2. Dealing With Disputes
Agenda
“I Am Conflict” Exercise
“Graphic” Exercise
Communication and Conflict Facilitation
UWG Conflict Management Process
4. Dealing With Disputes
Ways To Not Handle
Conflict
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZpDnXYIFjo
5. Dealing With Disputes
Ways To Handle
Conflict
What Do You See?
What Can You Learn From This?
6. Dealing With Disputes
Conversation Basics
Set ground rules
Separate people from problem
Give each side stake in conflict resolution process,
establish partnership
Understand people in conflict are often focused on
positions, but the key is uncovering interests
7. Dealing With Disputes
Conversation Basics
Communication method aimed at providing new
perspective/resolution on and way of discussing disputed
situation
Openly acknowledge, own your feelings linked to facutal
behavior and avoid blaming (rather than saying, You
made me angry, use statements stating “I feel x,y,z
when you say or do x,y,z
Openly acknowledge other party’s views
8. Dealing With Disputes
Solution Focused Basics
Main goal to shift from negative, fixed views to solution-
focused perspectives
Use reflections, open questions as major tools in
reframing (shift to interests, needs and solutions)
Focus on interests, needs rather than positions and how
these are/can be aligned
9. Dealing With Disputes
Solution Focused Basics
Solution focus includes opening options, reality testing,
explain context, giving suggestions
Solution Focused Questions: Questions: What will it be
like if no resolution?; How would you like the situation to
be?; What would improve situation for both of us?; What
have we tried to resolve situation? How can we meet
both our needs?
10. Dealing With Disputes
Solution Focused Basics
Reflections: It sounds like things will be miserable for us
if the situation doesn’t change.
Other Methods: Suggestions ended with open question
(What do you think about this?)
11. Dealing With Disputes
Solution Focused Basics
Reiterating questions are part of brain storming
period and all possible solutions will be evaluated later
Discuss potential solutions after all options are shared;
Explore what outcome would look like for both parties;
Start with points of agreement
Use reframing, reality testing when needed
12. Dealing With Disputes
Ways To Handle
Conflict
Orange Exercise
What’s the Best Solution (happy
medium?
13. Dealing With Disputes
Dealing With Conflict on Campus (resources)
UWG Ombuds Office – 678-839-4165
Alternative Dispute Resolution Program (mediation) -
678 -839-4165
Other Options: Human Resources, Student Development
Center (counseling center), Health Services (patient
advocates), University Police
Editor's Notes
Example of separating people from problem and giving them a stake (p. 17 and 38 from the Yes book) – used ship wrecked sailor story Often, it is hard for people to deal with a problem without them misunderstanding each other, getting angry or upset and taking things personally. We are here today to try to understand each other clearly and work together to identify the main issues and reach mutually beneficial solutions and meet both of your needs. Acknowledge and Try to understand the other parties’ perspective/interests as they speak as well as your own– put yourself in their shoes Before we begin, it will help to establish some guidelines to keep us all focused such as no yelling, cursing, blaming each other etc. No ground rules can lead to escalating angry behavior
Example of separating people from problem and giving them a stake (p. 17 and 38 from the Yes book) – used ship wrecked sailor story Often, it is hard for people to deal with a problem without them misunderstanding each other, getting angry or upset and taking things personally. We are here today to try to understand each other clearly and work together to identify the main issues and reach mutually beneficial solutions and meet both of your needs. Acknowledge and Try to understand the other parties’ perspective/interests as they speak as well as your own– put yourself in their shoes Before we begin, it will help to establish some guidelines to keep us all focused such as no yelling, cursing, blaming each other etc. No ground rules can lead to escalating angry behavior
Stacy’s part was all about opening communication, uncovering interests, feelings and helping people to look at situation differently- reframe. -Solution Focused Questions: open questions (appreciative inquiry) to get to the interests and needs and reflections – how they can be met mutually met – through a solution.
