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Influencing skills

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If you want to take your influencing skills to the next level, email me:
alanbarker830@btinternet.com

This set of slides summarizes my approach to influencing skills as a trainer and coach. Sources of the main ideas are given.

Published in: Business

Influencing skills

  1. 1. <ul><li>Influencing skills </li></ul><ul><li>Alan Barker </li></ul><ul><li>Kairos Training Limited </li></ul>
  2. 2. <ul><li>These slides represent some of the supporting material from a training session. </li></ul><ul><li>Information on the slides may therefore be incomplete. </li></ul>
  3. 3. <ul><li>What’s the difference? </li></ul><ul><li>Influencing: using behaviour to change someone else’s behaviour </li></ul><ul><li>Persuading: convincing, arguing, appealing to rationality </li></ul><ul><li>Maybe! The distinction is not absolute. </li></ul>
  4. 4. <ul><li>Influencing works by acting on the unconscious. </li></ul><ul><li>We are less likely to be influenced if we notice that we are being influenced. </li></ul><ul><li>Do you agree? </li></ul>
  5. 6. Do we communicate what we intend? What’s the context? A one-way street What does it all mean?
  6. 7. <ul><li>Whatever we understand has been communicated – whether it was intended or not. </li></ul>
  7. 8. There is a paradox in communicating. I cannot expect you to understand everything I tell you; and I cannot expect you to understand only what I tell you. [with thanks to Patrick Bouvard]
  8. 9. <ul><li>Finnish Professor of human communication. </li></ul><ul><li>He is best known for a set of humorous maxims about how communication in organizations goes wrong. </li></ul><ul><li>They illustrate some of the problems of using the Shannon-Weaver transmission model. </li></ul>
  9. 10. <ul><li>Communication usually fails, except by accident. </li></ul><ul><li>If communication can fail, it will fail. </li></ul><ul><li>If communication cannot fail, it still usually fails. </li></ul><ul><li>If communication seems to succeed in the way you intend – someone’s misunderstood. </li></ul>
  10. 11. <ul><li>If you are content with your message, communication is certainly failing. </li></ul><ul><li>If a message can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that maximizes the damage. </li></ul><ul><li>There is always someone who knows better than you what your message means. </li></ul><ul><li>The more we communicate, the more communication fails. </li></ul>
  11. 12. <ul><li>Understanding is pattern-matching. </li></ul>
  12. 13. <ul><li>Continuous </li></ul><ul><li>Complicated </li></ul><ul><li>Contextual </li></ul>
  13. 14. <ul><li>We cannot not communicate. </li></ul><ul><li>[Paul Watzlawick, Mental Research Institute, Palo Alto, California] </li></ul>
  14. 15. Relationship Information Action
  15. 18. <ul><li>R eciprocity </li></ul><ul><li>A ssimilation </li></ul><ul><li>S carcity </li></ul><ul><li>C onsistency </li></ul><ul><li>A uthority </li></ul><ul><li>L iking </li></ul>Robert Cialdini
  16. 20. <ul><li>Based on two variables </li></ul><ul><li>Status </li></ul><ul><li>Emotional disclosure </li></ul>
  17. 22. <ul><li>Our social position </li></ul><ul><li>Assessed on a simple sliding scale: </li></ul><ul><li>low to high </li></ul><ul><li>Always relative </li></ul><ul><li>Always provisional: time; situation; people </li></ul><ul><li>Gained behaviourally from other people </li></ul>
  18. 25. <ul><li>Statements of fact, making speeches </li></ul><ul><li>Statements about objectives </li></ul><ul><li>Demands for agreement on specifics </li></ul><ul><li>Demands for commitment </li></ul><ul><li>Expressions of opinion </li></ul>
  19. 26. <ul><li>Asking about values and principles </li></ul><ul><li>Questions about needs and objectives </li></ul><ul><li>Probing for feelings and perceptions </li></ul><ul><li>Asking for explanations and examples </li></ul><ul><li>Listening and following up </li></ul>
  20. 28. <ul><li>Rapport could be defined as the process of levelling status. </li></ul>
  21. 29. <ul><li>The mirroring system , which allows us, to some extent, to share the experiences of others </li></ul><ul><li>The mentalizing system , which allows us to make predictions about people's actions on the basis of their mental states </li></ul><ul><li>[Chris Frith] </li></ul>
  22. 30. <ul><li>Copy the other person’s body language. </li></ul><ul><li>Make no more than two statements before you ask a question. </li></ul><ul><li>Ask three questions – but no more till you have done the next two things. </li></ul>
  23. 31. <ul><li>Find something from what you have just learnt to pay a subtle and relevant compliment about. </li></ul><ul><li>Find something in what you have found out to agree with. </li></ul><ul><li>Repeat steps 1-5 until the conversation takes on a life of its own. </li></ul>
  24. 32. <ul><li>They provoke motion without thinking </li></ul>
  25. 33. <ul><li>Anger </li></ul><ul><li>Happiness </li></ul><ul><li>Disgust </li></ul><ul><li>Surprise </li></ul><ul><li>Sadness </li></ul><ul><li>Fear </li></ul>
  26. 34. task relationship
  27. 35. Simon Baron-Cohen
  28. 36. ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  29. 37. Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  30. 38. Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ <ul><li>The Control Specialist </li></ul><ul><li>Just do it! </li></ul><ul><li>Wants to know what and when </li></ul><ul><li>Likes to take charge </li></ul>Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  31. 39. Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  32. 40. Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ <ul><li>The Technique Specialist </li></ul><ul><li>Do it right or not at all! </li></ul><ul><li>Wants to know how </li></ul><ul><li>Likes to plan </li></ul>Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  33. 41. Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  34. 42. Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  35. 43. Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ <ul><li>The Support Specialist </li></ul><ul><li>We’re great! </li></ul><ul><li>Wants to know who and why </li></ul><ul><li>Likes cooperation and loyalty </li></ul>Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  36. 44. Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  37. 45. Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ <ul><li>The Social Specialist </li></ul><ul><li>Let’s all do it! </li></ul><ul><li>Wants to know who else </li></ul><ul><li>Likes energy and optimism </li></ul>Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  38. 46. Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)
  39. 47. Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive ) ‘ Pull’ ‘ Push’ Analytical Driver Amiable Expressive Finish Implement Inspire Market Investigate Support Liaise Appraise
  40. 48. <ul><li>Adaptability! </li></ul>
  41. 49. <ul><li>Are they more assertive and fast-paced or less assertive and slower-paced? </li></ul>Are they less responsive and task-oriented or more responsive and people-oriented?
  42. 50. <ul><li>What is your least preferred style? </li></ul><ul><li>What situations at work require you to use this style? </li></ul><ul><li>What could you do (or stop doing) to increase your competence in this style? </li></ul>
  43. 51. For more information:
  44. 52. <ul><li>Thank you! </li></ul><ul><li>Alan Barker </li></ul><ul><li>Kairos Training Limited </li></ul><ul><li>www.kairostraining.co.uk </li></ul>

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