Improving Collaboration by Awareness of Mind Games

© 2018 iZenBridge | Public
Improving Collaboration
by Awareness of Games

About Me
➢ Founder of iZenBridge
➢ I serve working professional by enhancing their
employability.
➢ International Coach Federation (ICF) - Certified (ACC)
Coach
➢ I teach, Project Management, Agile, Kanban, SAFe ,
Facilitation and Coaching
➢ I observe games played by myself and by the players
around me.

Session Goal
Creating self managed
team by developing
awareness of mind
games

Traditional View of Team
➢ Team as a collection of individuals
➢ Increase performance by improving the performance of
individuals.

Team as System
“No two minds ever come together without thereby
creating a third, invisible intangible force, which
may be likened to a third mind.”
Source : Napoleon Hill, “Think and Grow Rich”

System – Team Coaching

Guiding Principles
➢ #1: Teams exist to produce
results.
➢ #2: The team is a living
system.
➢ #3: Team members want to
be on high performing
teams and want to
contribute.
➢ #4: The team has within it
the means to excel.

The Team is a Living System
Dividing an elephant in half does not
produce two small elephants.
We tend to focus on snapshots of isolated parts of the system ,
and wonder why our deepest problems never seems to get
solved.
The Fifth Discipline , Peter M. Senge

Understanding the pattern of Interaction : Games
Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships is a
bestselling 1964 book by psychiatrist Eric Berne. The book
describes both functional and dysfunctional social interactions.

Mind Games
➢ “Mind Games" in which people interact through a patterned and
predictable series of "transactions" which are superficially
plausible but which actually conceal motivations, include private
significance to the parties involved, and lead to a well-defined
predictable outcome, usually counterproductive.

How do we make meaning ?
Observable
data and
experiences
I Select data
from what I
observe
I add
meaning
based on my
thinking
I draw
conclusions
I develop
Belief
My Belief affect
what data I select
Reality is based on your perception of the truth

Now Exploring few mind games
➢ Now I've Got You, You Son of a Bitch(NIGYSOB)
➢ See what you made me do (SWYMD)
➢ Ain’t it awful
➢ Why don’t you – Yes But

Now I've Got You, You Son of a Bitch (NIGYSOB)
➢ Played by people for whom anger is an important, recurring
feeling.
➢ NIGYSOB players tend to select people of lesser authority.
➢ Every NIGYSOB player needs a person to play with
➢ Each move is always followed by an expected response

In a casual conversation, scrum master discovers that one of the
development team members did not give complete information of
his work item during the last daily scrum. Scrum master calls the
team member and starts yelling about how he could miss not
sharing this detail in daily scrum.

NIGYSOB player needs a person to play with

Escalating NIGYSOB (Victim )
Provocation
NIGYSOB
Punishment
Victim
Silence

Escalating NIGYSOB ( Rebel )
Provocation
NIGYSOB
Punishment
Attack
NIGYSOB

NIGYSOB with Adult
Provocation
NIGYSOB
Punishment
Acknowledge
Ask what
can be done
now ?

➢ Make NIGYSOB player aware of this game, do it with generosity
➢ Notice when NIGYSOB is getting played and respond to make it
end
➢ Keep watching yourself for playing NIGYSOB
➢ Teach team to develop awareness of NIGYSOB

See what you made me do (SWYMD)
➢ Avoidance of responsibility
➢ Looking for someone to blame for the current situation
➢ Player Position “ I am blameless “

See what you made me do (SWYMD)
In a daily scrum, developer ask scrum master, which task do you think I
should pick up? Scrum master happily suggest something, something
goes wrong in that work and developer show his disappointment to scrum
master “ see what you made me do “
Product Owner asks a development team member help him in elicitation
one user story, the developer does this. Later when the story gets
demoed to the client, the client has some observations, PO look at the
developer and says “ see what you made me do “

See what you made me do : Escalating
Failure
SWYMD
Blame
I was trying
to help
Lecture and
Advice

See what you made me do
➢ Make SWYMD player aware of this game, do it with generosity
➢ Notice when SWYMD is getting played and respond to make it
end
➢ Keep watching yourself for playing SWYMD
➢ Teach team to develop awareness of SWYMD

AIN’T IT AWFUL
➢ Look what they are doing to us now
➢ Look what management is doing on the name of XXXXX
➢ Management is not interested in XXXXX
➢ Players finding problems in the world
➢ Suffering enjoy company

AIN’T IT AWFUL
Two team members discussing how management is not concerned
about their day to day development problem they just need results.
Two agile coaches discussing its not possible
to bring agile culture in this organization
because management is not committed to
creating the agile mindset.

AIN’T IT AWFUL
➢ We are good and the problem is somewhere else
➢ We are helpless in front of this problem
➢ Let us talk about the problem rather than acting on it
➢ They are Not Ok.

WHY DON’T YOU – YES BUT (YDYB)
➢ Initiator : What do you do If….
➢ Advisor : Why don’t you …
➢ Initiator : Yes But ….

WHY DON’T YOU – YES BUT (YDYB)
What do you
do If
Why don’t
you
Yes But
No suggestion is ever accepted

Breaking the Game
What do you
do If
That is a difficult problem
, what are you going to do
about it ?

Mind Games
➢ Games create pattern leading to belief and creation of reality
➢ For productive and positive teams, we need to create positive
patterns
➢ Games come into existence when I do not own up
➢ Games come into existence when I say something and mean
something else.

Karpman's triangle
The drama triangle is a social model that was conceived by Stephen Karpman.
The Karpman Drama Triangle models the connection between personal
responsibility and power in conflicts, and the destructive and shifting roles
people play.
The Victim, Poor me!"
The Rescuer,
Let me help you
The Persecutor,
It's all your fault

The Winner's Triangle
➢ Vulnerable – a victim should be encouraged to accept their
vulnerability, problem solve, and be more self-aware.
➢ Assertive – a persecutor should be encouraged to ask for what
they want, be assertive, but not be punishing.
➢ Caring – a rescuer should be encouraged to show concern and
be caring, but not over-reach and problem solve for others.

What do I do with Games ?
➢ Know myself when I am playing
➢ Know when to stop the game when I am the initiator
➢ Develop skills to recognize the game when others are playing
➢ Develop an awareness of the consequences of the games

References
➢ Pictures : https://www.pexels.com
➢ Games People Play: Eric Berne
➢ The Fifth Discipline : Peter Senge

Exploration Ahead
➢ Book : Games People Play: Eric Berne
➢ Book : The Fifth Discipline : Peter Senge
➢ Book : I am Ok , you are OK
➢ Training : Certified Agile Coaching (ICP-ACC)
➢ Training : TA 101 : Transaction Analysis

www.iZenBridge.com
Twitter : Saket_tg
Email :
saket.bansal@izenbridge.com

Improving Collaboration by Awareness of Mind Games

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