Examples of questions: -WHAT’S AT STAKE? WHAT’S THE LOSS/COST OF NOT NEGOTIATING Explore how needs will not be met if they don’t have a mutual agreement/solution so they can see a need for agreement and start thinking forward – move from a fixed pie view, less for you-more for me win mentality Ask: Do the parties have shared interest in preserving the relationship? What opportunities lie ahead for cooperation and mutual benefit? What costs do you bear if negotiations break off? WHAT CAN WE DO TO IMPROVE SITUATION? -Explore what person can do to make the situation improve? Are their common principles, like a fair price, that both parties can respect? -Use reflections to point out common/shared interests and points of agreements on issue with solutions (point out areas of agreement even if small, common interests), also point out differing interests (bring out the orange situation) in same situation…notice what’s low cost to one side and beneficial to the other. - Let parties know this is a brain storming sessions where no ideas will be criticized initially and all option explored, but all three will go back to the table later after all ideas are out and discuss them.- -Can suggests solutions, but always ask parties what they think – of they think it’s a possibility. Use objective criteria…when making suggestions. Suggestions - In the past, roommates who have been in your exact situation have tried (x,y,z). I wonder what it would be like for you if this happened in your situation. Going back to the table -Point out common interests and points of agreements on issues, to get parties in mindset of agreeing FIRST, then move to other harder issues -Discuss each option “How do you imagine the situation would be for you if…” Challenge irrational perceptions/thoughts and actions that have been adverse to what they want to happen and could happen – the impact it has had on each other. Reality testing - “I understand that you might not be able to study in you room 24/7, but you would have less arguments which is causing you to be away even more.” “I understand that you might want your boyfriend over 24/7, but you want a happy living place” It seems unlikely you’ll get both this way. However, this is a plan where you can still have your boyfriend over and have peace. I am confused” -(combine with the previous one) Can also do some brief explaining of what you see going on through reflections and can explain conflict nature and how this is playing out here – keeping people from seeing potential opportunities. CHANGE PERSPECTIVE How would it be for you if you were in this situation? I wonder what you think the impact is on the other person? I wonder if you knew the other person was feel this way? I wonder if you could see how the other person could feel this way? I wonder If there could be other reasons for this situation? REALITY TESTING – Setting objective criteria You can say, “it has been my experience that most people feel its unfair and are not happy with one person having their way all the time. I wonder how likely it is you will get your way all the time with most people? (This get person to see from another person’s perspective – to be willing to change) Ex. Often when people are in conflict, they are fixed on their views and may retaliate. But, I want to ask you think for a second on the other person’s views and feelings (if you were them- shoe on other foot)…or what this did for situation? Can use emotional Wording Emotional word pictures include using nature, objects, stories, parables, shared experiences to help one understand another’s view/perspective
Examples of questions: -WHAT’S AT STAKE? WHAT’S THE LOSS/COST OF NOT NEGOTIATING Explore how needs will not be met if they don’t have a mutual agreement/solution so they can see a need for agreement and start thinking forward – move from a fixed pie view, less for you-more for me win mentality Ask: Do the parties have shared interest in preserving the relationship? What opportunities lie ahead for cooperation and mutual benefit? What costs do you bear if negotiations break off? WHAT CAN WE DO TO IMPROVE SITUATION? -Explore what person can do to make the situation improve? Are their common principles, like a fair price, that both parties can respect? -Use reflections to point out common/shared interests and points of agreements on issue with solutions (point out areas of agreement even if small, common interests), also point out differing interests (bring out the orange situation) in same situation…notice what’s low cost to one side and beneficial to the other. - Let parties know this is a brain storming sessions where no ideas will be criticized initially and all option explored, but all three will go back to the table later after all ideas are out and discuss them.- -Can suggests solutions, but always ask parties what they think – of they think it’s a possibility. Use objective criteria…when making suggestions. Suggestions - In the past, roommates who have been in your exact situation have tried (x,y,z). I wonder what it would be like for you if this happened in your situation. Going back to the table -Point out common interests and points of agreements on issues, to get parties in mindset of agreeing FIRST, then move to other harder issues -Discuss each option “How do you imagine the situation would be for you if…” Challenge irrational perceptions/thoughts and actions that have been adverse to what they want to happen and could happen – the impact it has had on each other. Reality testing - “I understand that you might not be able to study in you room 24/7, but you would have less arguments which is causing you to be away even more.” “I understand that you might want your boyfriend over 24/7, but you want a happy living place” It seems unlikely you’ll get both this way. However, this is a plan where you can still have your boyfriend over and have peace. I am confused” -(combine with the previous one) Can also do some brief explaining of what you see going on through reflections and can explain conflict nature and how this is playing out here – keeping people from seeing potential opportunities. CHANGE PERSPECTIVE How would it be for you if you were in this situation? I wonder what you think the impact is on the other person? I wonder if you knew the other person was feel this way? I wonder if you could see how the other person could feel this way? I wonder If there could be other reasons for this situation? REALITY TESTING – Setting objective criteria You can say, “it has been my experience that most people feel its unfair and are not happy with one person having their way all the time. I wonder how likely it is you will get your way all the time with most people? (This get person to see from another person’s perspective – to be willing to change) Ex. Often when people are in conflict, they are fixed on their views and may retaliate. But, I want to ask you think for a second on the other person’s views and feelings (if you were them- shoe on other foot)…or what this did for situation? Can use emotional Wording Emotional word pictures include using nature, objects, stories, parables, shared experiences to help one understand another’s view/perspective
