Foster parent and parenting training on helping to direct youth and reduce disruptive behaviors through structure and routine

1. Structures and Routines that Make a
Difference
Oak Ridge Camelot Foster Parent
2014 In-service Training

2.  How
can structures and routines be helpful in
running a family
 What are some everyday routines?
 Am I the Director or Reactor?
 What new ideas can I implement?

3. Does this sound familiar?
 How about any of these:

“Whenever I ask my child to do anything it becomes a
fight”
 “My child works harder to get out of work than it
takes to do the chore”

Many of us and many of our children are busy. It
seems no one has time to teach children to help
out.
 Why is it important that our children help out
with chores?
 Why do we need to have a routine and set a
structure for them?


4. Children need structure and routine
 Children need structure and routine to feel safe


If a child can count on his environment to be
predictable and trust it he will feel less anxious
If a child knows there are rules and everyone
follows them he will be less afraid.
 Structures are a primary tool in socializing
children (enabling him to make decisions based
on other people’s needs not just his own.)
 When a child knows there are expectations of
him and it is necessary to meet them he will.


5.  Foster
parents lives can be hard to manage
 We are too busy, pulled in many
directions, and have many expectations
placed on us to live in chaos
 Kids will take over if there is no structure
 It’s ok to just need kid’s help!
 A consistent routine that we can count on
can reduce our anxiety and in turn promote a
calmer environment

6. Reacting: responding to something that has just
happened
 Directing: being in charge of what is happening and
planning what will happen
 Ex. You know at 4:30 pm the kids are tired and
hungry. You work hard to get dinner, kids are
fighting, running under your feet, and you being
yelling. “GO FIND SOMETHING TO DO! GET OUT OF MY
FACE!” The mood of the house is anxious and
chaotic. You react to a nerve-wracking situation.
-so: notice the pattern of hungry kids, tired parent.
Have a plan. Decide on a snack that morning, have
some activities already designated, and pre-make any
of the dinner you can the night before. This head
start has allowed you to direct the afternoon.


7.  As
a side note, Parents get to be in charge
because they are bigger and got there first.
They pay the rent, bought the furniture and
buy the groceries. It is ok for the parent to
be in charge because he said so.

8.  Children
do not have knowledge or
experience to be comfortable being in
charge.
 Ex. A 4 year old cannot decide when his
bedtime is. He is not able to always
determine when his body is signaling it is
tired or plan for the next morning alarm
clock. Giving a child freedom to “go to bed
when he is tired” creates inconsistency that
leads to anxiety which leads to less ability
for the youth to know when they are tired.

9.  Think
of yourself as a director of a play
 “direct” the play and “set the stage”
 Decide what will work best for you and your
family
 Be a little flexible

10.  Lack
of directing = a lot of reacting and a
bad day
 Time and energy put into directing = less
reactionary energy and more
positive, relaxing time

11.  it
was too hectic
 It was a holiday
 I was too tired
 I was too busy
 I was spending all my time dealing with bad
behavior
 Have we ever told our kids they can stop bad
behavior and choose good behavior?
Shouldn’t we model this if we believe it?
 We can stop the bad behavior of reacting and
start directing if we choose to

12.  Child
acts up
 Parent
yells at child
 Child
feels de-motivated
 Cycle
continues

13. 
Child acts up

Parent sets stage for next time toward positive
attention

Child feels trust, love, acceptance, belonging

Child is invested and motivated to please parent

14.  Waking
up
 After school
 Dinner/Mealtimes
 Bedtime
 Transitions (In between activities)

15.  First
interaction sets the tone for the day
 Time
for nurturing
 “Quality”
time sends them off on their day
knowing they are valuable

16.  Preparation

is key
Set out clothes, make lists, get bags
ready, review the plan the night before
 Crabby
children need more sleep
 “You do this while I…”

17.  Children
over 5 years need some sense of
responsibility
 Sense of worth, contribution
 Builds skills
 Relationship building & cooperation
 Awareness of their environment
 Child feels care for

18.  Age
appropriate
 Time
limited
 Routine
 Written/listed

19.  Any
container
 Eats up clutter
 One chore (5-10 mins) per item
 All items retrieved the same day
 Deterrent effect

“the box is coming”

20.  Important
for social skills, manners, tone of
voice, etc
 Teach nutrtion
 Quality family time
 Planning time- opportunity to direct
 Lower anxiety

21.  Nurturing
 Affects
behaviors the next day
 Consistency/routine lowers anxiety and
reduces the times they keep getting up
 Set bedtime
 Quiet time to wind down
 Lots of nurturing &
cooperation

22.  School
bus ride
 Recess/hallway
 Before meals
 During bedtime
 Car rides
 Give verbal clues
 Provide materials
 Practice transitions

23.  What
 Do
 Is
time of day are our routines?
all family members know the routines?
it written down?
 Do
you prepare the child in advance
 Do
you expect them to do it?

24.  Not
babysitting, or entertaining
but
Helping a child learn to manage time
independently!