This document discusses personal relationships, attachments, love, intimacy, commitment, and responsibility. It covers: 1) Types of attachments formed in childhood that can influence future relationships (secure, avoidant, anxious-ambivalent). 2) Stages of falling in love according to Helen Fisher (lust, attraction, attachment). 3) Theories of attraction including similarity, proximity, genetics, personality traits, and physical attractiveness. 4) Key aspects of love and intimacy including commitment, passion, and responsibility in relationships.

1. Chapter 10: Personal
Relationship
INTIMACY, LOVE, ATTACHMENT, COMMITMENT and RESPONSIBILITY

2. PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP
The type of relationship which is closely
associated with a person and which can only
have meaning to this person.

3. Attachments  when the primary caregiver is most of
the time present and available and
when all the emotional needs of an
infant are met, providing a sense of a
security to the infant.
 will grow up with a more secure and
stable relationship
1. Secure
attachment

4. Attachments  when the primary caregiver is cold and detached,
and even unresponsive to a child's needs.
 A child who experienced this style of attachment
will often times experience unstable relationships in
the future.
 The posibility of isolation is real for people who have
this type of attachment.
2. Avoidant
attachment

5. Attachments
 when the primary caregiver is not consistent in
terms of presence and in meeting a child's
emotional needs.
 separation anxiety, mixed feelings beween
hesitancy and commitment when entering into
meaningful relationships.
3. Anxious-
ambivalent
attachment

6. Three Stages of Falling In Love
by Helen Fisher
1. Lust – is driven by the sex hormones,
testosterone, and estrogen.
2. Attraction – lovestruck phase, which
involves neurotransmitters in the brain such
as dopamine, norepinephrine, and
serotonin.
3. Attachment – long-lasting commitments are
exchanged, and may lead to raising a
family. Oxytocin believes to promote
intimacy; vasopressin which promotes long-
term relationships

7. LOVING HAS A GENETIC BASIS
Unconscious assessment of another person’s genes through their physical appearance
Genes are usually determinants of good health
Both male and female are often attracted to symmetry
Pheromones – an odorless chemical found in urine and sweat can be detected by the nose, are
involved in the assessment of a future mate, an indication of a person’s immune system.
Women are also attracted to men who smell similar to their father.
Preference of individuals to marry somebody who resembles one or both of their parents.

8. The Rozenberg Quarterly Several theories
related to attraction and liking:
1. Transference Effect
Our past relationships can therefore affect our
current interactions with people.
2. Propinquity Effect
Proximity promotes familiarity and hence, liking,
this can also be true if we do not like a person.
3. Similarity
Similarity is a strong factor in friendship and in
the selection of a mate because it promotes
intimacy, trust, empathy, and long-lasting
4. Reciprocity
The more we are liked by someone we equally like, the more
we behave in ways that promote mutual feelings of liking.
5. Physical attractiveness
Physical attractiveness connotes positive health and
reproductive fitness, which are both essential to human survival.
6. Personality Characteristics and Traits
Empathic persons and socially competent persons
Happy and cheerful disposition, poised, and can present
themselves well, outgoing, ad sexually warm and responsive
Integrity, income potential, and stability of men
Attractiveness and Vitality of women

9. Love and Intimacy
 Love is a feeling of deep affection, passion, or strong liking for a person or thing
(http://www.yourdictionary.com/love)
 1Cor.

10. 1. Intimacy
 “That lovely moment when someone understands and validates us.” – Reis, Clark, and Holmes
(2004) and Reis and Shaver (1998)
 “It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of
his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring,
human being.” John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love”
 Being open and vulnerable to that person whom we deeply trust, who we feel connected with,
and who values us with unconditional positive regard – Rogers
 Communication is a key component in developing intimacy, where self-disclosure is practived.

11. 2. Commitment
 Is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements made with another
person, entity, or cause, and where the values of integrity and respect serve as a guide to
one’s behavior and thinking.
 Commitment in a love relationship is expressed continuously in caring and loving actions
for the beloved.
 Commitment is saying YES, you are into this relationship and will stick to it for as long as
possible.

12. 3. Passion
 Is the intense state of being that drives and
consumes a person to pursue an interest, a
vision, or a person.
 In terms of romantic love, passion connotes
sexual attraction, as well as intimacy.
 The eighth type of love is the absence of the
three components and is referred to by
Sternberg as “non-love”.

13. Variables related to strengthening
Commitment
1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship
support from the partner; sexual satisfactions; emotional, financial, and physical security;
adventure; and novelty
2. Temptation of alternative partners
the presence of possible alternatives for another partner can rock the relationship and
destabilize the commitment of a couple.
3. Investments made by the couple in the relationship
may include time spent together, common beliefs and experiences, mutual experiences with
mutual friends, and bearing children. Religious beliefs reinforce commitment

14. Spoilers to Commitment
1. Criticism
there is the absence of unconditional positive regard for each other in a relationship
2. Denial of the existence of conflict
When one party eludes the presence of a problem and refuses to discuss it, as if belittling the
problem, it will result in frustration on the side of the other party
3. Contempt
Someone who looks down on the party as inferior does not give unconditional positive regard,
and aggravates the situation by expressing superiority over the other.
“ultimate expression of disillusionment and highly predictive of “divorce” or separation.

15. Responsibilities in a Relationship
1.Be responsible for what you think and say to the other
person.
2.Be responsible for what you promise to do or not to do.
3.Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial.
4.Respect the other party or parties involved.
5.Be ready to provide support when needed.

16. Thank you!
That In All Things God May Be
Glorified!
Mrs. JULIENNE ROSE P. SABALLA, MAEd., RGC