Examples of questions: -WHAT’S AT STAKE? WHAT’S THE LOSS/COST OF NOT NEGOTIATING Explore how needs will not be met if they don’t have a mutual agreement/solution so they can see a need for agreement and start thinking forward – move from a fixed pie view, less for you-more for me win mentality Ask: Do the parties have shared interest in preserving the relationship? What opportunities lie ahead for cooperation and mutual benefit? What costs do you bear if negotiations break off? WHAT CAN WE DO TO IMPROVE SITUATION? -Explore what person can do to make the situation improve? Are their common principles, like a fair price, that both parties can respect? -Use reflections to point out common/shared interests and points of agreements on issue with solutions (point out areas of agreement even if small, common interests), also point out differing interests (bring out the orange situation) in same situation…notice what’s low cost to one side and beneficial to the other. - Let parties know this is a brain storming sessions where no ideas will be criticized initially and all option explored, but all three will go back to the table later after all ideas are out and discuss them.- -Can suggests solutions, but always ask parties what they think – of they think it’s a possibility. Use objective criteria…when making suggestions. Suggestions - In the past, roommates who have been in your exact situation have tried (x,y,z). I wonder what it would be like for you if this happened in your situation. Going back to the table -Point out common interests and points of agreements on issues, to get parties in mindset of agreeing FIRST, then move to other harder issues -Discuss each option “How do you imagine the situation would be for you if…” Challenge irrational perceptions/thoughts and actions that have been adverse to what they want to happen and could happen – the impact it has had on each other. Reality testing - “I understand that you might not be able to study in you room 24/7, but you would have less arguments which is causing you to be away even more.” “I understand that you might want your boyfriend over 24/7, but you want a happy living place” It seems unlikely you’ll get both this way. However, this is a plan where you can still have your boyfriend over and have peace. I am confused” -(combine with the previous one) Can also do some brief explaining of what you see going on through reflections and can explain conflict nature and how this is playing out here – keeping people from seeing potential opportunities. CHANGE PERSPECTIVE How would it be for you if you were in this situation? I wonder what you think the impact is on the other person? I wonder if you knew the other person was feel this way? I wonder if you could see how the other person could feel this way? I wonder If there could be other reasons for this situation? REALITY TESTING – Setting objective criteria You can say, “it has been my experience that most people feel its unfair and are not happy with one person having their way all the time. I wonder how likely it is you will get your way all the time with most people? (This get person to see from another person’s perspective – to be willing to change) Ex. Often when people are in conflict, they are fixed on their views and may retaliate. But, I want to ask you think for a second on the other person’s views and feelings (if you were them- shoe on other foot)…or what this did for situation? Can use emotional Wording Emotional word pictures include using nature, objects, stories, parables, shared experiences to help one understand another’s view/perspective
Examples of questions: -WHAT’S AT STAKE? WHAT’S THE LOSS/COST OF NOT NEGOTIATING Explore how needs will not be met if they don’t have a mutual agreement/solution so they can see a need for agreement and start thinking forward – move from a fixed pie view, less for you-more for me win mentality Ask: Do the parties have shared interest in preserving the relationship? What opportunities lie ahead for cooperation and mutual benefit? What costs do you bear if negotiations break off? WHAT CAN WE DO TO IMPROVE SITUATION? -Explore what person can do to make the situation improve? Are their common principles, like a fair price, that both parties can respect? -Use reflections to point out common/shared interests and points of agreements on issue with solutions (point out areas of agreement even if small, common interests), also point out differing interests (bring out the orange situation) in same situation…notice what’s low cost to one side and beneficial to the other. - Let parties know this is a brain storming sessions where no ideas will be criticized initially and all option explored, but all three will go back to the table later after all ideas are out and discuss them.- -Can suggests solutions, but always ask parties what they think – of they think it’s a possibility. Use objective criteria…when making suggestions. Suggestions - In the past, roommates who have been in your exact situation have tried (x,y,z). I wonder what it would be like for you if this happened in your situation. Going back to the table -Point out common interests and points of agreements on issues, to get parties in mindset of agreeing FIRST, then move to other harder issues -Discuss each option “How do you imagine the situation would be for you if…” Challenge irrational perceptions/thoughts and actions that have been adverse to what they want to happen and could happen – the impact it has had on each other. Reality testing - “I understand that you might not be able to study in you room 24/7, but you would have less arguments which is causing you to be away even more.” “I understand that you might want your boyfriend over 24/7, but you want a happy living place” It seems unlikely you’ll get both this way. However, this is a plan where you can still have your boyfriend over and have peace. I am confused” -(combine with the previous one) Can also do some brief explaining of what you see going on through reflections and can explain conflict nature and how this is playing out here – keeping people from seeing potential opportunities. CHANGE PERSPECTIVE How would it be for you if you were in this situation? I wonder what you think the impact is on the other person? I wonder if you knew the other person was feel this way? I wonder if you could see how the other person could feel this way? I wonder If there could be other reasons for this situation? REALITY TESTING – Setting objective criteria You can say, “it has been my experience that most people feel its unfair and are not happy with one person having their way all the time. I wonder how likely it is you will get your way all the time with most people? (This get person to see from another person’s perspective – to be willing to change) Ex. Often when people are in conflict, they are fixed on their views and may retaliate. But, I want to ask you think for a second on the other person’s views and feelings (if you were them- shoe on other foot)…or what this did for situation? Can use emotional Wording Emotional word pictures include using nature, objects, stories, parables, shared experiences to help one understand another’s view/perspective
