This feedback form provides comments on various courseworks submitted by a student named Jim Machin. For an academic essay, the marker praised Jim's clear writing style but noted the content could be more scientific and analytical. For a journalistic article, the marker asked who the intended audience was. The proforma demonstrated engagement but did not appear to search academic databases. Areas for improvement included including more scientific detail, developing arguments based on evidence, citing sources more frequently, and improving the structure and organization of ideas. The marker provided an assessment rubric and comments to help explain the overall mark of 55%.

1. Department of Biosciences & chemistry, HWB -
66-500272 Applied Ecology & Environmental Biosciences
ASSESSED COURSEWORK FEEDBACK FORM
Student Name: Jim Machin
Title of coursework
Marker: Karen Stanley
overall MARK*: 55%
Comments
Academic Essay
you identify some important points, your writing style is clear (although see comments below*) , you bring in some
statistics, you make a good attempt to cite your sources appropriately, you make an attempt to illustrate your points
Journalistic article
A good attempt, your style is descriptive and clear - which magazine is this aimed at? who are you writing for? It is
based on the same information as your academic essay - is that appropriate for the readers of your magazine?
Proforma / explanation of Searching strategies
Your proforma demonstrates that you have engaged with task well although don’t appear to have attempted to search
academic databases? - see my comments and suggestions and hope this may help you continue to master this skill
Strengths:
enthusiastic, you have found appropriate sources – an extensive reference list*, citations and references well formatted
Things you could improve in future coursework
 you could gain more marks if you included more specific and more scientific detail
 *details of your content are simplified. sometimes vague, similar to the level of detail that is more typically used by
websites e.g. public information websites, especially when compared to that expected in scientific and academic
writing
 *see comments about descriptive style of writing rather than analytical - consider developing ‘arguments’ or making
a case based on scientific evidence (for example data from experimental studies)
 your essay would benefit from a wider range of reading - see comments on reference list
 avoid data from media news items if the news item is reporting the publication of the paper, go to the original paper
 you could gain more marks fi you consider the structure of your writing - see comments on re-sorting information -
in places it feels like your discussions jumps backwards and forwards between topics but could be better
organised and will thereby come across with more force and cogency
 subheadings - see my comments on making these more specific
 cite your sources more frequently -see comments where I have questioned the source of the information or
whether it is your opinion you would gain more marks if you included the widely held views of published scientists
rather than vague discussion or ideas
 you have made a good attempt to write an academic style but see comments on hyperbole and in particular on
making your illustrations work as more effective tools of clear communication
 Remember to include title and subheading ‘introduction’
Also see annotation of grid below which help explain your mark
See comments on the coursework for more detail
DATE: Jan Feb 2021/ *Unratified mark

2. Academic essay (65% weighting) Assessment Criteria for Coursework - Applied Ecology andEnvironmental Biosciences
Refer 3rd class 2.ii 2.i 1st class / distinction
outstanding
<40% 40 – 49% 50 – 59% 60 – 69% 70% +
Scientific Content
Answers may show some
understanding oftheissue, atleast
in part, butmay includeserious
errors and/oromissions,or may
indicate poor understanding.
Insufficientcoverageoftopic to
merit a pass.Fails toidentify and
retrieverelevant knowledgeform
sources .
Answer displays someknowledgeand
understanding ofthetopiccontent,some of
the main facts underpinning theissue are
included, but theseaspects may belimited
in depth and extent. Choice ofcontent may
be limited oroflimited relevanceto the
question.
Answer demonstrate
understanding ofkey issues,
attempts to identify anddescribe
complexities.Relevant scientific
content has beenincluded.
Reasonablelevel ofrelevant
detail.
Essay demonstrates a sound
understanding ofa rangeofrelevant
concepts, explains complexities
objectively with relevant level of
detail.Inclusionofrelevant scientific
content .Good levelofrelevant detail
balancedagainst appropriate breadth
topics coveredin your approach.
An excellent/outstanding choiceof
scientificcontent,demonstrates deep
understanding ofconcepts andprinciples,
clearlyidentifies and objectively
addresses a rangeofcomplexities with
highly relevantlevelofdetail. Excellent
communication o enhances argumentand
further demonstrates depth of
understanding. Excellentbalanceof
relevant detail againstbreadth, excellent
concision.
Academic and
scientific writing
style
Lack ofengagement with an
academicscientific style ofwriting
scientific
Style ofwritten English lacks academic
rigour or adherenceto scientific convention.
Ideas may bepoorlyexpressed andlack
clarity
Demonstrates anattemptto
engage with anacademic styleof
written English and adoptionof
scientificconventions.Some
ideas may bepoorly expressed.
