3. CERTAINTY AND UNCERTAINTY (VARIETY)
• Certainty is the need for security, to feel as though you will safe and okay or predictable. We like to feel
secure in our job, our home, our relationships.
• How predictable are you? Do you vary your breakfast cereal? Sit with different groups of friends during
break? Or morals such as when is the first kiss okay?
• Uncertainty or variety is the need for a change in scenery, to make life more exciting. Travel overseas, try
a new sport.
• Think of these two as pieces in a pie. Together they add upto 100%.
• If you had absolute 100% certainty in your life where you knew exactly what was going to happen, when
it was going to happen, how it happens, how would you feel? Bored to death?
• Everyone needs some degree of uncertainty in their life.
4. EXAMPLES OF THE PIE
• Consider a man/woman in a perfect relationship where everything is routine and
predictable. Eventually they will get so bored that they will unconsciously pick a fight,
have an affair or leave the marriage.
• What about the person that stays in their job even if they hate it. Why? Certainty of
income vs uncertainty of another job. Certain that when they get home they can crack a
beer, have fun with family friends and that the job is just a means to an end.
• Why then do some people have more than 20 jobs in a lifetime. Because they don’t fear
the uncertainty of another job.
• Or the adrenalin junky who lives on the edge. Who bungi jumps, sky dives, dives with
sharks, does hot laps at the race-track. They love uncertainty.
5. SIGNIFICANCE
• Deep down we all need to feel important and special.
• Some people feel significant by attaining qualifications, awards, trophies,
buying lots of “toys” (bigger house, bigger car, newest phone) or pursuing
status symbols (designer labels, groupies)
• Others get significance by putting people down, dressing in a unique way,
tattoos or piercings.
• Yet others by living their lives through their children.
• How do YOU meet the need to feel significant?
6. CONNECTION
• Connection is in direct conflict with significance.
• If you were so unique, so different from all the people around you, would you be happy or an outcast?
• Why do superstars self destruct? Take Britney Spears. All the fame, money & talent in the world yet screwed up
her life drink driving & drug taking that would lead to 2 divorces, losing custody of her children and ending up in
a mental/rehab institution.
• Men & women often want to leave a marriage because he/she no longer feels significant and/or loved by his
partner. Quite common is the scenario after a couple has a child. The woman spends all the time with the
child/ren whilst the man goes to work. The man no longer feels significant anymore. He spends more time in the
office where he feels more significant or finds a girlfriend to make him feel special again. The woman all the
while feeling significant and connected only with the child due to her husbands extra hours working.
• Or consider someone in a relationship, where they value the love of each other that they put off playing
sport/catching up with friends.