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Ed Batista, The Art of Self-Coaching @ InnerSpace, June 2016


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This is my deck from a workshop I led on self-coaching at InnerSpace in San Francisco on June 23, 2016.

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Ed Batista, The Art of Self-Coaching @ InnerSpace, June 2016

  1. 1. The art of Photo by Seth Anderson [link] self-coaching Ed Batista June 23, 2016 InnerSpace
  2. 2. Intro & warmup 35 mins Change & mindset 35 mins Emotion 25 mins Break Tools & emotional style 60 mins Emotion management 40 mins Closing 20 mins Agenda Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
  3. 3. Short lectures Experiential exercises Coaching conversations How will we get Photo by Theresa Thompson [link] there?
  4. 4. Who am I? Executive coach Instructor @StanfordBiz Contributor @HarvardBiz More at
  5. 5. So what is coaching?
  6. 6. So what is Not diagnostic (“There’s your problem…”) Not mentoring (“Here’s some advice…”) Coachee owns the agenda Coachee has the answers coaching? Read More
  7. 7. & self-coaching? Guiding our own growth & development Enhance capabilities over time Better choices in-the-moment Self-directed ≠ Solitary Partners are essential Read More
  8. 8. Why coaching matters to me… Started as a client Changed my view of leadership Impact on hundreds of clients & MBA students
  9. 9. Why self-coaching does, too <1% 6 to 18 months Help people help themselves
  10. 10. Mental models Photo by Carmelo Speltino [link] Read More
  11. 11. Mental models Our perceptions shape reality How we define experiences How we see ourselves Critical during times of change
  12. 12. Kurt Lewin & Edgar Schein Why is change so hard? Why do we resist it? Change Photo by ezioman [link] Read More
  13. 13. Behavior is stable We’re frozen in patterns Change requires unfreezing Change Photo by ezioman [link]
  14. 14. Driving force = Survival anxiety I must change in order to to achieve my goals Change Photo by ezioman [link]
  15. 15. Restraining force = Learning anxiety Change means a new identity or loss of self-esteem Change Photo by ezioman [link]
  16. 16. Increase survival anxiety to change? Or decrease learning anxiety? Both are necessary Change Photo by ezioman [link]
  17. 17. Threat from survival anxiety must be balanced by sufficient safety to decrease learning anxiety Change Photo by ezioman [link]
  18. 18. Change = Survival anxiety > Learning anxiety Psychological safety All factors influenced by our mental models Change Photo by ezioman [link]
  19. 19. Photo by Mike Disharoon [link] Carol Dweck, Stanford A mental model about ourselves How do we perceive our abilities? How do we perceive our mistakes? Mindset Read More
  20. 20. Mindset Adapted from Carol Dweck [link] Fixed Growth Abilities Inherent Plastic Mistakes Flaws Opportunities Response Negative Neutral
  21. 21. Mindset Adapted from Carol Dweck [link] Fixed Growth Agency Diminished Heightened Seeking Approval Challenges Risk Averse Tolerant
  22. 22. Change, mindset & self-coaching Signs of a fixed or growth mindset Recognize it as a mental model One to challenge or affirm
  23. 23. Change, mindset A fixed mindset can be comforting Letting go can be threatening Change requires safety & self-coaching
  24. 24. Change, mindset Mistakes & setbacks = Learning opportunities New attitude or behavior ≠ New identity Self-definition = Work-in-progress & self-coaching
  25. 25. Reflect Photo by Elade Manu [link]
  26. 26. Reflect What factors are driving change in my life? What makes change feel daunting? In what ways do I hold a fixed mindset? In what ways do I hold a growth mindset? How does all this impact my ability to change?
