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Choosing Pleasure: Radical Healing for Trauma Survivors
- 1. Choosing Pleasure: Radical Healing for Trauma Survivors Mackenzie Harrison ‘22 Tracia Banuelos, BA Psychology & Women’s Studies
- 2. Hello!Tracia Banuelos (trae) ● BA Psychology & Women’s Studies ● Program Coordinator for HAVEN, Sexual Violence Resource Center ● She/Her/Hers pronouns ● Hope to work long term as a researcher & outreach coordinator for survivors across the nation 2
- 3. Hello!Mackenzie Harrison ‘22 ● Pronouns: she/her/hers ● Women’s Studies major; Biology minor ● HAVEN Intern and Ambassador (Check out my ambassador project! @colgatesexed on Instagram) ● Excited for a future career in survivor support and sexual assault prevention! 3
- 4. 4 Who is centered in this presentation?
- 5. 5 Brief Background on HAVEN for Virtual Guests ● Survivor-centric sexual violence resource center, sister of Counseling Center ● Product of student activism in Fall 2015 students called the Colgate Forward ● Human chain protest & survivor speakout ○ “Stories not statistics” ○ “Healing isn’t linear”
- 7. Lead by & centering QTPoC since inception 7
- 8. Why this topic? We need a survivor-centric conversation about sex and pleasure where we can: ● Say “NO” to toxic positivity ● Prioritize safety and healing ● Combat shame and stigma ● Reclaim sexual contact as a tool of pleasure rather than violence 8
- 9. Feeling Good 9 What makes you feel good? What has complicated or interrupted this relationship?
- 10. Pleasure “When I am happy, it is good for the world” ~adrienne maree brown
- 11. What is pleasure? noun a feeling of happy satisfaction or enjoyment verb to give (sexual) enjoyment to 11
- 12. 12
- 13. Why does pleasure matter? 13 freedom resistance (and also just feeling good!)
- 14. pleasure is the process of igniting our spark 14
- 15. How does trauma complicate pleasure? Traumatic experiences are ones that: ● attempt to manipulate our spark ● violate the boundaries of our spark ● coerce/threaten the safety and autonomy of our spark 15
- 16. How does trauma complicate pleasure? ● Trauma often leaves us feeling disconnected from our bodies ● Acts that should be pleasurable can become triggering ● There’s a gap in accessing ourselves, for ourselves 16 Survivors often have trouble accessing pleasure.
- 17. Radical Healing “... it is possible to dance again, even after you’ve been hurt” ~brownfemipower
- 18. What is healing? noun the process in which a bad situation or painful emotion improves verb changing so that you no longer define yourself in the terms of past traumas; reclaiming self 18
- 19. What makes it radical? ● Recognizes larger systems of oppression that are root causes of traumas we experience ● Emphasizes a collective approach so that both we and our society can be healed ● Refuses to conform to any scripts about how we are “supposed to” heal 19 The trauma did not occur in a vacuum, neither will the healing.
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- 21. 21 Why does radical healing matter? Healing has been reserved for certain identities/experiences
- 22. 22 Why does radical healing matter? Healing has been reserved for certain identities/experiences Healing has been denied
- 23. 23 Why does radical healing matter? Healing has been reserved for certain identities/experiences Healing has been denied Healing has been commodified and appropriated
- 24. 24 Why does radical healing matter? Healing has been reserved for certain identities/experiences Healing has been denied Healing has been commodified and appropriated Radical healing is a truth seeking process led by oneself and must be reclaimed freely and authentically
- 25. 25 Why does radical healing matter? @mosiaceye
- 26. How are pleasure and healing connected? ● Self love ● Being present in the moment Healing can be pleasurable and doesn’t have to mimic the battles we have fought 26
- 27. Trauma ● Non-consensual ● Steals our autonomy ● Can alter our perception of self & others How are pleasure and healing connected? working backwards: Capitalism ● Coercive, non- consensual circumstances that rob us of our autonomy ● Alters the way we live 27
- 28. Healing from Trauma ● Relearn and enjoy our sense of self ● Redefine experiences on our terms ● We may not forget but we give ourselves peace and grace to be happy How are pleasure and healing connected? moving forward: Healing from Capitalism ● Attempts to live beyond our external circumstances ● Surviving -> thriving by our own definitions ● Give ourselves peace and reasons to be happy regardless of labor 28
- 29. my spark is mine 29 i experience myself for me
- 30. How To: Practicing Healing “Whatever it is that you need to do, that is exactly what the light will help you to do.” ~Shanna Katz
- 31. 31
- 32. 32 What do you need today? Current state Disconnected from body and/or mind Restless, angry, stressed Sad and low energy w Confused or overwhelmed Goal Mindfulness and body awareness Relax and release tension Recharge wwwwwww Identify feelings and regain sense of control Useful tools Meditation/yoga, journaling Dancing, running, making art Napping, eating, listening to music Talking (with a friend or therapist!), journaling, reading Centering pleasure isn’t just about sex….
