This is a slide deck from my Spring 2021 section of The Art of Self-Coaching at the Stanford Graduate School of Business. Course materials are archived at https://www.edbatista.com/the-art-of-self-coaching-course.html.

1. The art of
Photo by Adam Kubalica [link]
self-coaching
Ed Batista
Class 6:
RESILIENCE &
VULNERABILITY
Spring 2021
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

2. Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Resilience in quartets 15 mins
Framing remarks 10 mins
Vulnerability stories 35 mins
Debrief & remarks 20 mins
For next time… 5 mins
No outside of class activity
Agenda

3. Resilience
Photo by Adam Kubalica [link]

4. Resilience
Broader than Davidson
Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatté
Ability to adapt & persevere when things go awry

5. Resilience
Photo by This Particular Greg [link]
elements

6. Resilience
Reivich & Shatté
What constitutes resilience?
What characterizes resilient behavior?
elements

7. Resilience
Emotion regulation
Impulse control
Optimism
Causal analysis
elements
Empathy
Self-efficacy
Reaching out

8. As always…
Photo by Sue Clark [link]

9. As always…
A map is not the territory it represents.
~Alford Korzybski

10. RQ assessment
What are these results?
NOT aptitude or proficiency
Frequency of use & comfort level

11. Consider your
How do you feel about this data?
What would be useful to discuss?
How might you challenge yourself?
worksheet

12. With your
How might I leverage my strengths?
How might I address my weaknesses?
quartet

13. What can we do?
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14. What can we do?
Childhood & life experiences matter
But change is eminently possible
Neuroplasticity is key

15. Mindfulness
Photo by Strevo [link]

16. Mindfulness
OK
We got it
We’ll meditate
What else can we do?

17. Photo by Sludge G [link]
Many paths

18. Many paths
Tools in Reivich & Shatté from CBT
Avoiding thinking traps
Challenging beliefs
Detecting icebergs
Learning ABCs

19. Many paths
Tools in Reivich & Shatté from CBT
Multiple variations on the same theme
Identify, explore & challenge mental models

20. Mental models
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21. Mental models
Photo by Carmelo Speltino [link]
Our perceptions shape reality
How we define experiences
How we see ourselves

22. Remember me?
Photo by Rodrigo Baptista [link]

23. Reframing
The meanings we assign  Emotional response
Re-interpret a situation  Shift our emotions
Our mental models shape our experiences

24. Reframing
Essential to identify & interrogate our models
This doesn’t happen spontaneously
Reflection, journaling, coaching

25. Remember me?
Photo by Paul Colley [link]

26. Emotion
Conceptually simple
Hard to do under stress
Get MESSy to build capacity
regulation

27. Emotion
Essential to invest in habitual practices
They won’t happen spontaneously
Get started today, because…
regulation

28. Work of a lifetime
Photo by Giuseppe Milo [link]

29. Work of a lifetime
We have to get outside our comfort zones
That’s what makes them expand
This takes practice

30. Vulnerability
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

31. Empathy, shame
& embarrassment
Photo by Brandon Grasley [link]

32. Empathy, shame
Brené Brown, University of Houston
Edgar Schein, MIT
& embarrassment

33. Empathy, shame
Shame & embarrassment = I’m unworthy or flawed
Empathy = The antidote to these feelings
& embarrassment

34. Empathy, shame
Shame & embarrassment = Create distance
Empathy = Creates closeness
& embarrassment

35. Empathy, shame
Seeking help  Shame or embarrassment
(Any emotions that evoke vulnerability)
True for many forms of disclosure
& embarrassment

36. Empathy, shame
Our typical responses block empathy
1. “Look on the bright side”
2. “My problem’s worse”
3. “Here’s some advice”
& embarrassment

37. Empathy, shame
Instead…
1. Avoid judgments
2. Sense & validate emotions
3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
& embarrassment

38. Vulnerability
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

39. Vulnerability
A story
I’ll start

40. Vulnerability
Now it’s your turn

41. Vulnerability
Each round begins with a volunteer
4 minutes for you to tell your story
2 minutes for group to respond
Timing will be key

42. Thank your group
Photo by Tetsumo [link]

43. Debrief
Photo by Philip Leara [link]

44. Resilience
Emotion regulation
Impulse control
Optimism
Causal analysis
elements
Empathy
Self-efficacy
Reaching out

45. How were these
Emotion regulation
Impulse control
Optimism
Causal analysis
present just now?
Empathy
Self-efficacy
Reaching out

46. Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]

47. Crucible stories
Meaning-making
Mental models
Connections

48. Crucible stories
Meaning-making (Causal analysis)
Mental models (Emotion regulation, self-efficacy)
Connections (Reaching out, empathy, optimism)

49. Personal, but
not professional?
Photo by John Walker [link]

50. You can’t trust a
Photo by Yin [link]
predator

51. Examples of
1. Sharing an unpopular opinion
2. Standing up for myself
3. Asking for help
4. Saying no
(Brené Brown, Daring Greatly, p 35)
vulnerability

52. Translation is key
Photo by Robert Scoble [link]

53. Translation is key
Vulnerability comes in endless variations
Effective vulnerability fits the context
It must be translated

54. Conform just
Photo by Robert Scoble [link]
enough

55. Conform just
Insufficient conformity
enough

56. Conform just
Insufficient conformity  You will be expelled
enough

57. Conform just
Insufficient conformity  You will be expelled
Excessive conformity
enough

58. Conform just
Insufficient conformity  You will be expelled
Excessive conformity  You will have no impact
enough

59. We don’t
empathize up
Photo by Gerry Scappaticci [link]

60. We don’t
empathize up
Leadership is stressful and depleting
No one cares (most of the time)
Vulnerability evokes empathy
That’s why it matters

61. For next time…
Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]

62. Unhappiness
Photo by Jes [link]

63. Unhappiness
Subjective points of view
Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl
Which ones are most meaningful to you?

64. Unhappiness
Chödrön is a little out there
That’s why Burkeman Chapter 3 is an option
(Burkeman Chapter 2 is required, not optional)

65. & a survey…
After doing the reading, complete the survey
The survey itself is completely anonymous
Your written response will not be shared
I’ll read an edited version in class

66. Other items…
I’ll email links to slides on my site & class video
Weekly assignment due Tuesday 9pm