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1. Date: Thursday 13th March 2014
Title: Improving my diary entry
LO: To be able to use success criteria to improve
my diary entry
Use one of the connectives in
the box to change this short,
simple sentence to a longer
complex sentence.
The elephant tried to stand
still.
when
while
until
after
before

2. LO: To be able to use inference skills to
discuss the front cover of Holes
Step 1: Know the success criteria for writing a diary entry
Step 2: Evaluate your diary entry using the success criteria
Step 3: Improve your diary entry using your self-assessment against the
success criteria

3. Step 1: Know the success criteria for writing a diary entry
Must (Level 3) Should (Level 4) Could (Level 5)
Use simple sentences
Connect your ideas using
words like and, but, so
Use compound sentences
Use some types of
connectives in your
writing e.g. if, when,
because
Use simple and complex
sentences in my writing
to make my ideas clear.
Use subordinate
connectives e.g.
although, on the other
hand, meanwhile
What are the success criteria for a writing task?

4. Step 1: Know the success criteria for writing a diary entry
dear diary,
you would not believe what happened to me today i
had such a wierd experience and i just want to tell
you all about it their were lots of other children at
camp green lake and they made me feel scared as i
was on there territory and they had strange names.
camp green lake is a strange place it is full of holes
and i was introduced to a man called mr sir who
treated me badly and made me feel like i wanted to
be anywhere else. i cannot believe that they make
children like me come to a horrible place like this. i
spent my first day digging holes and because i was
the last to finish i was punished.

5. Step 1: Know the success criteria for writing a diary entry
Dear diary,
I have had such a strange day! Let me tell you; Camp Green Lake is a unique
place. As soon as I woke up, I was put to work digging holes! As I worked, I
looked around me at the strange, alien environment I found myself in. I
couldn’t believe my eyes! Feeling slightly confused, I sought answers to all
my questions. Luckily, there are other children like me at Camp Green Lake!
But would you believe it? Not all of them seem all that friendly, despite the
fact that we are all captive here.
The environment at Camp Green Lake is unbelievable; the camp is like a
desert. In fact I spent most of the day searching for water in order to try
to overcome my growing thirst. There are deep, black, gaping holes
scattered across the landscape. How have they got there?
Since I had been given my orders, I spent the whole day digging. Despite my
efforts, I was punished for taking longer to finish than the others. I’m not
sure how I will survive here. It is like hell. There is only one spot of shade in
the whole camp, and that is out of bounds. It belongs to the Warden.
I’m exhausted. Good night diary.

6. Step 2: Evaluate your diary entry using the success criteria
You are now going to evaluate your own diary entry using the success
criteria.
Part 1: Sentence types
Have you used:
-A simple sentence?
- A compound sentence?
- A complex sentence?
Part 2: Connectives
Level 3 connectives:
-if, but, so
Level 4 connectives:
-if, when, because
Level 5 connectives:
- although, on the other hand,
meanwhile
Part 3: General
Capital Letters Full Stops Range of punctuation
Adjectives Adverbs Paragraphs

7. Step 3: Improve your diary entry using your self-assessment against the success
criteria
Use your self-assessment to re-draft and
improve your diary entry.
Write your improved diary entry in a
different colour.
Make sure you refer to the success
criteria whilst you are re-drafting.

8. Review
Diary Entry presentations
Reading - Holes