- 33. 33 … but sex can be part of it…. ● Reintroduce sexual contact and work through anything that feels triggering on your own terms ● Learn what you do and don’t like ● Release tension; feel good!
- 34. 34 … including (eventually) sex with other people! ● Go slow and check in with yourself ● Remember: you deserve safe, pleasurable experiences! ● Neural plasticity: retrain your brain to associate sex with pleasure ● Learn to trust others and yourself
- 35. 35 ● Stop the action ● Take time to recover ● Decide what information to share with your partner ● Follow through on your words/desires (adapted from “I Want You, but I’m Triggered” by adrienne maree brown) Getting triggered happens sometimes (and that’s okay!)
- 36. 36 Communication is key! ● What is my body saying? What does it need to feel safe? ● Am I judging myself for what I need? ● How can I communicate my needs without guilt and shame? ● How will I care for myself after this situation?
- 37. 37 ● Judgment free process ○ BDSM has been powerful for some survivors (read Queering Sexual Violence) ● Allow yourself to release - orgasms and tears are okay ● Grounding (pre, during, post) ● Don’t need to go “all the way” to be healed ○ Pay attention to see if you are regurgitating someone else’s definition What do you *need*?
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- 39. 39 Recognize traps/pitfalls in healing journeys Believing it must be done overnight
- 40. 40 Recognize traps/pitfalls in healing journeys Believing it must be done overnight Believing it’s something others have to experience to be valid
- 41. 41 Recognize traps/pitfalls in healing journeys Believing it must be done overnight Believing it’s something others have to experience to be valid Intellectualizing the process: creating arbitrary timelines, dissecting experiences we no longer want to hold, not trusting the body as a valid source of knowledge
- 42. 42 Ask yourself: 1. Am I creating a timeline because I don’t want to spend time with myself? 2. Whose voices are the ones complicating this process for me internally? 3. What do I deserve? Do I believe I only deserve it for a little while? 4. Do I deserve lifelong joy?
- 43. (Some) Signs We Are Heading in the Right Direction “You will have a minute, an hour, and then a day when it isn’t so hard… when you don’t feel the weight of so much pain” (from Dear Sister)
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- 46. A few reminders: ● Healing is on-going; not a one-and- done ● There is no right or wrong as long as it’s authentic ● Healing is a messy and sometimes painful process- it’s okay! 46
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- 49. 49 “... one day you will wake up and realize that you have put this beside you and not behind you” ~Renée Martin
- 50. Thanks! Any questions? You can find: Tracia Banuelos - tbanuelos@colgate.edu Mackenzie Harrison - mharrison@colgate.edu 50
- 51. the survivor mural project led by Hannah O’Malley ‘14 @hannah_atallah 51
- 52. excerpts of letters for survivors from the colgate community 52
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- 54. Thanks! Any questions? You can find: Tracia Banuelos - tbanuelos@colgate.edu Mackenzie Harrison - mharrison@colgate.edu 54
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- 62. Credits Special thanks to all the people who made and released these awesome resources for free: ● Presentation template by SlidesCarnival ● Photographs by Unsplash 62
- 63. Presentation design This presentation uses the following typographies: ● Titles: Kulim Park Bold ● Body copy: Kulim Park Light Download for free at: https://github.com/noponies/Kulim-Park You don’t need to keep this slide in your presentation. It’s only here to serve you as a design guide if you need to create new slides or download the fonts to edit the presentation in PowerPoint® 63
Editor's Notes
- Room is opened 15 min early, waiting room is on (we will decide when they come in) 11:30 - 12:30 CONTENT 12:30 - 12:45 Q&A Throughout BB, making sure that nothing happens and all runs smoothly
- Women of Color have been integral to Haven, and as a small staff, we’ve been able to host: 1 Assistant Director who a queer, butch, Tejano 2 Program Coordinators, one Natasha Torres (not picture), helped organize & lead
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- TAB An inherently pleasurable beings, our bodies can channel desire, beauty, joy as if they are a spark or fire in us
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- Survivors of CSA, queer IPV, and non-typical domestic violence have been invalidated and therefore denied real healing Reflect on the taboos within #MeToo, and which stories which shared and which ones werent
