2. FAST FACTS
• We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 1000-3000 wpm
• 75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful
• 20% of the time, we remember what we hear
• More than 35% of businesses think listening is a top skill for
success
• Less than 2% of people have had formal education with
listening
4. WHY BE A GOOD LISTENER?
Needs of the Speaker…
To be recognized and remembered
To feel valued
To feel appreciated
To feel respected
To feel understood
To feel comfortable about a want or need
5. Listening is the most powerful form of
acknowledgment
…a way
of saying,
“You are
important.
”
http://www.flickr.com/photos/metrojp/92038203/
6. …creates a desire to
LISTENING BUILDS
cooperate among
STRONGER people because they
RELATIONSHIPS feel accepted and
acknowledged.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/spine/263214639/
7. Listening promotes being heard
…”Seek first to understand, then
be understood.”
- Stephen Covey
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mediafury/48980734
8. Listening creates acceptance and openness
…conveys the message that
“I am not judging you.”
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nishanthjois/4311161016/
10. Listening reduces
stress and tension
…minimizes
confusion and
misunderstanding,
eliminating related
stress and tension
http://www.flickr.com/photos/striatic/133146
861
11. Listening is CRITICAL in conflict resolution
…much conflict comes from the need to be heard.
Successful resolution depends on being a non-anxious
presence.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/seabamirum/2810366792/
12. A Little Book of Listening Skills for the
Workplace
52 essential practices for profoundly transforming production,
profits and people
AUTHOR: Mark Brady, Ph.D.
PUBLISHER: Piadeia Press
DATE OF PUBLICATION: 2006
NUMBER OF PAGES: 103 pages
Make a Mindmap of 10 Listening Skills
13. 52 Listening Skills
Stop talking so much!
To stop talking so much is one of the most basic things required to
become an accomplished listener. During conversations, observe who
is doing most of the talking, is it you or someone else? The first thing
to do is to notice yourself; this primary awareness is a good start.
After awareness comes a possible array of options. First is simply to
decide to stop talking so much. This may be achieved by asking
questions such as: “What are your views?” “What is on your mind?”
Another method of passing conversation is by acknowledging with a
smile or a nod, this encourages others to talk.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/familymwr/5333675447/
14. 52 Listening Skills
Create a culture of trust
Effective and meaningful communication exists when there is trust.
To become a skillful listener, you have to build trust. There are
different ways to establish trust and the most common is to become
trustworthy. You achieve this by always putting trust and integrity
above everything else.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/vagawi/3155400274/sizes/z/in/photostream/
15. 52 Listening Skills
Listen for disrespect
When a conflict arises, there are usually two things that come
about. First is the issue, and second, which is not always talked
about, is the feeling of disrespect that people get from another. As
long as there is a feeling of disrespect, conflicts are rarely solved.
The feeling of disrespect must be first addressed before the issue.
It is because this feeling is the seeming cause of most conflicts.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/50newhistory/5419224607/
16. 52 Listening Skills
Listen for mutual purpose
Lack or loss of mutual
purpose is the second
most common cause of
conflict. Few conflicts will
be resolved unless there
is a foundation that will
reinforce or re-establish
this. Listening for mutual
purpose is important in
the success of both
business and personal
relationships.
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4066/4621075758_6c21beb236_m.jpg
17. 52 Listening Skills
Be slow to disagree, argue or
criticize
There is always criticism,
argument and disagreement in the
workplace. But when you engage
in such behavior you cannot hear
what the other person is trying to
say. With this behavior you
continuously try to get your point
across and become less of a
listener. Skillful listeners will allow
others to speak and say what they
need to say.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3661/3558039091_8283274ac5_m.jp
18. 52 Listening Skills
Pay special attention to the need for control
If two or more people are talking at the same time, there is often a
subtle power struggle that happens. When such conversations arise,
it is really an exercise in one-upmanship and competition for control.
But if you learn to selectively attend to content and emotional tone
this will allow you to hear the deeper needs that are expressed by
the speaker.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3198/3037905789_a049d9c76a_m.jpg
19. 52 Listening Skills
Get comfortable with silence
Silence is critical to becoming a skillful listener. It is in silence
where ideas unfold because people get to think. A listener allows
others to discover what they think, feel, want and how one can be
of service. In silence, you not only listen to others but you also
listen to yourself and discover what it may take to perform more
fully.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andersprintz/4464692837/
20. 52 Listening Skills
Listen to be able to take unconflicted action
Unconfilcted action happens when decision making functions are
deliberately placed in charge of the “fifth brain.” The “fifth brain” is
the part of the brain that consists of
axons, dendrites, synapses, and glial cells that generate a magnetic
field 5000 times stronger than any of the other four parts of the
brain contained in our skull.
Most of the time, vacillation between head and heart prevents
people from achieving unconflicted action. By deliberately choosing
to move executive functions to the fifth brain, you have better
perspective in decision making by dissipating fear.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2193/2103003787_c1e0039bb6_m
21. 52 Listening Skills
Don’t be an emotional terrorist
Emotional reactivity interferes
with listening and even
damages relationships. People
who frequently communicate in
this manner tend to justify their
actions. Such way of dealing
with reactivity only shows little
understanding of the negative
effects of this communication
process.