Demonstrates good engagementwith
academicstyleofwrittenEnglishand
adherenceto scientificconventions.
Clarity and,lack ofambiguityin
writing.
Demonstrates excellent engagement with
academicstyleofscientific English and
consistently adheres to scientific
conventions.
Analysis and
argument
Little analysis, nojudgements
made. case is poorly argued
Largely descriptiveapproach, someattempt
to developacademic arguments, some
judgements madebutmaylack supporting
evidenceor data.
Attempts todevelopanacademic
argument, somejudgements
made.
Strands ofacademic arguments run
throughout,judgments well
supported by sound analysis,
The arguments are clearly constructed,
well supported by pertinentexamples or
evidence/ data, andincludecriticalor
originalanalysis ofsituation.Excellent
structure ofwriting facilitates easy
appreciation by reader.
Research sources
used
Limiteduseofappropriate
academicresources.
Referencesources may belimited,
inappropriate orlack academicrigour.
Draws upon academic literature.
In places may relyon
inappropriate resources. May
lack appropriate rangeof
sources.
Draws upon a range ofappropriate
and relevant academicliterature
including someprimary data sources.
Makes judicious useofnon-academic
sources.
Draws appropriatelyupona widerangeof
appropriateandrelevant academic
sources including primary data sources.
Makes judicious useofnon-academic
sources to enhanceargument.
Citation and
Referencing
Little or noengagement with the
academicconventionofcitation or
providing a listofreferencesources There may bea lack ofappropriatecitation
or referencing,lack ofadherenceto
requiredformat.
Citation and referencing may lack
adherenceto requiredformat.
More citation neededto support
arguments.
References frequently cited,
Referencing and citation adhereto
requiredformat.
Sophisticated citation indicates strong
understanding ofimportance androleof
citation inacademic writing.
Referencing and citationadhereto
requiredformat in allareas.

3. Academic essay (65% weighting) Theunofficial marking guide
*The lectureschedulein semester 1 highlightsall thelecturesections which arerelevant to these marking criteria
* You will gain marks for the following……. You are likely to lose marks (or may fail to gain marks) if …………
Scientific
Content and
underpinning
concepts
-you bring in concepts and principles, youdiscuss them andexplain whatthey mean
-if you explain phrases and terminology thatyou haveused
-if your explanations arecorrect
-if you includediscussionofconcepts and their applicationto the situationthat you are writing
about
-if you go in to relevant scientific details inatleast some importantareas (it doesn’t need tobe
deeply detailed alltheway throughto gain a goodmark butyou gainmoremarks ifyour detail
is in the mostimportant areas)
-you don’t mention relevantconcepts andprinciples,
-you don’t explainwhat theymean,
-you use terms,terminologyor jargonwithout indicating you understandthe meaning,
-your essay generalises and lacks details -throughout, (too broad withlittle depth)
-the content lacks 'science'content,andfor examplefocuses onpolitical, socialor economic issues.
-you go in to too much detail in areas thatare not closely relevant to the topic
-the majority of your content, or the topic area, is notrelevant tothemodule (i.e. ifit focuses more on
issues thatare not scientific aspects ofecology and/or environmental issues)
if you are significantly underor over thespecified work count
Academic
and scientific
writing style
-if your writing style is objective(rather than subjective)
-you use the past passive tenseeffectively,whereappropriate
-if you attemptto useobjectivelanguageand objectiveterms ('compare'vs showX is better or
best)
-you will gainsomemarks for attempting an academic styleofwriting
-within sentences,you break complex ideas down so thatthey are explained well
-you attempt to explaincomplexissues rather thanjust hinting andexpecting thereader to
understand your meaning
-you use academicandscientific conventions and scientific formats effectively
-your writing style is 'like a spoken style'
-you use hyperbolic terms (i.e.deliberately exaggerated) and emotive language
-your writing is toocomplexto follow(e.g. sentences arelong and complex, but notclear).
