Conflict Resolution 07302015

THE BEST DISTRICT TO LEARN, WORK & LEADTHE BEST DISTRICT TO LEARN, WORK & LEAD
Conflict Resolution

2
Who me?
• We all experience conflict every day, with
family or friends; co-workers or
customers
• Since conflict will occur, what is important
is how we understand, resolve and learn
from it
• A conflict is not a battle, there does not
have to be a loser
• There are techniques than can be used
to work through a conflict successfully so
everyone is a winner
• Focus must remain on personal safety
and professionalism

THE BEST DISTRICT TO LEARN, WORK & LEADTHE BEST DISTRICT TO LEARN, WORK & LEAD3
Why Conflict Resolution
Training?
• To;
• Understand the affect conflict has on you
• Recognize when it is appropriate to communicate with an angry person using a range of
techniques
• Understand how to diffuse negative encounters and make a positive out of a negative
• Learn how to speak with others about uncomfortable or potentially “hot topics” and
maintain a professional approach
• Understand the motivators to violence and understand how and why colleagues become
angry
• Recognize when it is no longer safe to communicate and the only safe response is to walk
away

4
Mirror Mirror…On the wall…
People are mirrors Our response to others is often dictated
by how they approach us.
To flip that on it’s head…think about;
• How do you approach others?
• Do you respect other people’s opinions?
• What makes you angry?
• What are the warning signs of your anger?
• What do you do… do you walk away or do you take a moment or do you explain that you need to
continue the discussion later, or do you agree with the other person and “give in”?

5
Clues – agitation and aggression
Do you recognize when someone is becoming irritated or is your
first clue someone shouting at you or storming off?
• Some other clues for you;
• Voice changes pitch
• Skin tone flushes or goes pale
• Breathing rate changes
• Tense body posture
• Eye contact changes – either more direct and challenging or avoiding eye contact completely

What do people do?
Five basic ways of addressing conflict were identified by
Thomas and Kilman in 1976:
• Avoidance
• Collaboration
• Compromise
• Competition
• Accommodation
ALWAYS CONSIDER WHETHER THE SITUATION INVOLVES
SAFETY RELATED ISSUES AND MODERATE YOUR
RESPONSE ACCORDINGLY

Avoidance
What does it look like?
Avoid or postpone conflict by;
• Ignoring it
• Respecting that everyone has different opinions
• Not rising to it
• Asking to talk about it later, when it’s less busy (for example)
When to use it?
• For minor – non-recurring conflicts
Potential outcomes
• Ignoring negative verbal behaviours can diffuse situations
• May exacerbate situations
Consider
• Is a conversation required?
• is this actually a pattern involving the same individuals?
• If this is a pattern - do you need support?

Collaboration
• Working together to find a mutually beneficial solution
When to use it?
• As part of problem solving
• In meetings or 1:1
Potential outcomes
• Win-win solutions to conflict or disagreement
Consider
• How much time you have available and how well you know those you
are speaking with
• How to use your questioning skills to capture everyone’s requirements
• How to gain agreement before continuing

Compromise
• Finding a middle ground in which each party is partially satisfied
When to use it?
• As part of problem solving
• When the time to collaborate effectively is not available
• When the situation is less complex
Potential outcomes
• The key requirements or expectations of those involved may be resolved
Consider
• Will those involved be satisfied with a partial solution
• How to use your questioning skills to capture requirements
• How to gain agreement before continuing

Competition
• Asserting your viewpoint at the potential expense of those involved
When to use it?
• Rarely
Potential outcomes
• You may appear aggressive or arrogant
• Poor working relationship
Consider
• Why would your viewpoint be any more correct or relevant than anyone else’s?
• What you could ask those involved in order to understand the situation better?
• How do you react when someone overrides your opinion?
Note
It is almost always best to ask questions and get an understanding of
context before offering an opinion

Accommodation
• Surrender your own needs and wishes to accommodate the other party
When to use it?
• If this will achieve the best outcome
Potential outcomes
• A short term solution that you can live with
• If you are the one accommodating, then over time, you might resent working in this
way
Consider
• Why would your viewpoint be any less correct or relevant than anyone else’s?
• What the circumstance is
• Do you need to build a working relationship?
• Are you choosing to do this because of hierarchy?
• What you could ask those involved in order to understand the situation better?

Tool box tools and techniques
Empathy
• Walk a mile in the other person’s shoes (figuratively speaking)
Active listening
• Use good eye contact, body posture, nodding and
acknowledgement when someone is talking to you
• Summarise and paraphrase what you hear and repeat it back
without changing language styles to make sure you are on the
same page and understand what has been said
Take your time
• Give the other person time to respond and space to do so
• No matter how thin you slice it – there are always 2 sides
• Remember respect cuts both ways
Open Questions
• What, Where, How, Who (be careful of why as “why” questions can start to feel like an interrogation)

Do…. Empathise with them
• The focus of your listening is to understand the other party – for you
to “get it”
• Work to let them know what it is you “got”
• Use communication skills such as – paraphrasing and summarising
• Use the same sorts of words they
• are using (not the expletives)
• Check your understanding
• Acknowledge what has been said

Do…. Listen
• This is not the easiest thing to do, especially on those occasions when you are bursting to give
someone a piece of your mind!
• Work to show that you are focused on understanding the other person’s point of view.
• Focus on the words you choose, your tone
of voice, your hand movements and
body language
• Always show respect
• No matter how much you disagree with
someone – your challenge is with the subject,
context, circumstance or argument NOT
with the person
Consider
• How does it affect you, when you do not feel you are being listened to…someone stands over
you…raises their voice….speaks over you….wags their finger at you….tells you off?

Do….Take your time
• The only person you can control is you
• If you start to get angry take a break to
reduce your emotional level and give you a
chance to think about how to handle the
situation
• Ask questions and keep an open mind

Do….Explain with care
• How can you do this when your point of view is very
different from theirs?
• Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements
• Instead of “you don’t know what you’re talking about”
try “I’d like to explain my perspective to you”
• Blaming and judging people is not helpful and will not
effectively find a solution
• Avoid discussing attitudes and
personalities

Do….think creatively
• Use the different methods explored here
• Work to identify different solutions from those so far
rejected by one of the parties

And Finally….
• Accept the situation
• Conflict cannot always be avoided
• Not all conflict is negative

And Finally…. Accept the
situation
• Conflict is not mathematics
• There is not always a solution waiting to be found
• If there is a solution – it is very unlikely to be the only
one

And Finally…. Conflict cannot
always be solved or avoided
The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung once wrote that
“the greatest and most important problems of life
are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be
solved but only outgrown”

And Finally…. Not all
conflict is negative
• Although this presentation is about resolving conflict, be
aware that conflict cannot always be avoided (especially
when fundamental differences, as opposed to perceived
difference, are involved)
• Not all conflict is negative (sometimes it “clears the air”)
• The important thing is to keep wasteful and damaging
conflict to a minimum and when it does occur, use the
techniques to resolve or at least ease it

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What did we learn?
• We all experience conflict every day
• Approaches to Conflict Resolution include;
• Avoidance
• Collaboration
• Compromise
• Competition
• Accommodation
• Win Win solutions build relationships and aid
solutions
• Conflict is not mathematics
• There is not always a solution waiting to be
found
• If there is a solution – it is very unlikely to be the
only one

Questions?

Conflict Resolution 07302015

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Conflict Resolution 07302015