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/68/195795108_7d31ae4c2c_m.jpg
22. 52 Listening Skills
Avoid “shoulding” on people
There are times when you
simply give out advice. As
well-meaning as you may be,
advice doesn’t work. Inside
each person is a wisdom
that is more reliable,
insightful and trustworthy
than any advice from
someone else. Telling
people what they should do
when they do not solicit for
advice will result to
interference with internal
wisdom, or worse you will
seem to be judgmental or
disrespectful. A skillful
listener will continuously
encourage others to look at
themselves and to take http://farm1.static.flickr.com/1/659315_5ba9794c89_m.jpg
23. 52 Listening Skills
Establish support for speaking truth to power
It is hard to talk to people who hold power over us. Skillful
listeners know this and are willing to hear another’s truth no
matter how distressing the truth may be. You must know that
your power makes it hard for others to speak the truth, which is
why you should be the one to initiate it. Refrain from ridiculing,
blaming, shaming, or condemning.
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/33/52177277_9bad070be3_m.jpg
24. 52 Listening Skills
Regularly practice kenosis
Listening is more than just taking in words-- it requires you to react in
order to connect with one another. Kenosis meaning “to empty
oneself” is a state for high level listening. A related meaning of
kenosis is “revealer.” Listening allows the speaker to discover
possibilities and see from a larger perspective. Another meaning of
kenosis is “mediator.” Listeners often become mediators because
they can help people see the exact nature of the problem.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3504/4078706331_f47dda7bf8_m.jpg
25. 52 Listening Skills
Listen as practice of
presence
Presence is a
result of listening
to what lies at the
heart of your work.
Practicing
presence is to live
life in the here and
now. It invites you
to let go of your
own convention
and it allows you http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2316/2258894141_51ed53b4e2_m.jpg
to maximize what
it is to “be here
now.”.
26. 52 Listening Skills
Avoid letting your story take over their story
When listening, you often have similar thoughts and
experiences that make you want to tell your own stories. You
must resist this impulse because it doesn’t work. When you
tell your own story, you cut off the speaker and shift the focus
away from him. When this happens, you change the mood of
the conversation to something worse. By interrupting, you
imply that what you have to say is more important, even if
this is not what you want to project.
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/227/497411169_d6eeb0849a_m.jpg
27. 52 Listening Skills
Check for meaning
Meaning comes from inside you. Because of differences in
knowledge, attitudes and experiences, you often misinterpret
others’ message. One way to counter this misunderstanding
is to repeat and paraphrase what you think you hear. Be
prepared to be wrong because this practice takes time before
you can get it right.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/timparkinson/1790527168/sizes/z/in/photostream/
28. 52 Listening Skills
Be genuinely curious
Curiosity is something
that can be learned and
developed. Try
remembering how it was
as a child when
everything was new and
fascinating. If you see
people with the same
amazement, you
become more curious
about them and what
they have to say.
Curiosity creates sincere
interest in the people you
listen to.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nyello8/308150933/sizes/z/in/photostream
29. 52 Listening Skills
Listen for underlying needs
Skillful listeners try to look for underlying needs directly or
indirectly expressed by speakers. To be able to identify such
need, you can ask questions such as “why do you ask?” or
“what do need exactly?” Listening helps identify common
interests. Almost all communication is intended to express
different needs. A skillful listener constantly tries to listen for
those needs.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ohnodoom/5190268326/sizes/z/in/photostream/
30. 52 Listening Skills
Identify defensiveness: practice non-defensiveness
When under attack, you often become defensive either by
becoming silent or violent. When we listen, we can more
clearly recognize the root of the attack from the speaker. And
it becomes easier to understand the underlying truths of the
attack if we practice non-defensiveness.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/smemon/5170602336/sizes/z/in/photostream/
31. 52 Listening Skills
Listen for differences
In general, people don’t want to hear differences in opinion or
way of thinking. Differences make people uncomfortable.
Skillful listeners however will try to look for these differences
because these differences interest them as it presents the
individuality of each and every person. From this process of
learning to listen for differences we begin to honor the special
uniqueness of each person.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/timjoyfamily/1462918020/sizes/z/in/photostream/
32. 52 Listening Skills
Listen between the words
Listen to what is not
being said as well as to
what is. Research
shows that only 10
percent or even less of
the information is
conveyed by words. The
rest is taken from what
is not said. Learning to
listen to what is not
being said is seen in the
http://www.flickr.com/photos/danielkpreston/2825567872/
body language, facial
expression, tone,
context, etc. If there is
something not being
said, ask colleagues
and acquaintances what
they really want to say.
33. 52 Listening Skills
Champion the timid
The timid voice does not bring
out the wisdom in each of us
for many reasons. Some feel
unsafe to speak while others
may just not be clear with what
they want to say. Championing
the timid voice is creating a
place where people can speak
truth to power comfortably.
