Etiquette of disagreement by Mirza Yawar Baig

1. Adaab ul Ikhtilaaf

2. Single biggest event
1. In the history of the Muslims is the formation of the
Brotherhood of Faith
2. Transcending boundaries of race, tribe and family
and joined people together on the basis of faith
3. This was and is the greatest strength of Muslims
And it is what we need to revive urgently

3. Basis of Brotherhood
َ‫ن‬َ‫أ‬ َ‫و‬ ً‫ة‬َ‫د‬ ِ‫اح‬ َ‫و‬ ً‫ة‬َّ‫م‬ُ‫أ‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُ‫ت‬َّ‫م‬ُ‫أ‬ ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ذ‬َ‫ه‬ َّ‫ن‬ِ‫إ‬ِ‫ُون‬‫د‬ُُّْْ‫ ا‬ََ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫ك‬ََُّ ‫ ا‬
Anbiya 21: 92. Truly! This, your Ummah is one Ummah, and I am your Rabb, therefore worship Me.
َ‫أ‬ َ‫و‬ ً‫ة‬َ‫د‬ ِ‫اح‬ َ‫و‬ ً‫ة‬َّ‫م‬ُ‫أ‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُ‫ت‬َّ‫م‬ُ‫أ‬ ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ذ‬َ‫ه‬ َّ‫ن‬ِ‫إ‬ َ‫و‬ِ‫ون‬ُ‫ق‬َّ‫ت‬‫ ا‬ََ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫ك‬ََُّ ‫َ ا‬‫ن‬
Muminoon 23:52. And verily! This your Ummah is one Ummah and I am your Rabb, so have my Taqwa
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Brotherhood of Faith – not race, nationality or tribe

4. • Abu Hurairah said that Rasoolullah‫ﷺ‬ said :, “Beware of suspicion,
for suspicion is the greatest falsehood. Do not try to find fault with
each other, do not spy on one another, do not vie with one another,
do not envy one another, do not be angry with one another, do not
turn away from one another, and be slaves of Allah‫,ﷻ‬ brothers to
one another, as you have been enjoined.”
• “A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim, he does him no wrong, nor
does he let him down, nor does he despise him. Fear of Allah‫ﷻ‬ is
here, fear of Allah‫ﷻ‬ is here, and he pointed to his chest. It is evil
enough that a Muslim should look down on his brother. For every
Muslim is sacred to one another : his blood, his honor, and his
property. Allah‫ﷻ‬ does not look at your bodies or your forms, or your
deeds, but He looks at your hearts.” ( Bukhari, Muslim )
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5. ِ‫ل‬ْ‫ص‬َ‫أ‬ََ ٌ‫ة‬ َ‫و‬ْ‫خ‬ِ‫إ‬ َ‫ون‬ُ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ْ‫ؤ‬ُ‫م‬ْ‫ال‬ ‫ ا‬َ‫م‬َّ‫ن‬ِ‫إ‬َّ‫ت‬‫ا‬ َ‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ْ‫ي‬ َ‫َو‬‫خ‬َ‫أ‬ َ‫ْن‬‫ي‬َُّ ‫وا‬ُ‫ح‬َ َّ‫اَّلل‬ ‫وا‬ُ‫ق‬
َ‫ون‬ُ‫م‬َ‫ح‬ َُْ‫ت‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬َّ‫ل‬َ‫ع‬َ‫ل‬
Hujuraat 49:10. The believers are brothers (in Islam). So make reconciliation
between your brothers, and fear Allah, that you may receive mercy.
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Conflicts destroy brotherhood