- Reclaiming our spark is a powerful, potentially overwhelming, but necessary process It is something that is led autonomously and this can be difficult for those us who have been victim-blamed, gaslit, isolated, we may attack inward. Something that has stuck with me is a therapist remarking that my own body may have trust issues with me, due to not responding to my own needs - wow, what a punch and what truth I needed to hear. My relationship to self has felt like a chore. Questions for the self: can I look in the mirror? Can I touch my body? Can I feel and hold myself without judgement? I want to. This is further complicated for those of us who are poor, black, brown, queer, disabled, not in college - have been denied the ability to love ourselves for who we are. We often have had to prove that we are worthy of love and attention. Radical healing is believing and centering our worth for reasons that dont make sense to others, and beyond healing for the sake of being ready to work. Art @mosiaceye
- As an overthinker, I naturally overthink my healing process. As someone who is personally healing from religion, I’ve had to be very specific about the ways I regurgitated others methods & beliefs, for my own healing. My healing doesn’t have to refill the harm - restoration is on my terms, and that’s okay! I get to lead this process, and refinding my autonomy, learning that it never left, has been liberating.
- Trauma and capitalism work in tandem to reinforce creating distance between who we are and who we enjoy being. As trauma survivors, we are often harmed to maintain systems, values, and beliefs that rely on our pain or even worse - our elimination. It’s helped me to call out specifically that my trauma has paralleled and naturally mimicked larged systems that were also invested in my elimination. This has helped me in stage 1 of my healing that caring for myself, in the words of Audre Lorde, is an act of political warfare. I’ve hit a point now that I don’t need to tie my healing to activism - but its a process and we start where we need and where we can give ourselves grace.
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- TAB & MH - I would like to lead this and let you chime in wherever you feel comfortable!
- STEVEN UNIVERSE! TAB
- TAB Capitalism sells us quick fixes - bandaids, patches. We all know a bandaid a can wash off when we do the work and wash our hands. Bandaids help in the moment but we know they are not long term.
- You are the leader of your own experiences and know yourself best. Giving your power and letting others define experiences for you can be a mimic of your trauma/how your trauma made you feel. You don’t need permission from me or anyone else to heal. People who ARE healers will affirm that you are the leader - they simply have some tools & practice.
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- TAB The one healing related note that we might want to add in is that if we have been hurt for so long that that is our comfort zone, healing requires a lot of bravery and missing the comfort zone, even if where we are now is better, is normal and okay”
- “Trauma is not an identity. It’s not who we are—it’s what we’ve experienced. A very real experience that affects everyone differently. An experience that impacts our nervous system + the safety we feel within ourselves...Trauma can be a gateway + a catalyst to leaving the conditioned self. The unconscious self that lives within survival mode repeating patterns modeled by people who had their own unresolved trauma.”
- “A brain in survival state misperceives threats in the environment. Mostly through other people, the same way (most of us) experienced the original trauma...All of our brain’s energy is focused towards the threats we are misperceiving around us. We can’t access higher parts of our brain that allow for playfulness, creativity, + joy. Healing our brain involves mind/body practices like yoga, meditation, + breathwork. Bessel Van Der Kolk did an amazing study on yoga for PTSD. This allows us to access safety in the body where we can widen our tolerance when the body does experience stress. Somatic therapies like EMDR and Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE) can also be helpful for healing the trauma brain. With commitment + consistency we can heal our brains. The body is always seeking for us to allow this #selfhealers”
- Our processes may show us what’s left to mourn. It’s okay that we are human. I’m a firm believer that feeling is a key part of living, because feeling numb feels like death and I cannot become comfortable with tha.
- Finding your community. Allowing yourselves to be loved is hard when trauma has told you that you are a burden. But just because its uncomfortable at first, it doesnt mean it’s wrong. We are re-wiring, some of us are breaking generational patterns and we are taking on generations of pain that existed before we were born. We deserve support.
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