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winning

about

not

It

Authentic influencing

Making it easy
Nels Karsvang January 2014.

1
Introduction – to the workbook
First, the workbook is defining, influencing and providing a framework.

Secondly, you are ...
Traditional vs. making it easy
Traditional / often

Making it easy
Short time
Learn
Apply
Process
End

Usually a lot of th...
What is influencing

Effect

In essence a result*
of a cause

Flow into

In essence a process moving along.

To have an ef...
What is influencing

A frame to balance and be aware of - where do you spend your energy.
The effect when influencing is a...
Identifying your core values
Your values
…

6
Identifying your core values
Using the MBTI framework

Your values
…

Understanding Yourself and Others: An Introduction t...
Identifying your core values
Your values
…

Schwartz, S.H. (1992). Universals in the content and structure of values: theo...
Core values used to authentic influencing

Putting your vales into play – increasing your ability to be in each domain in ...
Tool

Securing your own Authenticity

Your behaviors

Your values

Does your values match
your behavior?

What do you do w...
Tool

Securing your own Authenticity – help depending on your tilt tendency
Your behaviors

Your values

Optimum balance b...
Tool

Securing that you get help where you tend to miss it

Put a ‘X’ in the box below according to
when you are asking ot...
Tool

The greater power of any influencing situation
Greater powers

In general
Whenever you are engaged in influencing, r...
Tool

When to challenge and when to support
My Observations (When):

Confronting
Push

Challenging

Prescribing
Informing
...
Tool

When to challenge and when to support - When to use & what skills to have
Confronting

Prescribing

Informing

When
...
Tool

MBTI – using the functions

T

Use logical persuasion

F

Use appeal toward friendship,
values, collaboration and
al...
Tool

Semantic awareness

Verbal or
text/email

Meta
model
Question

Desired
Revealed information

Deletions
Distortions
G...
Tool

Semantic awareness – how to identify and use

Deletions

 Missing
 Unspecific

”I wont do it any more” What is tha...
Tool

Basic emotion and Empathy
Basic emotions that you can read in the facial expressions
Attack

Repeat or retain

Stop
...
Tool

The arena of right & wrong – ethical reflections
High

Low

High

Low

Your own Interest?

Company interest
To secur...
I welcome your Feedback & feed forward

As you see it

In writing to
Nelskarsvang@gmail.com

21

We will listen
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Authentich influencing

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Authentic influencing is about creating results by going knowing and using your own values within the influencing framework. It is also about easy to use tools that can be used in any given influencing situation.

