Taking Charge
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Taking Charge: that act, those actions, potentially that singular moment, where you say “this is within my control and I’m going to do something about it.” Begun as a dialogue at R/GA’s Woman Up collective, this is a brief meditation on assertiveness and credibility curated especially for women anywhere along their career journeys.
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Taking Charge
- 3. The opposite of taking charge is doing nothing.
- 4. DO YOU TAKE CHARGE WHEN YOU SHOULD? ARE YOU EFFECTIVE WHEN YOU DO?
- 5. It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission
- 6. Have you committed any of these forms of self-sabotage: Perfection Paralysis Do You Believe You Are Credible? Adapted from “Your Own Terms: A Woman’s Guide to Taking Charge of Any Negotiation” by Yasmin Davidds Backing away from opportunities for no apparent reason Not asking for what you wanted or needed Assuming others should know what you want Negative self-talk Indecision / Procrastination / / / / / / / / / / / / Not charging what you’re worth Fear of asking for more and being rejected Fear of not being liked or included Thinking small Fear of overstepping bounds Disconnecting from your authentic self in order to “fit in”
- 7. Do You Believe You Are Credible? You may have to take serious action. Identify Reflect on occasions where self-sabotage kicked in. What if you had done the opposite? Dig deep Ask really hard questions about your life. Is anything holding you back? Try Successive attempts will dispel, not reinforce, your fears. Imagine Imagine yourself doing things differently.
- 10. The Office Mom The Credit Defaulter The Doormat The Contortionist The Humble Bragger The Herfectionist Do You Act Like You Are Credible? / / / / / /
- 11. Weakspeak
- 12. Say you’re sorry only when you are at fault.
- 13. Avoiding decisions means others will decide for you. Act Decisively
- 14. How to say “no” Image credit: “Feminist Fight Club” by Jessica Bennett
- 15. Manage Senior People /1 Present your authority. Make an entrance Demonstrate your authority to people who may have more /3 Defend yourself against interrupters and credit-takers. /4 And remember to advocate for others! /2 Have an ally and prep them
- 16. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT
- 17. And Keep Learning! Your Own Terms: A Woman’s Guide to Taking Charge of Any Negotiation Yasmin Davidds Leading from the Front Angie Morgan & Courtney Lynch Feminist Fight Club Jessica Bennett Playing Big Tara Mohr The Power of Vulnerability Brene Brown https://www.ted.com/talks/adam_galinsky_how_to_speak_up_for_yourself#t-142366 And more…
Editor's Notes
- Woman Up was launched in 2016 by women at R/GA London to champion female knowledge and wisdom, and hosts talks and events, and pushes for change within the company and industry. Last year Woman Up won the top diversity and inclusion award at IPG for the positive impact they’ve had on the culture at R/GA and since then Woman Up has gone on to launch across the global R/GA network.
- Today I want to talk about what YOU can do as an individual to change YOUR future. To make your career goals happen. This is a deep well, and I can only offer a few thoughts in this amount of time, so I’m going to focus on Taking Charge. Those actions, that role, potentially that singular moment, where you say “This is within my control and I’m going to do something about it.” Before we go further, you may be asking, is “taking charge” the right way to think about effective leadership in 2018? Or, is this conversation even relevant to someone who isn’t a manager of people, say, a young copywriter just starting out?
- I say, emphatically, yes. Because the opposite of taking charge is doing nothing. Quick story from one of my very dear friends and colleagues at R/GA. In discussing this topic together, she recalled a pivotal moment two years ago, as an Executive Producer who had just led a winning pitch for a very large new account at R/GA London. There was an internal kick-off meeting after the award, with the pitch team and the office leadership, and when the topic turned to who should lead the account (she being the obvious choice), the Director of Operations at the time said, “No offense, and sorry for saying this right in front of you, but I don’t think you’re ready for it” She was stunned, and you know what, she said nothing. She said she made a kind of strange nervous laugh but that was all she was able to muster . Immediately, however, a key ally jumped in and said to this senior guy that he was totally wrong, that she’s got everything it takes to build and lead this account. And she was given the role, and is successfully running and growing the business to this day. But she still kicks herself – why didn’t she speak up? Why didn’t she even ask for him to explain himself, rather than let others come to her defense?