  27. 27. Another exercise Photo by Christopher Michel [link]
  28. 28. Any feelings? (Literally) Physical sensations Head, heart, hands, gut & anywhere else
  29. 29. Any feelings? HAPPY Content Fulfilled Joyful CARING Warm Touched Empathetic EXCITED Interested Engaged Energized VULNERABLE Embarrassed Guilty Ashamed SAD Down Dejected Hopeless SCARED Tense Nervous Anxious ANGRY Irritated Resentful Upset INADEQUATE Ineffective Lacking Weak
  30. 30. Why do that? Photo by Ken Stewart [link]
  31. 31. A premise Photo by Garry Knight [link] Emotions = The heart of self-coaching (& a key to leadership)
  32. 32. Emotion Photo by Jill M [link]
  33. 33. Emotion Antonio Damasio, USC What purpose do emotions serve? What role do they play in reasoning? Read More
  34. 34. Emotion Emotions evolved to support survival Uncontrolled emotion can lead us astray
  35. 35. Emotion
  36. 36. Emotion Emotion is integral to reasoning Essential for efficient decision-making
  37. 37. Emotion Victor Johnston, New Mexico St. “Discriminant hedonic amplifiers” Boost signals in our mental landscape This is why…
  38. 38. Emotions are attention magnets Photo by Garrett Mace [link]
  39. 39. Emotion Joseph LeDoux, NYU “A quick and dirty signal” Neural pathways transmit emotion 2x But speed has a price…
  40. 40. Emotion Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
  41. 41. Emotion Rapid triggering Reflexive responses Sensing ≠ Comprehension
  42. 42. Emotion Display rules “Don’t be so emotional” Disclosing feelings  Vulnerable
  43. 43. Coaching tools Photo by zzpza [link]
  44. 44. Coaching tools Ask, Listen, Empathize Read More
  45. 45. Coaching tools Ask Edgar Schein “Help” doesn’t always help What’s a better way to provide support?
  46. 46. Modes of inquiry Photo by Garry Knight [link]
  47. 47. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry Begin with receptivity Avoid presumptive questions Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
  48. 48. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry 2. Diagnostic inquiry Focus & redirect Feelings, motives, actions Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
  49. 49. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry 2. Diagnostic inquiry 3. Confrontational inquiry Introduce new ideas & hypotheses Challenge the coachee’s narrative Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
  50. 50. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry 2. Diagnostic inquiry 3. Confrontational inquiry We tend to move too quickly Critical to check our assumptions Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
  51. 51. Ask better Photo by Alexander Drachman [link] questions
  52. 52. Ask better Get beyond Yes or No What…? & How…? > Why…? More reflection, less defensiveness questions
  53. 53. Ask better Avoid leading questions That’s advocacy, not coaching questions
  54. 54. Ask better Also… Ask once & stop questions
  55. 55. Coaching tools Ask, Listen
  56. 56. Listening skills Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
  57. 57. Listening skills Hearing ≠ Listening Make them feel heard How they feel > What you hear
  58. 58. Listening skills Focused attention > Time Cultivate presence Eye contact No multi-tasking Eliminate distractions
  59. 59. Coaching tools Ask, Listen, Empathize Brené Brown What roles do shame & empathy play? Read More
  60. 60. Shame & empathy Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link]
  61. 61. Shame & Shame = We are flawed & unworthy of love Empathy = The antidote to shame empathy
  62. 62. Shame & Shame = Unravels relationships & connections Empathy = Creates closeness & meaning empathy
  63. 63. Shame & Seeking help typically triggers shame (or embarrassment or vulnerability) empathy
  64. 64. Shame & But typical helping responses block empathy 1. “Look on the bright side…” 2. “My problem’s worse…” 3. “Here’s some advice…” empathy
  65. 65. Shame & Instead… 1. Avoid judgments 2. Sense & validate emotions 3. Convey understanding (≠ Agreement) empathy
  66. 66. Emotion Photo by Jill M [link]
  67. 67. Emotional style Richard Davidson, Univ. of Wisconsin What is the neurological basis for emotion?
  68. 68. Photo courtesy University of Wisconsin [link] Emotional style
  69. 69. Emotional style Prefrontal cortex involved in emotion Emotions tied to specific neural pathways
  70. 70. Emotional style 6 dimensions of emotional style Rooted in measurable neurological activity
  71. 71. 6 dimensions Attention Context-Sensitivity Outlook Recovery Time Self-Awareness Social Intuition
  72. 72. Photo by Philip Bird [link] Attention
  73. 73. Photo by Philip Bird [link] Attention Sharpness/clarity of focus Ability to avoid distractions Prefrontal cortex boosts & dampens signals
  74. 74. Photo by Philip Bird [link] Attention •---------------------------------------------------------• Unfocused, may be Intensely focused, easily distracted or may lose awareness overly impulsive or lack spontaneity
  75. 75. Photo by Vincent Lock [link] Context- sensitivity
  76. 76. Context- Discern differences in social environments Regulate responses accordingly Hippocampus activity PFC-hippocampus connections sensitivity Photo by Vincent Lock [link]