6. 1. Narrated Abu Hurairah that Rasoolullah‫ﷺ‬ said, “The
doors of the Garden are opened on Monday and Thursday.
Every Muslim slave who does not associate anything with
Allah‫ﷻ‬ is forgiven except for the man who has enmity
between him and his brother. It is said, 'Leave these two
until they have made a reconciliation. Leave these two
until they have made a reconciliation.” Malik Book 47:4:17
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7. Justice is the Basis
ِ‫ام‬ َّ‫و‬َ‫ق‬ ْ‫ا‬‫و‬ُ‫ن‬‫و‬ُ‫ك‬ ْ‫ا‬‫و‬ُ‫ن‬َ‫م‬‫آ‬ َ‫ين‬ِ‫ذ‬َّ‫ال‬ ‫ ا‬َ‫ه‬‫ك‬‫ي‬َ‫أ‬ ‫ ا‬َ‫ي‬ِ ّ ِ‫َّلل‬ ‫اء‬َ‫د‬َ‫ه‬ُ‫ش‬ ِ‫ط‬ْ‫س‬ِ‫ق‬ْ‫ ال‬ُِّ َ‫ين‬ْ‫و‬َ‫ل‬ َ‫و‬
ْ‫ق‬َ‫أل‬‫ا‬ َ‫و‬ ِ‫ْن‬‫ي‬َ‫د‬ِ‫ل‬‫ا‬ َ‫و‬ْ‫ال‬ ِ‫و‬َ‫أ‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ِ‫س‬ُ‫ف‬‫ن‬َ‫أ‬ ‫ى‬َ‫ل‬ََْ‫أ‬ ‫ ا‬ًّ‫ي‬ِ‫ن‬َ‫غ‬ ْ‫ن‬ُ‫ك‬َ‫ي‬ ‫ن‬ِ‫إ‬ َ‫ين‬ََُِّ‫ا‬ًَ‫ي‬َ‫ق‬ََ ْ‫و‬
‫ا‬ ْ‫ا‬‫و‬ُ‫ع‬َُِّّ‫ت‬َ‫ت‬ َ‫ال‬ََ ‫ ا‬َ‫م‬ِ‫ه‬ُِّ ‫ى‬َ‫ل‬ ْ‫و‬َ‫أ‬ ُ ّ‫ اَّلل‬ََْ‫ل‬َ‫ت‬ ‫ن‬ِ‫إ‬ َ‫و‬ ْ‫ا‬‫و‬ُ‫ل‬ِ‫د‬ْ‫ع‬َ‫ت‬ ‫ن‬َ‫أ‬ ‫ى‬ َ‫و‬َ‫ه‬ْ‫ل‬ْ‫و‬َ‫أ‬ ْ‫ا‬‫و‬ ُ‫و‬
َ‫م‬ْ‫ع‬َ‫ت‬ ‫ ا‬َ‫م‬ُِّ َ‫ ان‬َ‫ك‬ َ ّ‫اَّلل‬ َّ‫ن‬ِ‫إ‬ََ ْ‫ا‬‫و‬ُ‫ض‬ َِْ‫ع‬ُ‫ت‬‫ا‬ًَ‫ي‬َُِّ‫خ‬ َ‫ون‬ُ‫ل‬
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8. Justice = accept your mistakes
Nisa 4:135 O you who believe! Stand out firmly
for justice, as witnesses to Allâh, even though it be
against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, be he rich
or poor, Allâh is a Better Protector to both (than you). So
follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you may avoid
justice, and if you distort your witness or refuse to give it,
verily, Allâh is Ever Well Acquainted with what you do
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9. Essential Conditions
1. Focus only on pleasing Allah‫ﷻ‬
2. Genuine desire to resolve the conflict
3. Willingness to accept own fault and forgive others
4. Skill in conflict resolution
5. Willingness to seek help if necessary
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Without this no resolution is possible

10. Accept these facts
1. Conflicts continue because both sides benefit from
the conflict situation
2. Breaking the cycle is neither easy nor painless, but is
essential to break free
3. Harmony will be genuinely beneficial and is worth
the trouble
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Acquire the skills to resolve conflicts

11. Games People Play
~ Eric Berne, MD
Adult
ChildParent
• You made me do it
• You hurt me
• Got you now!
• Yes, But…..
• Why don’t you….
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Adult: Own
Responsibility for yourself

