Question 1 of 4 questions setting a framework for a Relational-Developmental approach for schools to support child emotional development.

1. What if belongingness is
misunderstood?
 Schools are inclusive & promote
student wellness
 “Village Effect” (Pinker, 2014)
 Loneliness is an early warning sign to
seek social safety
 Universal hunger to connect
 Being denied secure & trustworthy
relationships disposes us to overblown
bio reactions to stress
 “Mom’s hug is the secret to inner calm”
(Dalai Lama, 2006)
 Relationships, Trust, Hope
5 essentials for belonging:
Neurobiological legacy of trauma webinar series (Fisher,
2015)
1. Attachment is a pre-eminent need
2. Safety and agency
3. Significance
4. New skills
5. Hope – never expect a child to arrive with
their own hope
1 Question 1

2. Attachment Modes
Question 12
 Central to emotional
openess, emotional
availability, emotional
responsiveness to others
 Foundational for sufficient
emotional readiness for
school
 Separation gives us
alarming feelings
 Attachment modes
create relationship when
children are alarmed by
feelings of separation
6 Attachment Modes
“Rest Play Grow” (Macnamara, 2016)
1. Senses
2. Sameness
3. Belonging & Loyalty
4. Significance
5. Love
6. Being fully known

3. Attachment through senses
Question 13
 Smells, sights, sounds
can be overwhelming
 Pace is too fast/slow
 Personal space
 Senses guide/interrupt
our conscious attention
 Rest/digest mechanism
 Use ongoing “orientation” to
guide & coach to relax a
child in this new context

4. Attachment through sameness
Question 14
 Sameness evokes
emulation of adult
 Child tends to take our
point of view, repeat our
words, believe what we
say, follow our directions
Child needs sameness when:
 they feel “different”
 say they don’t belong
 fear they are not normal
 say they don’t have friends
 cannot initiate play with
others
 cannot work in groups

5. Attachment through belonging
and loyalty
Question 15
Promote feelings of belonging
by saying:
 I chose you
 I care about you
 I missed you
 you come up with good ideas
Legitimize strong emotions by
saying:
 that is frustrating
 that is alarming
 that is a lonely feeling
A child needs to know they are
important to us, to other staff, to
peers, to the class

6. Attachment through belonging
and loyalty
Question 16
 Promote feelings of loyalty by
saying:
I understand that
I hear that
I see your strong feelings
I like to hear what you think
I like to see what you make
I will wait, I will listen
 Comments need to be
personalized and heart felt
 Not comparing, shaming,
controlling
 Point out the better person this
child is trying to be
 Use mentoring, sheparding
 Using connecting, priming &
debriefing
 Be creative, silly, playful to shift
into positive moods

7. Attachment through significance
Question 17
1. Senses are no longer
hypervigilant
2. Sameness is abundantly
apparent
3. B&L is dependable, durable,
and sustained by the teacher
 Child feels worthy of
protection & comfort
 Each child has their own
journey through sameness,
belonging and loyalty, toward
significance
 Significance creates personal
agency “I can try, I want to
try”

8. Attachment Modes
Question 18
 Attachment is truly about
the journey of human
development
 Love and Being known
are part of the self-
actualized person we are
all trying to be
Tips:
 Investigate sensory
sensitivities
 Our brain dwells on
differences, especially
strangeness in others
6 Attachment Modes
“Rest Play Grow” (Macnamara, 2016)
1. Senses
2. Sameness
3. Belonging & Loyalty
4. Significance
5. Love
6. Being fully known

9. What if belongingness is
misunderstood?
2. Safety and agency
 Trauma research notes
that we cannot take
action if we feel unsafe
 ”protect me, comfort me,
delight in me, & organize
my feelings”
”Circle of Security Intervention” (Powell, et al. 2014)
 Enhance relationships to
improve the foundation
for future relationships
9 Question 1

10. What if belongingness is
misunderstood?
3. Significance 4. New Skills
 Feeling significant is a basic
emotional need
 Many challenges to feeling
significant in this world
 Need relationships with
interesting, active adults
 Peer attachment is a
desperate attempt to feel
more significant
 Peer attachments create a
triangle squeezing out the
adult
 Need to “win back” youth
 Active minds need novelty &
surprise
10 Question 1

11. What if belongingness is
misunderstood?
1. Attachment
2. Safety & agency
3. Significance
4. New skills
5. Hope
 never expect a child to
arrive with their own hope
 Teachers personify hope
 School should be a
natural habitat for
children and youth
11 Question 1

12. Tools for Belongingness
 Be aware of individual sensory sensitivities
 Ongoing “orientation”
 Procedural or Emotional orientation
 Use “sameness” to build connections
 “Connect before you direct”
 Enhance connections with statements of
belonging, loyalty, & significance
 Look for signs of improved Attachment from
students
12 Question 1

13. References
Question 113
Fisher, J. (2016). Working with the neurobiological legacy of trauma
[Webinar series].
Macnamara, D. (2016). Rest play grow: Making sense of
preschoolers or anyone who acts like one. Vancouver: Aona Books.
Neufeld, G. (2007). Neufeld’s intensive one: Making sense of kids
[DVD]. http://www.neufeldinstitute.com
Pinker, S. (2014). The village effect: How face-to-face contact can
make us healthier and happier. Toronto: Random House.
Powell, B., Cooper, G., Hoffman, K. & Marvin, B. (2014). The circle
of security intervention: Enhancing attachment in early parent-child
relationships. New York: The Guilford Press.