BEING EVER YOUTH
- SELF –CONFIDENCE
- Arise Roby
What is Self Confidence?
Self-confidence primarily refers to us having a
positive and realistic perception of ourselves
and our abilities.
A lack of self-confidence, on the other hand,
is characterized by: self- doubt, passivity,
submissiveness, over-conformity, isolation,
sensitivity to criticism, distrust, depression,
and feelings of inferiority and being unloved
How Does a Lack of Self
Experience:We often develop feelings of inferiority and
hopelessness through various negative life experiences at
home, school, on the job, etc.
Loss of a family member or close friend
Dwelling unnecessarily on negative events such as failures
and disappointment, instead of using the event as a learning
Judging or criticizing yourself and your abilities too harshly
Evaluating the outcome of situations as much worse than
they really are
Experiencing too much pressure from your parents and/or
Setting unrealistic goals.
Fear of failure.
How to Increase Your
Self Confidence ?
1. Think positively about yourself.
2. Set goals that are realistic and will meet your
3. Reward/praise yourself when you have done well.
4. Whenever something upsetting or disappointing
occurs, be aware of your thoughts.Think logically
about the situation instead of reacting merely on
the basis of your emotions
5. Dwell on your strengths not on your weaknesses.
6. Realize that there are certain things that you
are more adept and competent in than
others, and that it is impossible to expect
perfection in every aspect of your life
7. Do not attribute your achievement and
accomplishments only to luck. Instead, give
yourself credit for your own personal
8. Learn to be assertive
9. Make a list of what you feel are the major
problems in your life.Then list ways to improve
or change them
Strategies for Developing
Emphasize Strengths. Give yourself credit for
everything you try.
Take Risks. Approach new experiences as
opportunities to learn rather than occasions to
win or lose.
Use Self-Talk. Use self-talk as an opportunity to
counter harmful assumptions.
Self-Evaluate. Learn to evaluate yourself
To express your feelings, opinions, beliefs and
needs directly, openly and honestly, while not
violating the rights of others.
For example, learn to stand up for your rights
and say "no" to unreasonable requests.
Understanding that you have a right for your
When you behave selfishly, or in a way that violates the
rights of others, you are, in fact, acting in a destructive,
aggressive manner --rather than in a constructive,
assertive manner.There is a very fine line that divides the
two manners of action.
Aggressiveness means that you express your rights but
at the expense, degradation, or humiliation of another. It
involves being so emotionally or physically forceful that
the rights of others are not allowed to surface.
Aggressiveness usually results in others becoming angry
or vengeful, and as such, it can work against your
intentions and cause people to lose respect for you.You
may feel self-righteous or superior at a particular time --
but after thinking things through, you may feel guilty
1. The right to decide how to lead your life.This includes
pursuing your own goals and dreams and establishing your
2. The right to your own values, beliefs, opinions, and
emotions -- and the right to respect yourself for them, no
matter the opinion of others.
3. The right not to justify or explain your actions or feelings to
4. The right to tell others how you wish to be treated.
5. The right to express yourself and to say "No," "I don't know,"
"I don't understand," or even "I don't care."You have the
right to take the time you need to formulate your ideas
before expressing them.
6. The right to ask for information or help -- without
having negative feelings about your needs.
7. The right to change your mind, to make mistakes, and
to sometimes act illogically -- with full understanding
and acceptance of the consequences.
8. The right to like yourself even though you're not
perfect, and to sometimes do less than you are capable
9. The right to have positive, satisfying relationships
within which you feel comfortable and free to express
yourself honestly -- and the right to change or end
relationships if they don't meet your needs.
10. The right to change, enhance, or develop your life in
any way you determine.
Some tips to improve
Know your facts and have them to hand.
Anticipate other people's behaviour and prepare your responses.
Prepare and use good open questions.
Re-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression
(posters can help you think and become how you want to be -
display positive writings where you will read them often - it's a
proven successful technique).
Have faith that your own abilities and style will ultimately work if
you let them.
Feel sympathy for bullies - they actually need it.
Read inspirational things that reinforce your faith in proper values
and all the good things in your own natural style and self, for
example, Ruiz'sThe Four Agreements, Kipling's If, Desiderata,
Cherie Carter-Scott's 'rules of life',Wimbrow'sThe Guy InThe
Things to Remember for Improving
Count the good things, not the negative
Think positively about yourself
Learn from your experiences
Set realistic goals
Don Miguel Ruiz's –
The Four Agreements
Don Miguel Ruiz's book,The Four Agreements
was published in 1997. For many,The Four
Agreements is a life-changing book, whose ideas
come from the ancientToltec wisdom of the
native people of Southern Mexico.TheToltec
were 'people of knowledge' - scientists and
artists who created a society to explore and
conserve the traditional spiritual knowledge and
practices of their ancestors.
Agreement No 1
Be impeccable with your word - Speak with
integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid
using the word to speak against yourself or to
gossip about others. Use the power of your
word in the direction of truth and love.
Agreement No 2
Don’t take anything personally - Nothing
others do is because of you.What others say
and do is a projection of their own reality,
their own dream.When you are immune to
the opinions and actions of others, you won’t
be the victim of needless suffering.
Agreement No 3
Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage
to ask questions and to express what you
really want. Communicate with others as
clearly as you can to avoid
misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With
just this one agreement, you can completely
transform your life.
Agreement No 4
Always do your best -Your best is going to
change from moment to moment; it will be
different when you are healthy as opposed to
sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your
best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-
abuse and regret