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Introduction to the responsibility process

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The slides of my talk about the responsibility process for the Agile Finland agile coaching circle.

Published in: Self Improvement

Introduction to the responsibility process

  1. 1. Introduction to The Responsibility Process Ari Tanninen Agile Coaching Circle May 16th 2016
  2. 2. Exercise: Claiming wins
  3. 3. Image: flickr / BrianForbes Image: Wikimedia Commons / Túrelio Image: pixabayImage: Wikimedia Commons / NeetiR
  4. 4. “Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”
 — Lewis L. Dunnington “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor E. Frankl “It's not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us.” — Stephen R. Covey
  5. 5. Exercise: How to make it go away? (1/2) 1. Write down a problem or an upset. 2. Write down what needs to happen for the problem or upset to go away.
  6. 6. Image: Wikimedia Commons / United States Navy
  7. 7. The Responsibility Process Denial Lay Blame Justify Shame Obligation Responsibility Quit Upset or problem
  8. 8. The Responsibility Process • Mental states triggered automatically when we get upset • Coping strategies / comfort zones to alleviate anxiety • Key idea: push through them to get to true responsibility • Based on 20+ years of studies by Bill McCarley and Christopher Avery
  9. 9. Exercise: How to make it go away? (2/2) 1. Write down a problem or an upset. 2. Write down what needs to happen for the problem or upset to go away. 3. Which mindset were you in when you wrote down your problem or upset? 4. Rewrite step 2. 5. Is there a difference?
  10. 10. Step Symptoms Diagnosis (in your head) Remedy (the way to feeling better) Responsibility “I choose to” Feeling powerful Feeling ownership Results that matter The problem may be an effect of a larger issue I am missing something from the big picture Somehow I contributed to the issue The problem is how my mind sees the problem Face the pain Look for truth & root issue Solve the root issue for good Quit "Whatever", cynical comments Denying you want it Feeling incomplete, longing No results This is so painful I can’t take it I can’t do anything Give up Disengage mentally Obligation “We should”, “I must” Procrastination, resentment Minimal results I have no choice I am trapped I have to but I don’t want to Do the bare minimum and get it over with Shame “I am so stupid” Feeling guilt It’s my fault I deserve to beat myself up I can’t do anything I need to change Justify “That’s just how things are” Venting The situation is responsible It is just that I have the problem I can’t control the situation I can’t do anything Situation needs to change Lay Blame “X is such a…” Venting X is responsible I can’t do anything X needs to change Denial “Problem? There is no problem!”
  11. 11. Exercise: Share from your own experience
  12. 12. Relax! It’s only natural. You are only human. We’re wired that way. Image: flickr / Ben Francis
  13. 13. Denial Lay Blame Justify Shame Obligation Responsibility Quit Power cycle Control cycle
  14. 14. Control Cycle What is right? What should I do? Advice This is bad! This is wrong! How do I get back in control? Evaluation Choosing control I just have to follow these rules/checklist/ policy to get back in control! Compliance
  15. 15. Power Cycle Choosing power I am missing something. What is going on? How did I contribute to this? What do I feel and need? What false belief or assumption I am holding? Looking Aha! Clarity I can deal with this! I want to deal with this! Trust
  16. 16. Power and Control Cycles Problem Choosing power Looking Clarity Trust Advice Evaluation Choosing control Compliance Denial: refuse to acknowledge the problem Quit: give up when unable to handle anxiety of Shame or Obligation
  17. 17. Denial Lay Blame Justify Shame Obligation Responsibility Quit Problem Choosing power Looking Clarity Trust Advice Evaluation Choosing control Compliance
  18. 18. Why do we prefer the control cycle over the power cycle?
  19. 19. Looking • Bear anxiety and have patience! • Curiosity • Observation • Reflection • For me: Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg), SCARF (David Rock), meditation, The Leadership Gift program, sparring with friends…
  20. 20. Exercise: I should / I want 1. Take a paper and a pen. 2. On one side, write as many "I must/should" sentences as you can think of. 3. Turn the paper around. Freely choose those musts you want, and write them again in "I want/ choose“ form. 4. How does it feel?
  21. 21. Three keys to Responsibility • Intent to operate from responsibility when upset, and to refuse to operate from lay blame, justify, shame, or obligation • Awareness of my mental states, myself, others, and my environment • Confront myself and reality to see what is true
  22. 22. Some tools • Claiming wins • Journalling & regular reflection • Catch it quicker game • Observing others • Invite trusted friends to remind you • Practice groups Image: flickr / Andy Ciordia
  23. 23. Image: pixabay
  24. 24. Image: Wikimedia Commons / Adam Ward
  25. 25. Image: Wikimedia Commons
  26. 26. False responsibility • = “accountability” • = Shame • = Obligation • Indoctrinated by society • Children & organizations Image: flickr / Lee Carson
  27. 27. Denial Lay Blame Justify Shame Obligation Responsibility Quit { { “Stop making excuses and take responsibility!” Mental states renounced by society “No one likes a whiner!” “Shame on you!” “You must apologize!” Mental states endorsed by society “How can you be so stupid!” “If you don’t clean your room, mommy feels sad.” “Give that cookie back to your brother!” “Are you avoiding responsibility?” “You should feel bad!” “Man up!”
  28. 28. Self-apply only • Responsibility process is easy to see in others but very difficult to see in yourself • Demonstrate rather than impose • Impose Responsibility and you will get Obligation • One can only act from Responsibility if it’s their free choice
  29. 29. Self-apply out of free choice, only • Demand responsibility of yourself and you will get Shame or Obligation • Relax, you’re human, we are all built this way :) • Self-compassion is key
  30. 30. A point about managing people • Demand accountability and you get Obligation • Tighten control and you get Obligation “All leadership begins with self-leadership.” — Christopher Avery
  31. 31. “Responsibility is owning your power and ability to create, choose, and attract your life.” — Christopher Avery
  32. 32. More info Download a Responsibility Process poster in your language https://www.christopheravery.com/responsibility-process-poster The Responsibility Process by Christopher Avery (7 min video) https://youtu.be/-T3IZ2ISxag For individuals: The Leadership Gift training program http://the.leadershipgift.com For corporations: Partnerwerks, Inc. https://www.partnerwerks.com

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