This document provides information and guidance for mentors in the QARI CONNECTS mentoring program. It outlines the program goals of helping participants adjust to life in America, explore post-high school options, and develop meaningful relationships. The document then discusses research showing benefits of mentoring, characteristics of effective mentors, communication skills, potential challenges, and policies to ensure healthy mentor-mentee relationships.

1. QARI CONNECTS MENTORING PROGRAM
Mentor Training
Developed by Mofei Xu
Highland Street Corps-Ambassador of Mentoring
AmeriCorps Volunteer 2011-2012

2. Thank YOU for
volunteering!
Please have some
refreshments

3. Warm up
“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the
right direction. ”
–John Crawford Crosby (1859-1943)

4. Overview of Program
Goals:
• Help participants adjust to life in America.
• Help participants explore options for life beyond high school.
• Develop meaningful relationships with mentors and fellow high
school immigrants.
Objectives:
• 4 hours of match time per month, twice a month
• Monthly field trips or workshops on career, college or financial aid
etc.

5. Why mentor?
• National research conducted on BBBS by Public/Private Ventures
(1999;2001) demonstrates that at-risk children in mentoring relationships
were:
• 52% less likely to skip school
• 46% less likely to start using illegal drugs
• 26% less likely to start drinking
• 33% less likely to use violence
• MA youth in mentoring programs receiving state funding have shown the
following improvements:
• 85% showed an increase in self confidence
• 77% showed an increase in self expression
• 56% showed an improved attitude towards school

6. Create your perfect mentor
• Create a visual that reflects what your idea of a perfect mentor
should be like.
• For example:
• A happy mentor with a happy mentee
• A picture outline of a mentor with words inside.

7. A Mentor is…
• Committed
• Respectful
• Actively engaged
• Empathetic
• Resourceful
• Patient
• Persistent and consistent
• Flexible and open
• Open-minded
• Value driven

8. A Mentor is not…
• A parent/legal guardian
• Social worker
• A psychologist
• An ATM

9. Primary tasks of a mentor
• Establish a positive, personal relationship with mentee
• Establish mutual trust and respect
• Maintain regular interaction
• Provide consistent support
• Make your meetings enjoyable and fun
• Help mentee with development of life skills
• Work with your mentee to accomplish goals
• Provide framework for developing broader life-management skills
• Help mentee access resources
• Provide awareness of community and educational resources
• Act as a resource “broker” not a resource “provider”
• Increase mentee’s ability to interact with diverse people
• Respect and explore differences among people and groups from various backgrounds
• Provide an introduction to different environments

10. Scenario
You have only met your mentee once at the kick-off meeting. While you
and Lia were doing the mentor/mentee activity together, you sensed
that she was not especially engaged. When you asked her why she
decided to enter the mentoring program, she didn’t seem to have a
good reason. You attempted to ask her about school – what her favorite
subjects are, which teachers she likes/dislikes – but did not get much
response. Out of desperation you finally asked Lia what she is interested
in. She seemed to brighten a bit as she related to you that she has been
studying dance since she was five years old. She loves to dance and
spends a lot of her free time practicing. Her dream is to dance
professionally after high school.
At this point you feel a little defeated because you don’t know how you
can possibly help this student. You don’t feel like you have anything in
common with this student and are really questioning why you were
matched with this particular mentee. What should you do?

11. Break!
10 minutes!

12. What’s your style?
• Note the car pictures posted around the room. Go to the car that
best represents your style.
• Discuss with the “car” group why you selected this car and what
it represents about your style.
• Discuss how can you use your style to be a great mentor?
• Select one person from the group to report back.

13. Stages of relationship
• Stage 1: Getting to know each other
• Be predictable and consistent
• Anticipate testing
• Establish confidentiality
• Defining ground rules
• Stage 2: Deepening the relationship
• Getting closer
• Affirm the uniqueness of the relationship
• Deal with ups and downs
• Seek support from staff
• Stage 3: Time to say goodbye

14. Boundaries & Policies
• Types of Boundaries:
• Physical
• Don’t allow inappropriate behaviors to be initiated by the mentee – set ground
rules (refer to Unacceptable Behavior Policy)
• Don’t meet in any non-public location, or at odd hours
• Emotional
• Don’t attempt to replace or become the mentee’s family
• Don’t try to ‘fix’ the mentee – you are not his/her psychologist
• Social
• Don’t initiate/respond to contact that is unplanned
• I.e. do not friend your mentee on Facebook
• Program policies
• Confidentiality
• Transportation
• Overnight Stays
• Meeting
• Unacceptable Behavior

15. Scenario
You have only met with your student once – at the kick-off meeting.
You seemed to hit it off with Tanya when you met her. She was very
talkative and outgoing. Because you felt that things were going
great, you and she planned to meet two weeks after the kick-off
meeting for lunch. At the lunch you were able to engage in active
conversation with Tanya, and she asked if she can call you between
meetings. You have agreed. Since then Tanya have been calling you
quite frequently at various times. Although the conversation would
always begin with questions about college, careers or hobbies and
interests, she would eventually delve into personal questions. You
feel that the relationship is getting a bit out of hand. What should
you do?

16. Break!
10 minutes!

17. Oompa Loompa
game
Please split up into two
groups and wait for
instructions.

18. Communication skills
• Active listening
• Eye contact
• Body language – open and relaxed, forward lean, positive gestures
• Verbal cues – um-humm, sure, ah, yes etc.
• Paraphrasing
• Decipher fact: “So you are saying….”, “You believe that…”, “The problem
is…”
• Decipher feeling: “You feel that…”, “Your reaction is…”, “And that made you
feel…”
• ‘I’ messages
• DO: Avoid judgments, help keep communication open, respect for both people
• DON’T: accuse, point a finger at the other person, place blame
• Open ended questions
• “Can you give me an example?”, “What part did you play?”

19. Roadblocks
• Ordering, directing, commanding
• Moralizing, preaching – should’s and ought’s
• Teaching, lecturing, giving logical arguments
• Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming
• Withdrawing, distracting, using sarcasm, humoring, diverting
• Disregarding communication styles or needs

20. Scenario
You have only met with your student once – at the kick-off
meeting. Although your initial meeting went relatively well, you
determined Wilman is painfully shy. A couple of days after your
introduction, you decided to call Wilman on the telephone. In your
opinion the conversation was a dismal failure. However, you and
he planned to meet two weeks later for lunch. You agreed that
you would call him before your lunch appointment. Since then,
you have left three messages at his house and have not heard
back from him. As the day of your lunch appointment approaches,
you are convinced that he will not show. Disappointed and
discouraged, you decide that you are not going to call him again
until he telephones you.

21. Points to remember
• Show up on time; don’t leave early
• Shut off your devices
• Praise – even the little things
• Listen and be attentive
• HAVE FUN!!!!!
• Seek support if you are struggling
• You ARE making a positive difference in the life of a young person
• CHECK/RESPOND TO EMAILS!

22. Q&A
Always ask when you don’t
know

23. THANK YOU!