1. Conflict
Resolution

2. Journal
 Write about a recent conflict you had with someone.
 Who was it with?
 What was the conflict about?
 Was there a solution? What was it?

3. Conflict
 1. to come into collision or disagreement; be
contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash:
 2. to fight or contend; do battle.
 3. a fight, battle, or struggle, esp. a prolonged struggle;
strife.
 4. controversy; quarrel: conflicts between parties. 5.
discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or
opposition, as of interests or principles: a conflict of ideas.
 6. a striking together; collision.

4. Causes of Conflict
 Opposing viewpoints or
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opinions
Emotions
Selfishness
Miscommunications or
misunderstandings
Assumptions

5. Paradigms
 Your perception, point of view, or the way you see
the world
 Covey’s Story
 How could this situation have turned into a
conflict?
 Why is it important to shift our paradigms to avoid
conflict?
“Seek First to Understand, then to be
understood.”

12. Styles of Communication Review
 Aggressive: overly forceful, pushy, or hostile
 May involve bullying or intimidation
 May not pay attention to others’ thoughts, feelings, or needs.
 Passive: unwilling or unable to express thoughts and
feelings in a direct or firm manner
 Putting others’ needs ahead of your own
 Dislikes conflict & will go out of way to avoid arguments
 Assertive: expressing your views clearly and respectfully
 Standing up for your rights while respecting the rights and
views of others.

13. Passive Techniques Used During
Conflict
 Pretending there isn’t a





problem
Avoiding the problematic
person
Saying “It doesn’t matter”
when feeling hurt
Using the silent treatment
Ignoring the problem
Giving in to keep the peace

14. Aggressive Techniques Used
During Conflict
 Yelling
 Name Calling
 Manipulating
 Coercion
 Refusal to Listen
 Bringing up past
problems
 POWER

15. The Use of Power to Win
 Three Responses
 Fight Back
 Flight/Avoidance
 Quiet Obedience/
Shutting Down
Can you see why it is important not to use control
and power against people?

16. Assertive Techniques
 “I” Messages
 Reflective Listening
 Remaining Calm
 Sticking to the
current issues

18. Hug O’War
By: Shel Silverstein
I will not play at tug o' war
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses
And everyone grins
And everyone cuddles
And everyone wins.

19. Who Owns the Conflict?
 The person who is negatively affected by the problem
 Rather than blame the other person… Own the conflict &
the solution.
 What is the owner’s responsibility?
 To find a way to resolve the problem, even if he is not the
cause of it

20. Who Owns the Problem?
 If your sister borrows your clothes without permission and
they get dirty, who owns the problem? Why?
 If your brother borrows your car and doesn’t put gas in it,
who owns the problem? Why?
 If your parents are worried about you because you have
not called home by curfew, who owns the problem? Why?

21. Win-Win Conflict Resolution
Process
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Identify the conflict
Brainstorm all possible
solutions
Evaluate the possible
solutions
Make a decision and act upon
it
Take responsibility for your
choice
Evaluate your choice and
either stick with it or choose
again

22. Identify the Conflict or Issue
 Use “I” Messages to explain your own concerns, needs and
basic goals
 Use reflective listening to hear and acknowledge the other’s
needs and basic goals
 Evaluate exactly what each of your actual needs are with the
problem. List needs.

24. Brainstorm to Generate all
possible solutions.
 Think of any and all possible ways to solve the problem so
that everyone will have their needs met.
 Do not criticize any suggestions. Feed back with reflective
listening.
 Write down all ideas suggested.

25. Brainstorm All Possible Solutions
that meets both people’s needs
 Cake Cutting Exercise
 You are in charge of a birthday party for four children. You
have one cake and need to cut it in 4 equal parts. Brainstorm
with your partner. How many different ways could you cut
it?
 Car Sharing Solution
 You and your sibling have one car. You need to go to a
meeting tonight, and your sibling wants to visit a good
friends. How many solutions can you come up with?
Look at things from another’s perspective and try to see their
point of view. Look for a solution that meets both underlying
needs.

26. Car Sharing Solutions
 One person could drive the other to their destination and
pick them up later.
 One person could get a ride from another person going to
the same destination.
 Have the meeting or friend visit take place at home.
 Use a taxi, bus or trax
 Others?

27. Evaluate the Solutions
 Ask “Will it work? Does it meet the needs of both
people? Are there any likely problems?”
 Don’t accept solutions for the sake of speed
 Use reflective listening and “I” message skills

28. Decide on the best solution.
 Find a solution that is mutually acceptable to both of you.
 If agreement seems difficult, summarize areas of
agreement, restate needs, and look for new solutions
 Make certain that both of you are committed to the
solution.

29. Implementing the Solution
 Get agreement on who does what and by what time frame

30. Follow-up Evaluation
 Carry out agreed method. Wait to see if the conflicts seem
resolved.
 If the agreed upon solution doesn’t work, remember it is
the solution that failed, not the person. Seek for a new
solution.
 Ask from time to time if the solution is working for both of
you.