People don’t usually know
what they think unless asked
for their opinion; which often
turns out to be surprising to
both speakers and listeners.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ubo_pakes/5082711927/
34. 52 Listening Skills
Ask smart questions
Smart questioning is
an approach to
solving problems
through holistic
listening and thinking.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/horiavarlan/4273168957/
35. 52 Listening Skills
Cultivate patience
Skillful listeners are
patient. They are willing
to temporarily suspend
what they have to say to
give way to others who
have something to say.
They can control self
expression and let
others continue to
express their point. With
practice and the
understanding of the
benefits of patience, a
person can learn to
cultivate patience within.
.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mshades/130536765/
36. 52 Listening Skills
Be mindful of age, race and gender bias
More often than not, we subconsciously filter what people are
saying with gender bias, race and age. Skillful listeners are
conscious of these biases and they correct any deficits in
their listening accordingly. We listen better when we listen to
the hearts and minds of people and not their age, race or
gender bias.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/usarmyafrica/4045747959/sizes/z/in/photostream
/
37. 52 Listening Skills
Break the “I” habit
The word “I” creates problems by always shifting the topic to
yourselves. Thus, creating a barrier in learning anything new
from conversations. It hinders creative partnership, teamwork
and finding new ways to fulfill other’s needs. The word “you
“ will open up a new world in conversations that are limited by
“I.”
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tomtolkien/5718897981/
38. 52 Listening Skills
Ask specific, clarifying questions
We often assume we understand what is being said to us, but more
likely is that we do not understand these things in the way the
speaker wanted to point out. First thoughts are like first drafts in
writing, they require a god editor to clarify the intent of the text or, in
this case, the words. As listeners, try asking questions to clarify
these vague ideas and find ways to get the speaker to be specific.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9217224@N06/3928706370/
39. 52 Listening Skills
Say what’s useful; say
what’s true
The approach of a
skilled listener is to be
factual, true and
beneficial to others.
Being a skilled listener
is also being able to
understand what others
are able to or ready to
hear, in addition to
being truthful.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/emmettgrrrl/5523010197/
40. 52 Listening Skills
.
Inspire and encourage robust dialogue
Robust dialogue often occurs in a culture of accountability. Robust
mindedness that originates from open mindedness and no ulterior
motives sets the atmosphere where ideas can be freely expressed.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sillygwailo/3449121166/
41. 52 Listening Skills
Practice strategic questioning
Strategic questions are asked to reveal ambiguity and open
up other options and solutions. Strategic questions invite
growth and new possibilities. These questions assume
human equality and are respectful to people and their
individual capacity to grow in healthy ways. They intend to
support human personal and professional transformation.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/melodycampbell/2655889793/
42. 52 Listening Skills
The ears can be ready when the heart’s just not
Things that we can’t face have great power over us whether we are
aware of it or not. These are the taboo topics that we often avoid for
whatever reason. What it has to do with skillful listening is that we
have to acknowledge its existence and acknowledge that it makes
you feel uncomfortable. When other people raise it up for
discussion, they are most likely not trying to cause you pain.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/qthomasbower/3470650293/sizes/m/in/photostre
43. 52 Listening Skills
Continually minimize distractions
Eliminating or reducing distractions is a requirement to become a
skillful listener. Distractions both internal and external must be dealt
with to become a skillful listener. Examples of both internal and
external distractions are phone calls, personal concerns, ambient
noises, etc.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tomsaint/2987926396/
44. 52 Listening Skills
Practice taking crap
When someone is
sending or projecting
negative energy, do
not face the negative
energy head-on but
instead stand up,
move around,
become a moving
target for the bad
energy but never lose
control. It is important
not to face someone’s
negative energy with
your own negative
energy. This will prove
to be an extremely
worthwhile and http://www.flickr.com/photos/jurvetson/127239350/
beneficial practice.
45. 52 Listening Skills
Learn to say “no”
Saying no can be very difficult, but to say no is better that to simply
say “yes” just because you are afraid to say “no.” When someone
requests for you to listen, it is just fair to ask for time and think it
over. It is only until such time when you can say “no” that people
will believe that your “yes” means “yes” and your “no” means “no.”
http://www.flickr.com/photos/supernintendo_chalmers/3827043121/
46. 52 Listening Skills
Don’t interrupt unnecessarily
When we listen to others, there are things they say that activate us
to speak up in some way. These impulses of ours must be controlled
to become a skillful listener. When we interrupt a speaker, we send
out the message that what you have to say is more important than
what the speaker is saying. By learning how to control our tongue,
we considerably improve our listening skills.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/uber-tuber/468628156/sizes/m/in/photostream/
47. 52 Listening Skills
Give up the need to be right
Many conversations end up in head-to-head arguments on who is
wrong and who is right. Skillful listeners recognize the benefits of not
always having to prove themselves right. The insatiable need of
always having to be right creates a fear of being wrong. Skillful
listeners initiate, invite and help manage it for themselves and others
as skillfully as possible.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tinfoilraccoon/5514971933/
