chapter 8 - self-evaluation 1: what about you? Are you an active listener? REMEMBER TO COMPLETE THE QUESTIONS AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE Reflective listening is a skill that you can practice and learn. Here are ten tips to help you become a better listener. 1. Stop talking. You cannot listen if your mouth is moving. 2. Put the speaker at ease. Break the ice to help the speaker relax. Smile! 3. Show the speaker you want to listen. Put away your work. Do not look at your watch. Maintain good eye contact. 4. Remove distractions. Close your door. Do not answer the telephone. 5. Empathize with the speaker. Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes. 6. Be patient. Not everyone delivers messages at the same pace. 7. Hold your temper. Do not fly off the handle. 8. Go easy on criticism. Criticizing the speaker can stifle communication. 9. Ask questions. Paraphrase and clarify the speaker’s message. 10. Stop talking. By this stage, you are probably very tempted to start talking, but do not. Be sure the speaker has finished. (a) Think of the last time you had a difficult communication with someone at work or school. Describe it. (b) Evaluate yourself in that situation against each of the ten items. (c) Which one(s) do you need to improve on the most? SOURCE: From “Steps to Better Listening” by C. Hamilton and B. H. Kleiner. Copyright © February 1987. Reprinted with permission, Personnel Journal, all rights reserved. CONTINUE TO NEXT TWO PAGES chapter 8 – self-evaluation 2: what about you? What kind of a defender are you? Not all of our communication is defensive, but each of us has a tendency to engage in either subordinate or dominant defensiveness. The following two lists (List 1 on this page and List 2 on the next page) present twelve sets of choices that will help you see whether you tend to be more subordinate or dominant when you communicate defensively. Read the lists of subordinate defensive and dominant defensive responses below. Your job is to allocate 10 points between the two alternatives in each of the twelve rows (7 and 3, 5 and 5, 2 and 8, 6 and 4, etc.). For example, using the No. 1 responses in List1 and List 2, do you “explain, prove, justify your actions, ideas or feelings more than is required for results wanted?” (List 1) or do you “prove that you’re right?” (List 2) If you respond to “prove that you’re right” more often, you may decide to give yourself 2 (for the first list) and 8 points (for the second list). However, if you do each of these behaviors about equally, though at different times, you may want to give yourself 5 points on each list for No. 1. Work through each question this way comparing the questions between List 1 and List 2. Add your total points for each column. The larger number identifies your defensive style. Report your totals when you e-mail your professor your results. List 1 - Subordinate Defensiveness 1. ____ Explain, prove, justify your actions, ideas, or feelings more than is req.