HAVE HAVEN August 7 , 2012Foster Parent Training Donna Young, MS, Foster Parent Specialist BUILDING SELF ESTEEM WITH YOUR CHILDREN
TRAINING OBJECTIVES Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes from Recognize the symptoms of high and low self esteem Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact on our children Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds our own and our childs self esteem Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self esteem
WHAT DO WE WANT FOR OUR CHILDREN? I want the best for my children I want them to be responsible, happy and caring I want them to take their place in the World I want them to have successful relationships I want them to be productive in whatever they do and gain satisfaction from it
DEFINITION OF SELF ESTEEM"Self Esteem is realistic self awareness and a belief that we are basically OK”“A quiet feeling of self worth”
SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM Wish they were Boast Feel inferior someone else or unworthy SymptomsRarely volunteer Lack energy May bully Panic when Over dependence on faced authority figures with a new task = Anxiety
ATTITUDE – THE FOUNDATION Value them Spend time with them Respect them Trust them Commit to them Be their role model Be on their side
KEY QUESTIONS (1) Have I helped them feel good, or at least not bad, about themselves today? Have I shown that I have understood their feelings and/or their point of view on anything today? Have I shown any interest in, or asked about, anything they have done today?
KEY QUESTIONS (2) Have I listened to them with my whole hearted attention at least once? Will they think I am on their side? Try to aim for at least one "yes" every day.
PRAISE Specific Deed not Doer Praise Timing Areas to Improve
ADVANTAGES OF INCREASED EMOTIONALINTELLIGENCE Increased physical health Higher academic achievement Better formed relationships Less tendency to violent acts Emotionally healthy
FIVE STEPS TO EMOTIONAL COACHING Become aware of the childs emotion Recognise the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching Put yourself in the childs shoes and listen, acknowledging the childs feelings Help to find words to express the emotion Set limits while exploring ways to solve the problem
WHY DON’T WE LISTEN? We are pursuing our own line of thought We are relating it all to our own experience We switch off because we know what they are going to say We judge the speaker, labelling everything they are saying instead of listening
POSITIVE COMMUNICATION “Can you hear me?” Listening “Actions speak louder than words” Body language “You’re so clumsy” “Don’t spill it” Labelling Making requests “You think you’re so clever” Put downs
WHY DO WE PUT OUR CHILDREN DOWN? To say what was said to us when we were young It is the right thing to do We are down on our reserves
PROBLEM SOLVING Describe the situation Sum up in their words Generate ideas Pick one Confirm if solved
WHAT DOES SELF ESTEEM DO FOR OURCHILDREN? Face fewer obstacles to fulfilment The negative opinion of others will not immobilise them They will not be undone by failure, they will learn from it They will respect others They will find loving others easier and have lots of love to give away!
AS PARENTS WE MUST: Accept ourselves, recognise what we are doing is the best we can Recognise we have a choice about how to behave as a parent Share our thoughts, feelings and needs honestly and without fear of judgement Look after ourselves and ask for and gain support from others
FOUR KEY TENETS FOR PARENTS To identify our own values To provide us and our children with a sense of direction To accept responsibility for guiding and leading our children to adulthood To avoid the extremes of child rearing fashions and find a sustainable middle way.
TRAINING OBJECTIVES Examine the nature of self esteem and where it comes from Recognise the symptoms of high and low self esteem Examine our own self esteem and how that may impact on our children Identify a strategy for day to day parenting that builds our own and our childs self esteem Examine practical everyday ways of ensuring we build self esteem