Thanks so much for making your appointment with me, Kimberly! As a reminder, please note we only have a set amount of time for your review before we have to move on to our next appointments.  However, during that time, we will be able to cover quite a bit! In addition to this, as a Walden student, you are permitted to have up to two writing appointments per week (and you can send an unlimited about of questions between appointments to our email address I will give you below ????). This means that we can work on this, or other documents, later this week if you would like.  You are also able to make appointments ahead of time to guarantee you have a slot booked!  As per your review form, you would like this review to focus on: • APA 7 • Scholarly Writing Paragraph Formatting/Overall Structure & Movement  White-collar Crimes  Kimberly Vamper Walden University FD002 Introduction to Criminal Justice Research David Dibari 12-09-2020 White-collar Crimes  In these modern times, various crimes are being committed.  You will want a stronger hook here that shows the reader exactly what you will be addressing in your paper.  A hook for an introduction, generally, works with the thesis statement.  The hook will inform the reader of the general idea of the paragraph and essay, while the thesis statement will give the reader a more focused understanding of this material.   A good way to see if these are done successfully is to ready only the hook and the thesis statement of an introduction.  If you are able to see the broad idea of the paper through the hook, and the more focused concept through the thesis statement, then you have written a well-crafted hook and a detailed thesis statement.In some of these crimes, there is the use of lethal weapons, while some do not require the use of lethal weapons or force, but they are associated with some form of sophisticated fraud, popularly known as white-collar crimes (More, 2020).   You want to avoid using paraphrases or direct quotes in your introduction/conclusion so that you can show the reader your understanding of the materials, and then back your information with citations throughout your body paragraphs to so the reader the research you have done. This expository paper analyzes the topic of white-collar crimes in criminal justice and its causes and effects. The term white-collar crime was first conceived in 1939 by an American sociologist, Edwin Sutherland, who defined white-collar crime as “a crime committed by a person of respectability and high social status in the course of their occupation.” (More, 2020).  In academic writing you do not want to use direct quotes or paraphrases in your first or last sentence of your paragraph or section.  In using your own original thoughts and ideas for these instances you are showing the reader that you fully understand the materials, and are using the research of others to supplement the readers understanding, not your own.  In using pa.

1. Thanks so much for making your appointment with me,
Kimberly!
As a reminder, please note we only have a set amount of time
for your review before we have to move on to our next
appointments. However, during that time, we will be able to
cover quite a bit! In addition to this, as a Walden student, you
are permitted to have up to two writing appointments per week
(and you can send an unlimited about of questions between
appointments to our email address I will give you below ????).
This means that we can work on this, or other documents, later
this week if you would like. You are also able to make
appointments ahead of time to guarantee you have a slot
booked!
As per your review form, you would like this review to focus
on:
• APA 7
• Scholarly Writing
Paragraph Formatting/Overall Structure & Movement
White-collar Crimes
Kimberly Vamper

2. Walden University
FD002 Introduction to Criminal Justice Research
David Dibari
12-09-2020
White-collar Crimes
In these modern times, various cr
You will want a stronger hook here that shows the reader
exactly what you will be addressing in your paper. A hook for
an introduction, generally, works with the thesis statement. The
hook will inform the reader of the general idea of the paragraph
and essay, while the thesis statement will give the reader a more
focused understanding of this material. A good way to see if
these are done successfully is to ready only the hook and the
thesis statement of an introduction. If you are able to see the
broad idea of the paper through the hook, and the more focused
concept through the thesis statement, then you have written a
well-crafted hook and a detailed thesis statement.In some of
these crimes, there is the use of lethal weapons, while some do
not require the use of lethal weapons or force, but they are
associated with some form of sophisticated fraud, popularly
known as white-collar crimes (More, 2020).
avoid using paraphrases or direct quotes in your
introduction/conclusion so that you can show the reader your
understanding of the materials, and then back your information

