Dr. Pat Schuler Creative Insights 5th Annual ECU Gifted Conference October 5, 2011 www.ecugifted.com Perfectionism is often considered a characteristic of giftedness, and research indicates there are adaptive and maladaptive forms of perfectionism. When it is healthy, perfectionism can help motivate gifted kids to excel. When it is unhealthy, perfectionism can be costly in terms of some gifted kids' self-image, self-esteem, and achievement. This session will examine how the various aspects of perfectionism are manifested in the classroom, and what strategies educators can use to promote healthy perfectionistic tendencies- for themselves and their students.

1. Perfectionism: Blessing or Burden?  Patricia A. Schuler, Ph. D., NCC, LMHC Creative Insights Greenmeadow Park 1654 Columbia Turnpike Castleton-on-Hudson, NY 12033 518-257-2018 Email: gpjs@berk.com

4. Maladaptive Perfectionism Associated with: • depression • eating disorders • writer’s block • migraines • sexual dysfunction • dysmorphophobia • Type A coronary-prone behavior • OC personality disorder • suicide • underachievement • academic procrastination • career obstacles & failure

7. Link between Perfectionism and Giftedness?

9. Gifted individuals possess an innate sense of how things should be and not just how they are. In other words, they have an innate urge to perfect. M-E. Jacobsen, 1999

10. Gifted perfectionists are motivated to work toward quality & mastery, and they derive pleasure from achievement. On the other hand, they can be stubborn, critical, and easily side-tracked by a tendency to split hairs and miss the larger picture. They may insist that something has to be done perfectly the first time (unrealistic expectation) or, on the contrary, continue to redo a task long after it’s reasonable to move on because it’s still not right. B. Probst, 2007

11. Perfectionism and Giftedness Two major concerns about perfectionism for gifted students: • Underachievement • not handing in work unless it is perfect • Emotional Turmoil • feelings of worthlessness and depression- failure to live up to unrealistic expectations Pyryt, 2004

12. Anxiety Personality Style Anxiety prone child is usually “ responsible, dependable, and motivated … good student, strives to do well academically, wants to please adults and peers, seeks approval and reassurance, usually well-behaved, difficulty with assertiveness, tends to be perfectionistic, high expectations, may be unusually disappointed or frustrated with mistakes or imperfect results, and oversensitivity to criticism or rejection. ” Dr. Paul Foxman, The Worried Child …

13. Etiology of Stress in School For Bright/Gifted Kids • easy learning conditions them to effortless existence • lack of intellectual stimulation or challenge • waiting-boredom (toxic to the brain, low grade “ mad ” ) • expectations-higher, “ should know better ” • aware of others ’ incongruities-confusion of how to respond • shame & abandonment- should succeed without help • generalizations- high performance in all areas • lack of resources to accomplish a task • differences from peers-frightening & alienating • cope with more possibilities, more meanings • hypersensitivities-trouble screening out, viewed as less able to cope • more curious, more questions; process slower- viewed as less smart • personalize situations-feel more responsible • perfectionistic-feel valued by their accomplishments

14. Symptoms of Maladaptive Perfectionism in Bright/Gifted Kids • delayed starts- decrease in performance • refusal to hand in work or accomplish goals • unwillingness to share work • unreasonably extreme response to grades or evaluations • inability to accept inferior work of less talented peers • inability to tolerate mistakes • tendency to magnify & generalize self imperfections • relentless self-criticism • feelings of superiority accompanied by loneliness • inability to share responsibility • fear of the future • feelings of inferiority • susceptible to depression following productive periods • high levels of anxiety Schuler, 1997

15. Symptoms of Undesirable Levels of Stress and Anxiety in Bright/Gifted Kids • reluctance to work on a team • excessive sadness or rebellion • extremes of activity or inactivity • repetition of rules & directions to make sure they can be followed; “ Tattle-Tales ” • avoidance of new ventures unless certain of outcome • catastrophizing • expressed desire to be like teenagers • expressions of low self-esteem; negative self-talk • buying into others ’ negative evaluations • reluctance to make choices or suggestions • other changes in personality

16. First signs of perfectionism- how kids respond to: • Competition: “ I must be the best! ” • Compliments: “ It ’ s nice of you to say that, but I should have done much better. ” Pyryt, 2004

17. When asked if she had ever failed in something that was important to her, Emily had a look of horror on her face. It would be practically impossible. I wouldn’t be able to fail. I wouldn’t…. It just isn’t in my character… I just couldn’t accept failing. I wouldn’t be able to.

