This document discusses the Karpman drama triangle model of dysfunctional relationships. The triangle consists of the roles of Victim, Rescuer, and Perpetrator. It explains how people can get stuck in these roles due to core beliefs and coping mechanisms related to shame. The document then outlines ways to move from these roles by recognizing emotions, owning one's story, and writing a new ending through tools like mindfulness, self-compassion, and setting boundaries.

2. Author-Falling Up, A Memoir of Renewal and
Learn To Thrive, An Interven;on Guidebook
Educator-Former Faculty SDSU, School of
Social Work, SDSU Interwork Ins;tute
Director-All About Interven;ons and Past Director
of Alcohol and Other Drug Services USD
Clinician-LCSW, CDWF Candidate
Principal Inves7gator-Department of Educa;on
and NI-NIAAA and other grants
Woman-Widow, Wife, Mother, Stepmother,
Grandmother, Step Grandmother
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3. Thank you to
Sonia Levine and Brené Brown
for all you do for our industry.
This presenta;on is inspired
directly by your work.
SoniaLevine.com
BreneBrown.com
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4. Developed by Psychiatrist
Stephen Karpman
Model of Dysfunc;onal
Interac;on in Rela;onships
Can Travel Around the Triangle
With Yourself or Others
Can be Applicable in Roman;c
Rela;onships, Friendships,
Within Organiza;ons,
Schools, Etc.
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Karpman Triangle
a.k.a. the drama triangle
Remorse
Powerlessness
Anger
Rescuer
Vic7m
Perpetrator

5. 05
Victim
(Martyr)
I’m not okay, but you are, so fix me!
Less than, one down
Uses guilt, sympathy seeking, pity to get needs met
Acts out of sense of powerlessness
Core Belief
Coping Mechanism

6. 06

7. 07
Rescuer
(Caretaker)
I’m okay, but you’re not, so I’ll fix you!
One up, beTer than
Seeks approval / Worthiness through helping / fixing
Acts out of a sense of love, compassion or duty
May sa;sfy sense of responsibility, or avoid guilt and shame
Core Belief
Coping Mechanism

8. 08
Rescuer
(Caretaker)
Enable, care-take, rescue, fix, people-please, assume
Fail to confront, fail to set boundaries
Deny, tolerate, join in, keep secrets, buy giWs, be a super-parent/spouse/worker
Perfec;onism/overdoing
The Ways We Rescue

9. 09
Perpetrator
(Offender)
I’m not okay, but you’re not, so you need to do what I tell you!
One up, beTer than
Feels sense of worth/power through offending
Acts out of anger, resentment, revenge, sense of en;tlement, shame
Core Belief
Coping Mechanism

10. 10

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Perpetrator
(Offender)
Abuse: Emo;onal, mental, physical, sexual
Drinking, ea;ng, affairs, spending, etc.
Passive aggressive behaviors
Cri;cism, teasing, shaming, withdrawing, being late, sarcasm, cynicism,
taking, sighing, raising eyebrows, patronizing, being self-righteous,
nega;ve self-talk, illness, etc.
The Ways We Offend/Victimize

12. 12
Payoffs and Costs
(Victim)
• Receives pity
• Get needs met by rescuer:
Feels cared about, loved
• Controls others through
guilt, shame and pity
• Avoids responsibility
by blaming
Payoffs Costs
• Feels helpless and trapped
• Lacks personal power
• Living a half life

13. 13
Payoffs and Costs
(Rescuer)
• Feels saintly, superior
• May gain a false sense of control
• Seeks love, approval,
connec;on trough helping
• Concentrates on others and
can avoid self
• Gains respect of other rescuers
Payoffs Costs
• Helps when they don’t want
to, when others have not asked,
or even when harmful to self
or others
• Gets ;red and depleted
• Feels unappreciated (self pity)
• Consumed with resentment

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15. 15
Payoffs and Costs
(Perpetrator)
• Avoids discomfort and feelings
by offending others
• May act out of anger or revenge
and feel jus;fied
• Feels a sense of pseudo power
and worthiness by scaring vic;ms
• Able to be irresponsible, feel
superior, and avoid fear
Payoffs Costs
• Experiences loneliness,
lacks in;micy
• Lacks helpful, honest feedback
because of others fear
• Lack of respect from
others (and self)

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17. 17
To Be Clear...
Victim Role Being Victimized
Rescuer Role Serving Those in Need

18. 18
The Way In
Unrealis7c
Expecta7ons
What is
the story I am
making up? Shame

19. 19
The Way In
Shame
I am not
enough Vic7m
Who do
you think
you are?
PerpetratorRescuer

20. 20
Shame
Shame is the intensely
painful feeling or
experience that “I am
flawed and unworthy
of belonging”

21. 21
Victim
(Martyr)
Shame says:
“I will never belong, so...”
Correlates with shame shield
of “moving away”
Vic7m
PerpetratorRescuer
• If someone doesn’t love me
or like me, than I must not
be likeable or loveable
• I will never have what I
need or want
• Why me? Poor me!
It’s not fair! etc.

22. 22
Rescuer
(Caretaker)
Shame says:
“I am not enough, so...”
Correlates with shame shield
of “moving towards”
Vic7m
PerpetratorRescuer
• Let me take care of you
• Do for you
• Bake you cupcakes, etc.

23. 23
Perpetrator
(Offender)
Shame says:
“I am unloveable,
unlikeable”
Correlates with shame shield
of “moving against”
Vic7m
PerpetratorRescuer
• If he/she only loved me
then he would...

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Role Play
What roles
are the
characters
playing?
Vic7m Watch how
they move
around the
triangle
Rescuer Perpetrator

25. 25
The Way Out: Rising Strong
Walk into your story
Recognize emo;ons / get curious about
our feelings and how they connect
with the way we think and behave
Own your story
Get honest about the stories we are
making up about our struggle
Challenge these confabula;ons/assump;ons
to determine what’s truth, what’s self-
protec;on, and what needs to change if
we want to lead more wholehearted lives
The Reckoning
The Rumble
Write a new ending to your
story based on the key
learningsfrom The Rumble
Use this new braver story to
change how we engage with
the world, ul;mately leading
to transforma;on
The Revolution

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Work from
assump7ons
and inten7ons
of compassion
and grace
Be
accountable
Explore
and set and
maintain
bounderies
Permission
slips
Self
compassion
Mindfulness
Ques7on expecta7ons
The Way Out
Tools and Practices
Tac7cal
Breathing
Choose courage
over comfort
Self care
Get curious:
Explore your
story
“SFD”

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Resources
www.karpmandramatriangle.com
www.poweroWed.com
www.self-compassion.org
www.mindfulselfcompassion.org
www.centerformsc.org
Rising Strong by Dr. Brené Brown
Daring Greatly by Dr. Brené Brown
GiHs of Imperfec;on by Dr. Brené Brown

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