Week 4.ppt

© 2010 Thomson South-Western
Instructor Only Version
CHAPTER 4
Revising
Business
Messages

Chapter 1, Slide 2
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 2
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
The Writing Process

Chapter 1, Slide 3
Improving content and
sentence structure
May involve adding,
cutting, and recasting.
Correcting grammar,
spelling, punctuation,
format, and mechanics
Proofreading
Revising

Chapter 4, Slide 4
Concise Wording
Revise your messages to eliminate flabby
expressions.
Instead of this
We are of the opinion that
Please feel free to
In addition to the above
At this point in time
Despite the fact that
Try this
We think
Please
Also
Now
Although

Chapter 4, Slide 5
Limit Long Lead-Ins
Instead of this
This memo is to inform
you that all employees
meet today.
I am writing this letter
to say thanks to
everyone who voted.
Try this
All employees
meet today.
Thanks to
everyone who
voted.

Chapter 4, Slide 6
Drop Unnecessary Fillers
Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there
is/was and it is/was when used merely to take
up space.
Instead of this
There was only one
employee who should
be promoted.
It was Lisa and Jeff
who were honored.
Try this
Only one employee
should be promoted.
Lisa and Jeff were
honored.

Chapter 1, Slide 7
Quick
Check
Revise the following sentences to avoid flabby
expressions, long lead-ins, and unnecessary
there is/it is fillers.
A new health benefit
plan is available for
employees.
This e-mail message is to
inform you that there is a
new health benefit plan
available for employees.
I would like to take this
opportunity to inform
everyone that in all
probability we expect to win
the contract.
We probably will
win the contract.

Chapter 1, Slide 8
Quick
Check
Revise the following sentences to achieve
conciseness.
Two contracts are
also attached.
In addition to the above,
there are contracts that are
attached hereto.
Despite the fact that most
information is posted on the
company intranet, please
feel free to call whenever
necessary.
Although most
information is posted
on the company
intranet, please call
whenever necessary.

Chapter 4, Slide 9
Remove Redundant Words
advance warning
close proximity
exactly identical
filled to capacity
final outcome
necessary requisite
new beginning
past history
refer back
serious danger
Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What
words could be omitted in these expressions?

Chapter 4, Slide 10
Remove Redundant Words
advance warning
close proximity
exactly identical
filled to capacity
final outcome
necessary requisite
new beginning
past history
refer back
serious danger
Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What
words could be omitted in these expressions?

Chapter 4, Slide 11
Dump Trite Expressions
Trite and Outdated
as per your request
pursuant to your request
attached hereto
under separate cover
Modern
at your request
at your request
attached
separately

Chapter 1, Slide 12
Try This…
NorthStar Telecommunication Services
Interoffice Memo
Date: November 12, 200x
To: Phillip Larios
From: Danika Freedman
Subject: Investigation of Web Sites of Some of Our Competitors
This is just a short note to inform you that, as you requested, I have made an
investigation of several of our competitor’s Web sites. Attached hereto is a summary of
my findings. of my investigation. I was really most interested in making a comparison of
the employment of strategies for marketing as well as the use of navigational graphics
used to guide visitors through the sites. In view of the fact that we will be revising our own
Website in the near future, I was extremely intrigued by the organization, kind of
marketing tactics, and navigation at each and every site I visited.
In the event that you would like to discuss this information with me, feel free to call me at
Extension 219.
Attachment.

Chapter 1, Slide 13
Memo Revised for Conciseness

Chapter 4, Slide 14
Jargon
Computer Jargon
queue
export
bandwidth
Alternative
list of documents
waiting to be printed
transfer data from one
program to another
Internet capacity
Avoid technical terms and special terminology
that readers would not recognize.
Is jargon ever permissible?

Chapter 4, Slide 15
Slang
to “bag on”
clueless
turkey
chill/chill out
to tease, to nag, or to
complain
unaware, naïve
someone stupid or silly
relax
Avoid slang (informal expressions with
arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings).