12. َ‫ئ‬ِّ‫ي‬َّ‫س‬‫ال‬ َ‫َل‬ َ‫و‬ ُ‫ة‬َ‫ن‬َ‫س‬َ‫ح‬ْ‫ال‬ ‫ي‬ِ‫و‬َ‫ت‬ْ‫س‬َ‫ت‬ َ‫َل‬ َ‫و‬َ‫س‬ْ‫ح‬َ‫أ‬ َ‫ي‬ِ‫ه‬ ‫ي‬ِ‫ت‬َّ‫ ال‬ُِّ ْ‫ع‬ََْ‫د‬‫ا‬ ُ‫ة‬‫ا‬َ‫ذ‬ِ‫إ‬ََ ُ‫ن‬
َّ‫ن‬َ‫أ‬َ‫ك‬ ٌ‫ة‬ َ‫او‬َ‫د‬َْ ُ‫ه‬َ‫ن‬ْ‫ي‬َُّ َ‫و‬ َ‫َك‬‫ن‬ْ‫ي‬َُّ ‫ي‬ِ‫ذ‬َّ‫ال‬ٌ‫م‬‫ي‬ِ‫م‬َ‫ح‬ ‫ي‬ِ‫ل‬ َ‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬
َ‫م‬ َ‫و‬ ‫وا‬َََُُّ‫ص‬ َ‫ين‬ِ‫ذ‬َّ‫ال‬ َّ‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬ ‫ ا‬َ‫ه‬‫ ا‬َّ‫ق‬َ‫ل‬ُ‫ي‬ ‫ ا‬َ‫م‬ َ‫و‬َْ ٍّّ َ‫ح‬ ‫و‬ُ‫ذ‬ َّ‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬ ‫ ا‬َ‫ه‬‫ ا‬َّ‫ق‬َ‫ل‬ُ‫ي‬ ‫ ا‬‫يم‬ٍِّ
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Formula for making friends

13. Fussilat 41: 34-35
34. The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the
evil) with one which is better (be patient and excuse those who
treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there
was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.
35. But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are
patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great
portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter)
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Only possible if you own responsibility

14. Method
1. Hear both sides of the story
2. Show WiiFM to both parties
3. Be fair and just as we are answerable to Allah‫ﷻ‬ Who
knows everything
4. Check your own Niyyah frequently
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Allah‫ﷻ‬ is merciful to those who show mercy

15. How real is Jannah?
1. Narrated Abu Umamah that Rasoolullah‫ﷺ‬ said, “I
guarantee a house in the surroundings of Jannah for a
man who avoids quarrelling even if he were in the right, a
house in the middle of Jannah for a man who avoids lying
even if he were joking, and a house in the upper part of
Jannah for a man who made his character good.”
Sunan Abi Dawood, Kitab al-Adab (# 4800) Al-Albani – Hasan
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What if the one promising was not Rasoolullah‫?ﷺ‬

16. َ‫ج‬ ِ ّ‫اَّلل‬ ِ‫ل‬َُّْ‫ح‬ُِّ ْ‫ا‬‫و‬ُ‫م‬ ِ‫ص‬َ‫ت‬ْْ‫ا‬ َ‫و‬ُ‫ق‬َََّ‫ف‬َ‫ت‬ َ‫َل‬ َ‫و‬ ‫ ا‬ً‫ع‬‫ي‬ِ‫م‬ْ‫ا‬‫و‬
A’al Imraan 3: 103:
Hold tight to the rope of Allah‫ﷻ‬ together and do not be
divided
‫تختلفوا‬ ‫َل‬Didn’t say

18. How our Salaf behaved
1. Abdullah ibn Abbas used to say, ‘I don’t know if he
will find this among his good deeds or his bad deeds.’
2. Imam Malik used to say, ‘We don’t say that
something is Haraam except what Allah‫ﷻ‬ called
Haraam in His Kitab.’
Remember that neither party is receiving Wahi

19. Imam Ash-Shafi ® said…
1. ‘I believe that I am correct with the possibility of
being mistaken. And that my brother is incorrect
with the possibility of being correct.’
2. This is the position of all our A’aimma
Humility is the safety net that saves us
from arrogance and the anger of Allah‫ﷻ‬

20. 4 – reminders while differing
1. Difference of opinion indicates interest and commitment.
Appreciate this and express thanks
2. Stating your opinion as absolutely correct is wrong
3. Don’t criticize the other opinion or person
4. Simply state your perspective politely, with evidence
Allah‫ﷻ‬ will humiliate the person who insults
and humiliates his brother

21. Knowledge must make us
humble. Knowledge that
produces arrogance is the
knowledge of Shaytaan
Our Salaf never maligned each other

22. What must you do?
1. Separate people from issues
 Differentiate between criticism and critique
2. Conflict shows the willingness to engage
 It is the single most reliable sign of commitment
The best sparring partner is the one who
gives you a good fight

23. Critique is not criticism
 Critical Analysis is to separate
1. Reason from Emotion
2. Logic from Ego
3. Person from Action
Disagree without being disagreeable

24. Me
You
Problem
Me You

25. Helps
1. Genuinely respect the other person
2. Appreciate their commitment
3. Active Listening to understand them
4. Willingness to change own opinion
5. Explore alternatives
6. Look for mutual benefit – Win/Win
Conflict is a sign of commitment

26. Hinders
1. Hypocrisy – acting can’t be sustained
2. Closed minds
3. Arrogance – looking down on others
4. Ego – My way or the highway
5. Lack of patience
6. Not enough homework
Do you want to win or do you want a solution?