- The question she is asking now, and that we should ask ourselves is: do I take charge when I should? And then, when you do take charge, are you effective at it? First thing is first, and the bottom line is this: if you ever catch yourself asking SHOULD I TAKE CHARGE RIGHT NOW, the answer is almost certainly YES: Is there a decision that no one else is making? Is there an opportunity for you to shine? Are you feeling boxed in and need to break out of it? Take charge. If it ever feels murky, and you’re worried about over-stepping your bounds, try to remember this old adage:
- It’s better to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Imagine your life’s path splitting at a fork in the road. If you take one path, you will always wait for someone to tell you “it’s ok to proceed,” and you never get in trouble for getting out over your skis. If you take the other path, you’ve asserted yourself, and yeah, occasionally, you step on a few toes, and get your hand slapped, but you handle those issues with grace as they happen. At the end of your life, which path got you closer to where you wanted to be? The answer should be obvious.
- So that’s all great when we’ve got the courage, but it’s never that easy, is it? Taking that first step, you have to overcome some potentially serious hurdles, some of which are inside your head. Ask yourself, not if, but how many of these forms of internal self-sabotage have you committed? Do you even believe that you are worthy, or credible enough to take charge, in the first place?
- I know it sounds a little bit like we’re in a therapy session, and it should, because self-sabotage can be a beast. And you may have to take serious action. Here's how to break it down. First, Identify those behaviors. Reflect on occasions where self-sabotage kicked in. What did you do? How did you feel at the time, and how do you feel now? Then, Dig deep. Ask really hard questions about your life and look for root causes. Is something from your childhood or other difficult experiences holding you back? Work these feelings out, whether alone or with people you trust. Imagine. Now imagine yourself doing things differently. What are the possible outcomes? Can you see yourself doing it? How will you feel? And now Try. Learn by doing. Successive attempts at taking charge will dispel, not reinforce, your fears.
- There may not always be someone around to help you fight the thoughts swimming around your head. So here’s a tool I absolutely love, that came from author and speaker Tara Mohr. In her 2014 book, Playing Big, Mohr asks you to connect with your “inner mentor.” That version of you who is 20 years older 20 wiser. She’s very much you, just not caught up in the moment. What would she do in this situation? And more importantly, would she advise you to do right now?
- And here’s another great tip, validated by academic research, which is to advocate for others. The more you speak out on behalf of others, the more confident you will feel to advocate for yourself. In psychology circles, it’s known as the “mama bear” effect.
- Now, besides inward self-sabotage, we have to talk about some things we do which are a matter of outward self-sabotage. Effectively taking charge requires that others see you as credible in that situation. Credibility is the source of our power, and like a bank account, we make little deposits into our perceived credibility over time, and negatively, take withdrawals too. There are positive and negative things that are most definitely within your control to act upon. Jessica Bennett wrote the most wonderful, painful, and hilariously written book called Feminist Fight Club. In it, she describes viscerally the issues for women in the workplace and provides tools to combat them. Among them, she describes self-sabotaging roles you might take on at work, including being: The Office Mom or the Credit Defaulter – who knows there is no “I” in team, but not that there’s an “I” in “I led that project.” The Doormat – who's afraid to say no or the Contortionist – who makes herself physically unnoticeable The Humble Bragger – who is good at promoting herself without promoting, so that we still like her. She’s so grateful, she’s so lucky, #blessed. Or The Herfectionist – who paralyzes herself with self-criticism. If you find yourself occupying any of these roles, like we said before, identify, dig deep, imagine, and try a more constructive set of behaviors.
