OBJECTIVES To Talk about Family, Friends, & Recovery To Show Ways in Which Family and Friends May Engage In Healthy Communications To Demonstrate ways in which Families, Friends can take care of themselves

1. Courage-Compassion-Love
Recovery: A Solution Focused Approach
▪ Dr. Louise A Stanger,
Ed.D, LCSW, BRI II,
CIP
▪ Faculty SDSU
Interwork Institute
▪ Mint Trainer of
Trainers
▪ All About
Interventions

2. Objectives of Our Time
Together
▪ To Talk about Family , Friend Recovery
▪ To Show Ways in Which Family and
Friends May Engage In Healthy
Communications
▪ To Demonstrate ways in which Families,
Friends can take care of themselves

3. Courage
▪ It’s not the absence of
fear
▪ Rather The ability to
move beyond it
▪ Alanon: “ Courage is
fear that has said its
prayers”

4. LOVE: What is it ? How does
our brain respond ?
▪ Lust – Testerone and
in Addiction we tend
to lust after
something or
someone
▪ Romantic Love- First
phase this is driven
by an increase in
dopamine

5. Romantic Love
▪ Decrease in serotonin
when falling in love –
so moods are highly
unstable
▪ Wild inability to
control thoughts
during this stage
▪ Love can mimic
addiction

6. Deep Attachment
▪ Hormones Vasopressin
and Oxytocin are
responsible for creating
pleasurable sensations
especially calm and
security
▪ After the pleasure centers
have calmed down we
form deep attachment

7. Definition of Addiction
▪ Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain
reward, motivation, memory and related
circuitry.
▪ Dysfunction in these circuits leads to
characteristic biological, psychological, social
and spiritual manifestations.
▪ This is reflected in an individual pathologically
pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use
and other behaviors.

10. Healthy Families
( McMannis PHD & McMannis MSW)
▪ Talking & Loving
▪ Expressing Language
▪ Adapting to Change
▪ Sharing Time
Together
▪ Who’s in Charge
▪ Balancing Closeness
& Difference
▪ Accepting Difference
▪ Seeing The Positive
▪ Effective Problem
Solving
▪ Parenting Together

11. The Stanger Process
▪ AN ELEVEN-STEP PROCESS FOR A TWELVE-
STEP SOLUTION

12. Family Systems
Minuchin
Parent
SiblingCouple

13. Before Treatment Families
▪ Confused
▪ Bewildered
▪ Attached to The
Problem
▪ Deny
▪ Minimize

14. Feelings Families Have
▪ Confusion
▪ Anger
▪ Sadness
▪ Love

15. Recovery Includes Everyone
▪ Letting go of what
one cannot control.
▪ Learning how to care
for ourselves and not
be attached to the
problem
▪ Learning about SA/
MH Disorders and
family systems

16. What is Recovery ????

17. Recovery Is ……
▪ Lifelong Growth
▪ Development of new
problem solving skills
and strategies
▪ Responding not
Reacting
▪ Being Mindful and
Compassionate to
self and Others

18. Families and Friends learn
▪ Addiction is a brain
disease
▪ Detachment- the 4 C.’s
did not cause, can’t
control, cure the
disorder,
▪ Can celebrate ones
recovery and ones self
care
▪ To differentiate
between the disorder
and the person
▪ To learn stress
reduction
▪ To build a recovery
network of their own,
Alanon

19. Roles
▪ Visitor
▪ Complainant
▪ Customer

20. How do you Listen ?

21. What Type of Communication
Skills Do you Have?
▪ Echo Key Words
▪ Open Ended
Questions
▪ Paraphrase
▪ Body Language
▪ Summarize
▪ Self -Disclose

22. How Ready are you To
Change????
▪ Pre-contemplative
▪ Contemplative
▪ Determined
▪ Action
▪ Maintenance
▪ Relapse
▪ Prochaska & DeClemente’s
Stages of Change

23. 7 Principles of Recovery
▪ Abstinence
▪ Peer Support
▪ Medication
▪ Exercise
▪ Ritual
▪ Good Nutrition
▪ Professional
Consultation and
Services

24. Blueprint For Your Sucess
▪ Physical
▪ Emotional
▪ Spiritual or Consistent
with your Values

25. Coping Questions >>>>>
▪ What have you done to
take care of yourself?
▪ What do you do to take
care of yourself?
(physically, emotionally,
spiritually)
▪ How are you dealing with
all that is going on?
▪ How are you detaching
with compassion