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Authentich influencing

  1. 1. winning about not It Authentic influencing Making it easy Nels Karsvang January 2014. 1
  2. 2. Introduction – to the workbook First, the workbook is defining, influencing and providing a framework. Secondly, you are encouraged to work on your own values and connecting them to the framework. Then you are given 8 additional tools, which are fairly easy to use. The intention with this inspirational workbook is to introduce a sense of a structure that can be used for designing a complete workshop, or just as inspiration to put yourself in the driver’s seat towards being better at authentic influencing. I hope it will leave you inspired Nels Karsvang, 2014. Nelskarsvang@gmail.com // Linked In 2
  3. 3. Traditional vs. making it easy Traditional / often Making it easy Short time Learn Apply Process End Usually a lot of the negotiation and influencing tools are not used in accordance with the intentions of the tools. This often happens because the tools contain long checklists or a lot of process steps if you want to use them as they are intended. What happens is that we can often not remember the long checklist, the many process steps or something happens in the situation that does not comply with the checklist or long process that the tool demands. One consequence is that we forget the tool – and consequently stop using them. Easy Difficult Start Result The reasoning behind this workbook is that it will benefit you much more to have some easy-to-use tools. Tools, which can be freely applied in any situation where you need to influence or negotiate. Connecting the tools to your values will secure that you use them in an authentic way. It will save you energy and time in the preparation phase, and it will allow you to be more flexible and present in the given situation. It will not make you come out as winner and that is also not the goal – but it will help you secure an outcome where all involved can leave with high integrity and trust. 3
  4. 4. What is influencing Effect In essence a result* of a cause Flow into In essence a process moving along. To have an effect and/or flow into actions, events and persons. *This result does not only come from Cause and effect relations, it could be abductive, neural or other non logical patterns of inference/reasoning. Inspired by: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. And John Dewey 1859 - 1952 American philosopher, psychologist and pragmatist . 4
  5. 5. What is influencing A frame to balance and be aware of - where do you spend your energy. The effect when influencing is about doing something that has a result on actions, events and persons. At the same time it is about moving actions, events and persons along. In others words creating results when you are in movement. Moving along Process focused Balanced Lost, bigger picture or investigating Comments: The framework is not about enhancing one domain over another but it is about knowing when you are finding yourself where in the framework, and how your values makes you act and react in each of the four domains. Flexible, valueoriented and aware Being on hold Effect focused Bored, relaxed or stressed Furthermore, it is about knowing where you are and then to identify what actions, events or persons will need in order for you to influence them. Winner – loser paradigm And you are most likely able to make the right influence when you are in the balanced domain – keeping in mind that the actions, events and persons could call for one of the others domains. Effect focus Nels Karsvang: Authentic influencing framework. 2013. 5
  6. 6. Identifying your core values Your values … 6
  7. 7. Identifying your core values Using the MBTI framework Your values … Understanding Yourself and Others: An Introduction to the 4 Temperaments-4.0: Linda V. Berens 7
  8. 8. Identifying your core values Your values … Schwartz, S.H. (1992). Universals in the content and structure of values: theoretical advances and empirical tests in 20 countries. In M.P. Zanna, ed. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 25. Orlando: Academic Press, pp. 1-65. 8
  9. 9. Core values used to authentic influencing Putting your vales into play – increasing your ability to be in each domain in an authentic way. Being on hold Process focused Effect focused Balanced Bored, relaxed or stressed Lost, bigger picture or investigating Winner – looser paradigm Flexible, value oriented and aware What is important for you in order to be bored in an authentic way … What is important for you in order to see the bigger picture in an authentic way? What is important for you in order to win in an authentic way? … … What is important for you in order to be relaxed in an authentic way … What is important for you in order to being balanced; being and doing effect- and processfocused at the same time? … What is important for you in order to be the investigator in an authentic way? What is important for you to loose in an authentic way? … … What is important for you in order to keep a balanced and flexible approach in an authentic way? … What is important for you in order to ‘stay in’ the stress of being on hold? … What is important for you in order to ‘stay in the feeling of’ being lost? … What is important for you in order to position your self so that you are aware of the winner –loser paradigm? … Nels Karsvang: Authentic influencing frame work. 2013. 9 Who are you when you are balanced? …
  10. 10. Tool Securing your own Authenticity Your behaviors Your values Does your values match your behavior? What do you do when there is a mismatch/ dissonance? Answers:  Change your values to fit the behavior?  Change your behavior to fit your values?  Live with the mismatch/dissonance? What are the consequences to you? What could you benefit from taking actions on and value-reflections from Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. California: Stanford University Press. 10 Gain inspiration from the next page.
  11. 11. Tool Securing your own Authenticity – help depending on your tilt tendency Your behaviors Your values Optimum balance between values and behavior: Inner experience:  Doing the right thing  Congruent  Being me, honest and authentic Perceptions from others:  Strong, firm  Passionate  Integrative authentic Tipped balance when values are dominant and behaviors are subdued: Inner experience  Knowing what is right  Spend energy on what should have been done.  Torn, split and de-action Perceptions from others:  Approachable  Withdrawn  Strong value-orientation and weak on actions 11 Tipped balance when behaviors are dominant and values are subdued: Inner experience  Low self esteem  Defined by actions  Inconsistent action pattern Perceptions from others:  Occurs an empty shell  Strong action-orientation and weak on values.  Outgoing.