- And then there’s the language we use. It's been written about over and over. You can’t do everything right all the time, and it can feel like nitpicking, but you should be aware that there are definitely some tripwires, some more egregious than others: Like upspeak? Qualifiers (“I’m not sure if this is right, but”) or Fillers (“um, like, Kind of”) Emojimania! Soften, soften, wink wink j/k exclamation point! I really don't want to appear threatening!
- And in language, the worst sin is over-apologizing. The credibility killer. It weakens your credibility every time you use it, except when you are stepping up to take responsibility for a situation that was in your control. That is highly credible. Don’t use “I’m sorry” to smooth over or sidestep issues. Here’s a great tip I learned in one of our Woman Up workshops. Instead of saying “I’m sorry” replace it with “Thank you.” Don’t say “I’m sorry for being late” say “thank you for waiting.”
- On the positive side, here are some big deposits you can make into your credibility account. First, learn to act decisively, and get known for doing so. We know that decision making is stressful. You’ll never have 100% of the information you’ll need. So take the 80% solution. Trust your gut and your values. Don’t be a Herfectionist. When you're in the fog, focus on areas you can control, don’t dwell on what you can’t (like the economy or the holding company). When you focus on areas you can control, then you can take action! Push yourself to make timely decisions. It gets easier with practice.
- Get good at when and how to say no. Remember that Refusal ≠ Rejection. You aren't telling someone you don't like them or value the work because you've said you just can't take something on. Also, they may be expecting a “no.” Sometimes, crazy asks are really just crazy. and they'd be surprised you said yes! Another true story from a colleague; she was facing a “perfect storm” month: multiple global launches, new briefs coming in, client meetings, people out on holidays. She was overwhelmed. One night, everything came to a head when multiple people on her team came up and asked for her help. She REALLY wanted to say yes, but she knew that she couldn’t get the critical tasks accomplished and also help them. So, she reluctantly said no. As she told us on reflection, three really great things happened: First - no one died! The team said not to worry and they would follow up the next day if needed Second - it empowered the team. They all said - let me try again to answer my own question, instead of defaulting to you. Third - it became a positive team moment. They realized she actually needed more help than they did, and offered to lend their support more often. The takeaway: sometimes we need to say no, and on top of that, it can actually be a positive.
- And lastly, learn to manage senior people. This will be your life’s work. But it absolutely builds up your credibility when you can demonstrate your authority to people who may have more. One tip: Present your authority in front of senior people. Make an entrance. State your biography and your accomplishments. Take a central seat at the table, not against the wall. And say something when you enter the room. Anything. Hearing your own voice, and having others hear it right away, signals that it's a voice that WILL BE heard in this meeting. Have an ally in the room and pre-game the issues and personalities. And definitely defend yourself against interrupters and credit-takers. We all know the men who only want to (and are very used to) hearing themselves speak. The direct response is excuse me, I wasn't finished making my point. Otherwise, take them aside later and say that wasn't cool. And by later, I mean there's no statute of limitations, and generally, they'll be more careful because you've spoken up. And if you see this happening to someone, be an ally -- say “Could you let her finish her point? I was really interested in what she had to say." Or “Really glad you are in support of that thing she said 30 minutes ago." And remember to advocate for others! The mama bear effect is real. So look, lots of advice, and this was only the 15 minute version. If you're not sure where to start when you take charge,
- Fake it til you make it. I promise you, everyone, myself included, has felt like they were faking it at first in a new job or in a big moment. You feel a little bit like a fraud but you know what, no one else even notices. So have those role models out in the world or in your life, and your inner mentor. When all else fails, model their behaviors as long as they are true to your authentic self and your values (not some whole other being) Over time, and with practice, your very unique style will emerge, your values will become your leadership principles and you'll remember very fondly the differences you made for yourself by taking charge.
- And lastly, no matter what, keep learning. Like I said this is a very deep well. Learn about combatting explicit and implicit bias. Here are some references from this talk and some other favorites. And if nothing else, I hope this talk serves to remind you that there are a lot of things you can and should do to create your future.