Chapter 4, Slide 16
Slang
An example from the world of Dilbert:

Chapter 4, Slide 17
Clichés
Avoid clichés (overused expressions).
Substitute more precise words.
Instead of this
Last but not least, you
should keep your nose
to the grindstone.
We had reached the
end of our rope.
Try this
Finally, you should
work diligently.
We could go no
further.

Chapter 1, Slide 18
Quick
Check
Finally, the attorney
referred to an
identical case.
Last but not least, the
attorney referred back to an
exactly identical case.
With a little advance
warning, we could have sold
out before our stocks tanked.
With warning, we
could have sold out
before our stocks hit
bottom.
Revise the following sentences to avoid
redundancies, trite business expressions,
jargon, and slang.

Chapter 1, Slide 19
Ms. Miller, who is
straightforward,
demanded
completion by
January 1.
Ms. Miller, who shoots
straight from the shoulder,
demanded final completion
by January 1.
Revise the following sentences to avoid
redundancies, trite business expressions,
jargon, and slang.
As you requested, a
check for $150 is
enclosed.
Pursuant to your request,
enclosed please find a check
for $150.

Chapter 4, Slide 20
Buried Verbs
Revise verbs that have been converted to
nouns.
Look for words ending in
tion or ment. Could they
be more efficiently and
forcefully converted to verbs?
Tip

Chapter 4, Slide 21
Instead of this
The manager came to
the realization that
telecommuting made
sense.
A job seeker must
make application
before May 1.
Try this
The manager
realized that
telecommuting
made sense.
A job seeker must
apply before
May 1.
Buried Verbs

Chapter 4, Slide 22
Instead of this
Once we have the
establishment of a
Web site, our
business will grow.
Please give serious
consideration to a
company intranet.
Try this
Once we
establish a Web
site, our business
will grow.
Please seriously
consider a
company intranet.
Buried Verbs

Chapter 4, Slide 23
Control Exuberance
To sound credible, don’t overuse intensifiers
such as very, definitely, quite, completely,
extremely, really, actually, and totally
Excessive
The manager is actually
quite pleased with your
proposal because the
plan is definitely
workable.
Businesslike
The manager is
pleased with your
proposal because
the plan is workable.

Chapter 4, Slide 24
Precise Words
Revise your writing to include precise words.
Strive for specific verbs, concrete nouns, and
vivid adjectives. Beware of unclear pronouns.
Unclear
The man asked
for a raise.
An employee
presented a
proposal.
More Precise
Jeff Jones asked for a 10
percent salary increase.
Kelly Keeler, production
manager, presented a plan
to stagger hours.

Chapter 4, Slide 25
Precise Words
Revise your writing to include descriptive,
dynamic adjectives instead of overworked,
all-purpose ones.
Instead of this
They thought her
report was good.
She said she would
get in touch.
Try this
The management council
thought Erin’s report was
factual and well written.
Sheila said she would
send you an e-mail.

Chapter 1, Slide 26
Quick
Check
The seller promised
to e-mail (telephone
or fax) you.
The seller said he definitely
would contact you.
We must give
encouragement to our team.
We must encourage
our team.
In the following sentences, unbury verbs and
control exuberance.

Chapter 1, Slide 27
Moviegoers prefer
buttered popcorn.
Moviegoers actually show a
total preference for buttered
popcorn.
Please assess the
home’s value.
Please make an assessment
of the home’s value.
Ann suggested that
we hire Lee.
Ann made a suggestion that
we hire Lee.
In the following sentences, unbury verbs and
control exuberance.

