Ceu 3 solo parenting - victim victor

Solo-Parenting:Solo-Parenting:
Victim… Victor!Victim… Victor!

Introduction:Introduction:
We do not have to look very far to realizeWe do not have to look very far to realize
that there isthat there is growing number of solo-growing number of solo-
parents in our generation todayparents in our generation today. We. We
have workmates, friends, and relativeshave workmates, friends, and relatives
who are part this sector of our societywho are part this sector of our society
and according to estimates and studies,and according to estimates and studies,
solo-parenting…solo-parenting…

Growing statisticsGrowing statistics
 HaveHave DoubledDoubled in the lastin the last 25 years25 years
 59%59% of American children will liveof American children will live
in a single parent home at leastin a single parent home at least
onceonce
 30%30% of children in the Philippinesof children in the Philippines
are brought in solo-parent homesare brought in solo-parent homes

I. Victim SyndromeI. Victim Syndrome
 As single parents, one may begin toAs single parents, one may begin to
wonder if she or he is designed to a life ofwonder if she or he is designed to a life of
UnhappinessUnhappiness, having children who are, having children who are
emotionallyemotionally UnstableUnstable andand UnderachievingUnderachieving
in school and ain school and a secondsecond
class familyclass family in thein the
societysociety..

Quote from a solo-Quote from a solo-
parentparent
 ““Six years ago when I first became aSix years ago when I first became a
single parent, there were only twosingle parent, there were only two
choices-you were eitherchoices-you were either singlesingle oror
marriedmarried. It was like any other status. It was like any other status
was simply not recognized. If youwas simply not recognized. If you
deviated from single or married, youdeviated from single or married, you
were considered anwere considered an outcastoutcast.”.”
(http://anasantoswrites.com/?p=147)(http://anasantoswrites.com/?p=147)

Negative self talkNegative self talk
 ““I will never be happy.”I will never be happy.”
 ““My child is doomed for life.”My child is doomed for life.”
 ““I am all alone in this situation.”I am all alone in this situation.”
 ““My child will never have aMy child will never have a
normal life.”normal life.”
 ““I will never have a normal life.”I will never have a normal life.”

 Having twoHaving two ParentsParents at home isat home is
always better than having onealways better than having one
 Children of single-parents areChildren of single-parents are
more prone to substance abuse.more prone to substance abuse.
 5.7 % versus5.7 % versus 4.54.5 %%
 The difference is not significantThe difference is not significant

 Children of single-parents doesChildren of single-parents does
not do very well academicallynot do very well academically
 Children living in nuclear familiesChildren living in nuclear families
have two totallyhave two totally EngagedEngaged parentsparents
 Mothers are raising their childrenMothers are raising their children
alonealone

The differenceThe difference
““The only differenceThe only difference
between abetween a SteppingStepping stonestone
and aand a StumblingStumbling block isblock is
how you use it”how you use it”
Mud stars

II. Victor’s Mind SetII. Victor’s Mind Set
More than anything, the real issue isMore than anything, the real issue is
what happens between thewhat happens between the EarsEars..
The difficult situation one is in isThe difficult situation one is in is
not the primary determining factornot the primary determining factor
if one is a victim or a victor, but itif one is a victim or a victor, but it
is how one perceives his or heris how one perceives his or her
reality/situation.reality/situation.

A new mind setA new mind set
 John 10:10 “…Have life to the full.”John 10:10 “…Have life to the full.”
 Phil. 4:4 ““Rejoice in the Lord always andPhil. 4:4 ““Rejoice in the Lord always and
again I say rejoice.”again I say rejoice.”
 ““Your greatest ministry will most likelyYour greatest ministry will most likely
come out of your greatest hurt…” – R.come out of your greatest hurt…” – R.
Warren (The Purpose Drive Life)Warren (The Purpose Drive Life)
 ““We can choose how we respond.” S.We can choose how we respond.” S.
Covey (Seven Habits…)Covey (Seven Habits…)

A new mind setA new mind set
““Sociologists who have studied singleSociologists who have studied single
mothers of different races, classes, andmothers of different races, classes, and
sexual orientations have found that thosesexual orientations have found that those
mothers aremothers are rarely raising their childrenrarely raising their children
single-handedlysingle-handedly. Instead, they have. Instead, they have
networks of friends and relatives andnetworks of friends and relatives and
neighbors who care about them and theirneighbors who care about them and their
children, and have been part of their liveschildren, and have been part of their lives
for years.”for years.”
(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200901/children-single-mothers-how-do-they-really-fare)(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200901/children-single-mothers-how-do-they-really-fare)

Coping and recoveryCoping and recovery
 ShockShock
 DenialDenial
 DepressionDepression
 AngerAnger
 GrievingGrieving
 MourningMourning
 OutreachOutreach
 GrowthGrowth
 RecoveryRecovery
 UnderstandingUnderstanding
 AcceptanceAcceptance

III. Equipping Solo-III. Equipping Solo-
parentsparents

IssuesIssues
 Parenting rolesParenting roles
 Sex identitySex identity
 ModelingModeling
 DisciplineDiscipline
AutocraticAutocratic
PermissivePermissive
NeglectNeglect
DemocraticDemocratic

Both worldsBoth worlds
““Single parentsSingle parents EnjoyEnjoy allall
the pleasure-andthe pleasure-and
EndureEndure all the pain ofall the pain of
parenthood…”parenthood…”

It is doableIt is doable
 Believe that having a healthy familyBelieve that having a healthy family
is possibleis possible
 Be aware that there areBe aware that there are DifficultiesDifficulties
in solo-parentingin solo-parenting
 Be aware to child’s pain due to theBe aware to child’s pain due to the
loss of a parentloss of a parent
 Always be “Always be “PresentPresent” with your child” with your child

Do you know?Do you know?
““Quality parenting willQuality parenting will
counteractcounteract thethe adverseadverse
affectaffect on children of oneon children of one
absent parent”absent parent”

Practical tipsPractical tips
 Develop one’s parenting skillsDevelop one’s parenting skills
 Look forLook for SupportSupport system (internal)system (internal)
““It takes a village to raise up a child”It takes a village to raise up a child”
 Control your financesControl your finances
 Explain to your kidsExplain to your kids EarlyEarly
 Look for support system and use itLook for support system and use it

Practical tips`Practical tips`
 Take time for the familyTake time for the family
 BeBe GoodGood to yourselfto yourself
 Be an exampleBe an example
 Treat kids likeTreat kids like KidsKids
 Look for the gemLook for the gem

Conclusion:Conclusion:
There are many types households in ourThere are many types households in our
society today from normal familysociety today from normal family
arrangements, blended families, OFWarrangements, blended families, OFW
families, adoptive and etc. But what isfamilies, adoptive and etc. But what is
crucial to the child is thecrucial to the child is the PositivePositive
interaction that happens in the familyinteraction that happens in the family
and making the home aand making the home a SafeSafe place toplace to
be in.be in.

Ceu 3 solo parenting - victim victor

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