Using negotiation techniques to handle "what happened" conversations

1. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
SINGAPORE | 2018
Negotiation in difficult
conversations
August 2018

2. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L 2C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
1. Introduction & expectation setting
2. Types of difficult conversations
3. Managing difficult situations through negotiation
4. Roleplay
Today's agenda

3. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
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LOREM IPSUM DOLOR SIT
AMET ADIPISCING ELIT
01 Introduction &
Expectation Setting

4. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L 4C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
Intended outcome
§ Understand the deeper situation behind a difficult conversation
§ Develop strategies to be used in difficult conversations
§ Negotiate difficult situations towards the best outcomes with confidence
§ Reflect and learn from your and others’ experience

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02 Types of Difficult Conversations

6. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
Types of difficult conversations
Underlying every difficult conversation is actually three deeper conversations
The “feelings”
conversation
The “identity”
conversation
The “what happened?”
conversation
Our focus
today

7. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
1 Usually involves disagreement over what happened, what should happen, and who is to
blame. Work with the other side to acknowledge the issue at hand, then provide them with
the ability to convey their opinion on what needs to happen next.
The “what happened?” conversation
2 This conversation surrounds the other party’s emotions, and their validity. As the one
delivering bad news, it is important that you show your own emotion and express verbally
how you feel about the situation. Everyone handles situations in different ways, it is
important to be empathetic to the other individual and the situation they are in.
The “feelings” conversation
3
Types of difficult conversations
Underlying every difficult conversation is actually three deeper conversations
Difficult conversations may call into question a person's competency, their goodness, or
whether they are worthy of being liked. All-or-nothing thinking can make people more
vulnerable to identity crises - as either likeable or worthless, good or evil. “How does what
happened affect my self-image and self-esteem?”
The “identity” conversation

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AMET ADIPISCING ELIT
03 Managing Difficult Situations
Through Negotiation

9. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
Prepare
Exchange
Bargain
Conclude
Execute
• Discover and create value
• Assess interest
• Opportunity to address interest and issues
• Make and manage concessionsCritical
conversations
happen here
5 stages of negotiation
• Identify potential value
• Anticipate what will happen

10. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
Managing difficult situations through negotiation
Negotiation is a core leadership – and life – skill

11. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
Managing difficult situations through negotiation
Key lessons learnt
Negotiation is a potentially powerful
and transformative tool. It’s something
all of us do all of the time. And for
many, it’s a source of control.
- Jared Curhan
Empathy vs Assertiveness
“What is the question I really
hope they don’t ask?”
Realize the bigger insight

12. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
Gather Information
Learn as much as possible about the problem and ascertain the
information required from the other party. Understanding clearly the
issues involved and options available is also needed.
Evaluate leverage
Evaluation of one’s leverage and the other party’s leverage is
important because there may be a number of things one can do to
improve one’s leverage or diminish the leverage of the other party.
Who are the people
involved?
An understanding of objectives, roles and the issues likely to be
raised by the other party will facilitate better handling of the situation
during the conversation. Assign key roles in your team: negotiator,
notetaker, subject matter expert.
Prepare, prepare, prepare
Know your objectives
Clarity of objectives is absolutely essential. It needs to be decided in
advance how much you are willing to concede and what your
priorities are. All arguments and justifications should be ready.
For something so important, it's vital to have a process

13. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
Set expectations from the start
Have a pre-emptive conversation
Prepare with difficult clients for the inevitable time you’ll have bad news to deliver
“Going forward, in the event I have to tell you about a
bump and obstacle or set back, what is the best way
to tell you?” Other clients have told me….
• Don’t do it by email
• Don’t tell me on a Friday
• When you tell me, tell me the options and solutions
you’d suggest, what you need from me

14. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L 1 4C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
Opposition Partnership
Convincing Learning
Keep the conversation focused
Despite our best intentions, conversations can veer into difficult territory
Assume Understand
Valuable relationship
Reframe your purpose
Finding a solution
Agenda Strategy

15. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
The bargaining zone
Their offer
Your goal
Considerations
• What is the minimum I can accept?
• What is the maximum I can give away?
• What is the maximum I can ask for?

16. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
Responding in difficult conversations
• Use a mild, neutral tone of voice
• This signals that you are not engaging with the content
“Excuse me?”
“I can see how this is good for you. Tell me how it’s good for me.”
• If the person stalls or changes the subject, you can say,
“Since it’s not clear how this is good for me, I’m going to have to say no.”
“I’d like each of us to get all of our concerns out on the table, so
that we can be confident we’re not missing anything.”
• Verbalize your intention
• Be explicit about the topic, process and what you hope to achieve

17. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
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04 Roleplay

18. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
Summary of best practices
Set expectations
from the start
DocumentationPreparation
§ Know your objective
§ Gather information
§ Understand RnRs
§ Put yourself in client’s
shoes
§ Have a pre-emptive
conversation, in
preparation of the
inevitable
§ Assign a notetaker
§ Maintain record
§ Share minutes in real
time

19. T H A N K Y O U
C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L

20. C O P Y R I G H T P U B L I C I S . S A P I E N T | C O N F I D E N T I A L
References
• https://medium.com/the-mission/the-definitive-guide-to-difficult-conversations-46c9d593d788
• https://www.slideshare.net/partnerforce/difficult-conversations-and-delivering-bad-news?qid=3ef25129-8227-40be-a740-
242bcc6c2b34&v=&b=&from_search=6
• https://www.watershedassociates.com/learning-center-item/negotiation-stages-introduction.html
• https://www.forbes.com/sites/halgregersen/2016/05/02/mastering-difficult-situations-through-negotiation-in-life-and-at-
work/#3e7ade9453c1
• https://www.managementstudyhq.com/characteristics-and-steps-of-negotiation-process.html
• https://hbr.org/2017/05/8-ways-to-get-a-difficult-conversation-back-on-track
• https://www.europarc.org/communication-skills/pdf/Negotiation%20Skills.pdf
• https://www.imd.org/research/insightsimd/negotiation-skills-to-achieve-positive-outcomes/
• http://www.smartbrief.com/original/2013/08/whos-holding-you-hostage-mastering-difficult-conversations-part-1
• https://www.livechatinc.com/blog/the-art-of-negotiations/
• https://hbr.org/2013/04/how-to-deal-with-a-toxic-clien