- you use wasn’t, isn't,cant,rather than writing these phrases out infull
-you don’t useacademic or scientificconventions (especially thosethat you havelearntin PSPmodules
e.g. units,superscriptor subscript where appropriate, )
- you don’t use scienceformatting e.g. (superscriptor subscript for units,whereappropriate,
-don’t integratecitations appropriately in tothetext (seeguidance sheet on BB site)
Structure,
analysisand
argument
-you introduce the topic, thecontext oftheissue/ problemand therationalefor thecontent
you are going toinclude
-if your ideas are presentedin a logicalorder thatis consistentwith your introduction
-when you makea statement,caseor argument yousupportit with evidence, data or
statistics (notjust a citation)
-if you includea finalsummary, conclusionor finalsection thatwraps up the arguments you
have been making
-if that section is concluding on thearguments youhave made rather thanrepeating or
summarising informationyou present in themain partofthe essay
-other elements ofyourwriting help enhanceyour argument, such as explaining context,
significance
-you use paragraphs effectively (one point per paragraph)
-your paragraphs have effective key sentences thattell the reader what thekeypoint that
your paragraph is making
-ifyou fail to introducethetopic
-ifyour introduction fails to givea rationalefor thecontent/ direction ofargument you havechosen
-ifyou just 'describe'situations but don’t attempt toanalysethesignificanceofthestatements youmake
-ifyour introduction sectionis long anddescriptive
-you only makedescriptivestatements,not arguments
-ifyou make statements, caseor arguments thatarenotsupportednot evidence, discussion, statistics or
data (just citing a referencedoes notnecessarilygain yougood marks)
-if you introducetopics or ideas later on intheessay thatyou haven't effectively introducedsomehow
earlier in theessay(seerevisionoftextand howto rewriteyour introduction)
-ifyou don’t havea finalsection that attempts towrap up theessay
-ifthat final sectionis just a summary and repeats whatyou havewrittenin the main partoftheessay
-ifyour paragraphs try to make severaldifferent points, ifthey starton one point and finish onanother, if
you don’t write key sentences
Research
sourcesused
-if you use evidenceand data fromprimary papers
-if you use and data evidencefromofficial data sources such as relevant websites government
-ifyou rely on websites e.g dot.coms,
- ifyou rely on 'populist science magazines (eg New Scientist, ScientificAmerican)
-ifyou don’t usepublishedacademic articles
Citation and
Referencing
-if you the cite sources ofevidence,facts, statements andopinions thatare not your own
-where you suggest there is 'lots ofresearch'… on a topicor that'many studies have
suggested'…,you citemultiplesources
-ifyou make statements opinions that arenot your own, or give facts without citing their source
-ifyou don’t adhereto the formatting advice for APAstyle citation and referencing

4. Assessment criteriafor Sections 2 and3
Refer 3rd Class 2.ii 2.i 1st class / distinction
not sufficient for a pass sufficient for a pass good very good excellent to outstanding
<40% 40 – 49% 50 – 59% 60 – 69% 70% +
Journalistic
style news
article
(30%)
There may bea failureto address
or engage with the task.
The article may show some
understanding oftheissue, atleast
in part, butmay includeserious
errors and/oromissions,or may
indicate poor understanding ofthe
topic and its context.
Article lacks obvious reasoning or
newsworthiness.
Falls shortofthequantify of
content required todemonstrate a
pass
Style ofwritten English maybe
inappropriate for thechosen
publication.
Style may notbeengaging or givea
sense oftimeliness ofinformation.
Lacks senseof‘newsworthiness’.
The article may not befocused ona
current topic or may not attemptto
link topic tocurrent context
Article displays someunderstanding of
the wider issues and identifies someof
the complexities,butthis maybe
limitedin depth and extent.
May display flaws inunderstanding of
some ofthe material. Thereare some
omissions or inaccuracies.
The article may bepoorly constructed,
poorly communicated, ideas may be
poorly expressedand lack clarity.
Demonstrates engagementwith a
journalistic style ofwrittenEnglish to
communicateinformation.
Attempts a style ofwrittenEnglish
that is appropriate for the chosen
publication.
Article displays understanding ofthe
context oftheissue(s),attempts to
identify and explaincomplexities
There may besomeminor errors,
omissions or poorly expressed ideas.
Attempts toidentify
‘newsworthiness’.
Style and content attempt toengage
the generalpublic/ appropriate
audience for thepublication.
Evidence thatthearticle draws on
appropriatereferencesources.
Demonstrates good engagementwith
an appropriate journalistic style of
written English tocommunicate
information andengagethegeneral
public.
Conveys strong senseof
newsworthiness.
Style and content likely toengagethe
scientifically engaged public/ target
audience.
Article displays goodunderstanding
ofthe wider issues, identifies context,
identifies and clearly explains
complexities.
Demonstrates clarity.
Style ofwritten English is appropriate
for the chosen medium
Evidence thatthearticle clearlydraws
on appropriatereference sources
Article displays excellent understanding of
the wider issues, clearlyidentifies context,
identifies and clearly explaincomplexities
Clearly identifies newsworthiness ofissue
Demonstrates excellent engagement with
good journalisticstyleofwrittenEnglish
to effectively communicatescientific
information (or torelatesciencewith
other important issues)
Consistently engaging styleand
interesting,informativerelevant content.
Clearly demonstrates integrity, objectivity
and clarity.
Excellent style ofwrittenEnglishwhich
exemplifies thechosen medium/
publication.
Clearly draws on and reports a rangeof
cutting edge‘new’reference sources.