18. Identification of Perfectionism • The Perfectionism Scale (Burns, 1980) • Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale (Frost et. al, 1990) • Goals and Work Habits Survey (Schuler, 1990) • Childhood Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale (Dekryger, 2006) • Child and Adolescent Perfectionism Scale (Castro et. al, 2004) • The Almost Perfect Scale-Revised (Rice, Ashby, Slaney, 2007) • Adaptive/Maladaptive Perfectionism Scale (Rice & Dello, 2002) • Multidimensional Parenting Perfectionism Questionnaire (Snell,1997)

20. Strategies Strategies Strategies and more Strategies!

22. Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. James Baldwin

27. Mistakes are Delicate John F. Taylor, Ph.D. Preventing Perfectionism by Encouraging a Healthy Attitude toward Mistakes “ Your mistakes are …” D Decreasing “ Look how far you ’ ve come. ” “ Things will get easier as you continue to practice. ” E Expected “ That ’ s why pencils have erasers. ” “ Everybody makes mistakes; nobody is perfect. ” L Learning Tools “ Success means any forward progress. ” “ What can you learn from this experience for next time. ”

28. I Incompletions “ You didn ’ t run out of talent; you just ran out of time. ” “ You ’ re just not done with it yet; we ’ ll work on it again later. ” C Caused “ Let ’ s see what ’ s giving you the trouble here. ” “ Every mistake has a cause. ” A Accidental “ You can ’ t do a mistake on purpose. ” “ All mistakes are just accidents. ” T Temporary “ You ’ re just not ready for this right now. ” “ This doesn ’ t mean that you can ’ t do it better later. ” E Effort Proofs “ Mistakes only prove you ’ re trying. ”

29. Great Goof Ups Great Goof Ups is a tool to de-emphasize unhealthy perfectionism I in & out of the classroom • Encourages self-acceptance, risk-taking, & acceptance of others. • Helps to create a safe environment in which it is permissable to be imperfect.

32. Statements to Reduce Maladaptive Perfectionism- Walker Try Saying This… Instead of This… How do you feel about your report card? What happened here? You do a good job of… Why can’t you ever do it right? You have improved in… You still can’t do… You can help me by… Why don’t you ever… Let’s find out together. Go look it up. So you made a mistake. What did you learn from it? That was a dumb thing to do. I understand how you feel. Act your age. Keep trying. Don’t give up. Are you still working on that?

38. • I am always eager to learn, but I do not always like being taught. Winston Churchill • You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims. Harriet Woods, African-American politician & women’s rights activist from Missouri (died 2/07) • Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. Daniel Patrick Moynihan • Gifted kids like me need meaningful repetitions of complex material. Josh • If it sounds like a challenge, my mind is right on it. Jarrod Quotations

39. Stay in the Struggle WANT WORK WAIT THINGS TAKE TIME RETHINK REFRAME RESTATE Helping Perfectionistic Kids

47. Prevention of serious emotional disturbance within gifted children lies in increasing the awareness of parents, educators, and gifted children as to the uniqueness possessed by the gifted and addressing their needs appropriately. Morton and Workman (1981)

48. Resources The Social and Emotional Development of Gifted Children: What Do We Know? edited by M. Neihart, S. Reis, N. Robinson, and S. Moon, 2002, Prufrock Press. Letting Go of Perfect: Overcoming Perfectionism in Kids by J. Adelson and H. Wilson, 2009, Prufrock Press. The Gifted Adult: A Revolutionary Guide for Liberating Everyday Genius by M-E. Jacobsen, 2000, Ballantine Books. Some of My Best Friends Are Books: Guiding Gifted Readers From Preschool to High School by J.W. Halstead, 2009, Great Potential Press. A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children by J. Webb et. al, 2007, Great Potential Press. Anxiety-Free Kids: An Interactive Guide for Parents and Children by B. Zucker, 2009, Prufrock Press. The Worried Child: Recognizing Anxiety in Children and Helping Them Heal by P. Foxman, 2004, Hunter House.

49. Resources Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It by Burka & Yuen, 1983. Perfectionism: Theory, Research, and Treatment by Flett & Hewitt, 2002. Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda: Overcoming Regrets, Mistakes, and Missed Opportunities by Freeman & De Wolf, 1989. The Joy of Imperfection by Howard & Tras, 1996. Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control by Mallinger & De Wyze, 1992. Could Do Better: Why Children Underachieve and What to Do About It by Mandel, Marcus, & Dean, 1995. Counseling the Gifted and Talented by Silverman, 1993. Freeing Our Families from Perfectionism by Greenspon, 2002. The Perfectionist’s Handbook by Szymanski, 2011

51. Websites National Assocation for Gifted Children http://www.nagc.org National Research Center on the Gifted and Talented (NRC/GT) http://www.gifted.uconn.edu/NRCGT.html . Hoagies’ Gifted Education Page http://www.hoagiesgifted.org Gifted Child Information Blog, Prufrock Press http://resources.prufrock.com/GiftedChildInformationBlog/tabid/57/Default.aspx Psychology Today Perfectionism Test http://psychologytoday.psychtests.com/tests/perfectionism_access.html.