Conflict Resolution corporate training, workplace wellness or continuing education training that can be conducted in-person or over webinar.

1. Managing Conflict in
the Workplace
Presented by Joyce Marter, LCPC
Founder of Urban Balance, VP of Refresh Mental Health

2. Whenever you’re in
conflict with someone,
there is one factor that
can make the difference
between damaging your
relationship and
deepening it. That factor
is attitude.
– William James
"Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there
is one factor that can make the difference
between damaging your relationship and
deepening it. That factor is attitude.”
- William James

3. The Nature of Conflict
Control
Contrasting Beliefs
Power
Hurt feelings/bruised egos
Fear
Control
Power
Contrasting Beliefs
Hurt feelings/bruised
egos
Fear
Misunderstanding

4. Conflict Styles
• Passive
• Aggressive
• Assertive
• Passive Aggressive
• Avoidant
Passive
Aggressive
Assertive
Passive Aggressive
Avoidant

5. Use Assertive Communication
• Neither passive, aggressive, nor passive-aggressive
• “I” Statements
• Honest, direct, clear, polite requests
• No triangulation
• Face-to-face best, then voice to voice, etc. No fighting
via email or text

6. Goleman’s 5 Domains of EQ
Knowing your emotions.1
Managing your own emotions.2
Motivating yourself.3
Recognizing and understanding other people’s emotions.
4
Managing relationships, i.e. managing the emotions of others.
5
Adapted from Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence”

7. EQ
High EQ—
• Displays low insecurity and high
openness
• Acts assertively
Low EQ—
• When emotionally triggered,
thinking goes down
• Acts aggressively, passively, passive-
aggressively

8. Low EQ
• Scapegoating
• Blaming
• Bullying
• Gossip
High EQ
• Self aware
• Inclusiveness
• Respectful
• Taking responsibility
for actions

9. • One cannot be collegial
(other-focused) if the brain is
in a reactive, defensive mode
(perceives a threat from
others or the environment)
• To be collegial one must be
able to control emotions that
interfere with decision
making or interpretation of
the situation

10. Steps toward collegial and civil communication:
First seek to understand the other party1
Expect that you may not be understood2
Know early warning signs that your emotional brain has
been activated (e.g. clenched teeth, feeling flushed, anger)3

11. Steps toward collegial and civil communication:
Observe your process (are you raising your voice, being sarcastic,
bossy, arrogant, talking too much…?)
4
Watch the other’s reaction to you as a way toward self-awareness5
Take a break and regroup6
Re-engage when you are not triggered7
Seek help when needed8

12. Difficult Personality Types
• The know-it-all expert
• The bully
• The procrastinator
• The chronic complainer or “whiner”
• The unresponsive or “silent type”

13. The Know-it-All Experts
• Be sure of your facts when
dealing with these people.
• Avoid confrontation over facts.
• Gently steer the conversation
where you want it to go.
• Ask lots of questions to benefit
from their expertise and win
them over.
• Listen. You may actually learn
something.

14. The Bully
• Maintain eye contact
• Allow the bully to “run down”
• Be professional
• Ask questions such as “What can I do
to help?”
• Use phrases like “I feel” or “I believe”
• Stand up for yourself/but don’t fight
back
• Relax

15. The Procrastinator
• Communicate regularly about what
needs to be done
• Provide positive feedback on any
progress – minimizing self criticism on
the part of the procrastinator
• Determine the real reason for the delay
• Ask them for help in resolving issues
with any delays. Push them to develop
deadlines for themselves and to report
progress as it occurs.

16. The Complainer/Whiner
• Don’t let the complainer get you
down
• Ask questions such as “What is
it you want?”
• Avoid suggesting solutions
• Neither agree or disagree
• Use effective listening skills

17. The Unresponsive, Silent Type
• Ask open ended questions
• Avoid doing all the talking
• Use a “friendly, silent stare”
• Comment on the process and
what you are feeling
• Schedule another meeting

18. Practical Solutions: Avoid a Knee Jerk Reaction
Avoid a fight, flight or freeze response
Avoid engaging tug-of-war
Don’t lock horns
Unhook from the minutia
“Zoom out” to gain perspective
• See the big picture
• Blip in time
Practical Solutions: Avoid a Knee Jerk Reaction
Avoid a fight, flight or
freeze response
Avoid engaging in a tug-
of-war
Don’t lock horns
Unhook from the minutia
“Zoom out” to gain
perspective
! See the big picture
! Blip in time

19. Practical Solutions
Become rooted in the present
Let go of Defensiveness
Take Responsibility
Appreciate the Power of
Empathy
Practice flexibility, adaptability
& compromise
Become Rooted in the
Present
Let go of Defensiveness
Take Responsibility
Appreciate the Power
of Empathy
Practice Flexibility,
Adaptability &
Compromise

20. Avoid Behaviors that
Add Fuel to the Fire
• Criticism
• Contempt
• Stonewalling
• Defensiveness

21. Resentment is like
drinking poison and
then hoping it will kill
your enemies.
– Nelson Mandela
Forgive Yourself & Others
“Resentment is like drinking poison and
hoping it will kill your enemies.”
Forgive Yourself & Others

22. www.joyce-marter.com
312-213-9324
joyce@urbanbalance.com
www.refreshmh.com
jmarter@refreshmh.com