3. with citations throughout your body paragraphs to so the reader
the research you have done. This expository paper analyzes the
topic of white-collar crimes in criminal justice and its causes
and effects.
The term white-collar crime was first conceived in 1939 by an
American sociologist, Edwin Sutherland, who defined white-
collar crime as “a crime committed by a person of respectability
and high social status in the course of their occupation.” (More,
quotes or paraphrases in your first or last sentence of your
paragraph or section. In using your own original thoughts and
ideas for these instances you are showing the reader that you
fully understand the materials, and are using the research of
others to supplement the readers understanding, not your own.
In using paraphrasing or direct quotes to start or end your
paragraph, the reader may, very likely, think that you are not an
expert on this material and that you must rely on the research of
others to make your points for you. In using
research/paraphrasing as a way to support your own original
thoughts you come off as much more credible and knowledgably
to the reader. He was the first person to study white-collar
crimes and developed the white-collar crime theory to help
criminologists and people in society understand that even
respected and well-
Remember all information that is not your own original
thoughts needs a citation after each sentence. It seems like you
have quite a bit of information here that needs citations, but
does not have any. This would be considered unintentional
plagiarism, but could be early correct, so don’t worry! Please
remember this is still considered plagiarism, and will need to be
immediately corrected. -collar
crimes with the educated and well affluent people in society,
and we can attest to this with the recent conviction of high
profile people who have committed white-collar crimes like
Bernie Madoff and Michael Milken. White-collar crimes are

4. non-violent crimes committed for financial gain, with
businesses and large corporations being the primary target. The
crimes are characterized by the violation of trust, concealment,
or deceit. The motivation is to obtain money, avoid losing
money, services, property, or secure a business advantage over
others. White-collar crimes include money laundering,
securities fraud, corporate fraud, and embezzlement. The
internet has facilitated the rampant increase and spread of
white-collar crimes.
People in workplaces have various degrees of tolerance toward
ethical behavior and being careful or diligent in their tasks.
Environmental cues and signals at the workplace can push
people to behave differently when faced with ethical choices. A
perceived ambiguity in environmental cues and signals push
employees or people in various organizations to behave
unethically. This means that the workplace environment is vital
in eliciting desirable or undesirable behavior in employees.
Poorly designed job incentives may cause white-collar crimes.
When businesses and organizations introduce incentive
programs without following a systematic thought process or not
appropriate to meet the employee’s expectations, the poorly
designed incentives may encourage employee’s unethical
behavior (Khan, 2018). The reluctance or lack of concern
towards ethics in organizations may encourage and cause white-
collar crimes. Professionally, managers are expected to be
respectful, have dignity, be compassionate, honest, and promote
justice in their leadership. If managers fail to uphold their
managerial traits, then there is a high possibility that employees
below will behave unethically. An example is when a manager
in an investment firm sources expert networks to legalize their
firms' use of inside trading information for stock trading. This
behavior may send wrong cues to other employees who may
breach security laws for their advantage or the firm’s
advantage. Setting aggressive goals may cause white-collar
crimes. Self-delegation or delegation of ambiguous directives to

5. employees may encourage people to do anything, even if it is
committing white-collar crimes like corporate and securities
fraud, to meet the set goals. Setting aggressive goals is the
hallmark of this corporate world, and it is part of our business
culture, but this may harm organizations. With aggressive goals
and ambiguous directives, a blind eye is turned on any means
used to succeed, which opens room for unethical tactics (Khan,
2018). An example of these ambiguous corporate directives is
the directive for Uber users to use the “Greyball” tool. The tool
allowed Uber operators to evade local regulations, and this
encourages the operators to devise sophisticated methods of
committing white-collar crimes to defraud their users and
Make sure
you are not ending your paragraphs with new information, you
want to present this earlier, so that you are able to build and
expand on it throughout the rest of your paragraph.
Criminologists agree that white-collar crimes have more
damaging effects on the economy and society. The adverse
effects of white-collar crimes are not felt immediately after a
crime has been committed, but the effects take time to trickle
down in the economy. The huge ripple effects of white-collar
crimes on the economy are drops in stock price, job loss, court
costs, increased consumer price, and prison costs for convicted
criminals. These ripple effects are very costly to the economy,
and they massively affect businesses and the economy.
Defrauding corporates may render them bankrupt, destroying
the source of income for many people. The Federal Bureau of
Investigation estimates that white-collar crimes' ripple effects
cost the United States of America more than 300 billion US
dollars yearly (Legal Information Institute, n.d.). Although
white-collar crimes are non-violent, they harm and destroy an
individual’s life more than violent crimes. The loss of saving to
fraudsters leads to the ruining of families. When people are
defrauded, their quality of life is decreased, and they are left

