Startup Communication for Co-Founders, July 2014

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Slides from my workshop on "Startup Communication" for 9 pairs of co-founders at Flixster in San Francisco, July 24, 2014.

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Startup Communication for Co-Founders, July 2014

  1. 1. Startup Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Communication Ed Batista @ Flixster July 24, 2014
  2. 2. Photo:SethAnderson Who am I? Executive coach Instructor @ Stanford GSB www.edbatista.com HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
  3. 3. Photo by Alex Eflon [link] Where are we 1:1 communication Group norms You & your colleagues going?
  4. 4. How will we Concepts Exercises & debriefs 1:1 feedback get there? Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
  5. 5. Startups as human systems Photo by Heisenberg Media [link] Complex group dynamics Communication = survival Feedback = learning Relationships matter Leaders as levers Read More
  6. 6. Founder as avatar Avatara The ideal made real Company made in your image
  7. 7. Concepts #1 Today’s headline The simplest feedback model Feelings The net Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
  8. 8. The headline Feedback is stressful So criticize with skill & give more heartfelt praise Photo by Garry Knight [link] Read More
  9. 9. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
  10. 10. The simplest When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback model
  11. 11. Feelings Disclosing feelings = vulnerable But feelings  influence And vulnerability  closeness Comfort with discomfort Photo by Rebecca Krebs [link]
  12. 12. The net David Bradford How to improve communication? How to create closeness and connection? Read More Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  13. 13. The net Me You Your response My behavior My intention
  14. 14. The net Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y].
  15. 15. Concepts #2 Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link] 5 levels Hierarchy of needs Safety, trust, intimacy Social threat SCARF model Relationships The net (again)
  16. 16. 5 levels Photo by Rita Willaert [link] Richard Francisco In what ways do we communicate? Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning
  17. 17. 5 levels1: Ritual 2: Extended Ritual 3: Content 4: Feelings About Content 5: Feelings About Each Other Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  18. 18. 5 levels 5: Feelings About Each Other Hardest Riskiest Most powerful for feedback Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  19. 19. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Abraham Maslow What motivates us as human beings?
  20. 20. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Physiological Safety Love & belonging Esteem Self-actualization
  21. 21. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Parallels in groups & relationships
  22. 22. Hierarchy of needs Photo by Wilhelm Joys Anderson [link] Psychological safety, trust & intimacy Experiments, risk-taking & vulnerability Learning, self- awareness & change In groups & relationships…
  23. 23. Safety, trust, Photo by Carly Lesser & Art Drauglis [link] intimacy
  24. 24. Safety, trust, intimacy Safety = I won’t get hurt Trust = I believe you & you believe me Intimacy = We can make the private public
  25. 25. Safety, trust, intimacy Feedback can create these qualities But there’s a problem…
  26. 26. Can I give you Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] some feedback?
  27. 27. Feedback and Photo by Mykl Roventine [link] social threat
  28. 28. Threat response aka “Fight, flight or freeze” Physiological signs? Photo by State Farm [link]
  29. 29. Threat response aka “Fight, flight or freeze” Emotional signs? Photo by State Farm [link]
  30. 30. Threat response aka “Fight, flight or freeze” Cognitive signs Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration Photo by State Farm [link]
  31. 31. Social threat (Some) social situations ≈ Physical threats Many times/day Most common location?
  32. 32. Social threat Physiological/emotional response plus… Cognitive impairment Decision-making Problem-solving Collaboration Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  33. 33. Social threat Result? Massive communication failure We give feedback ineffectively We receive it poorly Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
  34. 34. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model Read More David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response?
  35. 35. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response? How can we minimize the risk of social threat? How can we create safety?
  36. 36. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Fairness Read More
  37. 37. Founder as avatar Think about you and your partner How might you trigger social threats in others?
  38. 38. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] Use the model When giving feedback… Be mindful of status Minimize uncertainty Maximize autonomy Build the relationship* Play fair*
  39. 39. Use the model When getting feedback… Cultivate in-the-moment awareness Recognize our threat response Manage our emotions (norms help*) Create safety for ourselves
  40. 40. Photo by Harsha KR [link] Relationships John Gottman What characterizes successful relationships? Read More
  41. 41. Relationships Feeling known by the other A culture of appreciation Responding to “bids” Mutual influence
  42. 42. 5:1 positive to negative “Emotional bank account” Relationships & conflict Photo by Connor Tartar [link]
  43. 43. Founder as avatar Think about your partner How’s your emotional bank account? What are you doing to build the relationship?
  44. 44. The net Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] (again)
  45. 45. The net How to improve communication? How to minimize defensiveness? How can we play fair? Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
  46. 46. The net Me You Your response My behavior My intention
  47. 47. What I know Me My intention My behavior
  48. 48. What I don’t You Your response
  49. 49. What you know You Your response My behavior
  50. 50. What you don’t Me My intention
  51. 51. Use the model Intent ≠ impact My intention doesn’t guarantee your response Impact ≠ intent Your response wasn’t necessarily my intention