Chapter 4, Slide 28
Designing Documents for
Readability
Employ white space.
 Headings
 Short paragraphs
 Ragged-right margins

Chapter 4, Slide 29
Choose appropriate typefaces.
Serif typefaces have small features at ends
of strokes. Useful for body text.
Times New Roman
Century
Georgia
Garamond
Readability

Chapter 4, Slide 30
Choose appropriate typefaces.
Sans serif typefaces are cleaner without
features. Useful for headings, signs, and
noncontinuous reading material.
Arial
Tahoma
Verdana
Calibri
Readability

Chapter 4, Slide 31
Readability
Use bulleted and numbered lists.
 Break up complex information into smaller
chunks.
 Use numbered lists for sequences.
 Use bulleted lists for items that don’t
require a certain order.

Chapter 4, Slide 32
Instead of this
To clean the printer, you
should do the following.
First, you should
disconnect the power
cord. Then you open the
front cover, and the
printer area should be
cleaned with a soft cloth.
Try this
To clean the printer, do
the following:
1. Disconnect the power
cord.
2. Open the front cover.
3. Clean the printer with
a soft cloth.
Readability
Use a numbered list for instructions.

Chapter 4, Slide 33
Instead of this
On April 3 we will be in
Toledo, and the speaker
is Troy Lee. On May 20
we will be in Detroit, and
the speaker is Sue Wu.
Try this
Date City Speaker
April 3 Toledo Troy Lee
May 20 Detroit Sue Wu
Readability
Organize information with column headings.

Chapter 4, Slide 34
Instead of this
Our team constantly tries
to achieve our goals,
customer service must be
improved, and our
production targets must
be met.
Try this
Our team constantly tries
to (a) achieve our goals,
(b) improve customer
service, and (c) hit our
production targets.
Readability
Use letters to list items within sentences.
Strive for parallelism.

Chapter 4, Slide 35
Instead of this
The next topic is
vacations. A new vacation
schedule will be available
on May 1.
To assist employees, we
will begin a flex schedule
in the fall.
Try this
Vacations. A new vacation
schedule will be available
on May 1.
Flextime. To assist
employees, we will begin a
flex schedule in the fall.
Readability
Use paragraph headings to improve
organization and readability.

Chapter 1, Slide 36
Quick
Check
The next training session
will demonstrate
• Creating podcasts
• Sharing multiple
programs
• Maintaining an Internet
directory.
In the next training
session, the trainer will
demonstrate how to
create podcasts, how to
share multiple
programs, and how to
maintain an Internet
directory.
Arrange the following in a concise, bulleted
vertical list.

Chapter 1, Slide 37
Quick
Check
You can prepare for
interviews by doing the
following:
• Study the job description.
• Itemize your most
strategic skills and
qualifications.
• Practice giving responses
in a mock interview.
In preparing for an employment
interview, you should begin by
studying the job description.
Itemizing your most strategic
skills and qualifications is also
important. Giving responses in
a mock interview is another
good practice technique. Last,
you should be prepared to ask
relevant questions.
Improve the readability of the following
instructions that will become part of a
student’s employment booklet.

Chapter 4, Slide 38
What to Watch for
in Proofreading
 Spelling
 Grammar
 Punctuation
 Names and numbers
 Format
©
ISTOCKPHOTO.COM
/
DMITRY
SHIRONOSOV

Chapter 4, Slide 39
Proofreading Marks

Chapter 1, Slide 40

Chapter 4, Slide 41
How to Proofread
Complex Documents
 Allow adequate time.
 Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
 Be prepared to find errors.
 Read once for meaning and once for
grammar/mechanics.
 Reduce your reading speed.

Chapter 4, Slide 42
For documents that must be perfect:
 Have someone read aloud the original
while someone else checks the printout.
 Spell names.
 Spell difficult words.
 Note capitalization.
 Note punctuation.
How to Proofread
Complex Documents

Week 4.ppt

Recommended

Recommended

More Related Content

What's hot

What's hot (20)

Similar to Week 4.ppt

Similar to Week 4.ppt (20)

Recently uploaded

Recently uploaded (20)

Week 4.ppt