Proforma/
explanation of
search strategy
There may bea failureto address
or engage with the task of
submitting a proforma for feedback
or explaining your searching for
relevant resources to support
researching for andwriting your
coursework or may fail to
undertake a suitablestrategy for
2nd year undergraduatecoursework
Engages brieflywiththetask of
submitting a proforma for feedback or
explaining yoursearching for relevant
resources to supportresearching for
and writing yourcoursework and/ or
may to undertakea poor strategyfor
2nd year undergraduatecoursework
Engages withthetask ofsubmitting a
proforma for feedback or explaining
your searching for relevant resources
to support researching for andwriting
your coursework and undertakes a
reasonablestrategy for 2nd yearUG
coursework where there is room for
improvement
Engages well withthetaskof
submitting a proforma for feedback
or explaining your searching for
relevant resources to support
researching for andwriting your
coursework and undertakes an
appropriatestrategy for 2nd year
coursework
Engages conscientiously withthetaskof
submitting a proforma for feedback or
explaining yoursearching for relevant
resources to supportresearching for and
writing your coursework and undertakes a
skilful strategy for undergraduate
coursework

5. Level 5 - Generic grade descriptor:relationshipof degree classificationtopercentagemark ranges and categorical grades (CG)
Class Mark range General Characteristics
FIRST
(Excellent)
93 - 100
Exceptional breadthanddepthof knowledgeandunderstandingof the areaof study;evidence of extensive andappropriate selectionand
critical evaluation/synthesis/analysisandof reading/researchbeyondthe prescribedrange,inbothbreadthanddepth,toadvance
work/directarguments;exceptionaldemonstrationof relevantskills;excellentcommunication;performance deemedtobe beyond
expectation.
85 - 92
78 - 84 Outstanding/excellentknowledge andunderstandingof the areaof study as the studentis typicallyable to go beyondwhat has been
taught (particularly for a mid/high1st
); evidence of extensiveandappropriate selectionandcritical evaluation/synthesis/analysisof
reading/research beyondthe prescribedrange,to advance work/directarguments;excellentdemonstrationof relevantskills;excellent
communication;performance deemedbeyondexpectationof the level.
70 - 77
UPPER
SECOND
(Very
good)
67 - 69 Verygoodknowledge andunderstandingof the areaof studyas the student istypicallyable to relate facts/concepts togetherwith
some ability to apply to known/taught contexts; evidence of appropriateselectionandevaluationof reading/research,somebeyond
the prescribedrange,mayrelyonsetsourcesto advance work/directarguments;demonstratesautonomyinapproachtolearning;
verygooddemonstrationof relevantskills;strongcommunicationskills.
64 -66
60 - 63
LOWER
SECON
D
(Good)
57 - 59 Good knowledgeandunderstandingof the areaof study balanced towards the descriptive ratherthan analytical;evidence of appropriate
selectionandevaluationof reading/researchbutgenerallyreliantonsetsourcestoadvance work/directarguments;gooddemonstrationof
relevantskills,thoughmaybe limitedinrange;communicationshowsclaritybutstructure maynotalwaysbe coherent.
54 - 56
50 - 53
THIRD
(Sufficient)
47 - 49 Knowledge and understandingissufficientto deal with terminology,basicfacts and concepts but failstomake meaningful synthesis; some
abilitytoselectandevaluate reading/researchhoweverworkmaybe more generallydescriptive;strongreliance onavailablesupportset
sourcesto advance work;argumentsmaybe weakor poorlyconstructed;adequate demonstrationof relevantskillsoveralimitedrange;
communication/presentationisgenerallycompetentbutwithsome weaknesses.
44 - 46
40 - 43
FAIL
(Insufficient)
30 - 39
Insufficientknowledge andunderstandingof the areaof study;some abilitytoselectandevaluate reading/researchhoweverworkismore
generallydescriptive;failstoaddresssome aspectsof the brief;alimiteduse of sourcestoadvance work;argumentsmaybe weak/pooror
weakly/poorlyconstructed;demonstrationof relevantskillsoverareducedrange;communicationshowslimitedclarity,poor
presentation,structure maynotbe coherent.
20 - 29
10 - 19 Highlyinsufficientknowledge orunderstandingof the areaof study; understandingistypically at the word level withfacts being
reproducedin a disjointedor decontextualised manner;failstoaddressthe outcomesaddressedbythe brief;typicallyignoresimportant
sourcesindevelopmentof workanddata/evidence inappropriatelyused;weaktechnical andpractical competence hampersabilityto
demonstrate/communicate achievement of outcomes.
1-9
ZERO 0 Work of no meritOR absent,worknotsubmitted,penaltyinsome misconductcases.