6. vulnerable to drug abuse, mental illness, and may commit
suicide. White-collar crimes in society can manifest as
corruption, where to do business will require people to bribe
their way out. Shell companies are likely to rise to enable
white-collar criminals to siphon company profits and assets to
third parties discouraging people from investing, preventing
society's growth (Bishop, 2020).
introduction to the conclusion. It is repetitive, not a very strong
transition, and may cause your reader to lose focus. Perhaps
you can go back and look over the stronger transitions you have
used within this assignment and revise this to reflect that
writing style. convincing white-collar crime is harmful even
though it is non-violent. It changes people’s moral and ethical
behavior. Factors like poorly designed job incentives, lack of
management concern towards ethics, and setting aggressive
goals may push people to commit white-collar crimes. To avoid
this push, the stressors must be reduced or eliminated to prevent
white-collar crimes. The adverse effects of white-collar crime
on the economy and society make it the most dangerous crime
in the society that needs to be addressed to avoid its significant
consequences like job loss, making organizations bankrupt and
ruining families.
References
Legal Information Institute. (n.d.). White-
Website titles need to be in sentence case and italics as per APA
should be omitted from all future reference entries.
https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/white-collar_crime#
Khan, R. (2018). White-Collar Crimes—Motivations and

7. Triggers..
https://www.forbes.com/sites/roomykhan/2018/02/22/white-
collar-crimes-motivations-and-triggers/?sh=4a362b591219
More, H. (2020). White-Collar Crime
https://thefactfactor.com/facts/law/legal_concepts/criminology/
white-collar-crime/10894/
Bishop, K. (2020). White-Collar Crime: What It Is and How It
Affects Society. https://attorneyatlawmagazine.com/white-
collar-crime-what-is-how-affect-society
This is a good start to your document. Below you will find a
summary of the notes I provided throughout the document
above—as well as some additional links to help you with
revision—and the link to myPASS, so you are able to make a
new appointment with me ???? Remember, you are allowed two
appointments per week—and you can make these two weeks in
advance and cancel 24 hours before the appointment if it is no
longer needed.
• (I would like to see you work on including stronger lead-
outs in your writing. Right now, you are ending a lot of your
paragraphs and sections on new information, which does not
allow your reader to fully understand this information and how
it ties to the information being presented in the next
sections/paragraphs. You can use the information I provided

8. above to help you with this and can always reach out to us at
the email below with any questions.)
• (You had some minor errors with your reference list. I
modeled corrections to your reference list, provided links to
additional sources, and provided links to visuals that will help
you as you continue to revise your references. In addition to
this, I also provided you with a webinar that will help you to
make sure that your reference list references and revisions
match with your in-text citations. If you have any questions
about my feedback or any questions as you continue your
revision, please reach out to
[email protected]
and we would be glad to help!)
• (You have some minor issues with omitted words and
punctuation. I would like to see you use Grammarly to help you
with this.)
• I would love to continue to work with you on this
document as well as your future documents. Remember, you are
able to make two appointments per week, and you can make
them two weeks in advance to be sure you have an appointment.
If the appointment is not needed, you are always able to cancel
it the day before. I hope to see you again next week!
• Please feel free to provide feedback on my review—it is
anonymous and helps me ensure I am giving students the best
reviews possible ????
Tone refers to the writer's voice in a written work. It is what the
reader or hearer might perceive as the writer's attitude, bias, or

9. personality. Many academic writers mistake a scholarly tone for
dull, boring language or a mixture of jargon and multisyllabic,
"intelligent-sounding" words. Academic writing, however, does
not need to be complicated nor lacking in style (see APA 7,
Section 4.7); instead, it can be both engaging and clear.
You should speak as an objective social scientist. This means
that everything you say must be
unbiased
,
scholarly
, and
supported by evidence
. According to APA (2020), differences in research "should be
presented in a professional, noncombative manner" (p. 114).
Avoid making broad generalizations ("always," "never").
Avoid using over-sweeping adjectives ("outstanding,"
"obvious").
Avoid using adverbs ("really," "clearly").
Avoid qualifiers ("a little," "definitely").
Avoid emotional language ("It is heartbreaking that so many
are starving").
Avoid inflammatory language ("Smith's study was terrible,
sickening, sad").

10. Hyphen Basics
A
hyphen
is a punctuation mark that connects words.
Use a hyphen when
a compound phrase is used as an adjective
to modify the following word:
Example
: The
peer-reviewed
research suggested...
Example:
As a
fourth-grade
teacher, I...
Example
: Anderson (1998) tried to avoid
face-to-face
conflicts.
Take the
APA Style Diagnostic Quiz
for more practice.
Review section 4.13 of the APA manual for even more detailed
hyphen guidelines.

11. You’ve got a good start on these references, but I think you’ll
need to tweak their formatting a bit to meet APA guidelines.
See the examples in our Common Reference List Examples
document to get an idea of how references to journal articles,
books, web pages, etc., you may review the following links:
Walden Reference List Examples
Best Practices for Citation Software
Webinar: APA Citation Basics