26. Scaling Questions
▪ Motivation
▪ Confidence

27. Ways in Which you may help your
loved one in recovery
▪ Encourage continued work in
12 step or other
▪ Understand that immersion in
a program does not mean a
recovering person does not
love you. They go to
meetings everyday so they
may learn to love themselves
▪ Be honest, no more secrets
▪ Set Boundaries
▪ Use Problem solving skills
▪ Learn to detach with love and
stop protective adaptive
behaviors that were unhelpful
ie paying for everything,
bailing out, making excuses
etc
▪ COMMUNICATE
▪ Do not keep alcohol or other
drugs in the home.
▪ Discuss with your loved one

28. Steps to Recovery
▪ Embrace the Right
Attitude
▪ Use problem solving
skills learned
▪ Learn to identify and
manage stress over co-
occurring disorders –

29. Steps to Recovery
▪ Build a recovery life style
( abstinence, alternative
modalities for chronic pain
meal plans etc)
▪ Let go of self defeating
behaviors and negative self
talk
▪ Stay Focused - a job
▪ Be prepared for life time
growth
▪ Be prepared not everyday is
a celebration. There may be
some tough days

30. HELP WITH HALT
▪ Suggest healthy meal schedule
▪ Encourage a loved one to state
feelings rather then act out
frustrations
▪ Encourage new friendships .
Support a healthy exercise
program
▪ Encourage if appropriate
relaxation , meditation techniques.
▪ Practice or be willing to try what
you suggest

31. Magic Words
▪ Yes
▪ No
▪ Oh
▪ Really
▪ Whatever

32. Cultivate Compassion
▪ “Compassion is a sensitivity to
suffering with a commitment
to try and alleviate and prevent
that suffering “
▪ The human brain is different
as it has “emotional memory “
Ie we are not the zebra and
the lion
▪ Greater Good Science Center UC
Berkley

33. Emotional Memory
▪ Attachment System gets
fused with fear
▪ Fear becomes dominant
▪ Emotional loop opens up
and fear dominates they
are in a loop which
focuses on negative
behaviors

34. Emotional Memory
▪ Brain is “Velcro for
negative and Threat
Based and Teflon for
Positive”
▪ Examples : Vacation
▪ Can you think of one

35. Shifting The Conversation
Mindfulness
Exercise : Imagine your
excitement over a vacation or
possibility of winning the
lottery
Switch on purpose to an
argument or one of your core
worries
Attention and refocusing takes us
out of the anger loop
Mattheiu Ricard, “ “Are minds are
like gardens they grow
naturally”.

36. Three Kinds of Happy Lives
Martin Seligman, 2004 Ted Talk
▪ Pleasant Life- find in life as many things
pleasant as you can
▪ The life of engagement –life in work, parenting,
love and leisure
▪ The meaningful life- knowing your highest
strengths and using them to the fullest in
service to something higher then yourselves

37. Exuberant Human Beings
▪ Surround themselves
with other Happy Folks
( Framington Heart Study)
▪ They Smile when they
mean it. (Academy of Management
Journal)
▪ The Cultivate Resilience
(“ Fall 7 Times Stand up
8)
▪ Resilience is the opposite
of Depression

38. Exuberant Human Beings
▪ They are mindful of the
good by celebrating small
and big victories
▪ They Appreciate Simple
Pleasures ( get caught up or
carried away in projects – Flat
Stanley)
▪ They try to be happy (Fake
it till you make it!) Journal of Positive
Psychology
▪ Nix Small Talk for Deeper
Conversation (Psychological
Sciences)

39. More Habits
▪ They spend money
on other people (Science)
▪ Practice Random Kindness
▪ They Make a Point to
Listen
▪ They Uphold In-
Person Connections
▪ They do not Confuse
Temporary with
Permanent

40. And Some More…..
▪ They Value a Good
Mixed Tape-Music is
Powerful
▪ They Unplug-
meditate, disconnect

41. And Some More….
▪ They LOL Laughter
is the best medicine
▪ They walk the walk
▪ They go outside
▪ They devote some
time to giving
▪ They spend some
time on a pillow

42. RECOVERY is a BEAUTIFUL
THING

43. Resources
▪ Dailygood.org
▪ Alanon Family
Groups
▪ NAMI
▪ Hazelden
Publications
▪ Dr. Louise Stanger
▪ 619-507-1699

44. Falling Up