  52. 52. Use the model When we… Stay on our side of the net Focus on observed behavior Disclose our response When you do [X], I feel [Y].
  53. 53. Use the model Result? Lower risk of social threat Less chance of defensiveness Increased sense of fairness
  54. 54. Founder as avatar Think about your partner When do you cross their net? When do they cross yours?
  55. 55. To sum up Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link] Build safety, trust & intimacy Use the models Minimize social threat Less stressful feedback More learning
  56. 56. Concepts #3 Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link] Emotional intelligence & groups Talking about feelings Group norms
  57. 57. EQ and groups Why care? Effective teams Participation, cooperation, collaboration Can’t mandate behavior Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Read More
  58. 58. EQ and groups Essential conditions… Mutual trust Group identity (feeling of belonging) Group efficacy (belief in value of the team) Strongly affected by group EQ Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  59. 59. EQ and groups Individual EQ Emotional awareness Emotion regulation (≠ suppression) Inward (one’s own emotions) Outward (others’ emotions) Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  60. 60. EQ and groups High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group Group norms determine group EQ Create awareness of emotion Help regulate emotion Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
  61. 61. Founder as avatar Your behavior = company norms How aware are you of your emotions? How well do you regulate your emotions?
  62. 62. Talking about Affect labeling Amygdala Talking disrupts negative emotion Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion feelings Photo by Andrew Yee [link] Read More
  63. 63. Talking about Group norms Norms define what’s normative Can we talk about feelings here? Overcome embarrassment feelings Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
  64. 64. Our norms Photo by jm3 [link]
  65. 65. Our norms Consider company norms Create awareness of emotions Help regulate emotions Read More Photo by jm3 [link]
  66. 66. We never… We always… 1. Spend time getting to know others personally. Norms that create awareness
  67. 67. We never… We always… 2. Regularly ask how others are doing. Norms that create awareness
  68. 68. We never… We always… 3. Share thoughts and emotions with others in the moment. Norms that create awareness
  69. 69. We never… We always… 4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think. Norms that create awareness
  70. 70. We never… We always… 5. Fully explore others’ resistance to our decisions. Norms that create awareness
  71. 71. We never… We always… 6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluate our own effectiveness. Norms that create awareness
  72. 72. We never… We always… 7. Acknowledge and discuss the feeling in the group in the moment. Norms that create awareness
  73. 73. We never… We always… 1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings. Norms that help regulate
  74. 74. We never… We always… 2. Call out behavior that violates those ground rules. Norms that help regulate
  75. 75. We never… We always… 3. Express acceptance of others’ emotions. Norms that help regulate
  76. 76. We never… We always… 4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team and the emotions they generate. Norms that help regulate
  77. 77. We never… We always… 5. Use playfulness to acknowledge and relieve stress. Norms that help regulate
  78. 78. We never… We always… 6. Express optimism about the team’s capabilities. Norms that help regulate
  79. 79. We never… We always… 7. Provide others with positive feedback in the moment. Norms that help regulate
  80. 80. Our norms What norms do we have? What norms do we need? What can you do as leaders? Photo by jm3 [link]
  81. 81. Concepts #4 Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link] Positive feedback Mindset Soft start
  82. 82. Positive feedback A paradox So important So often ineffective What’s wrong? Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
  83. 83. Positive feedback We may not trust it We may even resent it We often praise the wrong things Read More
  84. 84. Positive feedback Don’t praise to buffer criticism Use a soft start*
  85. 85. Positive feedback Don’t praise to overcome resistance Use other means of influence
  86. 86. Positive feedback Don’t praise ability Praise effort and persistence
  87. 87. Carol Dweck How do we feel about our abilities? How do we feel about our mistakes? Mindset Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link] Read More
  88. 88. Talent & intelligence are inherent traits Mistakes are failures or character flaws Negative emotional response to mistakes Talent & intelligence can be developed Mistakes are learning opportunities Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more Fixed Growth Mindset Read More
  89. 89. Soft start Photo by Phil McElhinney [link] Not like this
  90. 90. Soft start Photo by OakleyOriginals [link] Like this
  91. 91. Soft start Begin with positive intent (But don’t bullshit) Emphasize mutual goals Be mindful of your stress Read More
  92. 92. 5 levels (again) Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  93. 93. 5 levels1: Ritual 2: Extended Ritual 3: Content 4: Feelings About Content 5: Feelings About Each Other Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  94. 94. 5 levels 5: Feelings About Each Other Hardest Riskiest Most powerful for feedback Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
  95. 95. 1:1 feedback Photo by Ana Karenina [link] Read More
  96. 96. 1:1 feedback When getting feedback… Observe your threat response Ask for specific feedback?
  97. 97. 1:1 feedback When giving feedback… Positive feedback encouraged Stay on your side of the net When you do [X], I feel [Y]. Use the Vocabulary of Emotions
  98. 98. Challenge yourself Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
  99. 99. Thank you! Photo by Brett Casadonte [link]
  100. 100. Building a Feedback-Rich Culture HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees My background & coaching practice: www.edbatista.com/about.html Contact me: www.edbatista.com/contact.html For more info…

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