How do you give feedback in ways that get people to actually listen and change? It’s not a new challenge in leadership circles. Every leader we work with, all over the world and at every level of management, struggles with it:

1. LEAD WITH FEEDBACK: TWO ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HOW TO GIVE IT
WWW.CYNTHIAINDRISO.COM
1

2. LEAD WITH FEEDBACK: TWO ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HOW TO GIVE IT
WWW.CYNTHIAINDRISO.COM 2
To help people excel, point out their excellence, not their failure
How do you give feedback in ways that get people to actually listen and change?
It’s not a new challenge in leadership circles. Every leader we work with, all over
the world and at every level of management, struggles with it:
I sugarcoat it.
It’s easier over the phone, because I don’t see the face of the
other person.
I never had a boss like me. Never got feedback.I could have
learned a lot!
I put it off until I’m so angry and frustrated that I explode and
destroy the relationship beyond repair.

3. LEAD WITH FEEDBACK: TWO ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HOW TO GIVE IT
WWW.CYNTHIAINDRISO.COM 3
There’s a ton of research, tools, and opinion out there to address what’s always
been a hot topic in business. We published one of our very first blog posts about
it here, because it’s such an essential communication skill for all of us, in every
relationship, and at both work and in our lives. (In this post we focus on how to
give it. In a separate blog post here, we talk about the flip side of the conversation,
which is how to receive it.)
NETFLIX STIRS THE DEBATE
Here we are again, because there’s been high-profile new debate recently.
Hollywood giant Netflix has come under fire about its radically transparent
“pressure cooker” work culture inarticles in the Wall Street Journal (WSJ), Forbes,
and the Harvard Business Review (HBR).

4. LEAD WITH FEEDBACK: TWO ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HOW TO GIVE IT
WWW.CYNTHIAINDRISO.COM 4
WSJ authors Ramachandran and Flint, whospoke to more than 70 current and
former Netflix employees, describe what Netflix calls their “real-time 360”
feedback, delivered overs dinners and lunches where coworkers take turns giving
feedback to others at the table. They also describe the “keeper test,” where on the
Netflix webpage it says, “We focus on managers’ judgment for each of their
people: If one of the members of the team was thinking of leaving for another
firm, would the manager try hard to keep them from leaving? The criticism of this
“extreme openness” approach to feedback includes words such as ”harsh,”
“intense,” “awkward,” “callous.”
Forbes author Stephanie Denning further describes examples of Netflix’s “extreme
transparency” practices, including “sunshining,” a Netflix term used to describe a
company practice that encourages employees to air a mistake they might have
made to colleagues in the name of transparency. Evaluations are also public.
Employees are rated annually using a “360” tool, which is commonly used in many
organizations. At Netflix, however, much less commonly, these evaluations are
accessible company-wide,from administratorsall the way to the CEO.

5. LEAD WITH FEEDBACK: TWO ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HOW TO GIVE IT
WWW.CYNTHIAINDRISO.COM 5
HBR authors Buckingham and Goodall entered the hoopla over Netflix’s approach
by sidesteppingthe debate on how candidly transparent feedback needs to be and
focusing instead on the broader question of, “how can we help each person thrive
and excel?” They make a crucial distinction between instruction – telling people
what to do – and feedback – telling people what we think of their performance,
and how they should do it better. The two are very different. They further point out
how research debunks myths we have about the source of truth, how we learn,
and how we codify excellence. In short, we aren’t the most reliable raters of other
people’s performance that we think we are, attention to our weaknesses smothers
our learning, and “excellence” is idiosyncraticand not the oppositeof failure:
…More than half your rating of someone else reflects your characteristics, not
hers….Telling people what we think of their performance doesn’t help them
thrive and excel, and telling people how we think they should improve actually
hinders learning… Managers can’t ‘correct’ a person’s way to excellence.

6. LEAD WITH FEEDBACK: TWO ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HOW TO GIVE IT
WWW.CYNTHIAINDRISO.COM 6
The solution they offer on how to help people excel is to look for positive
outcomes of behavioral excellence and respond to those occurrences. They
emphasize that managers need to help their team members see what’s working,
and share their experience of what the person did well.
Whenever you see one of your people do something that worked for you, stop,
and point it out. ‘Yes. That!’ You’re offering her the chance to gain insight; you’re
highlighting a pattern that is already there within her/him so that they can
recognizeit, anchor it, re-create it, and refine it. That is learning.
There’s a big and important distinction here. It’s not about telling someone how
well she’s performed or how good she is. It’s not about piling on the praise. Nor are
you the authority on what objectively good performance is. It’s about speaking
your truth. It’s you describing – very specifically — what you experience when her
moment of excellence catches your attention.
…you aren’t judging, or rating, or fixing her; you’re simply reflecting to her the
unique ‘dent’ she just made in the world, as seen through your eyes.

7. LEAD WITH FEEDBACK: TWO ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HOW TO GIVE IT
WWW.CYNTHIAINDRISO.COM 7
OUR #1 TIP: SHIFT YOUR MINDSET
At the heart of the common ground we see in the debate is the need to shift your
mindset. As a feedback giver, we need to stop judging or rating or being the
authority on what is excellence and good performance. Our intention instead
needs to come from a place of seeing the potential in the other person, with the
intention to enable their self-reflection, learning, and self-empowerment. When
we’re truly not judging or rating, the impact is powerful and trans-formative. The
other’s understanding of the nature of their own unique excellence will become
more vivid. As HBR authors Buckingham and Goodall describe:
Her brain will become more receptive to new information and will make
connections to other inputs found in other regions of her brain, and she will learn
and grow and get better.
OUR #2 TIP: PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR WORDS
Use language that reflects this different mindset and approach. Here are some
examples of language to try now.

8. LEAD WITH FEEDBACK: TWO ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HOW TO GIVE IT
WWW.CYNTHIAINDRISO.COM 8
Use the word “I” more than the word “you,” and speak from a place of your
experience, not from a place of judgment of the other. We always say to clients as
they’re practicing, “in your mind’s eye as you speak, keep your finger pointed at
yourself, not the other person:”
Here’s what i would do,” not “Here’s what you should do
I’m struggling to understand your plan,”not“ You lack strategic thinking
Here’s what worked best for me & why, ”not“
Here’s what you need to improve
I feel like….”not“ You make me feel…
OUR OTHER ESSENTIAL TIPS
1. Give it immediately– “interrupt”
2. Give it continuously,not just during an isolatedperformance review
3. Focus on behavior,not traitsor personality – what you can see and hear
4. Focus on the “what” and the “how” – not the “why”
5. Focus on moving forward, intothe future

9. LEAD WITH FEEDBACK: TWO ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR HOW TO GIVE IT
WWW.CYNTHIAINDRISO.COM 9
6. Be descriptive and specific – don’t generalize
7. Check agreement with what you’ve shared
8. Be clear about your intentionsbehindthe feedback
9. Come to clear agreement about any new action needed going forward
10. Apologize for any defensiveness or blaming that may have occurred during the
conversation.
THE LOW-HANGING FRUIT OF LEADING WITH FEEDBACK
Raising the bar on candor and transparency in the workplace is one of the best no-
cost, immediate, and high impact leadership behaviors when it’s got skillfulness
and intention behind it that aims to help the other(s) contribute more of their
uniqueness, skills, and potential.
THANKS !!!