Part two of a 5 part presentation on child emotional development.

1. What if belongingness is
misunderstood?
5 essentials for
belonging:
1. Attachment is a pre-
eminent need
2. Safety and agency
3. Significance
4. New skills
5. Hope – never expect a
child to arrive with their
own hope
1 Question 1

2. Attachment Modes
Question 12
 Central to emotional
openess, emotional
availability, emotional
responsiveness to others
 Foundational for sufficient
emotional readiness for
school
 Attachment modes
create relationship when
children are alarmed by
feelings of separation
6 Attachment Modes
1. Senses
2. Sameness
3. Belonging & Loyalty
4. Significance
5. Love
6. Being fully known

3. Attachment through senses
Question 13
 Smells, sights, sounds
can be overwhelming
 Pace is too fast/slow
 Personal space
 Senses guide/interfere
our conscious attention
 Rest/digest mechanism
 Use ongoing “orientation” to
guide & coach to relax a
child in this new context

4. Attachment through sameness
Question 14
 Sameness evokes
emulation of adult
 Child tends to take our
point of view, repeat our
words, believe what we
say, follow our directions
 Child needs sameness
when: the child
expresses a sense of
feeling “different” or not
belonging, fear they are
not normal, say they
don’t have friends,
cannot initiate play with
others, or cannot work in
groups

5. Attachment through belonging
and loyalty
Question 15
 Promote feelings of
belonging by saying: I
chose you, I care
about you, I missed
you, you come up with
good ideas for this
class
 Legitimize strong
emotions by saying:
that was frustrating,
that was alarming, that
is a lonely feeling

6. Attachment through belonging
and loyalty
Question 16
 Promote feelings of
loyalty by saying:
I understand you
I hear you
I see your strong feelings
I like to hear what you think
I like to see what you make
I will wait for you
I will listen to you
 Comments need to be
personalized and heart
felt

7. Attachment through significance
Question 17
 Each child has their
own journey through
sameness, belonging
and loyalty, toward
significance
 Love and Being Known
follow but will wax and
wane through our
lifetime

8. What if belongingness is
misunderstood?
5 essentials for
belonging:
 Attachment – is a pre-
eminent need
 Safety and agency
 Significance
 New skills
 Hope – never expect a
child to arrive with their own
hope
8 Question 1

9. What if belongingness is
misunderstood?
5 essentials for
belonging:
 Attachment – is a pre-
eminent need
 Safety and agency
 Significance
 New skills
 Hope – never expect a
child to arrive with their own
hope
9 Question 1

10. What if belongingness is
misunderstood?
5 essentials for
belonging:
 Attachment – is a pre-
eminent need
 Safety and agency
 Significance
 New skills
 Hope – never expect a
child to arrive with their
own hope
10 Question 1

11. Tools for Belongingness
 Be aware of individual sensory sensitivities
 Ongoing “orientation”
 Procedural or Emotional orientation
 Use “sameness” to build connections
 “Connect before you direct”
 Enhance connections with statements of
belonging, loyalty, & significance
 Look for signs of improved Attachment from
students
11 Question 1