  12. 12. Tool Securing that you get help where you tend to miss it Put a ‘X’ in the box below according to when you are asking others for help? When are you asking for help? Before During After When success When Problems When in the mood It is the blank boxes that will provide the input that can take you to a new level. A common pitfall is that we don’t ask for help when is seems to be going well – a success. 12
  13. 13. Tool The greater power of any influencing situation Greater powers In general Whenever you are engaged in influencing, remember to consider what greater powers are involved, and take these powers into account. The greater powers always dictate the meta-frame for the actions, events or persons you want to influence. Balanced Flexible, valueoriented and aware Process focused Effect focused Lost, bigger picture or investigating How to use Match what the greater powers are doing and act that out towards the event, actions or persons you want to influence. Detect which one of the four influencing styles the greater powers display, and use that specific style towards the actions, events or persons that you want to influence. Winner – loser paradigm Being on hold Bored, relaxed or stressed You Actions, events, persons 13
  14. 14. Tool When to challenge and when to support My Observations (When): Confronting Push Challenging Prescribing Informing How do you make the strongest impact in the current situation, by: My Actions/ What I will do (Skills): Releasing Pull Supporting Exploring Supporting 14
  15. 15. Tool When to challenge and when to support - When to use & what skills to have Confronting Prescribing Informing When  To show consequences of the client’s action/thinking  To challenge the client to re-think assumptions  To raise the client’s awareness (e.g. of greater powers or other’s perceptions)  To boost clients confidence by affirming success When  If expertise is asked for  When guidance is needed  If the client is unable to direct them-self in that moment  If there are legal, safety or ethical guidelines When  Showing where to find extra help or information  Supplying facts and data  Explaining what just happened  Telling your own experience Skills  Knowing when appropriate  Direct questions  Giving constructive feedback  Challenging defensive excuses  Giving space to reflect Skills  How to prescribe  Giving clear instructions  Explaining why  Motivating Skills  Presenting information - clear and concise  Checking for understanding  Inviting and handling questions  Judging how much to give Releasing Exploring Supporting When  If the client is afraid of risk or failure  If the client feels incompetent  If the client is frustrated, demotivated, angry  If the client is excited, joyful, pleased When  To achieve a deeper level of understanding  To achieve a broader more expansive conversation  To encourage the client to take responsibility  To promote motivation and commitment When  To build moral and self-confidence  To encourage risk taking  To reward success, promote future results Skills  Active listening  Questioning  Showing Empathy  Feedback based on what you perceive  Creating a supportive climate Skills  Wide range of questions  Reflecting and paraphrasing  Provoking curiosity  Silence Skills  Expressing appreciation  Showing YOUR confidence  Sharing your mistakes  Apologizing when necessary 15
  16. 16. Tool MBTI – using the functions T Use logical persuasion F Use appeal toward friendship, values, collaboration and alliance building N Use concepts, metaphors and future benefits to persuade S Listen and identify the way the other is formulating him/herself according to: T, F, N or S Then you apply their approach in the way you communicate with them – it will increase you ability to influence him/her. T N F T T See facts, present tangible arguments to persuade. S Myers, Isabel Briggs with Peter B. Myers (1980, 1995). Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type. Mountain View, CA: Davies-Black Publishing. 16 T
  17. 17. Tool Semantic awareness Verbal or text/email Meta model Question Desired Revealed information Deletions Distortions Generalizations John Grindler and Richard Bandler in: Structure of Magic’ Vol.1 (1975) 17
  18. 18. Tool Semantic awareness – how to identify and use Deletions  Missing  Unspecific ”I wont do it any more” What is that you won’t do? ”He is rather closed towards me” What do you mean by closed? ”He actually do not like me, I can see it in his eyes” How do you read in his eyes that he cannot like you? Distortions  Mind reading  Cause and effect “He keeps on making the same claim he has simply not understood what it is all about”. How do you know that making the same claim means that he has not understood what it is all about? Generalizations  Universal  Modal verbs “He never makes a conclusion” Have you experienced him or heard about him making a conclusion? “I should tell him to act on it” What happens if you don’t tell him to act on it? 18
  19. 19. Tool Basic emotion and Empathy Basic emotions that you can read in the facial expressions Attack Repeat or retain Stop The basic empathic actions 1 What are your emotions? 2 What are the emotions of the other – what do you see? 3 Put your self in the shoes of the other. 4 As the other: What emotions would you like to receive? Vomit Cry Escape 5 As your self: Display those emotion Glacomo Rizzalatti, University of Parma, 1990 Paul Ekman: Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life (Times Books, 2003) 19
  20. 20. Tool The arena of right & wrong – ethical reflections High Low High Low Your own Interest? Company interest To secure optimal result within the frame of Company values and Vision  How do you balance these 3 interests when you are Influencing or Negotiating?  Are the interests right or wrong?  Are the interests helping or interfering? High Low Client interest Do you know them? Do you take them into account? Client Company interest 20
  21. 21. I welcome your Feedback & feed forward As you see it In writing to Nelskarsvang@gmail.com 21 We will listen

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