27. Learning from our own history

28. Differences between Sahaba
1. Praying Asr at Banu Qaynuqa
2. Not fasting while traveling (Ibn Abbas RA)
3. Ibn al Jawzi (Maliki) studied under Ibn Al Arabi (Hanbali)
who studied under Imam Ash-Shafi and Imam Al-Ghazali
4. Imam Ahmad studied under Imam Ash-Shafi who studied
under Imam Malik ibn Anas and Imam Muhammad a
student of Imam Abu Hanifa
Difference of opinion is not new. Extremism is

29. Sayyidina Ali bin Abi Talib
1. Did not declare Khawarij – Kuffar
2. Sent Abdullah ibn Abbas to debate with them
3. Went himself to talk to them
4. Only went to war when they killed Abdullah bin
Khabbab ibn Al Arat and his entire family
He defeated them but still didn’t call them Kuffaar

30. Differences between A’aimma
1. Meeting of Imam Abu Hanifa (R) and Imam Malik (R)
1. Hypothetical questions
• Abu Hanifa ® conceptualised 60,000 situations
2. Ijma’a – Consensus of opinion of scholars
• Not the people of Madinah alone
3. Opinions based on Ahadith
• Abu Hanifa ® has extracted 100 lessons from a single Hadith
Al-Layth Ibn-Sa’ad ® was witness to the meeting

31. Opinions about each other
1. Imam Malik ® wiped his brow and said, “By Allah‫,ﷻ‬ Abu-
Hanifa made me sweat. By Allah‫,ﷻ‬ he is a true jurist. I’ve
never seen a man debating like that. By Allah‫,ﷻ‬ if he told
you that this iron rod is made out of gold, he would
convince you.”
2. Imam Abu-Hanifa ® who said, “I debated hundreds of
men, but have never seen a man accept the truth as fast as
him.”
When Al-Layth Ibn-Sa’ad ® asked them about each other

32. Then…
1. First, Imam Abu-Hanifa ® sent his son Hammaad to Madinah to
learn the jurisprudential approach of Malik and his book ‘Al-
Mu’atta’.
2. Then, Imam Malik ® asked for the books of Abu-Hanifa to
benefit from them.
3. Muhammad Ibnul-Hassan, a student of Abu-Hanifa’s, held a
session in Iraq to present the approach of Malik.
Not a single instance of them condemning each other

33. Abbassi Khalifa Al-Mansour
1. Imam Malik ® who once rejected all opinions except
those of the people of Madinah told him not to do so
because the companions of Rasoolullah‫ﷺ‬ are spread all
over the world.
2. Those were Abu-Hanifa ®’s words from their meeting.
Offered to have Al Mua’tta inscribed in
gold and kept inside the Ka’aba

34. Maulana Abul Hasan Ali Nadwi ®
At the inauguration of the Tabligh Markaz in Dewsbury, Bradford Ml.
Abul Hasan Ali Nadwi ® advised as follows:
1. This is a new world. A new earth and a new sky. Don’t import your
differences from your home countries into this land.
2. Don’t isolate yourself from the people of the land because the life of
the Muslim is the best Da’awa.
3. Participate in politics because if you don’t, decisions about your
future will be made by others.
Real respect for scholars is to follow their teachings

35. Exercise
1. Think of real life situations and list four key benefits
of difference of opinion
2. Think about how you would have lost if there had
been no difference of opinion
Difference of opinion is a blessing

36. Exercise
1. In case of a difference of opinion, what will you do?
2. Please create four cardinal rules
1.
2.
3.
4.
Is our problem today, difference of
opinion or the inability to handle it?

37. “I disapprove of what you say,
but I will defend to the death
your right to say it.”
~ Evelyn Beatrice Hall