  77. 77. Photo by Vincent Lock [link] Context- •---------------------------------------------------------• Unable to discern Highly sensitive to social differences & minute differences in act accordingly social environment sensitivity
  78. 78. Photo by Ivan Walsh [link] Outlook
  79. 79. Photo by Ivan Walsh [link] Outlook Ability to sustain positive emotion Reward circuit = PFC & nucleus accumbens
  80. 80. Photo by Ivan Walsh [link] Outlook •---------------------------------------------------------• Highly pessimistic, Highly optimistic, difficulty sustaining may be resistant to positive feelings negative data
  81. 81. Photo by Eric Richardson [link] Recovery time
  82. 82. Photo by Eric Richardson [link] Recovery time Speed of recovery from adverse experiences Prefrontal cortex activity PFC-amygdala connections
  83. 83. Photo by Eric Richardson [link] Recovery time •---------------------------------------------------------• Fast to recover, may Slow to recover, fail to register or may feel defeated learn from setbacks by minor setbacks
  84. 84. Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link] Self-awareness
  85. 85. Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link] Self-awareness Ability to perceive physical aspects of emotion Insula activity
  86. 86. Photo by Seattle Yoga News [link] Self-awareness •---------------------------------------------------------• Out of touch with Hyper-aware, may be physical cues that distracted by physical accompany emotion cues & emotions
  87. 87. Social intuition
  88. 88. Social intuition Sense others’ emotional responses Fusiform gyrus activity Amygdala activity
  89. 89. Social intuition •---------------------------------------------------------• Puzzled by others’ Highly intuitive, may responses, socially be overly sensitive to obtuse or insensitive others’ responses
  90. 90. A caveat Photo by Sue Clark [link]
  91. 91. A caveat “A map is not the territory it represents.” ~Alford Korzybski
  92. 92. What’s optimal? Photo by Sutha Kamal [link]
  93. 93. Emotion Photo by Sharon Mollerus [link] management
  94. 94. Emotion NOT suppression management
  95. 95. Emotion 1. Sense physically 2. Comprehend accurately 3. Articulate & express effectively What helps? management
  96. 96. Some more tools Photo by zzpza [link]
  97. 97. Some more tools Reframing Self-soothing Talking about feelings
  98. 98. Reframing Photo by Rodrigo Baptista [link]
  99. 99. Reframing Cognitive reappraisal Kevin Ochsner, Columbia James Gross & Rebecca Ray, Stanford How do our thoughts influence our experience?
  100. 100. Reframing The meanings we assign  Emotional response Re-interpret a situation  Shift our emotions Our mental models shape our experiences
  101. 101. Self-soothing Photo by Amanda Patsopoulou [link]
  102. 102. Self-soothing Physiological modification Change our emotional state Response modification Choose how we express emotion
  103. 103. Self-soothing Deeper, slower breaths Speak more slowly & monitor tone Sense our non-verbals & body language Shift focus of our attention
  104. 104. Talking about Photo by Garry Knight [link] feelings
  105. 105. Talking about feelings Affect labeling Disrupts negative emotion Talking about emotion > Thinking about emotion Read More
  106. 106. Not rocket science Photo by Michael Seeley [link]
  107. 107. Not rocket science Simple to understand Hard to put into practice How can we make it easier?
  108. 108. Get MESSy Photo by Paul Colley [link]
  109. 109. Get MESSy Mindfulness Exercise Sleep hygiene Stress reduction
  110. 110. Get MESSy Mindfulness
  111. 111. Mindfulness Photo by Strevo [link]
  112. 112. Mindfulness Non-judgmental awareness & acceptance of experience
  113. 113. Mindfulness The most powerful self-coaching tool Critical to emotion management
  114. 114. Meditation?
  115. 115. Meditation
  116. 116. Meditation A workout, not a break Consistent practice is key Try 1 minute per day & work up Read More
  117. 117. Other paths to Journaling Time in nature (1 hour/week) Certain types of exercise (no music) Any regular practice that promotes reflection mindfulness Read More
  118. 118. Exercise Photo by Gregor Winter [link]
  119. 119. Exercise Emotions are physiological experiences Mind/body integration ≠ Hippie bullshit
  120. 120. Sleep hygiene Photo by Drriss & Marrionn [link]
  121. 121. Sleep hygiene Being prepared then = Having the answer Being prepared now = Being at your best
  122. 122. Stress reduction Photo by xeubix [link]
  123. 123. Stress reduction Boundaries, not balance Lead more, do less Focus Read More
  124. 124. Investments (Not indulgences) Photo by Steven Depolo [link]
  125. 125. To sum up Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]
  126. 126. To sum up Mental models matter Change requires safety Mindset influences performance
  127. 127. To sum up Emotions are attention magnets Emotion management ≠ Suppression Mindfulness = Essential for self-coaching
  128. 128. To sum up Consider your emotional style Build management capacity (Get MESSy) Find coaching partners (& help them help you)
  129. 129. Thank you! Photo by Seth Anderson [link] @edbatista