths?
How might I address my weaknesses?
Minutes remaining:
With your
8 4 212
partner

22. How might I fully leverage my strengths?
How might I address my weaknesses?
Minutes remaining:
With your
8 4 2
partner

23. How might I fully leverage my strengths?
How might I address my weaknesses?
Minutes remaining:
With your
4 2
partner

24. How might I fully leverage my strengths?
How might I address my weaknesses?
Minutes remaining:
With your
2
partner

25. Your questions
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26. Origins of
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resilience

27. Origins of
Sub-optimal conditioning is the human condition.
Must that be a permanent problem? No.
~Linda Graham, Bouncing Back
resilience

28. Origins of
Childhood & life experiences matter
And change is eminently possible
Neuroplasticity is key
So what can we do?
resilience

29. Mindfulness
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30. Mindfulness
OK
We got it
We’ll meditate
What else can we do?

31. Photo by Sludge G [link]
Many paths

32. Many paths
Tools in Reivich & Shatté from CBT
Avoiding thinking traps
Challenging beliefs
Detecting icebergs
Learning ABCs

33. Many paths
Tools in Reivich & Shatté from CBT
Multiple variations on the same theme
Identify, explore & challenge mental models

34. Mental models
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35. Mental models
Photo by Carmelo Speltino [link]
Our perceptions shape reality
How we define experiences
How we see ourselves

36. Remember me?
Photo by Rodrigo Baptista [link]

37. Reframing
The meanings we assign  Emotional response
Re-interpret a situation  Shift our emotions
Our mental models shape our experiences

38. Reframing
Essential to identify & interrogate our models
This doesn’t happen spontaneously
Reflection, journaling, coaching

39. Remember me?
Photo by Paul Colley [link]

40. Emotion
Conceptually simple
Hard to do under stress
Get MESSy to build capacity
regulation

41. Emotion
Essential to invest in habitual practices
They won’t happen spontaneously
Get started today
regulation

42. Work of a lifetime
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43. Work of a lifetime
We have to get outside our comfort zones
That’s what makes them expand
This takes practice

44. Vulnerability
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

45. Empathy, shame
& embarrassment
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46. Empathy, shame
Brené Brown, University of Houston
Edgar Schein, MIT
& embarrassment

47. Empathy, shame
Shame & embarrassment = I’m unworthy or flawed
Empathy = The antidote to these feelings
& embarrassment

48. Empathy, shame
Shame & embarrassment = Create distance
Empathy = Creates closeness
& embarrassment

49. Empathy, shame
Shame derives its power
from being unspeakable.
~Brené Brown
& embarrassment

50. Empathy, shame
Seeking help  Shame or embarrassment
(Any emotions that evoke vulnerability)
True for many forms of disclosure
& embarrassment

51. Empathy, shame
Our typical responses block empathy
1. “Look on the bright side”
2. “My problem’s worse”
3. “Here’s some advice”
& embarrassment

52. Empathy, shame
Instead…
1. Avoid judgments
2. Sense & validate emotions
3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
& embarrassment

53. Vulnerability
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

54. Vulnerability
A story
I’ll start

55. Vulnerability
Now it’s your turn
5 minutes for you to tell your story
2 minutes for you to discuss it together
What would it be like to be more candid?

56. Person A has 5 minutes to tell their story
Both of you have 2 minutes to discuss
Then Person B repeats the process
Minutes remaining:
Vulnerability
14 11 7 4 29

57. Person A has 5 minutes to tell their story
Both of you have 2 minutes to discuss
Then Person B repeats the process
Minutes remaining:
Vulnerability
11 7 4 29

58. Person A has 5 minutes to tell their story
Both of you have 2 minutes to discuss
Then Person B repeats the process
Minutes remaining:
Vulnerability
7 4 29

59. Person A has 5 minutes to tell their story
Both of you have 2 minutes to discuss
Then Person B repeats the process
Minutes remaining:
Vulnerability
7 4 2

60. Person A has 5 minutes to tell their story
Both of you have 2 minutes to discuss
Then Person B repeats the process
Minutes remaining:
Vulnerability
4 2

61. Person A has 5 minutes to tell their story
Both of you have 2 minutes to discuss
Then Person B repeats the process
Minutes remaining:
Vulnerability
2

62. Thank your
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partner

63. Resilience
Emotion regulation
Impulse control
Optimism
Causal analysis
elements
Empathy
Self-efficacy
Reaching out

64. How were these
Emotion regulation
Impulse control
Optimism
Causal analysis
present just now?
Empathy
Self-efficacy
Reaching out

65. Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]

66. Crucible stories
Meaning-making
Mental models
Connections

67. Crucible stories
Meaning-making (Causal analysis)
Mental models (Emotion regulation, self-efficacy)
Connections (Reaching out, empathy, optimism)

68. Personal, but
not professional?
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69. You can’t trust a
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predator

70. Examples of
1. Sharing an unpopular opinion
2. Standing up for myself
3. Asking for help
4. Saying no
(Brené Brown, Daring Greatly, p 35)
vulnerability

71. Translation is key
Photo by Robert Scoble [link]

72. Translation is key
Vulnerability comes in endless variations
Effective vulnerability fits the context
It must be translated

73. Conform just
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enough

74. Conform just
Insufficient conformity
enough

75. Conform just
Insufficient conformity  You will be expelled
enough

76. Conform just
Insufficient conformity  You will be expelled
Excessive conformity
enough

77. Conform just
Insufficient conformity  You will be expelled
Excessive conformity  You will have no impact
enough

78. Your questions
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79. For next time…
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80. Unhappiness
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81. Unhappiness
Subjective points of view
Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl
Which ones are most meaningful to you?

82. Unhappiness
Chödrön is a little out there
That’s why Burkeman Chapter 3 is an option
(Burkeman Chapter 2 is required, not optional)

83. & a survey…
After doing the reading, complete the survey
(It’s anonymous, but I’ll read responses)
Share a source of unhappiness

84. Thank you!
Video & slides will be posted on my site